And, of course, there was a line to get in.
The front gate was enormous, built to block free entry into the vast cave opening.
This gate opened only whenever the army went inside or out, and that, I heard, happened just once a month. Today it was firmly closed, but at the bottom of the great doors were two small entryways meant for regular traffic. The right-hand one had nobody in front of it—probably meant for the nobility or any other lofty figures who showed up. The door we were waiting for was on the left, and while some people bore passes that allowed them free entry, others had to undergo luggage checks in a separate chamber. All of this, of course, was guarded by a security detail whose equipment certainly reminded you that this was the Armed Nation. They weren’t clowning around.
Once you were through security, you were pretty free to do what you wanted around the city, it seemed…but man, what a line. We were bound to spend more time waiting than traveling at this rate.
“Guess we’re really here, huh?” a nearby traveler ventured as I scanned the line of people down the corridor. “That’s a fancy gate.”
“Look at the armor on that soldier!” his companion exclaimed. “We probably couldn’t afford gear like that after ten years on my salary.”
“Yeah, I’ll bet! Even the Eastern Empire tries to keep things peaceful with these guys—in public, at least. With that kind of equipment, I see why.”
“You said it. They sure ain’t gonna give you a second chance if you try anything. The blowback would be one hell of a headache for any nation that tried it!”
Maybe the dwarves of this world weren’t the kind, gentle, almost lovable beings I was picturing. They could be a lot more violent than that, for all I knew. Still, as a free city and a hub of trade across races and species, it maintained at least a public face of neutrality. The fact that the Heroic King never allowed combat inside the city was fairly common knowledge among adventurers. I supposed that even in this world, you could afford to be neutral only if you had the muscle to back it up.
As I mused over this, I began hearing some more sinister voices.
“Hey! Hey, check it out, there’re monsters out here! We can kill ’em, right? We aren’t inside yet.”
“Yeah, what the hell’re you guys standing in line for? You think we’re gonna letcha do that, you little runts? Gimme your spot before we kill you! And leave your crap there, too, all right? Then we’ll letcha go!”
I figured they had to be out of their minds, but then again, it was just me and Gobta.
A bunch of loinclothed goblins riding gigantic wolves would have been bound to stir up at least a little attention, and not the good kind, so I’d decided to go in solo with my guide. Rigur had wanted to join me, but I’d turned him down.
They were all camped out at the forest entrance now, waiting for our return. Which left the two of us. I’m sure we looked as if we had giant targets painted on our asses. Now this pair of adventurers was accosting us, whining about not liking our faces or whatever.
“Hey, did you hear something, Gobta?”
“Yes, I did…”
“Did you run into any trouble last time you were here?”
“Of course I did, sir! Ooh, they beat me silly! The kobold merchants had to pick me up off the ground! Might’ve died if they didn’t, eh?”
“…They did, huh? So we can’t avoid this?”
“It is, uhh, the fate of the weak…?”
He’d all but expected it. Sheesh, could’ve told me beforehand. Gobta hung his head, realizing what was in store for him. He was finally getting comfortable talking to me. I was a bit worried this threat would make him flee back into his shell again.
“Yo! You think you runts got a right to ignore us?!”
“Hey, isn’t a talking slime pretty rare? Maybe we could get some money outta selling it.”
The adventurers kept yapping at us. People (maybe could have) said I had the patience of a saint back home, but this was starting to irk me.
“Gobta… You remember the rules I gave you all before?”
“Y-yes, sir! Absolutely!”
“Good. In that case, could you close your eyes and cover your ears for me? No peeking!”
“Um…? All right, but…!”
Right. Laying out some simple rules for my people, then promptly violating every single one of them three days later wouldn’t exactly make me a role model. But with Gobta out of my hair, I was free once more to take out the garbage.
Just then, the hostile adventurer on the right shifted his gaze, and I followed it. It led to another group, a trio, grinning as they watched the spectacle unfold.
One of my adversaries carried a sword; the other was clad in light armor. Bandits, I figured. The other three consisted of two robed figures—wizards or monks or something—and a big, brawny fighter. If I had to guess, they were all in the same party, and these two were sent over to chase us out and nab our position in line while the other three finished us off and joined the others as if nothing had happened. That kind of thing.
A neat and easy way to pick off the weaker monsters and take their possessions. Nicely planned. Too bad they picked the wrong target!
“Whoa, whoa, back of the line!” I said to rile them up. “I’m feeling generous today, so I’ll let all that slide if you line up out back!”
The duo looked stupefied for a moment. Then their faces turned bright red.
Didn’t take much to tick them off.
“What the hell’re you talking about, you little pissant?” one of them bellowed in his best evil-underling voice. “You wanna start something with us?!”
“You’re dead! I promised you’d live if you just left all your stuff there, but you know what? Now that you’ve pissed me off, that’s off the table.”
Heh. Back in my contractor gig, I pushed people around that looked a hell of a lot scarier than these guys. I had to if I wanted to get any work done. Some of the old rascals even had tattoos all over them. Compared to that, this barely made me break a sweat.
“Little pissant, huh? You mean me?”
“Who the hell else am I talkin’ to? A slime’s the pissiest out of ’em all, man!”
“Get over here! If you’re so eloquent, we’ll make you into our slave instead!”
A monster slave? Do those even exist? Let’s look into that later. The merchants and apparent adventurers around us had started to notice the shouting. Better keep their eyes on me, for starters. I don’t know if the concept of justified self-defense exists in this world…but it wouldn’t hurt to have as much eyewitness testimony as possible.
Too bad it didn’t look as if any of the humans were interested in lending me a hand. Really? If I were a little girl, I bet it’d be a different story.
“Think you can call me a pissant and get away with it, huh? And you just called me a slime, too…?”
“Well, duh! What else are you?”
“Piece of shit… You think I’m gonna let you treat me like an idiot? You’re dead! Too late to beg for your life now, man!”
The two of them drew their weapons. Oop! Off they go.
Man. Talk about a stroke of bad luck, having these guys be the first humans to ever talk to me. Can’t believe how much friendlier the monsters were.
The people around us began edging away to safety. I supposed they wanted to keep from getting involved. The gate guards must have noticed as well, because they were starting to hurry over.
Keeping my eye on them, I casually rolled myself forward.
“Heh-heh-heh… A piece of shit, huh? A slime? Where’d you get the idea that I was a slime, huh?”
I let them fill in the rest themselves.
Of course I was a slime. Anyone would’ve said so.
“What? Cut the crap, man!”
“Yeah! If you ain’t a slime, show me what you really are! It’s gonna be tough to make excuses once you’re dead!”
They were practically waiting for me to transform. Just like I’d hoped! I was sure I could win as a slime, but it was kind of hard to hold back my skills. I’d be liable to slice each of them into two neat pieces with my Water Blades. Toning it down and just knocking them out was harder.
“All right!” I shouted, keeping up the performance. “Allow me to show you my true form!” Then I released the mystical aura I had been covering up. Just a little, of course.
I looked around, seeing whether the audience had picked up on it. A few among the handful of people around us had. The two idiots in front of me, meanwhile, seemed oblivious.
All bark and no bite, I suppose. Enough sizing them up. Now, what to transform into…?