In the hall afterward, neither spoke right away. How should she respond to what she saw? Katie wanted to sort it out internally first.
“…He seems nice,” she said at last. “Other recruiters have been way more aggressive. This guy listened to what I had to say first.”
“Yeah. Felt like his priority was figuring out where we were at. I think you made yourself clear.”
This was his honest opinion, but Katie drew up short. Oliver paused, turning toward her—and she gave him a long look, then took a deep breath.
“If I chose that seminar…would you really join me?”
“Yeah. But if you don’t, there’s no chance of me going there solo. In that case, I’d rather come with you to inspect other places.”
Oliver didn’t hesitate to answer, and Katie had to stop herself from pouncing on it. She slowly put her next question on her tongue—the point she really couldn’t let remain unclear.
“…Because I’m at risk? You’re scared to let me be alone? Are you saying this to protect me?”
Her voice was intentionally forceful. Implying—though this was not the case—that she resented that implication. A pathetic performance, she thought. Given how much she’d relied on Oliver thus far, she really didn’t want to act like this. But it had to be said. Depending on his motivation, this was a moment she might have to push him away no matter the consequences.
Oliver managed a forlorn smile. That alone took her breath away. She was struck with guilt that threatened to wring her heart.
“If I’m honest, that is part of it,” Oliver said quietly. “But more than that, I want to work with you on the issues involving demis and Gnostics. You have perspectives and responses I lack. I’ve always admired that about you, and I’m looking forward to seeing what they produce. This isn’t a new thing for me. I’ve thought as much since our very first year.”
It came out so readily, it stung. He wasn’t trying to put up a front—this was his heart’s desire. She got that without having to ask again. There was no space for doubt. The bond between them was strong enough for her to know.
All words of rejection dissipated within her. In their place: a wave of sweet emotion rising from the soles of her feet, filling her body. Uh-oh, Katie thought. The edge of her vision spotted a place of refuge, and she leaped at it.
“…G-gonna hit the bathroom! Regroup at the lounge? Go on ahead!”
“Sure thing.”
Oliver nodded with a smile, and she tore her eyes away, diving into the bathroom. She ran to the far stall and locked the door. No one could see her now. The moment she was sure of that, she put both hands on the door.
“……Ohhhhh……”
A wordless moan escaped her. And with it, a fountain of tears, dripping on the floor. Not out of grief—quite the opposite. From the tips of her toes to the tips of her fingers, bliss painted over every thought.
“…What is wrong with me…? Why does that make me so happy that I have to cry?” she rasped.
Of course it made her happy. Oliver had been the first person at Kimberly to empathize with her perspective. All this time, he’d looked after her, supported her, given her the push she needed—been her friend and her benefactor. Friendship and admiration and desire, every variety and shade, growing ever stronger. All had long since hit a threshold so high, there was no use even attempting to distinguish them. She felt every type of love for Oliver and had kept it all bottled up. To avoid taking him from a treasured friend. To avoid dragging him off to her spell.
“…Why am I like this? I know…he’s already with Nanao. That was my last chance to push him away.”
Her heart sank. She shouldn’t have stopped to verify. She should have insisted she had to join the seminar alone, concocted some bullshit about a need for independence. She’d known that. But she’d been unable to breathe a word to that effect. Doing so would make Oliver distance himself. The boy who wanted to join her research would no longer be at her side.
And that wasn’t an option. Not a choice she could make. She might have managed it before she knew his intentions—but not now that he was in her hands. A sweet, warm right she could no longer let slip through her fingers.
✦ ✦ ✦
