“Stop dodging! Or else I’ll never stab you! Hiiyah!”
“For a girl with no breasts to speak of, you’re certainly giving this your breast effo—yaaagh! Oh come on, I barely said anything! Hm? I was muttering it under my breath? Maybe so, but at that low volume, you should be able to give me the benefit of the doubt! Maybe I said ‘best,’ huh? What if you’re the one reading too much into it? I’m innocent! Lay off me! I’ll get right on making that new Push-up Pro Bra I promised you! Five centimeters? You want me to add an additional five centimeters? Now that’s asking for two much. No, 4.99 centimeters is not a worthy compromise! Now, if we want something reflecting your real dimensions, we should call your bras a Jiggle Jail, ’cause nothing’s movi— Yes, ma’am! Shutting up, ma’am! Making a push-up bra right this minute! Whatever you say, ma’am!”
Yeesh! I didn’t know how she managed to give me a death glare while bawling her eyes out, but she managed it! Fish Girl might have been the best classic fencer in the group, but when it came to decidedly less orthodox swordplay, Vice Rep A was the most fearsome of the bunch. She wielded six swords with six Magic Hands on a good day. Add her two real hands to the mix and you had one very, very threatening mass of shivering steel bearing down on you. Worse, she was the strong and silent type. That made it all the more horrific!
My class had me outnumbered, so I eventually conceded defeat. With my poor control over my magic, I was too hesitant to bust out the tentacles—were those to spiral out of control and feel up my female classmates in front of these sweet, impressionable children…well. Even a tastefully placed censorship bar courtesy of Illusion magic couldn’t sneak this past the OT rating. All the slippering and slobbering and slavering this opportunity presented was just asking for disaster. Last night was bad enough, and no doubt there would be plenty of practice tonight too!
“Let’s dig in!”
At long last, everyone shut up and buckled down to the serious business of stuffing their faces. Poster Girl and Stalker Girl horsed around with the twins. The orphans (and one Tiny Tanuki) gobbled up the goodies with glee. The rest of the girls had welcomed Sleeping Beauty into the fold, and she looked like she was having the time of her life. Three little girls joined the other orphans in chasing my horsey around and around in circles. Man, they turned out tiny…
“Something tells me black ribbon and lace dresses aren’t suited for literal horseplay…”
Sunny scythey silence!
“Oh, let them have their fun. It’s their first ever picnic.”
“Mmmm! That was yummy!”
Welp. So long as Horsey and Slimey (he’d joined in, wobbling his way across the field in slimy delight) were happy, I was happy. The girls could’ve passed for identical triplets with their matching grins. Their doll-like dresses likewise shared an identical innocent air; the only way to tell each girl apart was the color of the magatama on her choker or on which side of her head her black-ribboned ponytail swung.
“Yup, the demon scythes are fitting into life as humans.”
The scythes were—at the moment—roughly the same age as the orphans. They could grow or shrink at will, so creating scythe-sized clothing for size-shifting scythes presented a real problem: How could I guarantee scythe-sized dresses when the scythe sizes were in a constant state of flux? It was a sigh-worthy situation! I “solved” the problem by using elastic lace for the body of the scythe-sized dress, but whenever the scythe-sized scythes decided their scythe size would be that of a full-grown woman…hoo. Things got very transparent all of a sudden. Which, hey! I didn’t mind! That, too, was a sigh-worthy situation!
“How was lunch, kids? Anyone want seconds?”
“Me! Me!”
“Good. Haruka-kun’s grilling up more as we speak.”
Oh, what were those magatamas, you ask? They were drop items from the idol in the eroticathedral—“Artificial Soul Magatamas: A relic that imbues an object with an artificial sapient soul.” I’d initially assumed their purpose had something to do with reviving Sleeping Beauty, but I’d ended up not having to use them at all. Befuddled, I’d put them into storage as yet another extra piece of mystery equipment until I had a flash of inspiration—the demon scythes!
The Demon Monster Sword had a body, right? I mean, like, the sword wasn’t a literal demon; it was a kind of holy sword. By that same logic, the Demon Scythes wouldn’t be demons or monsters at heart either, but rather just beings taking the form of scythes. When they evolved into the archdemon scythes, they became even bigger, more badass-looking scythes, but that was it. They didn’t transform into something radically different.
“And the demon scythes cleared the monster forest of monsters and saved the frontier from the dangerous magi levels in the land itself.”
And in the Theocracy, they’d served as decoys and bodyguards for Sister Girl. They’d fought on the front lines in that war, doing us an incredible service, and they deserved every bit of the petting and cooing they were receiving from the girls in recompense.
I’d wanted to reward them too, and that’s when I’d remembered the magatamas. I put the stones on cords and asked the scythes if they wanted them, ’cause I didn’t know if the scythes wanted to become people, you know? But the instant the question was out of my mouth, the scythes all jumped for joy. I couldn’t say no to that enthusiasm, so I hung a magatama necklace on each scythe, one by one, and watched the resultant puff, puff, puff of black smoke. Boom, they were people. Having human bodies made it easier for the scythes to chow down on snacks and play with all their new orphan friends. It was all very heartwarming…except for the X-rated factor!
See, turning into a human didn’t necessarily mean turning into a clothed human. I’d immediately scrambled to throw clothes on these newborn naked women, but in the hubbub of three tantalizingly terrific and teenaged bodies poofing into existence in my close personal space, I’d ended up dressing them in miniskirts and sailor uniform tops, which did not help matters! Oh god, I can still see it now…!
As I’d furiously whipped up a new set of outfits, I asked the scythes if they wouldn’t rather be kiddos instead. The scythes obediently shrunk down to orphan size, and I made them a set of elastic, all-scythe-sizes-sized dresses for the scythe-sized-scythes. The dresses looked just like ones the orphan girls had, and the scythes fell in love with them immediately. Now they were running around and scrambling about with the orphans like the best of them. The goth loli dresses were a hit.
“The kids are having so much fun.”
“Aren’t they? Cute little boogers.”
I knew full well the scythes were hunks of metal at heart, but nothing could have prepared me for adult-sized-scythes nuzzling me with their usual level of affection. I was much happier having them be kids, and no one was the wiser. I shuddered to think what would happen to my sex appeal were anyone to find out I’d nearly gotten off to a trio of inanimate threshing tools. Don’t look at me like that! They were hot, okay?!
“I’m just doing what’s right.”
I had used Servitude on the demon scythes and dragged them off with me without ever once asking consent. Now I made sure to sweeten the deal with tasty treats aplenty, but if I didn’t keep them fed and happy, I deserved actual hell. The demon scythes had clearcut the forest for me! They’d protected the nerds and the girls countless times over! We wouldn’t all be here today if not for the demon scythes. They’d bailed us out of hairy situations time and time again; it was only right that they got to be our friends now. They deserved to live the high life.
“Thank you for the souvenirs and barbecue, big bro! This is for you.”
Jiggle jiggle!
Stoked scythe stares!
The orphans, the demon scythes, and Slimey banded together to make flower crowns for everyone. Adorned in those same crowns, they moved from one member of my class to the next, handing ’round crowns and tasty goodies.
“Aww, thank you!”
“This is so tasty!”
Wriggle wriggle.
Scythey satisfaction.
Why’d the kids seem so happy? Oh, this was their first ever castella cake? Nice. The girls in my class had eaten fit to burst, but apparently dessert on a picnic didn’t count. Mind you, the location didn’t seem to make a difference when it came to ruinous calorie intake and endless one more s…orry, I wasn’t saying anything. Please! Put the sickles and chains away!
“How come you all have sickles now? Oh no. Don’t fail me now, Qing Qigong…yaaagh!”
“Dessert is nourishment for the heart! That’s our excuse, and it’ll not go to our waists, thank you very much!”
Wasn’t Qing Qigong supposed to be some cool mountain sage thingy? If teenage girls could beat the bejeezus out of sages with sickles and chains…then these were girls you did not want to mess with!