What else did these fools think I was doing? I was undercover! Spying! I disguised myself as a priest and everything! I could not have been more undetectable, ergo, I did nothing wrong.
“I’m so sorry. May I please request an interpreter?”
“Hey! Stop! What’re you—don’t tape my mouth shut! I have my own tape, see? From yesterday! I also have this fine bunny-ear headband, if anyone would like me to do—what is the glare for? I didn’t—mmph! Mmmrmrph mrrmmph!”
I guess no one wanted the headband. It was topical, guys. Dick Bruna, author of the Miffy bunny series, always drew his rabbits with X’s for mouths. You couldn’t have a taped X for a mouth without bunnies. That’s just math.
“Speaking of bunnies, y’all know that kids’ book Miffy at the Zoo? It’s about a bunny going to a zoo, which is kinda surreal if you think about it. And there’s Miffy at the Seaside. She’s topless in that one, but don’t tell anyone! Not that it matters, ’cause she’s just a bunny. Oh, and if you were curious, she does wear a bikini bottom.”
Unfortunately, my mouth was taped shut, so all my insightful commentary was summarily ignored. Someone talked about something or other. Someone else answered some question about whatever. Some more stuff was said on some topic by some people. Some other people whose names I don’t remember discussed something that eluded me. Sister Girl’s name came up in conversation. I think something about her being Princess Arianna and Arianna’s mama’s llama? Most of the Arianna mama llama drama went over my head. I added a very astute piece of commentary around this point (namely, here’s a llama, there’s a llama, and another little llama, fuzzy llama, funny llama, llama, llama, duck), but no one paid any attention due to the tape over my mouth. Why’d they bother inviting me to this dumb meeting if they were going to tape me up the whole time?
I wanted recompense for the abuse Miss Armor Rep, Dancer Girl, and Sleeping Beauty had suffered at the hands of the church—that’s why I went to this darn meeting—but as it turned out, the statute of limitations had run out on revenge. Revenge, they said, was pointless. Oh well—I got my revenge anyway!
With my vengeance dealt, I had no more use for the church or its Cathedral. I did have a poke around the Cathedral’s relics, but none of them had had anything to do with teleporting people in or out of this universe. At least I’d gotten to save Sleeping Beauty—and that made the trip to the Theocracy worth it. Dancer Girl had been worried sick about her lost friend, and wasn’t the whole point of being a messenger boy to rescue damsels in distress? Seemed cut and dry to me. But the meeting was still going? This coulda been an email…
“Ahem hem. According to Haruka-kun’s treatise entitled The First Rule of International Commerce is to Have Fun and Be Yourself. Whaddya Call the Study of the Sound of Little Dudes Moving About Underground? Echo-Gnomics. Ha Ha Nice One, Haruka, it would be a smart move to conduct trade between the Beast Kingdom and the Merchant Kingdom. I don’t know why that is so easy to understand when the title is…like that…but there you are.”
“As the kings of both countries have approved of this proposal, we see no issue in implementing the general framework posthaste. The details are a bit more flexible and may be worked out by the two respective nations. We suggest these are handled after the first stages of the treaty’s execution.”
Organization was a powerful skill—it fostered the ability to think logically, formulate coherent arguments, and convey information in a rational, chronological fashion. A brilliant scholar who horded their knowledge did not a good adviser make. A proper adviser possessed the unique talent of dispensing clear, comprehensible wisdom. Experts were often too knowledgeable, developing a sort of tunnel vision, and prone to getting lost in their own wealth of knowledge, whereas the adviser was thus best served focusing their efforts of organization with the hopes of leading their rulers to a brighter tomorrow.
“Very well. I have no objections.”
“Splendid. Then let us adjourn.”
Book Club President was so darn organized this world recognized it as a full-fledged Skill. I was glad I delegated that particular mental exercise to her and utterly ignored it in my personal life. There’s a right tool for every job; if you didn’t know what you’re doing, leave it to experts! A well-meaning idiot could be worse than a disingenuous smart man, and I was certainly well-meaning—there was no end to the things I meant, and surely some of them were about wells—so I had no problem leaving all the problems of organization to her.
It was quite natural that I made other people do my work. That was the whole point of being a NEET, no? I was a teenage boy brimming with vim and vigor, especially when it came to dodging responsibilities! Oh hey, the meeting was over.
The pimpin’ king and Mr. Meridad kept sighing in my general direction throughout the whole conference, but beyond being the target of their dirty looks, I wasn’t sure what role I’d been supposed to play in all this… Whatever. Time to go. Whee!
I wanted to visit the market one more time, but the twins seemed too people’d out. Being around all those strangers must’ve been stressful—that, and their eating fit to burst. Yeah, it was one more set time?
We split up the carriages and set out individually in place of the usual train. My horsey sped along at a brisk clip, cutting the grass in his wake. Yup, I had taken a bit of a detour to let the girls have a break—if we fell behind, Horsey could catch us up again in no time. The girls hadn’t suffered any casualties in the war, but war left its own mental scars. The girls deserved a bit of R&R.
That’s a long way of saying that they wanted to put me on trial; hence, I was on the lam. I told them I nearly poked Fish Girl, but the girls somehow misheard “poked” with an r? Baffling how all these miscommunications happened.
Thus, to clear up the misunderstanding in no uncertain terms, I said, “No, no, no. I almost made fishy sashimi with tender pink girl flesh?” which somehow only made things worse. Doubly baffling.
Oh well. This was a perfect opportunity to check out dungeons outside of the frontier. Until the false accusations—and subsequent rage—cleared up, my safest bet was to hide out in a dungeon!