The words unleashed by that strong man struck my weak heart, trampling it without mercy. Just like the Sovereign Queen Lorde who’d once captivated all the Northern people, including myself.
“Titee doesn’t need a country like Viaysia! She never wanted to be the Sovereign Queen Lorde! All she ever needed was you, her little brother!”
Didn’t need a country? That... No! I couldn’t get drawn in! I couldn’t accept it! It wasn’t over yet! The words of Kanami the Founder were the very knife that would kill me. If I admitted it, then this time, I would truly die! I’d die! If I didn’t want to die, I had to fight back!
“That can’t be true! The Sovereign Queen Lorde made her choice! She swore to save the country, the people of the North! She declared before everyone that she would save them all! I saw the beginning of it! I witnessed it from start to finish!”
“No! What Titee chose wasn’t the country! It wasn’t some grand thing like Viaysia! What she chose was an unnamed sorcerer boy, Ide! It was your expectations! That’s all it was!”
“Don’t speak as if you understand, you ignorant fool! The Sovereign Queen Lorde swore with her noble will! With her strong and wise form! She swore to accomplish it no matter the cost! I watched her back the whole time!”
“Because you were always watching from behind like that, she just put on a brave front! Because you kept expecting it, she just kept responding that way! Why can’t you see that?! That Sovereign Queen Lorde was an illusion born from her pride as a sister! If you don’t realize that, no one else ever will!”
“No! The Sovereign Queen Lorde isn’t of such small calibre! She’s a legend! We revived that Northern legend! So there’s no way that invincible queen was just putting on a front!!!”
“It’s possible! She’s weak! Her capability is small, and she’s cowardly! That’s why she ran away a thousand years ago! She abandoned everything and fled to a place beyond your reach, didn’t she?! Don’t conveniently forget that fact, Ide!”
Ah, yes. A thousand years ago, the Sovereign Queen Lorde had fled alongside Kanami the Founder. It was something I’d tried not to think about. Something I’d tried to pretend I hadn’t seen. Now, all the facts I’d turned away from were thrust upon me once more, and my resolve felt like it might snap.
“It’s because you were there! If only you hadn’t been there! If only you hadn’t been there, you, you, you, YOU! It shouldn’t have ended like that! I, the chancellor, would have continued supporting the Sovereign Queen Lorde and surely brought peace to the world in that war a thousand years ago! I was just one step away from achieving my dream!”
“You already know it would’ve ended the same even without me! You already know that dream crushed your own sister! Stop lying to yourself!”
“Yes, you bloody fool!!! So what if I knew?!” I knew! I knew that! I knew it all too well—that’s why I was like this! “Yes, my sister became the Sovereign Queen Lorde! It was a great undertaking, so surely there were one or two things that were impossible! What’s wrong with that?! Because the Sovereign Queen Lorde loved this country more than anyone else! She tried harder than anyone else to protect this country! She worked harder than anyone else to turn this country into a paradise!”
What was wrong with choosing not to see some things because it hurt?! What was wrong with only seeing what I wanted to see?! What was wrong with me being the chancellor?! What was wrong with my sister being the queen?!
“My sister absolutely desired to be the Sovereign Queen! Otherwise, she couldn’t have fought that hard! She couldn’t have gone that far alone, into a realm no one could follow her to!”
“That’s why it was your duty to bring her back! As her brother!”
Don’t tell me that now! Why was he telling me that now instead of back then?! Everything was too late! A thousand years had passed! A thousand years, and we’d come this far! And yet! To find out now that everything was wrong... To hear such a thing...
“No! My role was to follow behind as chancellor, as another Essence Thief! That was decided!!!”
Don’t say it. Don’t tell me now that the Sovereign Queen Lorde had...had been suffering all along. Had been pushing herself all along. Had been seeking help all along. And yet, I’d been so wrapped up in my own problems, I’d never noticed. Don’t say that, please!
“I am Chancellor Ide! The Thief of Wood’s Essence Ide! I won’t let anyone say that was wrong! I’ll never admit such a thing! Aaaahhh!” I kept screaming that I was chancellor, clutching the Sovereign Queen Lorde and my own history book to my chest. I screamed back desperately.
The words shining brightly within that heroic tale’s text were of Chancellor Ide. I had come this far, proud only of that—but my limit was near. This clash of words hurt far more than the earlier, death-defying brawl.
“Ide... Even now, your sister is searching for her brother. She’s been searching, wandering endlessly, you know? She doesn’t want Chancellor Ide. She’s been searching for her brother Ide all this time...”
“So you’re saying the battles fought by Chancellor Ide were all for nothing? That they benefited no one? Are you telling me to admit that? That all my efforts for the Sovereign Queen Lorde were worthless? That those decades had no meaning? You want me to admit that?!”
“Yes. Even if it renders those decades worthless, you still have a duty to fulfill. That is what I believe.”
Kanami the Founder answered my question immediately, encompassing not merely life and death, but the very soul and meaning of my existence itself.
I was at a loss for words, but Kanami the Founder continued to speak to me. “It’s been decades. Your sister suffered for a thousand years. Even if you lost some things, it doesn’t mean you lost everything. The important things still remain.”
“You mean to say that being Lorde Titee’s brother still remains?”
“That’s right.”
“That’s impossible. I can’t go back to being a little brother now... Titee’s little brother was utterly powerless. Utterly worthless. A fragile, weak being that couldn’t help anyone, whose very presence made no difference... Pathetic, utterly pathetic... Just remembering it makes me sick!” Anger made my voice rise as I tried to recall the faint remnants of my past. All I could remember was that detestable version of myself.
Ide the younger brother had been a foolish child, too pitiful even to remember. I’d only ever relied on my position as younger brother, never offering any help at all. Yet that was okay.
At the end of the North, I’d only been able to tremble, leaving everything to my sister. Yet that was excusable.
Even after that, I’d only held my sister back, continuing to cause her problems. Yet that wasn’t a problem.
No, what I truly despised most was something that had happened long, long ago. On that fateful day, standing before my dead sister, after she had spat on me, I had been utterly powerless. Even though my sister was dead, I was still that pathetic child who’d depended entirely on her.
Ah, that was it. On that day, when I’d lost everything, when the true story of the Sovereign Queen Lorde had begun, I hadn’t been able to move a single step. I couldn’t forgive myself for that. Just remembering that made me want to kill that brat called “brother,” that kid named Ide! I couldn’t bear it! I’d never be able to accept myself for the rest of my life!