How many doors had I opened since then?
After talking on the cliff with that mystery man in the top hat, steeling myself, and going back into the darkness, I’d kept on opening doors in search of the truth. Unsurprisingly, I’d seen a lot of people’s sins.
All the countless acts of wickedness people had committed since the dawn of history. Unable to do a thing, I was forced to witness scenes of pillage, rape, and slaughter. It was as if I were reliving all of it through the perspectives of both aggressor and victim.
When I killed, the sense of guilt made me throw up; when someone killed me, I cried and screamed. Whenever I returned to the dark world, I had more wounds, and when I ran out of room for new ones, my skin peeled off like a molting lizard’s and fresh wounds appeared on my new skin. It was a hell that never ended.
“Abel, why are you showing me these worlds?”
Why did he know about these hells? About the sins people all over the world had committed, not just mine?
“Where did you see all these people’s sins? Where did you learn about so much human malice?”
Abel Arsene Schoenberg. You can’t possibly be…
“______________! Wait!”
In the darkness, I thought I’d seen Abel’s back…or rather, Professor Moriya’s in his white lab coat.
I reached out toward him. It felt like I grasped something, but my wrist was suddenly bound by a golden chain that dropped down out of the darkness.
In the next moment, images were projected onto the planetarium of darkness I’d been shut inside. All the sights I’d seen beyond the doors, all the brutal crimes in the world, began flowing past. I squeezed my eyes shut, covering one ear with my free hand, but there was no escaping that light and sound.
“Stop!”
Horrific, tragic sights assaulted me, as if pouring directly into my brain.
One person killed another. Shed blood was washed away with more blood.
It had been going on even before the dawn of history. In the distant past, in corners of time for which no written records remained, people had also been attacking others and committing crimes out of malice.
“Aaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah…!”
I couldn’t tell whether I felt hot or cold. All I knew was that I was in pain.
An amount of information that went far beyond what I’d been exposed to opening doors one at a time flooded into me. Blood spurted from wounds all over my body.
“Please, just…enough…!”
The fire of my passion hadn’t burned out, nor was my will dead, but this vessel couldn’t take any more. I was crumbling from the feet up, like glass shattering.
“Please! Please…!” I pleaded, begged, crying, hanging from the arm that was caught in that chain. Please don’t hurt me anymore. Don’t make me suffer. Just end it—
“—No.”
That wasn’t it at all. There was only one thing I wanted.
“Let me carry out my role as the Ace Detective!”
Let me save this world!
“Who the hell is picking on my partner?”
The darkness tore, and light streamed in.
“Yeesh. What’ll you do if those scar?”
The chain was torn apart, and a young man gently rubbed my right wrist where I’d been bound. The wounds all over my body were gradually fading away.
“Can you stand, Nagisa?”
The world changed. The darkness cleared away, and the next thing I knew, I was standing in a green field with wind sweeping across the grass. The man in front of me pulled me into a gentle hug.
“You really hung in there.”
“…Kimihiko!”
I buried my face in his chest. It was already swollen from crying, so there was no point feeling embarrassed about it. Right now, I was crying in the arms of the person I’d most wanted to see.
“…Why? How did you get here?” I asked through my tears. Even I didn’t know where this place was.
“Oh, I used a bit of a cheat.” Kimihiko sounded as nonchalant as ever, but there was just a hint of kindness in his tone. “I get hit with all sorts of unfairness on a daily basis, so it’s okay if I work a miracle like this once in a while, right?”
That was a lie. I was sure he’d had to make some big decision to come here.
He wouldn’t say so, though.
He’d stay positive about it. Say he’d chosen it voluntarily. He wouldn’t make it anyone else’s fault.
“I’m not the sort of person who deserves praise,” Kimihiko said right next to my ear, still holding me close. “A real hero wouldn’t make a girl cry this much. He wouldn’t let her get hurt.” There were tears in his voice, too, as he apologized. “I’m sorry.”
I shook my head, smiling through my tears. “We’re both hopeless, huh? …Listen, Kimihiko?”
“Hm?”
I squeezed him tighter, and Kimihiko softly returned the gesture.
Feeling as if this was the only chance I’d ever get, I started talking.
“I won’t say who to, but I might end up losing. Some other girl might end up walking beside you.”
I heard Kimihiko gulp slightly.
“Whether or not I step aside may not even matter. It might have to be her. She might be the one who does all the things I wanted to do with you.”
Kimihiko listened to me in silence.
He had to know what I was about to say to him, but he stayed quiet for my sake. I was taking advantage of his kindness.
“But, I’m sorry. I can be pretty selfish at times, so I’m going to make sure this one ‘first’ is mine.”
I drew a little breath, and then I said it.
“I…love you. I love you, Kimihiko.”
I was going to be the first one to tell him that, at least, before the other detective could do it.
“I have for a long time now. Ever since I met you in that classroom after school. Even before that, when we met in London. Back then, you gave me light. I’ve loved you ever since, Kimihiko Kimizuka. I’m crazy about you.”
I couldn’t look him in the face. Instead, I pushed my forehead into his chest and hugged his large body even harder.
“You don’t have to give me an answer.”
He didn’t have to make that choice now, on top of everything else.
“Just, at least…if you’ve ever felt the way I do, even for a moment, hold me tightly before you let go.”
I didn’t need words. If he was bad at saying things out loud, that was fine. Just a tiny shift in attitude would be enough. Just a small gesture, like when he’d patted my head on a whim.
Kimihiko’s arms tightened around me. I could feel the heat of his body. His heartbeat sounded even closer than it had a second ago. That was enough. Right now, that was all I needed.
“Let’s go home, Kimihiko!”
We stepped away from each other, smiling, then headed for the door.
Even if it was just for now, we’d walk through it, side by side.