✦ ✦ ✦
“…Hmph. That’s exactly why I hate your type.”
“Huh?”
She was still going. Even though she had apologized two seconds ago.
“When you meet someone, especially for the first time, there’s a minimum standard for what to wear, right? Okay, I know we technically aren’t meeting for the first time, but you didn’t know that, did you? Look at the wrinkles in your shirt. Did you even bother to iron it? And the cuffs of your jeans are all raggedy. How long have you had those? Have you considered buying a new pair? It’s been ages since I saw a high school student wearing high-tech sneakers. They’re all muddy, and the laces are frayed. It’s obvious you walked over here with them untied. And come on—your hair looks like you just rolled out of bed. Did you brush it at all this morning? Did you even look in a mirror? If you were meeting someone for the first time, and they showed up looking like you do now, wouldn’t you think they were rude? Well, Tomozaki-kun?”
After her tirade, I was suddenly aware of my appearance. I hadn’t thought about it earlier, but I suppose you could say I wasn’t dressed very well. Okay, so she was right about one thing. Still, what’s her problem? I didn’t come here to get roasted by someone I barely knew.
“B-but it’s none of your business, is it? It’s a free country.”
“Yes, it is. If that’s good enough for you, I guess that’s fine. It’s just that you said I was rude, but you’re just as bad. That’s all I wanted to say.”
“Just as bad?”
“Well, this isn’t actually the first time we’ve met, so you don’t have to apologize. If this really was the first time, then you should have, though.”
The expression in her eyes was worse than contempt for literal garbage and more in the realm of actual hatred.
“…But now I’ve said enough that I really am being rude. I don’t think any of it was wrong, but I’ll apologize again. For being rude, that is. I’m sorry. I don’t feel like talking about Atafami or having a rematch anymore. Good-bye.”
With that, Aoi Hinami turned on her heels and started walking toward the station. I caught a glimpse of her face as she went.
✦ ✦ ✦
I’m not sure myself of the reason I went and opened my mouth. I should have been more than happy to say good-bye to someone so rude. Maybe I was annoyed about what she’d said, or maybe it was because for that brief moment when she turned away, she looked more dejected than hateful.
✦ ✦ ✦
“…Wait. You think you can say whatever you want and then leave?”
Aoi Hinami stopped and looked back at me. “Sigh. Now what do you want?”
I’d been running my mouth to stop her, so to be honest, I didn’t have a follow-up. I was too worked up to read her expression very well, but behind the hatred I thought I saw a glimmer of hope at the same time. My mind was a blank. I was only conscious of a growing chill in my fingertips.
“You said I was losing at life or something.”
I didn’t know what I was going to say next. My heartbeat reverberated in my lungs and rattled my brain.
“You’ve got great base stats, so someone like you wouldn’t get how I feel.”
Aoi Hinami’s mouth moved ever so slightly, like she was repeating my words, but I couldn’t hear her. I wasn’t even sure what my voice sounded like just then.
“Life is unfair. I’m ugly, I have a bad build, I overthink until I can’t do anything, I’m wishy-washy, people make fun of everything I do, and I have no confidence in my ability to communicate. How is someone like me supposed to beat someone strong like you?”
This might have been the first time I ever said something like that to a stranger.
“But that’s all fine. Because life’s not fair. You don’t get results just by trying hard. If you could, I would, but life doesn’t have rules. No rewards, no right answers. As a game, it’s a piece of shit. If there’s no right answer, then there’s no point in trying. And I hate the way normies like you live. Your confidence is totally baseless, and you go around in packs just pretending to have fun.”
With the floodgates opened, I couldn’t stop myself.
“Even when I have a reason to be confident, I shy away. When I’m in a group I just feel alone, and it’s not fun. I’m used to this life. I don’t know why things are this way. You have a problem with that? I’ve been like this as long as I can remember. That’s fine with me. I’m a loner, but I have my fun. I’m fine with this…”
I clenched my fists.
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“…So don’t force your values on me!”
✦ ✦ ✦
I felt the heat suddenly drain away. The thick mist cleared from my head, the fire in my eyes began to dim, and Aoi Hinami’s expression gradually came into focus.
Her face was blank. She was just staring at me.
“…Stop crying like a sore loser,” she mumbled matter-of-factly.
“What?”
“I said, you’re a sore loser. You hate the way ‘normies’ live when you’ve never experienced it yourself? That’s idiotic. How do you know you hate it? If you’d experienced it and then said it wasn’t any fun, that would make sense. But you’ve never experienced it, have you? In that case you’re just a sore loser.”
…I had the feeling I’d heard a similar argument in the past. The very recent past.
“There’s nothing I hate more than someone who loses and starts trying to justify the loss instead of making an effort to improve.”
That argument really did sound familiar.
But this wasn’t the same thing.
“I get what you’re saying, but this is different. You can’t change characters in real life.”
“Characters?”
“The moment we’re born, our futures are pretty much decided. You’re good-looking and good at academics and sports. You’re top-tier. If I was like you, I’d be doing a little better in life. But I’m not. All my skill points went into things like hair-splitting and a tendency to be contrarian. It doesn’t help in life at all; it actually makes me think too much until I lose all confidence and motivation. What do you expect? My hands are tied!”
Aoi Hinami was eyeing me silently, so I kept talking.
“Your character is just better than mine. And that’s fine. I’ve honestly enjoyed my life just like it is. So leave me the hell alone…”
“A better character, huh?”
Aoi Hinami glanced down and to the side for a moment. Then suddenly, she spoke again.
“Come with me.” She grabbed my arm.
“Huh?”
With that, I was dragged away, dumbfounded and not entirely willing, by Aoi Hinami.