“Lemon,” Sousuke said shortly.
“Take this.” Despite not having seen each other for about a month, Lemon just handed Sousuke an envelope without much in the way of pleasantry. “It’s from Mira. She asked me to hand it to you personally.”
“Mira,” Sousuke said thoughtfully. “Kudan Mira?” She could have emailed me, he thought. Why send a letter? He opened the envelope suspiciously and found a letter inside, as well as a small memory chip; this was the ordinary commercial kind used in digital cameras and cell phones. Unceremoniously, he put the chip in his pocket and began to read the letter. It was written in Japanese, the writing small and round:
Dear Sagara Sousuke,
How are you doing? This is Kudan Mira, whom you saved in Siberia before. I’m sorry we didn’t have time to talk when we met on the ship last time.
As I write this, I’m in a house overlooking an old garden. It’s a desolate sight in winter, but according to Hunter-san, it will bloom with anemone flowers in spring (though I don’t know if it will be ‘me’ seeing them).
I’ve been in email correspondence with your commanding officer (I think?), Teletha Testarossa. Teletha-san hasn’t written much about your operations (for security reasons, I’m sure), but she did tell me many important things. She told me about what connects her and me, and Chidori Kaname-san (sorry, I don’t know her kanji) from our birth.
I have a feeling...well, more like a sort of vague certainty, that you’re about to embark on a terrible battle. I don’t know how it will turn out. But I feel like this is a major turning point in our problem, and the world’s problem—what they call the ‘nick of time.’
Teletha-san hasn’t told me her plan. She may have realized I’d be against it.
That’s right... If I’m being honest, I think I agree more with Teletha-san’s brother than I do with her. I still have panic attacks and terrible flashbacks of my time in that Siberian laboratory. I don’t think it’s ever going to stop. But even more importantly, the world is a giant mess right now, and I think an even bigger war is about to break out and make things even worse. If he can bring things back to the way they’re supposed to be, I think maybe it’s for the best.
Still, I won’t get in Teletha-san’s way. I think it’s a dilemma for me, too. I’ll leave it up to you whether to help her or stop her. You saved my life, so my feelings belong to you. (Not in a weird way. I mean, I’d do things if you wanted them, but I think Teletha-san and Chidori-san would kill me, so no thanks. Oh, what am I writing? [sweats] I feel like my head’s on fire...)
Ahem. I haven’t used a pen in a while, so my fingers are very tired. Maybe I should have just written in English. Lemon-san just came into my room. He’s going off to join you guys soon, so I’m giving this letter to him.
This might be my last chance to communicate with you, so let me say this for the final time: thank you so much for everything. Good luck, Sagara-san.
Sincerely, Kudan Mira
P.S. Please check the contents of the enclosed chip when you have some free time. I happened to find it on the internet.
“What did she write?” Lemon asked, rudely leaning over his shoulder. He probably couldn’t read Japanese.
“It’s complicated,” Sousuke told him. “How to put it...” Various feelings and doubts, pressures and dilemmas, jumbled together in his brain, refusing to unravel.
So those are the kanji she uses to write her name... What did she talk to Tessa about? he wondered. How close is what she said to the truth? What did she mean by “the nick of time,” and why leave her fate in my hands? No, I guess that makes sense, but why won’t she tell me what’s in the chip, and how much should I tell Lemon about these sensitive matters? Is it possible he already knows what’s in the letter?
“You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind,” Lemon observed.
“I always look like this,” Sousuke told him.
“Hmm... I guess you do. So, I guess it’s not a love letter, huh? But she was sure acting like it was when she gave it to me.”
“That’s absurd,” Sousuke scoffed.
“I know you’re a pretty tough guy, but when I see how much girls go for you, it makes me wonder where I went wrong,” Lemon mused. “I mean, I’m so much better-looking...”
Ignoring the envious Lemon, Sousuke turned his mind to other things. Mira had said she was against what Tessa was trying to do, and that she agreed with Leonard, who wanted to restore the world to how it “should be.” Her reasons for feeling that way were simple but made sense.
Sousuke hadn’t quite worked out his own feelings about it. The things he’d talked about with Leonard while buried together in Yamsk-11 were still rattling around inside his brain. If he was telling the truth then, Sousuke thought, who could deny his right to do it? It wasn’t just Mira; everyone had suffered losses over the years in so many ways. There were a lot of painful, bitter memories out there.
There had to be a better alternative. Not even Sousuke could deny that. That thought, If only I could try it over again... He couldn’t deny that he found it persuasive.
“Lemon,” Sousuke asked. “Do you think Nami...”
“Huh?”
“Nothing,” he said, “forget it.” Talking about Nami wouldn’t help; whatever Lemon’s opinion turned out to be, it wouldn’t erase the hesitance inside of him. What Sousuke did know was that, whatever he decided, waiting to make that decision would just leave things ambiguous and half-complete. He couldn’t say which side was right, and neither option felt fully satisfying. There was no one who could talk him through this.
“I’m here if you want to talk,” Lemon offered.
“No, it’s all right,” Sousuke told him. “I’m sorry.”
“Well, okay. I’ll be going, then. I have a report to make to Testarossa-san,” said Lemon, seeming to realize there was something on Sousuke’s mind, but deciding not to pry any further. Instead, he just stood up and stretched lightly. “Take care, Sousuke.”
“Thanks.”