“Well,” Koizumi said, flipping through the pages, “just before passing out, the doctor says a few words to Tsuruya. We must assume these are a clue to the culprit’s identity.”
“It’s certainly the most obvious one.”
Haruhi picked up her mug, remembered it was empty, and put it back down. Asahina hustled over to the chief’s desk with the teapot and filled it with warm tea.
“Thanks,” Haruhi said and drank half the mug in one gulp. “The doctor says two very similar things. ‘Don’t swallow’ and ‘Do not ingest.’ I bet if we fiddle with those a bit, it’ll get us the card comedian’s name.”
How would you convert those phrases into any sort of name?
“Figuring that out is the key to the problem posed,” Koizumi said. He was placing check marks on his copy of Ep3. “First, it is highly likely that the card comedian and ‘the girl’—Shouko—have the same family name. Are we in agreement there?”
Since they were connected via paternal grandfather, that seemed reasonable.
“If we can work out Shouko’s family name, then we’d automatically know the card comedian’s. Anything in this that provides a hint to what her other name might be?” Haruhi turned her gaze toward the other two episodes.
“Not that I recall,” said Koizumi. “I’d even say it’s the other way around—figuring out the card comedian’s name would lead us to Shouko’s full name. Perhaps that’s the point.”
“After all this time being a nameless girl, I gotta think there’s a reason her name suddenly pops up here,” Haruhi said.
“Exactly,” Koizumi nodded. “In all three episodes, this ‘Shouko’ is the only time any names are specified. Episode One was almost entirely just the girl and Tsuruya, but Episode Two had the minder with them for most of it, so it’s actually rather surprising that nobody ever used a name.”
Because using a name might have blown the gender deception?
“A family name would hardly be an issue.”
“Hang on,” Haruhi said, raising her right hand and putting her left to her brow like she was checking for a fever. “That’s not it at all. If she’s gonna use the name Shouko at all, it would make equal sense for it to show up in the first two episodes. So turn that around—why was it only revealed in Episode Three? That’s super bothering me.”
Common sense dictates the name Shouko must be a clue to the card culprit’s name.
“Well, yeah, but…” She didn’t look satisfied.
What happened to your usual snap decisions, wild hunches, and logical leaps?
“Don’t be silly. I always think things through.”
If you mean that, I am officially frightened.
“Another mystery is why Shouko is written in katakana,” Koizumi said, getting things back on track. “Would the kanji be some kind of a giveaway?”
May I make a prediction?
“Go ahead.”
Tsuruya ends Episode Three with a promise. “When I think it’s time, I’ll send you a better hint” (P182). Doesn’t that imply it’s impossible to solve without any hints?
“That’s certainly a possibility,” Koizumi said, stroking his chin. “How much time before Tsuruya sends us the next hint? That length will be an indicator of just how high her opinion of us is.”
If she sends us the hint anytime soon, that’ll mean she knew we gave up quick.
“I bet the first hint’ll be the kanji for Shouko. Just guessing.”
She said that, but Haruhi’s guesses were pretty much always right.
“Then let us assume we’ll need a hint to ascertain the kanji there and attempt to work out the card man’s name from another angle. Tsuruya describes him in some detail, so one can assume this business card of his also hides a clue.”
That card would definitely have his full name on it, so if we could get a look at his card, we’d know everything.
“Tsuruya writes rather a lot about him exchanging cards. Like, she ‘soon realized his card was the source of the laughter’ (P176). Or ‘each time the girl’s relative handed over a business card, he said something that got a huge laugh’ (P176). ‘He must have a good one-liner that he always used when introducing himself’ (P176). This suggests there’s something about the name on the card that becomes a quick joke with the addition of a word or two spoken aloud.”
Getting constantly teased about a funny name sounded exhausting.
Anyone know any names that could be turned into jokes when introducing yourself?
“At the moment, I have no idea. The only thing I can say for sure is that the family name alone would not be the source of humor.”
“If that was all it took,” Haruhi chimed in, “then Shouko could be using that same joke. And Tsuruya would have known about it by now. But Tsuruya said she ‘couldn’t recall the name’ (P175), and it sounds like she’s not really sure what sort of joke this might be. So we can deduce the joker’s card joke involved both his names.”
Now I understood even less. Could really use that hint right about now.
Haruhi propped both elbows on the desk and put her cheeks on her palms.
“The funny name and the doctor’s dying messages, ‘Don’t swallow’ and ‘Do not ingest,’ have gotta be related. Tsuruya asked, ‘Who did this?’ (P181), and these two lines are his answer, so we have to assume they indicate the culprit’s name. But since the victim was fading in and out, his mind likely went in an odd direction and produced this inscrutable response.”
“Yes, in the famous words of Drury Lane, ‘the human mind is capable of even more amazing things than that, in the instant before death.’ Dying takes us close to God, so the leaps made while delivering a dying message know no bounds! Although, in this case, he merely drifted into unconsciousness.”
Was I the only one who thought that quote sounded like a desperate rationalization?
“Since he was just fainting, he definitely didn’t get all that close to God, then. It’s kinda half-assed, as far as dying messages go.”
This was an extremely disrespectful conversation.
“There is one other critical scene in this passage,” Koizumi said, raising an index finger to his brow. “Directly after delivering this message, note the doctor’s gaze. ‘Or more accurately, he was looking at the first aid kit. When the staff member moved closer and put the box down, his eyes followed it’ (P181). This makes it clear the first aid kit is a key item.”
So then…the card comedian’s name:
✦ ✦ ✦
1. Is odd enough to provoke laughter.
2. Potentially the name of something known for being undrinkable.
3. And might be found in a first aid kit.
“An excellent summation.”
That was definitely the brightest smile he’d had all day.
“Now we must all let the wings of our imagination fly free and hope we can reach the correct answer if the missing piece comes our way.”
Optimistic. Might as well start by researching what’s in those first aid kits.
But just as I was reaching for my laptop…
“You’ve got mail!”
…the hint we’d all been waiting for arrived. Flawless timing.
✦ ✦ ✦
“That was fast! I figured she’d keep us stewing a while longer.”
Haruhi took a noisy sip of her tea as she opened the e-mail. Once again, she read it aloud.
Unlike the previous e-mails, this one had no attachments and didn’t beat around the bush. It consisted entirely of the following four lines: