I wandered aimlessly through the forest for about an hour, only stopping once to relieve myself in the bushes. My feet were totally dead. I was still wearing my hallway slippers; after all, my actual shoes were still in my cubby back at school.
Besides, who would make a fat guy walk so much? This is just cruel. At least give me a scooter, God.
“I’m so hungry…”
I wasn’t just snack-level hungry either. I couldn’t remember the last time I had moved this much, and I was ready for dinner.
“Food … where’s the food?”
I took a look around, but I didn’t see even a single bug, let alone any tasty little critters. The trees didn’t have any fruits, and there weren’t any mushrooms around either.
“I’m gonna starve to death, aren’t I?! That would suck!”
C’mon, at least give me something for effort.
“Dammit. GIVE! ME! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!”
I couldn’t not scream. I was too wound up to stay quiet any longer. It didn’t fill my belly though.
“C’MERE, FOOOOOOOOOOOD! LEMME EAT YOOOOOOOOOU!”
Whew, screaming my lungs out is fun. I’m totally losing it, aren’t I?
At that moment, though, I heard a rustling in the nearby bushes.
“Is that you, food?!” I whipped around to face the sound.
“Grrrrrrr!” growled the not-food.
“OH.”
Standing there was the biggest wolf I’d ever seen in my life.
“AROOOOOOOO!!”
“I’m sorry! Don’t eat me!”
I practically faceplanted as I dropped to my hands and knees to beg.
I mean, that thing’s two meters of gray death! And I don’t like that look in its eyes! And look at all those teeth! Please, just don’t eat me!
“Grarr!”
“Yeah, I thought not!”
It leapt right at me. I only managed to roll out of its way at the last moment.
“Shit! Oh, shit, I’m gonna die!”
I was so glad I took a leak in those bushes earlier. Only a little came out this time!
“Grrr…”
It seemed genuinely surprised I had dodged its first attack. The wolf backed away a few paces, watching me carefully. The look in its eyes wasn’t a predator look so much as it was a curious one. Kinda like how babies stick everything they want to know about in their mouths.
Huh, here I was looking for food, and the food was me all along. Somebody help.
Just at that moment, though, the bushes behind me rustled.
“Thank God someone came!” I whipped around at max speed.
“Grrrrrr!” growled the someone.
“OH.”
Okay, seriously, who thought it was a good idea for a second wolf to come in?! This isn’t fair! I’m so dead!
“Fine, you wanna eat me? Then eat me! Just, um, don’t make it hurt.”
I stretched my arms out wide and lay flat out on the ground.
But then
“Grarrar!”
“Grrrr. Bark!”
Instead of chewing into me, the wolves started fighting each other.
“Bark, bark!”
“Bark! Grr.”
My wolf-ese is a little rusty, but it sounds like…
“Gimme that food!”
“Screw off, he’s mine!”
…or something like that.
“And goodbye.”
I got up as quietly as I could and fled the scene.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Oof.”
My stomach let out another wailing growl.
Five days had passed since I escaped the wolves. I managed to get some decent sleep at night by climbing trees, but I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything the whole time. I probably couldn’t climb another tree again if my life depended on it. It didn’t even have to be meat—I’d take any food I could get.
“I’m gonna die here, aren’t I?”
I pride myself on being positive, and now I’m positive I’m dead.
Not eating for five whole days was tough on a fat guy like me. If I had to, I’d start stuffing leaves and grass in my mouth. Even the dirt was starting to look pretty good.
“Nope, I’m gonna die here…”
My legs gave out beneath me, and I faceplanted into the ground. My face hurt like hell, but I didn’t care anymore.
“I need something to eat, anything…”
I tried to take a bite of the ground.
Damn, the ground’s hard. No way I can take a chunk outta that.
“I guess this is it,” I muttered to myself.
Just as I started to close my eyes for what I thought would be the last time, I heard something. Something that was getting closer to me by the second.
“Ook, ook, eek!”
“Eeek, eek!”
“Grrrrarr!”
I looked up to watch a couple of things that looked like monkeys desperately trying to escape one of those giant wolves.
“Eeek, eeek, eek!”
“Oooh oooh, aaah aaah aaah!”
“Graaaarrrrrr!”
The monkeys fled right over my head without so much as glancing at me, and I heard something fall a short ways in front of me. The wolf didn’t even glance at me either.
“What was that about?”
I didn’t have the strength left to think though.
“Maybe getting eaten alive would be better than this,” I found myself mumbling. Nobody was left to hear me though.
“Hahaha.”
I chuckled to myself. Thinking back, my life had really sucked. I’d been bullied ever since I was in preschool. Some people hit me; some hid my stuff or doodled on it, or soaked it and I didn’t even know who did it. I bet I was only able to hold on this long because there were a few good people out there who treated me okay. They would talk to me normally, play with me normally, treat me normally. I guess my friends were the only things I ever really cared about. Heck, I’d even count Hino from the class next door as a friend. Oh, and there was Shouta, and Kenji. There was even Kannazuki-senpai and Miu in other years. There were a few other people in my same grade too. None of them were anything like me. Maybe they were just trying to make themselves look good, but all that mattered to me was that they were nice enough.
My family was also okay … until Mom and Dad died. After that, my relatives all started fighting over their estate, and I could only protect it by living alone. Grandpa technically became my guardian though. And of course, I ended up getting extra fat and ugly after that, but that was my own fault.
It wasn’t a great life, but it was mine.
I kinda just sucked, didn’t I?
“Haha … man, I’m weak.”
So this is how it feels to die, huh? Can’t say I’m a fan.
I kind of wished that someone would feel sad for me. I’d hate it if everyone I thought was a friend just didn’t care in the end.
“I guess, if I’m dead, I won’t care either way.”
As I started to lose consciousness, I looked up at the greenery before me.
“Haha! That’s a funny-looking fruit.”
All I could make out, though, was a brown fruit on the path in front of me.
……
……
……
Wait, a what?
My eyes snapped wide open.
“Fruit!”
There was no doubting it. I had no idea what kind of fruit it was. It was brown and the same shape and size as a football, but there was no doubt—it was a fruit. A real fruit.
It was what I’d spent five whole days looking for. Mana from heaven.
“FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!”
I wailed like a bat out of hell as I crawled forward towards it. I didn’t know how I had that much energy left, but inch by inch, I got closer and closer. Full steam ahead! I had nothing left to lose!
“Ooohhhhh!”
And finally, I touched it.
I grabbed it. It was actually in my hands. It was food. My food … even though those weird monkeys were the ones who found it.
I brought it up to my face to study it. My fingernails were in agony after all that crawling, but I had more important things to think about. I used Analysis on it.
>Fruit of Evolution.
Nothing showed up aside from the name. Everything else was blurred out, just like when I used Analysis on Aoyama. I had no idea what it did or anything, but it didn’t look poisonous, and I didn’t have any other choice.
“Get in my belly, food!”
I took a big bite out of it. It was about as hard as a football too.
It looks like a big almond; I hope it tastes like one.
“Bleh…”
Nope, no almonds. All I taste is crap. Why would those stupid monkeys wanna eat this?
It was almost unnaturally foul-tasting. The important thing, though, was that it was edible. I continued to choke it down.
✦ ✦ ✦
