So here’s what happened!
1. I got accosted!
2. I turned into a wolf!
3. I kind of howled a little.
Whatcha think? Not my fault, right? I thought as I glanced at the soldier standing above me.
He was still smiling at me—the expression suited this gruff, friendly-looking dwarf and his long, bushy beard. Except for those unfortunate veins popping out of his forehead.
“Umm, why did you take me along with you, officer?”
“You damned fool! What do you think you’re saying? Our chiefs are yelling at us because you were accosted.”
“What?! Really? I’m sorry… I’ve messed up again, haven’t I…?”
“Well, there’s nothing to be done about it this time, but try to be a bit more careful, all right?”
Whew. Guess they finally saw the light. Good thing my “Blame Everyone Else” skill from my human years was still going strong. It was an advanced ability, earned only after years of life experience. The key was to never give your foe a single moment to doubt you. It was hard!
And maybe I phrased it a bit jokily, but my account pretty well summarized the whole thing. It sounded as though the witnesses they talked to said the same thing.
“So what was that wolf, then?” the soldier watching over me asked. What’s he mean, “What is it?”
“Um, the species, you mean? It’s a—”
“No, not the name. What I mean is, why did that kind of monster show up around here? Where’d it come from, where’d it go… I wanna hear everything you know!”
Mmm? I’d told him that was just mimicry. He didn’t believe me? I thought I was pretty open with him. I knew it was standard procedure for a hero to hide his secret identity, but I wasn’t exactly a hero anyway.
“Well, I told you… That was just me transformed!”
“Huh? Look, it’s already rare for a slime to talk, and you want me to add shape-shifting to the package, too?”
“No, I mean… Look, would you like me to show you?”
“Hmph. Nah, it’s fine. But if you can shape-shift, how is that possible? You’re a slime, aren’t you?”
That… Wait. How should I answer that? I don’t think he’d buy it if I just said “It’s an intrinsic!” or whatever. That’d just put me on the same level as Gobta. Think, man. You gotta come up with a decent excuse, now!
“Well… I was actually cursed. My talents must have sparked some jealously, I guess… I’m capable of wielding illusory magic.”
“Oh, really? A curse, is it? Then what?”
“Then, um… Well, I know a few illusory spells, but I was still just a student at the time, so this evil mage turned me into a slime… I’m on a journey to find a way to undo the curse, and, um, that’s pretty much it!”
“Why’d you run into an evil wizard, then? Why’d he curse you instead of just killing you?”
Nnngh… This would go a lot easier if you’d just believe me, man. You don’t have to be so obstinate about it. Though I guess I’d be, too. If he actually bought my story, that’d make him more gullible than a goblin.
This little back-and-forth between me and the soldier went on for another two hours or so.
………
……
…
By the end of our intensive debate, I had just about an entire novel’s worth of backstory. A story about a forlorn young (and beautiful) girl, brutally transformed into a slime by an evil mage.
In the midst of our tit for tat, if you want to call it that, the soldier’s questions helped me weave a grand story of heroic tragedy in my mind. I was a young prodigy, a girl inherently gifted in the arts of transformation and illusory magic. A cruel witch had cast a terrible spell on me, and I was traveling to rid myself of the curse.
Why did this have to happen? And why did I turn myself into a magical girl along the way?! And the worst part of it was, whenever I said something that wandered off-script, the soldier’s next question would help me fix the mistake. Oh, right! I’d say to myself as the tale meandered its merry way down the path.
By the end of it, both myself and the soldier were enthralled, hoping against hope that the girl would somehow succeed on her quest. Our eyes burned with passion—at least, his did. Truly, we had a connection that went beyond mere words.
“All right! That’s it for the report. Thank you for your cooperation! But we’re going to need to—”
Slam!
Before the soldier could finish, the large door behind him opened. Another soldier rushed in.
“S-sir! An armorsaurus just showed up in the mines! It’s already injured several miners at their posts!”
“What?! Well, did you defeat it?”
“We’re good there! A suppression force is on its way. But some of the miners are fairly roughed up. I don’t know if there’s a war under way or something, but the city shops are out of medicine, and the castle won’t let us access their stockpile…”
“What about our healers?”
“That’s the thing, sir… The injured were deep inside, mining magic ore. The healers at the guardhouse are all out handling other calls, so all we have left is a single novice!”
“Ah, damn it all!”
Sounds rough. Not that I care. Just take some from the castle, if it’s that important! I thought, but…
I do have a few potions on me, though. What should I do?
It wasn’t as if I expected the gesture to testify to my character and get me off the hook. We just need to make the world a better place is all. I know it sounds fishy coming from me, but… Compassion is its own best reward, and all that. I’ll get karma back for it someday.
“Um, sir! Sir!”
“What? I’m busy. I’m done with you for now, but I can’t let you go yet. Stay in this room until things calm down a little!”
“No, not that, um… I’ve got this.”
I took a recovery potion out. Or spat it out, is the way he probably saw it.
“…Um, what’s that?”
“A recovery potion. Drink it, rub it in—it’s high quality!”
“Eh? What’s a slime like you doing with that?”
Oh, come on. What happened to my story? Why’s he treating me like a slime again? He was egging me on during that entire interrogation, wasn’t he? Not that I wasn’t an eager participant, but…
“That kind of doesn’t matter right now, does it? Go ahead, try it. How many do you need?”
“We’ve got six men down…but are you sure?”
The soldier who’d just stormed in gave me a quizzical stare. If I were him, I probably wouldn’t take a potion from a monster, either.
“Tch… Stay here, all right? Let’s go!”
“Um? But, Captain, that’s a monster…?”
“Enough from you! Just take me over to them!”
The bushy-bearded captain snatched up the six recovery potions I provided and ran off. What with the grand fantasy tale we’d just woven, I supposed I had gained his trust somewhat. Maybe he was a nice guy after all. Didn’t expect him to be a full-fledged captain, though.
“Is it over?” Gobta asked after silently nodding at everything I’d said before now.
“No, but I guess we’ll sit here and see what happens.”
“Got it, sir!”
Then we stared into space. The soldiers who peeked in on occasion would give us confused looks, but otherwise, not much happened for an hour. I was practicing my Sticky Thread moves a bit when I heard the captain’s heavy footsteps. The silken whip zipped back into my body as I waited for him to come in. Gobta was asleep, proving that maybe he was smarter than I was all along.
“Thank you, sir!” the bearded captain thundered as he stormed into the room, head bowed. The miners filed in behind him.
“You’re the one with the potions? Thanks a ton!”
“My arm was pretty torn up. I didn’t think I’d ever work again, even if I survived… Thank you!”
“……”
The last guy didn’t say anything before they all left, but I was fairly sure he was thankful, too. Glad to see the potions worked.
By this time, it was past sunset. It was almost fully dark outside when the captain started talking with me again—seriously, this time.
It turned out the quintet who’d tried taking me on were members of this nation’s Free Guild. They had talent, but they also had a prior reputation as rabble-rousers. “That oughta teach ’em a lesson!” the captain said with a roaring laugh.
The guard was already certain that we were guilty of nothing, but I was still being detained out of respect for the other “victims” I had inadvertently inconvenienced with my actions. Nobody was pressing charges, though—I suppose they figured asking restitution for crapping their pants wasn’t the shrewdest of social moves.
So I told him the truth. I was helping rebuild a goblin village, and we needed arms and clothing, as well as someone who could provide a little on-site guidance. The captain listened intently, some of his men chiming in on occasion. They even asked Gobta a few questions, despite his darting eyes and bewildered expression.