Chapter 182

PRELUDE “Do no harm unto others…” It’s safe to assume those who use a worn-out phrase like this have never played video games. They probably can’t even wrap their minds around the fact that there are winners and losers in gaming. …Let’s say, for example, that you’re a Good Samaritan. One day, you go to a food court, grab some lunch for yourself, then sit at one of the publicly available tables. As you eat your lunch, you notice the food court begins to fill up with customers, and eventually, you see a person who seems at a loss because there are no more seats. From the simple act of you taking that seat…you’ve impacted someone else’s life in a negative way. Is this anyone’s fault? You needn’t worry, for it certainly isn’t yours, being the Good Samaritan you are. You had the right to take the open seat, but through exercising that right, you caused someone else to lose out… I’m sure you enjoy winning games when you play them. Even if your win is at somebody else’s expense. How about getting into a good school? Pretty great, right? Even if your acceptance into the school means somebody else was rejected. Fundamentally speaking…it’s impossible to live your life without harming others. Society is just one big game of musical chairs—a zero-sum game. By you gaining something, somebody else inevitably loses out on that same something. This concept isn’t even limited to society. So long as we live our lives at the expense of others, the act of living is a burden in and of itself… There’s really no denying it. No matter how mindful you, the Good Samaritan, are of what’s best for others, there are those who will despise you for acting that very way, and this makes your existence alone a burden for them… So I must ask: When you go around saying “Do no harm unto others,” do you really believe you have indeed lived your life without bringing harm to anyone else…? If you can answer “Yes” with confidence, then I’m sincerely jealous of you. You’ve probably had an easy life, since you’ve made it this far being oblivious of whose heads you’ve been stepping on. Do no harm unto others. If there is one way to do this—and there surely is one—then it’s: Never to be born in the first place… The Kingdom of Elkia sat on the western part of the continent of Lucia, and this was its capital, Elkia. A red moon sat high in the sky, but there were no stars that night. They were dimmed out by the countless lamps and torches that dotted the lively, celebratory capital. On the central canal that connected to the bay, Dhampirs and Sirens were singing together in harmony. On both sides of the same canal were large groups of Werebeasts, all bedecked in yukata as they shouldered large palanquins and marched down the promenade. Behind them were the Dwarves, mounted happily on bipedal humanoid robots as they followed thereafter. Numerous steel airships floated above the capital, shining lights of their own on the large crowd. There were also Flügel present, floating leisurely among the Phantasma, Avant Heim, through the brightly illuminated, starless sky. Finally, the Fairies followed, too, adorning the entire cityscape, including the few Ex Machinas present, as they went. It was a large parade, one that captured the eyes of all in attendance while simultaneously making them doubt what they saw. With the parade tightly packing the streets below, the buildings that lined them were filled to the brim with spectators. Those spectators, along with the large swaths of people following behind the parade, weren’t limited to Immanities. There were citizens of Oceand, the Eastern Union, Hardenfell, and Avant Heim who followed, as well as citizens from the newly independent Fairy nation, Spratulia. Members of the various nations made themselves proudly apparent with flags, national colors, and insignia as they each chanted a celebratory song while they marched. They were all headed for the same destination—the city square in front of Elkia Royal Castle, where a group of Immanities in traditional attire awaited their arrival. The march culminated in the moment when the national flags were raised together by delegations gathered from across the world… The seven flags for each race were held up under a single flag for the Commonwealth. It was a sight no one until only recently could’ve ever imagined. Especially in the city of Elkia, which had quickly manifested into the symbol of multicultural coexistence for Disboard. Who would believe that only a year ago, this was a destitute nation on the verge of collapse? Nobody had even dreamed this possible since the establishment of the Ten Convenants—no, since the dawn of the Ixseeds. A fortunate stroke of serendipity brought these nations together to turn a new, inconceivable page in history. Each sentient being present there, on that day, that night, in that city had a hand in turning that page. They all looked to one spot as they arrived—the castle balcony. There stood the seven representatives of each of the races. They were who made this unseen dream a sure reality—yes… The leader of the Werebeasts, a golden-haired fox-woman with two tails—the Shrine Maiden. The last male Dhampir, whose lovely youthful face melded with the night sky—Plum. The Siren queen, who seductively swayed her scaly tail back and forth—Laila. The firstborn Flügel, who gently touched down on the earth with unmoving wings—Azril. The Ex Machina there on the Befehler Einzig’s behalf, a cybernetic girl whose creation superseded all knowledge—Emir-Eins. The Dwarf representative there on the chieftain’s behalf, a young girl with mithril hair and bright orichalcum eyes—Til. The Fairy representative, a tiny, traitorous maiden who showered flowers about as she danced—Foeniculum. And finally, an Old Deus, small in stature, who swooped down miraculously out of thin air—Holou. Each representative was either their race’s agent plenipotentiary or its equivalent by proxy. However…none of them was the true star of this historic night. The roaring cheers and applause grew even louder when the final two figures made their appearance on the balcony The first was a young man who wore a dark blue tailcoat that glistened in the night sky and a crown meant for a queen around his arm like an armband. The second was a small girl who wore an evening dress that sparkled like a starry sky and used a crown meant for a king as a hair clip. That’s right—the grandiose parade, the thunderous applause, and the cries of joy that shook the earth were all for these two. The event was to mark the first-year anniversary of Elkia’s royal siblings’ coronation. An event that for the older brother, Sora, simultaneously and inadvertently marked: The crossing into his nineteenth year as a virgin… It had all started one week earlier. “We’re going to throw a memorial ceremony to mark the one-year anniversary of your coronation as Elkia’s monarch—next week.” Sora and Shiro were preoccupied with a combination of reading Jibril’s archives and playing video games in the royal library when their young redheaded friend, Stephanie Dola, hit them with this news. “…Next…week…? Seems…sudden…,” said Shiro. “I get that I don’t know how these things work, but you’d think it’d take a lot longer to prepare for an event like that, no?” said Sora. “And even if I don’t know how these things work, it’s fair to assume that you probably need to ask for our approval beforehand…?” Sora and Shiro shared their dissatisfaction with narrow glances, to which Steph responded with a serious look. “Would you have approved it if I’d asked beforehand?” “Nope. Not a fat chance in hell.” “That is why I went behind your back and have been diligently making preparations on my own! ” It was no mystery, either, how she’d pulled it off. Sora and Shiro were rulers with zero interest in politics—setting up such a ceremony unbeknownst to them was laughably easy. Sora and Shiro quietly clicked their tongues at Steph in unison, whose confident grin suggested implicitly she’d accomplished just that. Steph’s a tricky girl. She’s really starting to figure us out. “The Commonwealth of Elkia is one of the world’s two major alliances. As its leading power, we will invite the world’s leaders to a grand celebration marking both of your coronations as Elkia royalty. It’s a chance for us to show the fellowship between the multiple races that make up our member states both domestically and internationally—something that has substantial political and economic significance. I have already picked out outfits for the both of you and have authorized a strict schedule for the day of, which is—” “You two ain’t weaseling your way out of this one,” yeah, yeah… Without saying it explicitly, Steph prevented any way for them to back out of the event. However, her long, drawn-out speech was lost on the siblings, who were staring blankly into space. “Man…it really has been a year since we were transported to Disboard…” “…Hard…to tell…if time flies…or if it’s…super slow…” Looking back on it…a lot had happened since the two arrived here in Disboard, the world on a game board. Though mostly through going with the flow, the siblings ended up the dual monarchs of Elkia—this world’s Immanity nation that was an inch away from ruin. They went on to form a Commonwealth with the Eastern Union, bringing Oceand, Avant Heim, and Hardenfell into their alliance, as well as finding new allies in Old Deus, Ex Machina, and Fairy. Just as Steph said, the Commonwealth was one of the world’s two major alliances. This much had happened all in one year. As Shiro had just mumbled, this past year had been both long and short at the same time…… Wait, what…? Hold the phone. A year—a whole friggin’ year has gone by—?! “Um, hello? I’m explaining how the ceremony is going to play out… Are you listening?” Sora and Shiro, who obviously would never pay attention to an explanation like this, were in no position to listen even if they’d wanted to. The two of them scrambled to take out their cell phones, glaring at the screens as they lit up. The screens, each individually maintaining the calendars of their original world, showed: “WHAAAT?! I turned nineteen ages ago?! How the hell did I miss this?!” “…No, no, no… My height…and bust…haven’t budged…even a millimeter…?!” What does this mean? That Sora, who had long introduced himself as an eighteen-year-old virgin, had at some point—long ago, in fact—regressed into a nineteen-year-old virgin, and Shiro had turned twelve without growing physically by any tangible metric. The two recoiled, lamenting over this unsavory news to the skies above: But wait! It’s not over yet! I refuse to accept this harsh reality!! “Y’know what! Our birthdays were renewed the day we were reborn in Disboard!! Yeah, that’s it!! I mean, surely that’s what our documentation says, right?! Steeeeeph?!” “……!! Yeah…! What Brother said! I-I-I’m still…an eleven-year-old!!” This world didn’t share a calendar with their old world. The two siblings, born of a different world, didn’t even have a birth certificate when they came to Elkia! The only documentation they had was the official documents they had forged, er, made for their initial coronation, which had the day they arrived in Disboard marked down as their birthday!! This means I’m still an eighteen-year-old virgin, and Shiro is still a flat-chested eleven-year-old!! The two vehemently made this case to Steph, who quietly nodded along and said, “I suppose you’re right, which means that four days before the ceremony, or two days from now, will be your birthday. Thus, the ceremony will double as a celebration of both the one-year anniversary of your coronation and birth—hey, are you two listening to me?!” Sora and Shiro obviously weren’t listening, and they were absolutely not in the right headspace to listen, either. So—not only did we manage to completely miss our birthdays from our original world, but in two days, we will unequivocally and irrefutably be Sora, the nineteen-year-old-virgin, and Shiro, the flat-chested twelve-year-old… Steph’s voice sounded distant to the mortified Sora and the teary-eyed Shiro… And so came the fateful day, a memorial ceremony to mark the first anniversary of the siblings’ coronation into Elkia royalty. The event started with a magnificent parade and lasted for seven whole days of ceremonious grandeur. The first major event to be held was a sharing of traditional performance art between each of the Commonwealth member nations. The leaders of each race and nation met individually, sharing their salutations and congratulations while partaking in big banquets. This was topped off with each of the agent plenipotentiaries and their proxies coming together to give joint declarations, saying things like “Our nation maintains amicable relations with the Kingdom of Elkia and all other nation-states and races under the Commonwealth,” and “We shall spare no effort in fostering mutual growth henceforth.” Through cooperation on the Dwarves’ and Fairies’ parts, each of these speeches was broadcast throughout the entirety of the Commonwealth. Everything moved perfectly according to Steph’s thoroughly planned schedule, thanks to her meticulous coordination with the other nations. It should be obvious that Sora and Shiro were not permitted to wear their usual attire for the length of the festivities. Sora wore a tailcoat, and Shiro an evening dress—both utterly stifling garments. Speaking of stifling, the two had to stifle their phobias against socializing and making eye contact while they desperately fought off a seemingly endless chain of boredom, trembling, and exhaustion. Each of the agent plenipotentiaries—the Shrine Maiden and Plum in particular—had to stop themselves from laughing at this part of the show. This continued until the hellacious seven-day period came to an end…… On the seventh night of hellaciousness, Steph was walking Sora and Shiro—both with lifeless eyes and dragging their legs like zombies—through the halls of Elkia Royal Castle when she announced… “Congratulations to the both of you! Up next is the final—or should I say—main event!!” “…There’s…more…? And wouldja mind tellin’ me just where in the hell do you get all of that energy…?” “…I need…sleep… Steph…when are you…sleeping…?” Steph had spent the entire seven days at the siblings’ sides. In other words, she was on the same by-the-minute schedule that she prepared for them—in fact, she was managing the entire ceremony from behind the curtain on top of this. Naturally, she should’ve been leagues busier than the two hosts of the ceremony…?? The siblings looked at her with suspicion, and Steph, tapping into her unknown source of vitality, responded with a big smile. “You two are forgetting about the biggest event of them all: your birthday party!!” Right. The two were indeed told that this ceremony was a joint celebration of both the one-year anniversary of their coronation and their birthday. Despite this, there hadn’t been any birthday festivities yet— “I truly am sorry for making you have to suffer through all those boring events, which is why I’d like to finish with a bang! I’ve arranged for a private birthday party between us and those who personally wish to celebrate your birthdays!!” A private birthday party… Okay. Steph surely was saving the best for last as a surprise for the two. It was probably her way of thanking them. But: “Right…our birthdays… Well, at least Shiro is probably excited for hers…I bet…” “…I’m turning…twelve… Even though…I haven’t grown an inch, I’ll be…twelve…” “Why are the two of you acting like being thrown a birthday party is the end of the world?!” Steph hollered. Sora looked deathly ill while Shiro muttered to herself in delirium. What was supposed to be a big surprise ended up draining what little light was left in the siblings’ empty eyes. “I, um…perhaps packed the ceremony schedule too tightly for the two of you—yes, that must be it. I-if this is the case, then I’ll explain it to everyone and we can hold it another—” “Oh…no, Steph. It’s not that, per se…” Sora shook his head, stopping Steph from wincing from all the guilt she felt, and said: “Birthdays are only fun until you turn eighteen…” …………, “……………Huh? Really, now…?” Sora had spoken with such assurance that Steph was now doubting her own worldview on the matter. “I’m surprised you didn’t know this… Here, let me fill you in…” He took a deep breath before continuing. “To start off, what do you think are the merits of getting older?” “…? Merits…? Well…there are plenty?” “Yup. That’s because getting older unlocks more rights.” More rights, specifically: “Physical growth, mental development, and more autonomy over what you’re allowed to do.” “…Although I…didn’t grow…a smidgen…,” Shiro mumbled resentfully, but her nodding suggested that she agreed with the latter half of her brother’s assessment. “Autonomy, or even more simply, freedom. Freedom to sign a contract, to get a driver’s license, to move out of your parents’ house, to work and save money—basically, the freedom to live your life as you see fit!” “…! …The freedom to…get married! Only…six, more years…!” Shiro added excitedly; it sounded as if she’d found a reason to live again. That reason was lost on Sora, who just nodded, glad that his sister was now over her mental slump. Marital freedom was another big one—it was, in other words, sexual freedom. Or more aptly—the freedom to interact with sexual media and content! “You see, Steph!! All I ever wanted to do when I was a child was to grow up fast!! This sentiment hit me like a truck during puberty when I began dreaming daily of turning eighteen!! For it was the momentous day I would be able to take into these hands pornographic games, hentai, doujin, and watch porn online all on my own—the ultimate form of freedom! I counted the months—nay, days—until the fateful moment I’d come of age!!” “Everything you’ve said so far has to do with sex! Do you not have anything else to look forward to?!” “Nope! Nothing!! A man’s brain is composed of sixty percent horny thoughts!!” “You’re saying that’s a fact?! No, wait—I’m pretty sure that only applies to you and you alone, Sora!” The remaining 40 percent of male thoughts are taken up by wealth and social status—essentially, a man craves being attractive to hot women! And the sole reason is that on the other side of successfully finding an attractive mate, it is sex that awaits a man! So logically, in a broader sense, it’s fair to say that a man’s mind is 100 percent occupied with pursuing sex! Sora then took a step back and, recognizing that there may be a slight variation on an individual basis, made the humble decision to refrain from speaking in hyperbolic terms. “It should be clear by now that all birthdays until the age of eighteen are indeed without demerit!! Therefore, no person in their right mind would ever argue against throwing a party to celebrate a birthday with a party before that cutoff!! But dare I say—!!” Sora had kept up this impassioned speech until this point, when his enthusiasm took a sharp nosedive. “Dare you say what…?” Steph gulped as she posed that question to Sora, whose expression was now devoid of all emotion despite having been so animated only seconds ago. All that awaited beyond age nineteen were cigarettes and alcohol…minutiae that were of no interest to Sora, and even if they were, the unlocking of these new rights ended at the age of twenty. And what awaited beyond twenty? Beyond thirty? Beyond forty? “There’s virtually nothing new—no freedom nor rights—to be gained beyond the age of twenty.” In fact, it was worse than that—!! “You have to work and pay taxes—obligations! That’s all you get from there! All while your body withers away and your mind loses its flexibility as each year creeps by!! What was once a life where every new day was a day you looked forward to becomes sullied by immense mental stress! The time you must spend at work takes away your freedom to do what you wish while you simply count the days until you perish!!” “It’s far too soon for you to be worrying about your age, Sora. I also implore you to refrain from making such scathing remarks about adulthood until after you’ve fulfilled even one of your current obligations—you’ve been king for a year without doing anything!” “…There’s one more benefit…waiting for you at…twenty-five, Brother…when I turn eighteen… Although, it’s also more of…an obligation, at this point…” Sora took Steph’s apt retort and Shiro’s ambiguous remark and tossed them to the wind. He stood firm with his belief that not a single birthday beyond eighteen was of any worth!! Shiro may have had her reasons for getting one year older, but what reason was there for Sora to celebrate turning nineteen? Once he’d finished making his case and despair threatened to overtake him: “Soraaa! You’re putting way too much thought into this! A birthday is just a celebration for living another year—it’s really that simple!!” Steph retaliated after realizing she was getting caught up in Sora’s momentum, but: “Okay. Then riddle me this, Steph: What does it mean to live?” “Ughhhh… What is it this time…?” Steph grumbled at this new philosophical question Sora had so abruptly posed. What does it mean to live…? From the moment a person is born, it is determined that, at some point, they will die. For a human being, assuming they lived a fortunate life and are blessed with good health into their old age—they live up to around one hundred and twenty years old, at the very most. Conversely, a person could die tomorrow—or at any second, for that matter. There’s no stopping an unforeseen, untimely death. Therefore, is one’s life not but a countdown to their death that starts from the moment they’re born? If this is the case, then what does it mean to live? “I’d argue that to live…is to have hope.” “…………” “It is what you do, or try to do, and what you continually strive for. I think that’s what it means to live.” This life we live, or…more poignantly, the death we live for will come eventually, and once it does—after we rot away and turn into soil—we’ll learn that it was all meaningless. With this, an inevitable death, in mind…is to live not to strive for what you hope for? A person who has no intention of doing anything, no desires to be fulfilled, who simply lives for the sake of living— —surely can’t be considered actually living their life but simply in the process of their long-winded death… “On that note, let’s take a moment to reflect on this past year that is supposedly worth celebrating…” This year—when Sora became king surrounded by a diverse group of bona fide babes. Despite these optimal circumstances—it ended with Sora girlfriendless and still a virgin. In other words, Sora surmised that, in all likelihood, he would spend the next ten, no, hundred years—a pathetic virgin. This last year amounted to nothing more than a proof of concept for him— So! Where in the world was he to find…any hope…? “So you want me to spend this day celebrating yet another year lived? By my definition, a year without hope is a year not lived, so there’s nothing to celebrate at all… In fact, you could even argue that we may as well hold my funeral…” Sora’s level of resignation was almost endearing, but Steph wasn’t convinced. “…I’m starting to find it almost remarkable how fixated you are on finding a girlfriend to the point where it has caused you such despair…” “…You know, Brother… You could have, a whole harem…if you weren’t such a…wuss…” Shiro had now joined Steph in wincing at Sora in astonishment. It was around this time when the group made it to the banquet hall, at which point Steph, perhaps having grown tired of Sora’s antics— “Aaarghhh! Either way, you’re coming with me!! We’ll find out if it was worth celebrating after we go through these doors!!” —tightly gripped Sora’s hand and opened the doors. And what awaited the three was… “Sora! Shiro! Happy Birthday, please!!” The moment they entered the banquet hall, a single voice drowned out the rest of the room’s idle chatter. It belonged to a tiny Werebeast girl with a big set of ears and a fluffy tail who leaped toward the trio—Izuna Hatsuse. “……………………” Sora and Shiro were at a loss for words as they took in everything. It was just as Steph told them: Those who personally wished to celebrate the siblings’ birthday were present. They saw Izuna, who was embracing them both, along with Emir-Eins, Til, and Holou. Jibril was there, too, her halo aglow. They were all clapping at their arrival. Sora was surprised to see Izuna’s grandfather, Ino Hatsuse, as well as Plum, too. Ino’s presence made sense; he was probably there to keep an eye on his granddaughter. Plum, on the other hand, was almost certainly there to accompany the oversized water jug he sat on. “Oh! Foeniculum said she’ll come, too,” Steph added. “She left me this note about how she’s ‘a teeeeensy bit busy stirring up interracial love throughout the city!’ and will join us later.” The siblings continued to stare blankly— “But that’s neither here nor there! Let’s get the birthday boy and girl to their seats. ” —until Steph tugged at Sora’s hand, bringing him to a seat at the end of a long table. Sora and Shiro took in their surroundings once more—the banquet hall was much livelier than usual. It was filled with paper and ribbon decorations—most likely made by the guests present—along with bright tapestries and a generous assortment of colorful candles and flowers. And on the table where they were sitting was something Steph must have made herself: a smorgasbord of food that managed to look far more delicious than anything they’d eaten in the past week— “Master? My apologies; is there something that is not to your satisfaction?” Jibril asked. “Huh—? Oh, no… It’s not that. Not that at all…” “…We’re just…um…so surprised…or should I say…” Looking back on it, neither of us have ever had our birthdays celebrated like this before. We never even had this many people who wanted to celebrate our birthdays on a personal level. The siblings didn’t know how to react to all the applause and festivities, so they just sat there dumbfounded when— —someone came forward and elegantly pinched the hem of her skirt on either side. “Celebration: Master and Little Sister, this unit wishes to commemorate the anniversary of your births on this day from the bottom of her ‘heart.’ Congratulations.” Offering a curtsy that went even deeper than usual, Emir-Eins continued: “Small gift: Einzig has prepared a present on behalf of the Ex Machina for Master. Please accept it. Hee.” She spoke as if her expressionless face were blushing, but then: “Hey—?! I thought I told you to wait until after dinner and the cake to give your present!!” “Affirmative: This unit did not consent to said request. Victory goes to the one who makes the first move. This unit prioritizes gaining favor with her master above all else.” Steph stepped in to try to stop Emir-Eins but was easily shunted away by the Ex Machina, who proclaimed her intent on taking the initiative in the battle of love—when something else happened. Ping. A high-pitched notification sound could be heard coming from Sora’s and Shiro’s phones. On their screens read the words UNKNOWN FILE RECEIVED. The phones weren’t asking if they wanted to receive the files but were declaring their reception after the fact… This meant that the devices the siblings brought from their own world were remotely tampered with seamlessly to forcibly receive a third-party file… A glaring lack of security. Sora tapped the notification, showing his Ex Machina companion a dry smile of resignation while wishing she wouldn’t use her technological manipulation on him. The moment he laid eyes on the contents of the folder that was sent to him, however— —Sora felt alive again… “Report: Analysis determined copulation between Master and this unit impossible due to Master’s and Little Sister’s wishes. However, Master’s prior remarks and actions established that deeds of self-pleasure do not infringe on said wishes. Additionally, what Master assumably desires above all else is the replenishment of pleasurable images previously removed from Master’s device by Ex Machina.” What the siblings saw on their screens was precisely that—a present producible only by hypercomputation. Emir-Eins had hyperanalyzed the ecology, conscious and subconscious thought processes, and behavioral patterns of Sora and Shiro, filling in the holes where she needed. What was on his phone screen was perfection—sweet, dear perfection! “Concern: Do selfies taken by this unit…qualify as fuel for Master’s…deeds of self-pleasure…?” The images sent to Sora were of the beautiful mecha-girl, which showed her…well, to put it in less direct terms…baring it all—and the collection took up copious amounts of data. There were hundreds upon hundreds of images and high-quality videos that used up 10 percent of his phone’s storage. “Yes, Emir-Eins. Thank you. I’m almost certain I have lived my life for this very moment…” Sora had made a great leap from the depths of his depression to show a newfound hopeful outlook on life.