Not that it made any difference to Yue. All she wanted was to hear more about the stones that could form from magma.
Asking, however, was easier said than done.
“…I think I left something in here,” Yue said.
“What was it?”
“Um. A hair clip.”
“What color?”
“Black? Yeah, black.”
“Hmm… I was just cleaning the floor, but I didn’t see one…”
There was an apologetic tone in Ms. Tanimoto’s voice as she suggested that maybe Yue had left it somewhere else. So far, Yue’s biggest take away from junior high was how differently the teachers treated the students. Some teachers treated them like kids, just like in elementary school. But others treated them like people—almost like clientele in a store. Of the two, Ms. Tanimoto fell into the students-as-people camp. Yue normally liked the respect and distance that came with it, but now it only made her feel guilty.
“Okay. I probably did,” she said. “Sorry to bother you.”
“No, don’t worry about it. Let’s have another look for it, okay? I’ll help.”
Yue didn’t know what to say. Ms. Tanimoto was already on her hands and knees looking around for the hair clip. Yue felt compelled to do the same, but the guilt grew in her chest until it felt so strong, she was sure it would kill her. She wanted to admit she hadn’t lost anything, but she couldn’t. She turned red as she realized she was no better than that boy who had teased Ms. Tanimoto by asking about her love life.
She had to make it right. So she said, “Uh… Excuse me, Ms. Tanimoto?”
“Yes?”
Yue fell silent. Do you like science, Ms. Tanimoto? Do you like rocks? They weren’t much, those two little things she wanted to know. Yet the words stuck fast in her throat and refused to come out.
Oddly enough, it reminded her of a conversation with her sister. Not all teachers actually wanted to be teachers, her sister said. One of the math teachers at the high school didn’t want to teach at all; they only wound up in that job because research didn’t pay the bills. Yue’s sister insisted it made no difference to her, but Yue could tell that revelation had shocked her. Her eyes used to light up when she talked about how much she enjoyed math class. Not anymore, though.
The thought of learning more about Ms. Tanimoto was, honestly, kind of frightening. What if Ms. Tanimoto didn’t care much for science either? What if she had never wanted to teach in a place like Okayama? If that were true, Yue wasn’t sure how she should respond. Worse, she was scared the precious connection she felt between the ground under her feet and the rocks of the planet Earth would snap in two. She wanted anything but that.
As Yue struggled with her silence, Ms. Tanimoto took a good, long look at her. Yue likewise sized up the teacher, kneeling across from her on the quiet classroom floor. She panicked. She had to say something. If she didn’t speak up now, she knew she would regret it for the rest of her life.
Finally, she managed, “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“…Do you…?”
“Yes?”
“…Do you like r-rocks?”
“Hmm?”
Ms. Tanimoto looked astonished. Yue felt she might explode with embarrassment. It wasn’t a bad “Hmm?” but she still felt like she should never have said anything. Driven by some inexplicable fear, she stood up at once.
“I’m sorry. Forget I said anything. I-I’m going back to my classroom.”
“What about your hair clip?”
“I’ll look for it somewhere else.”
Yue bowed, but before she could rush out of the science lab, Ms. Tanimoto stood up and called her name. Ms. Tanimoto was as pretty as a doll, but when Yue turned back to look at her, there was a very un-Ms. Tanimoto-like strength in her eyes.
“Kawahara, are you free on Saturday? It’d have to be the morning, if that’s all right.”
“…Saturday, you said?”
“Yes. I don’t have a class that day, but I have permission to run an experiment as part of the science club. You should join in if you’re interested. I think you’ll enjoy it.”
“I’m not in the science club, though.”
“We’re always happy to have guests participate. It’s not for school. Only if you want to. But I would be happy if you came along.”
Yue fell silent.
“Okay?”
When Ms. Tanimoto smiled at her, Yue found herself nodding without ever intending to have done so. Then she turned and all but ran back to her classroom, slipping into her seat among her snoozing classmates.
Saturday. The science club. Ms. Tanimoto.
It was all she could think of all day. Fifth period, after break, was language arts, but all the new verb conjugations went in one ear and out the other.
Going to school on a Saturday felt like exploring an abandoned building in a sci-fi story. It was quiet. Deserted, even, and so silent. Between the soccer and softball clubs, there was usually at least some activity on the field, but both were playing away games at other schools today, according to the notice posted on the bulletin board next to the shoe lockers. The board also mentioned something about a science club experiment chaperoned by Ms. Tanimoto Shouko. Yue had never seen Ms. Tanimoto’s first name before.
She changed into her school shoes and climbed the silent steps to the upper floors. Voices grew louder as she neared the lab. They weren’t boisterous, but the fragments of chatter she caught were still plenty excited. She came to the small window in the door and peeped into the room. About half a class’s worth of boys were inside. Boys, boys, boys, every one of them. Yue didn’t find boys intimidating, but today was different. These boys wore lab coats and transparent goggles over their faces. They looked like a group of aliens.