I was floating in the hot spring, blood streaming from my nose.
T-This is too much stimulation!
Weren’t they being a little too careless over there?! I mean, I was technically right next door! Or did I seriously not even register as a member of the opposite sex to them anymore? Was it okay if I cried?
“Hah! I almost took another trip to the Underworld there…”
Shaking my head, I somehow managed to pull myself back to my senses.
“I-I should probably get out. If I stay any longer, I’m going to overheat…”
And not just because of the hot water. My body felt feverish in an entirely different sense as I stood up to head back to the room. That was when I suddenly felt a presence.
“Hm?”
For a split second, I thought it might be Yaiba. When I turned around, however, I found myself staring at something completely unexpected.
Despite it being a hot spring, a group of mysterious figures stood there, fully cloaked in robes, their faces hidden behind demon-like masks.
“…”
We froze, eyes wide, staring at one another in silence.
And then—
“Eeek! Pervert!”
“That’s him! Kill him!”
The moment I screamed, the mysterious group lunged at me without hesitation.
“Hey, wait! This is a hot spring! Take your clothes off first!”
“What nonsense are you spouting?! Kill him already!”
“You guys are terrifying, you know that?!”
Honestly, wasn’t I the one making more sense here? This was a bath. Why were they fully dressed?
My weapons and clothes were all safely stored in my item box, but the fact that I was in a hot spring dominated my thoughts so completely that I ended up dodging their attacks stark naked. From an outside perspective, it must have looked unbelievably ridiculous.
Just then, voices called out from the neighboring bath where Saria and the others were.
“Seiichi?! What’s going on?!”
“I-I’m being attacked by some people I don’t recognize!”
“W-What?!”
As that exchange unfolded, the man who seemed to be the leader of the mysterious group clicked his tongue in open irritation.
“Tch. To think we finally found the village and managed to infiltrate it, only for this. What are you dawdling for? Kill him already!”
“T-That’s the problem… Our attacks just won’t land. It’s unsettling how none of them hit!”
“Enough excuses. If he is brazen enough to flaunt that thing while provoking us, then cut it off!”
“Eeeeeek?!”
Did that guy just tell them to cut that off?! Sure, I was naked, so it was swinging around and all, but still!
I can give up on reproductive functions if I have to, but I still need it for basic bodily necessities, so please do not take it from me!
“Damn it! I-I can’t hit him!”
“Curse it all! Is that supposed to be a boast?!”
“Are you mocking us by implication?! It is true that you are abnormal, but we are not exactly lacking either!”
“Who the hell are you people anyway?!”
Weren’t you trying to kill me?! Why are you appraising my junk like it’s on display?! Honestly, I was not bragging about anything. You were the ones who decided to ambush someone in the middle of a bath, you know?!
“To think an enemy could be this bold,” the leader muttered. “To flaunt such an abnormality before us, leave your weakness exposed, and still believe you can escape. Are you saying you are that confident?”
“I am not thinking anything like that at all!”
I was so done with these people. They were probably the attackers Yaiba and Tsukikage had warned us about, but the longer this went on, the more I began to question that assumption, given the sheer nonsense coming out of their mouths.
“Still, I can’t just let myself get taken out like this!”
“What?! Gah!”
I stepped in close to the nearest attacker and lightly placed a hand against his stomach. The force I used was no more than a feather brushing against him.
That was all it took. The man went flying as if he had been launched by a cannon.
“T-This guy!”
“Sorry, but I’m still planning on enjoying this village!”
Starting with the first one, I went on to take down the attackers one after another.
Of course, I was holding back as much as I possibly could, at least in my own mind. Whether that actually counted as restraint was… questionable. Still, thanks to the effects of the skill Endless Hell, they were not going to die, so there was that.
As the attackers kept coming at me one after another, aiming not at me, but very specifically at that part of me, I sent them flying in rapid succession. Grab, toss. Grab, toss. Before I knew it, only the man who appeared to be their leader was left standing.
“You’re the only one left now,” I told him.
“Ggh… to think I’d be cornered by a naked man…”
“You’re the ones who attacked this place, you know?!”
Being naked was not my fault. Well, if you really wanted to argue it, you could tell me to put some clothes on, but this was a hot spring. Doing something that tasteless here was against my personal policy.
The leader lowered his face, then let out a quiet laugh.
“Heh… Heh heh… I never imagined you were such a formidable opponent. Very well. If that is the case, let us settle this properly. You and I.”
“Yeah, sure, why n—”
“With my lethal blade, and your lethal blade!”
“What are you even talking about?!”
The leader lunged straight at me, swinging the weapon in his hand. It was not a knife so much as a short blade, a dagger perhaps, and it was aimed directly at me.
Was he seriously trying to settle this with his weapon versus that? Was he out of his mind?!
“I’ve got you!”
“Crap!”
The sheer stupidity of his plan, or maybe just how far outside my expectations it was, made my body hesitate for a split second. I forgot to dodge.
And in that instant, his blade finally reached me.
“This battle of lethal blades is my victory!”
“Noo! Stop!”
I let out a scream that sounded more like something a girl would cry.
And then—
Crack.
“W-What?!”
“Huh?”
The lethal blade that struck that part shattered on contact, breaking apart completely. At the same time, and just as naturally, that part remained entirely unharmed.
The man stared blankly at the weapon that had turned to dust in his own hand. After a long, stunned pause, the leader quietly sank to his knees.
“I concede… Truly a lethal blade…”
“You people are idiots, aren’t you?!”
I had no idea what this fight had even turned into anymore. Weren’t they here to take my life? Well, I guess in a very specific sense, they were trying to take my life as a man, but still. And seriously, why was it that in this exact situation, the weapon had not rejected attacking me? When I fought the soldiers of the Kaizell Empire, their weapons had conveniently self-destructed on their own, but this time, it had played out normally. For a brief, horrifying moment, I had felt my soul leave my body.
As I stood there tilting my head, unable to make sense of the difference, a familiar announcement echoed inside my mind.
>This battle was, quite literally, one to demonstrate your worth as a man. As expected of you, Seiichi-sama. Most impressive.
“Is everyone in this world an idiot?!”
Do not praise me. And what is with these attackers anyway? Are they all like this? Is the mastermind absolutely sure they hired the right people?
“A loss is a loss,” the leader said quietly. “Do as you will.”
“Well then, I guess I’ll have you take a short nap.”
“Gah?!”
At this point, everything about the situation was exhausting, and more importantly, I had no guarantee he would not try to escape. So I knocked him out as well.
With all the attackers lying unconscious, I stood there in silence, wearing an expression even I could not properly describe. That was when I noticed hurried movement coming from the changing area.
Then—
“Seiichi! Are you okay?!”
“Are you hurt, Seiichi?!”
Huh? I thought, as Saria and Al burst into the room, completely naked, their faces contorted in sheer panic. We all froze, exchanging silent, bewildered stares. Saria looked utterly clueless, but Al’s expression shifted from confusion to realization as her gaze slowly drifted downward.
“W-Wait, what?!” she stammered, her voice cracking.
“Buahhh!” I let out an explosive nosebleed, sputtering as I bobbed back to the surface of the hot spring.
“S-Seiichi?!” Al shrieked, her face turning bright red as she finally processed the situation.
With Al’s flushed expression still in my line of sight, I floated there, blood streaming from my nose, the absurdity of the moment sinking in.