“What am I doing?” Ninym mumbled. All at once, her heart was overcome by a surge of emotions.
Sorrow at being misunderstood. Irritation over her failure to express herself. Self-hatred and shame for the way she’d fled in a childish tantrum even though she knew it would fix nothing. All three converged to form tears that ran down her cheeks.
“What should I do?” The girl’s vision blurred, and her eyes stung. Suddenly, she sensed someone’s approach and looked up. “…Your Highness?”
Natra’s Prince Wein stood before her.
“Why are you here…?”
“You’re pretty easy to figure out.”
No one else knew where Ninym was. Levan was still searching high and low, yet Wein had found her in no time. Knowledge of the local area, insight into stress and the child psyche, and remarkably keen perception had led him to the answer.
Ninym was oblivious to this and thoroughly confused, of course. All she knew was the prince had seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
Wein watched her unwaveringly as he spoke. “People cling to their one-sided expectations of what others should do or be.”
“What?”
The boy’s cryptic remark served only to befuddle Ninym even more. He pressed on, untroubled by her confusion.
“Parent and child, friends, lovers, teacher and student, master and servant—it happens in any kind of relationship, but this isn’t necessarily good or bad. It’s just human nature. And while the extra pressure inspires some, you can’t blame others for rejecting the burden put on them.”
Ninym finally realized he was talking about her.
“However, sometimes it hurts to betray those pushy opinions. Which means your heart needs an anchor beyond that rebellion.”
“An anchor…?”
“Whatever the reason, you rejected the path your guardians set for you. So now you must decide for yourself. What will you do? What do you want to do?”
His words weighed heavily on Ninym’s heart.
What would she do? What did she want? Such was the challenge put to her.
“I—I…” Ninym tried to answer but found herself tongue-tied.
For her, there was never an option. She couldn’t stay under this tree forever, yet she had nowhere else to go. She’d have to crawl back to the inn eventually. Ninym understood that the issue was far from resolved, yet her body wouldn’t move. Her heart screamed, No! You can’t make me!
“That’s why your heart needs an anchor.” Wein seemed to be reading her thoughts. “What about the weakness and misery you feel? That bleeding heart is a death sentence. You could always give up, but you’ll need to think outside the box otherwise. Figure out what works for you, not others.”
Ninym would push herself into a corner if she dismissed every little thing; Wein was pointing out that she needed a goal to allow for self-love and a positive mind-set. There was no question his words sought to guide the lost girl.
“But…” Ninym’s voice trembled. “I-I’m not sure…what I want to do.”
Ah, I knew it.
Her mind was blank. How would she convince Levan and the village like this? Excuses aside, Ninym once again realized her behavior amounted to kicking and screaming.
It was embarrassing. Pathetic. She wanted to stick her head in the sand.
However…
“If you don’t know yet, then just keep thinking it over,” Wein said airily. “If every problem had an immediate solution, humanity wouldn’t have to suffer. Time isn’t a cure-all, but sometimes it’s the right tool for the job. I’d say this qualifies. Knowing that, there’s something you need and someone you should ask.”
Wein had made his intentions crystal clear. Ninym understood his persistence and what needed to be said, yet she hesitated.
Could she really say it? Did she have the right?
Perhaps sensing that doubt, Wein spoke for her.
“It might seem insignificant, but you cut your own path in that forest.” He brought up their coincidental encounter at the hidden mansion. Their shared connection could have ended right there, but Ninym had decided to keep it alive. “Which means you can repeat it again and again.”
Wein looked directly into Ninym’s eyes. He was waiting for a reply, and she had the right and responsibility to oblige.
“…I’m not sure what I want yet. I know I’m causing a lot of trouble for my village and other people. Still, I can’t go back,” she said. “Please, give me more time.”
Part of Ninym knew this had likely been her only option all along, but she’d made a conscious decision. Although the choice was ultimately ambiguous, she felt it had some value.
“You heard her, Levan.”
Wein glanced to the side, where Levan stood. The man had arrived at some point during the conversation. Raklum was right behind him. The prince must have called them both.
“Ninym…I won’t deny that we have high hopes for you.” Levan gave a small sigh. “It was never our intention to push you into a corner…but it would seem we’ve done so inadvertently. I apologize.”
“Master Levan…”
“I will explain the situation to everyone. You should spend more time outside the village and find yourself.”
Ninym broke into a faint smile as Levan’s words sank in.
“I hope you’ll forgive the inconvenience, Your Highness,” Levan said to the prince.
“It’s no problem.”
“I’m sincerely grateful for your kindness.” Levan bowed as leader of the Flahm and one of Ninym’s guardians. “Well then. Night will soon fall, so let us return to the inn to discuss the matter further. Ninym, please rest in the provided room for now.”
“O-okay!”
Everyone followed Levan back to the inn, but Wein froze mid-step when someone tugged his sleeve from behind. It was Ninym.
“Ah, um…” Unable to put her emotions into words, she simply stared at the ground.
“No need to thank me,” Wein stated. “I had the authority; you had the willpower. That’s all.”
They’d been together long enough for Ninym to realize such words were not spoken out of false modesty. They came from the heart.
“Still…I’m really happy.” This time, Ninym found her voice and conveyed her feelings with a bow. “Thank you, Prince Wein. I won’t ever forget this kindness.”
“Like I said, there’s no need for that.” Wein sighed and turned on his heel. “Well, don’t let me stop you.”
“Thank you!”
Ninym smiled, and they set off together, side by side.
This illness is worse than I thought.
Ninym awoke in a daze, filled with niggling, lingering feelings.
✦ ✦ ✦
✦ ✦ ✦
She’d been reckless in the past. Despite her mature intentions, it frustrated Ninym that she’d failed to act any differently than an ordinary child. This was usually the part where she’d hide under the blankets in shame, but not today. Ninym wasn’t focused on the one dream, but instead on the nightly, repeating pattern.
The reason is obvious enough…
Wein.
He was Natra’s crown prince, her master, and the childhood friend she’d met in a forest mansion. Ninym knew he was important to her; however, his recent behavior left her anxious. That was likely what had rekindled her memories of their early days together.
What is Wein really thinking?
Ever since Ninym met Wein, she’d made every effort to understand him. As a result, they could now communicate almost entirely without words.
Perhaps that was only an illusion, though. Ninym had been shocked by Falanya’s bid for political power, but Wein actually supported it. And although Ninym accepted his rationale, part of her remained unsatisfied. Besides, the situation with Falanya wasn’t the only instance where it felt like they weren’t on the same page.
These issues had slowly accumulated and transformed into the darkness that churned within her.
We should talk, but…
Open dialogue was the best answer to a rift rooted in unspoken intentions. Ninym knew this yet struggled to take the first step. She was afraid. What if they spoke and Ninym concluded they’d never see eye to eye?
“…I’ve only matured on the outside. Inside, I’m still a child.”
By failing to take necessary action, Ninym was no more decisive than the girl in her dreams. However, Wein couldn’t guide her this time. She was on her own.
Ninym felt torn over this. There was a push for independence among the Flahm, and their leader, Levan, had asked Ninym to keep the details from Wein. It seemed hypocritical to wonder what he was thinking while also keeping things from him. Ninym’s heart tumbled in conflict.
“Ngh…”
Endless speculation wouldn’t fix anything. Ninym needed to speak with him, but she lacked the resolve. Curious where she might find it, Ninym tossed and turned two or three times before giving up and rolling out of bed.
“I’ll just have to sort it out at work.”
An aide’s duties wouldn’t wait for her troubles. Careless or incomplete work would besmirch her good name, so she’d find a chance to speak with Wein in the meantime. There was still time…probably.
As Ninym dressed, the reflection of her face in the mirror suggested to her that she was being too optimistic.
✦ ✦ ✦
Sure enough, the situation worsened several days later when a messenger arrived carrying a missive from the Levetia faith. It would set in motion a meeting with the director of the Gospel Bureau, Caldmellia.