Even Amane could understand why she would worry about that, since Miss Koyuki had looked after Mahiru from a young age. It had also occurred to Amane that Mahiru might get angry if she heard him say she had made a good decision choosing him. “By the way, have you captured his stomach yet?” “…‘Captured’?” “Yes, I’ve been well and truly captured.” “My, my.” This was something he could answer immediately, without hesitation, and so Amane immediately confirmed it. Miss Koyuki gave him a smile that said she’d figured that was the case. Amane had often heard how Mahiru’s cooking skills were the result of Miss Koyuki’s training, so since he always got to eat her delicious food, he felt like he ought to bow down before the woman who had made it possible. He was about to go ahead and bow his head to her again, for a different reason than earlier, when for some reason, Mahiru started flapping her free hand back and forth in front of her face. “Ah, b-but it’s not like he leaves everything up to me, okay? Amane also does some of the cooking! He’s always in the kitchen with me, and sometimes, he even cooks alone and treats me to a meal! We kind of take turns, or maybe shifts, and he’s really good about doing those everyday things with me!” Apparently, Mahiru didn’t want him to be mistaken for the kind of man who left everything up to her and didn’t do anything himself, but it was a fact that Mahiru took on a lot of the responsibility, so he informed Miss Koyuki, “Mahiru’s cooking is the best, so it’s true that I always look forward to it,” and Mahiru’s eyes welled up again. She didn’t start crying, but through their linked hands, he could feel her trembling and squeezing more than usual. “Yes, yes. You don’t have to get so flustered, Miss Mahiru. I can tell perfectly well. He’s your ideal kind of person, isn’t he?” “Yes!” Even though her eyes were wavering, Mahiru nodded decisively and continued without hesitation. “A long time ago, you told me to choose someone who would see the real me, didn’t you, Miss Koyuki?” “Yes, I did say that.” “I think you were right, in the end. This was also true while you were still with us, but especially after you left, I came into contact with all sorts of different people and thought time and time again…that the person who would make me happy was someone who wouldn’t stereotype me, or judge me based only on what they saw on the surface, or make light of my feelings.” Mahiru had been surrounded by so many people in her life, and she had decided the standard she would use to judge people in her personal life was whether they were truly capable of respecting others. It seemed so obvious, but it was difficult, and it was so important for people. “Amane prioritizes my feelings, and he tries to understand them. Since he fell for me after seeing beneath my exterior, he knows about my childhood and accepts it. He respects me, which makes me…super happy… Though sometimes, he respects me too much and loses his nerve.” “But that’s for your sake!” “I—I know that…! I understand perfectly well that you are treating me with care. And you do that precisely because you respect me so much.” He couldn’t help but feel like she was calling him a coward in a roundabout way, and he wasn’t sure he could disagree, but it made him wonder if maybe she was unsatisfied in some way. He stared at her intently, until Mahiru bashfully added, “I-I’m not saying I’m unhappy with that, okay?! Just that you can spend a little less effort trying to guess what I want and prioritize your own feelings sometimes.” She didn’t seem to understand what she was saying, which only increased his anxiety as her boyfriend. It’s obvious that Mahiru would get too excited if I prioritized my own feelings, though. He had absolutely no intention of breaking the vow he had made, but when he heard Mahiru’s complaint, it sounded like as long as he didn’t run afoul of his promise, he could do anything he wanted. He looked at Mahiru deadly earnest, certain it wouldn’t be a good idea for him to touch her and pamper her in that way when she never put up very much resistance, but Mahiru just blushed, maybe because she had said something so bold. She didn’t seem to realize what Amane was thinking. “I’m glad you have such a harmonious relationship. Be that as it may, it does concern me to hear you say you’re living together.” Though her tone of voice was not reproachful, she did sound slightly shocked, and Mahiru’s cheek twitched when she realized that was not a conversation she should be having in front of the woman she’d considered like a parent. “Uh, ah, n-no! Amane is my next-door neighbor! We live in the same apartment building, so—! We’re definitely not doing anything you need to worry about!” “I made a promise not to do anything that could possibly hurt Mahiru.” From Miss Koyuki’s perspective, it probably seemed like the darling girl who had been like her daughter was being taken advantage of by some strange man, so of course she would be worried. He was filled with regret for being so careless, but after Miss Koyuki let out a big sigh that carried more of an uncomfortable, astonished, and exasperated mood than before, she turned to Mahiru with a gentle look. “It is not my place to say anything about your circumstances, but you should at least know I’m happy to hear you’re spending a lot of time together and getting along well. The longer you spend in close contact, the more you’ll be able to see each other’s unpleasant sides.” “‘Unpleasant sides’…? I mean, even supposing there are any, I can discuss them with him, and we can both improve ourselves, so…” Amane had often heard that when people lived together, they eventually got to see their partner’s lifestyle and approach to money, as well as things like their notion of hygiene, common sense, and ethics. Those people could get fed up with one another. But even though they were spending basically all their time together, at least from Amane’s point of view, there was nothing about Mahiru that he disliked or that didn’t sit well with him. If he was forced to say something, he might point out that she was too reticent and that sometimes, she did bold things under Chitose’s influence, trying to please him. To the first point, she had gotten more up-front about things, so that was already improving, and to the second, that was primarily a Chitose problem. It might turn out that there were some things about Amane Mahiru disliked, but she hadn’t really pointed anything out. Or rather, she hadn’t hesitated to point them out when they first met, so maybe he had already finished addressing everything she wanted him to fix. Still, he knew there were probably parts of him Mahiru still wanted him to improve, so he told her earnestly, “If there’s anything about me you don’t like, please don’t hesitate to say something, okay? I don’t want to make things harder on you, after all. I want us both to enjoy spending time together, so if there’s anything I can fix, I will.” Mahiru looked flustered and shook her head dramatically back and forth. “You’re the one who worries about me too much, okay?! I think you’re a really wonderful person, okay?!” “You don’t need to flatter me, you know.” “…Fine, then that’s my answer. I want you to work on properly accepting a compliment when someone gives it to you.” Mahiru stuck her lip out, sulking, and slapped Amane on the thigh. Figuring he shouldn’t let her pout anymore, he said, “I got it, thanks,” hoping to soothe her. “You have completely lowered your guard around him, haven’t you, Miss Mahiru?” Amane turned his gaze back to the screen when he heard Miss Koyuki sincerely mumble those words. He saw that her gaze had been fixed on their playfully intertwined hands as she silently watched their exchange, so he knew she could see right through them. As expected, when she got embarrassed, Mahiru’s shoulders tightened, and her cheeks turned red. Amane also felt shame rising gradually within his chest and desperately tried to keep it from showing on his face. Miss Koyuki hummed happily when she saw Amane and Mahiru like that. Then, keeping the smile on her face, she slowly turned her gaze toward Amane. “From your perspective, Mister Fujimiya, how does Miss Mahiru seem?” “‘How’…?” “Ah, when I put it that way, it sounds like this is turning into an interview, doesn’t it? That’s not it… I want to know what she looks like in your eyes.” She asked the question gently, with an inquisitive look in her eyes, and Amane wasn’t sure how to answer. Rather than immediately opening his mouth to respond, he slowly worked through his thoughts. How did he see Mahiru? In other words, what kind of girl did Mahiru seem like, to Amane? Did Amane, who, according to Mahiru, had chosen her after seeing what she was like on the inside, really understand her? It seemed like Miss Koyuki was asking this question in order to dispel any doubts about that. From Miss Koyuki’s demeanor, he could tell this was all for Mahiru’s sake. Even though he understood her intentions, Amane was at a loss. Mahiru, through my eyes? He quietly let his eyes slide over to look at Mahiru sitting beside him, and his gaze met hers. Her eyes were filled with shades of anticipation and anxiety and apparent worry about how she was perceived. In response to that expectant look, Amane decided not to gloss over anything at all and to put his honest feelings into words. “…She’s really strong, and she has a lot of self-control, but really, she’s lonely, and she needs a lot of attention.” This was Mahiru as Amane knew her. “Amane?!” “Well, I mean, you do like it when I spoil you, so…” “I do like it, but—! Don’t say things like that out in the open, in front of Miss Koyuki!” When he suddenly revealed a side of Mahiru she didn’t show to other people, Mahiru flushed even redder than before and started whacking his upper arm, but Amane had absolutely no intention of withdrawing what he’d said. “I think, fundamentally, Mahiru is the type of person who tries to do everything by herself, because she is very capable and she doesn’t like to let others in. She isn’t able to rely on other people very easily and sometimes trips herself up, or rather, suffers under the restrictions she’s placed on herself.” From where he was standing, Mahiru was always so humble and hesitant, reserved and never prioritized herself, which explained why she unconsciously didn’t want to trouble others, worried she’d be abandoned. Those feelings made her avoid completely depending on anyone, even Amane. That tendency of hers was even more striking with anyone other than Amane, and because she refused to completely depend on anyone else, and because she had this obsessive idea that she had to always be the good girl, she loathed showing anyone her weaknesses. In public, she put on a mask and pretended to be a perfect girl, keeping up the pretense most of the time. That was the “angel” everyone had seen before. But Mahiru was different now. “Now she’s learned to turn to me for help and to depend on me. She’s stayed by my side. She trusts me and has shown me her true self. I think that was a big decision for Mahiru and that it’s proof of the trust and love she has for me.” She was a lonely girl who had an abundance of emotions and was candid about what she wanted from Amane. It was precisely because Mahiru believed in him enough to know she didn’t have to keep up appearances, that she could depend on him, that she could beg him for attention, that she was who she was now. He was very proud of that. “I told her that when she’s with me, she doesn’t have to play the good girl, she doesn’t have to try her hardest, and she can lean on me and show me her honest feelings, which is incredibly adorable…and I guess I also really spoil her.” Amane had seen Mahiru’s transformation from a girl who gently and politely kept others at arm’s length with an invisible wall—to a girl who had torn down those walls and limitations and, though hesitant, acted on her earnest desire to spoil him. He couldn’t help but be struck by how much more adorable the Mahiru who sincerely spoiled him was. Of course, it went without saying that the usual strong and independent version of Mahiru and the impish version of Mahiru, who schemed up various ways to spoil him, were both cute, but in entirely different ways. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to make her melt into a gooey mess and spoil her rotten because he loved her so much, but doing so would infringe on Mahiru’s feelings. So he had placed limits on himself, taking into consideration how much Mahiru wanted to be pampered and acting accordingly, something she surely had noticed. In any case, Mahiru’s shame seemed to be rising every time she heard Amane speak, because at the moment, her face was bright red, and she was trembling on the verge of tears. Amane wanted to believe that in this situation, being on the verge of tears was not a bad thing. “Ah, but it’s not like I spoil her just because she’s cute, of course. I do it to make a safe space for Mahiru and because I revere and respect her for always trying so hard and disciplining herself without begrudging the effort. And I don’t do it at times when it would make her uncomfortable!” No matter how much he loved Mahiru, pampering her too much when she didn’t want it was not good for either of them. There was no way Amane was going to throw off all his inhibitions and let himself run wild. His top priority was seeing that Mahiru lived happy and peaceful days, so despite how he felt, he was trying to take things easy. “Um, and I’ve vowed to absolutely never take anything from Mahiru, or one-sidedly demand anything from her, or hurt her in any way you might be worried about, Miss Kujigawa. It might sound trivial for me to say those words, but I don’t intend to break my promise.” At that point, Miss Koyuki’s eyes went a little wide, then he saw her exhale softly, apparently impressed, so he was sure he’d been right about her question, and he hoped his answer was sufficient. “To me, Mahiru is a darling girl who I treasure and want to make happy, but also, she’s someone who is my equal. I don’t foist my problems on her, and I don’t ignore her opinions. We often talk through things and put in effort so we can live comfortably together, because we both want to make this a safe place where we both belong. If we work together, I think we can make it happen.” He loved pampering her, and he wanted to devote himself to Mahiru, but he didn’t want his attention to dominate her life. What Mahiru wanted was for them both to accept each other’s good points and bad points and to transform into an agreeable whole, then live peacefully together, each caring for the other. Neither of them should carry the other too much. What she wanted was for them to share the burden, to support each other and live as a couple. Amane felt exactly the same way. “Please, don’t worry. I will make Mahiru happy. And we’ll be happy together.” Amane had to admit that, even for him, it must have sounded like a cheesy line to any outsider, but without a doubt, that was how he truly felt, and his convictions would not change. Those words were his oath that he would strive to fulfill going forward. They both honored, trusted, and respected each other and believed that accepting each other’s differences, sharing each other’s pain, and supporting each other was the key to a happy relationship. Amane was sure that if he stayed true to these principles, and with enough effort, they would achieve that happiness. When all was said and done, he did feel a bit embarrassed, but he wanted to convey his thoughts as accurately and honestly as he could, and once he announced his intentions while looking Miss Koyuki in the eyes, he saw her slowly take a deep breath.
Chapter 205
15 min read