Chitose, who had come in with Mahiru, had also gone wide-eyed when she’d seen the boisterous crowd, but the moment she and Amane locked eyes, she broke into an impish grin. “If the old Amane could see you now, I bet he’d be just as surprised.” “Speechless, I bet.” Even Amane had to admit that in the past, he always had a gloomy air about him. He was a far cry from the person he once was. The old Amane would probably detest the person he had become. Current Amane didn’t hate it, though. He had taught himself hard work and discipline so that he could stand by the side of the person he loved most, and while he couldn’t say his habit of self-deprecation had stopped completely, it wasn’t nearly as pervasive as it used to be. Developing some confidence had given him peace of mind, which was probably the best way to describe his change. It was an unmistakable fact that love changed a person, which was something Amane experienced firsthand. Now whenever he thought back on his old self, he couldn’t help feeling embarrassed, as well as a little bitter and nostalgic. Swallowing all of that down, he put on a thin smile, and Chitose said, “You’ve come a long way, huh?” Then, louder, cheerfully added, “Finding someone to love changes you, and you’re the perfect example of that, Amane.” “Shut up. What’s wrong with that?” “Nothing, I think it’s great! There was nothing wrong with how you were before, but you seem to be having a better time now. You’re always smiling,” Chitose pointed out, poking her own cheeks. Amane unconsciously clasped his hands over his cheeks. But when he glanced over at Mahiru, it seemed her surprise had passed, and she nodded with a soft smile. “You’ve started to relax and smile more than before, right?” Amane was always watching himself, because he knew he had a tendency to unconsciously make a sappy face when he was with Mahiru. As he feared, his classmates had already noticed. He heard boys and girls chiming in here and there in agreement. “You’re right—the look in your eyes is different, too. But it’s not as easy to see right now as it is when you’re looking at Miss Shiina.” “When you’re with her, you get all lovey-dovey, for obvious reasons. That’s how much you adore her, huh?” “Actually, recently, you’ve been acting even more affectionate than the angel.” “…I know all that. Quit paying such close attention. Yeah, I have a soft spot for Mahiru.” Embarrassment slowly rose deep within his chest, and about the time Amane felt it begin to turn into an itchy sensation around his lips, Chitose clapped her hands and changed the mood. “Okay, we’d better leave it there, you guys, or Amane’s gonna get sulky.” Amane did find himself wondering why they said anything at all if they knew it would make him uncomfortable, but Chitose seemed to have plans to celebrate Amane in her own way. With a silly grin, she pulled a nicely wrapped box out of her bag. “On that note…it’s one day late, but here’s your present from Itsuki and me!” “…Seriously, thank you for planning with Mahiru and making such a fuss over me.” “Oh-ho-ho! I only did it because I’m her one and only best friend! When my darling Mahiru is planning something, then of course I have to help. If not me, then who? Anyway, here ya go!” Chitose’s excited voice sounded even more lively than usual as she handed over the box. It was heavier than expected. If Itsuki and Chitose had chosen the gift together, there was basically no way they could have missed the mark, and Amane wanted to believe she wouldn’t give him a gag gift at a time like this. As long as there was nothing crazy going on, he was happy just to get something. They both had good taste, so he wasn’t worried about what they had chosen, but the considerable weight of the package made him look at Chitose curiously. “…I’m gonna ask, just in case. What’s inside?” “Oh, you’re asking that now? I don’t mind telling you, but…” Chitose shot a glance over at Mahiru, and Amane suddenly started feeling uneasy. “Hey, what are you hinting at?” “Ah-ha-ha! Just joking, just joking. It’s not anything bad. There’s a bath powder and bath salt set inside. One with a scent that Mahiru likes and one that they say is really invigorating. I thought the two of you could use them together.” “…Why would you assume we’d use them together? I’ll use them alone, like a normal person.” He was grateful for the gift, but Chitose’s superfluous comment made him furrow his brow. Although Amane and Mahiru had fooled around a little, their relationship was still wholesome for the most part, and it bothered him that the people around them might think they were bathing together. He couldn’t say they had never bathed together, but they’d worn swimsuits and towels, and they weren’t in the habit of taking baths every time Mahiru slept over. Amane arched his eyebrows, worried that people would misunderstand, and Chitose made a disappointed sound that made him want to pinch her cheek, but he managed to resist the urge. “Knock it off. You’re gonna give people the wrong idea.” “So this is what a coward looks like…” “Shut up, Itsuki.” “Fine, fine… I’ve got a feeling you two are gonna get a mushy reputation even if I keep quiet… Oww, okay, I get it!” Amane ground his fist into Itsuki’s lower back, and it felt surprisingly solid to the touch, but even though Amane had the feeling that he had pretty much lost that exchange, he did succeed in shutting Itsuki up. Amane let out a deep sigh. “Thank you, guys, for the present and for your thoughtfulness, but don’t go saying stuff like that.” Trying to save himself from blushing hot with shame, Amane went back to his seat, clutching the present like a treasure, only for Itsuki to dramatically put his hand on Amane’s back. “Hey, Amane?” Itsuki casually brought his face close to Amane’s ear after Amane broke free of the circle of students. “What is it?” “I wasn’t really saying that you have to get in the bath together, but you know, if she’s staying over, the next logical step is to assume that she’s bathing there, too.” “…Be quiet.” “But I whispered in a super-quiet voice!” Itsuki’s comment made him realize too late that he had self-destructed, and he turned away, biting his lip. Itsuki cackled with jovial laughter and cheerfully slapped Amane on the back. “Ah, did Miss Shiina spill the beans?” During lunch, when Amane went to say thank you to Ayaka for helping Mahiru, she answered him with a roguish smile. She had worked hard to make Mahiru’s surprise celebration happen while pretending not to know anything, so Amane was grateful to her, but he also felt deceived. If Ayaka had kept quiet, that meant Souji must have also been in on it, which meant everyone around him had been keeping it a secret. The fact that she’d been able to get that much help was a testament to Mahiru’s popularity, and he was genuinely impressed, but he couldn’t help but wonder if she had really needed to be that thorough. Of course, Mahiru had wanted to surprise Amane, so that was probably part of it. “Or did you figure out the secret ingredient yourself?” “More or less. The flavor was familiar.” “Good on you for picking up on that. I’m not surprised. Though I bet it’s because the coffee at my aunt’s place is so good.” “…By the way, what made you offer Mahiru the coffee?” “Ah, Miss Shiina was struggling with what cake to make, and when we were looking through recipe books and magazines together, I suggested using coffee. Once I did, she got enthusiastic about it. A good idea, if I do say so myself.” Ayaka smiled. Amane smiled back. The cake certainly had been tasty, and he nodded in agreement. “Looks like you were very satisfied,” Ayaka continued. “That’s great, really great. Aunt Fumika is sure to be delighted, too.” “…I really am happy that Mahiru could come to you for help, but did you have to tell the café owner all the details?” Since Ayaka had helped Mahiru, it was only natural for him to offer his thanks, and he knew it was inevitable that Ayaka would tell her aunt what was going on. Although, he couldn’t help but feel anxious about how excited Fumika was going to be. Honestly, he was worried about her reaction, given how excitable she had been the very first time he’d met her. Ayaka understood what Amane was implying, and she put on a slightly awkward smile. “W-well, I think giving her a brief report should be fine… Even my aunt isn’t the type to really pry… Probably,” she mumbled. The way she said probably only heightened his concern. However, Fumika wasn’t a bad person, so he thought it was probably okay for her to be somewhat obsessed. To a point. “Well, thank you very much. To think that you did all that for someone like me… Though, if I say that, Mahiru will be upset with me. Anyway, thanks.” “No problem! You gotta chip in when you can for a friend’s birthday. That said, here’s another little something from me.” She used one hand to pull a moderately sized box out of her backpack. It was covered in some kind of wrapping. Amane was briefly taken aback. He had never expected to get a gift from Ayaka as well, but she soon brought him back to his senses by cheerfully saying, “Looks like my surprise was a success, too, huh? Sou and I went in together on this one, so I hope you like it.” “You didn’t have to go to all that trouble… Thank you. Could I ask what’s inside?” “Protein!” “I should have known.” She sounded so lively when she said it that a laugh spilled from Amane’s lips. Ayaka presented the package again with a triumphant look on her face. “This one tastes good, and it has the perfect absorption rate! My Sou is all the proof you need!” That only made him laugh even harder. If Souji had been there, Amane imagined he would have protested being used as a test case. Ayaka must have realized what Amane was thinking, because she said, “It’s all right! When Sou was trying out all the different kinds, he even said, ‘Well, it’s all protein anyway.’ He was more than happy to drink them all and test them out!” She looked at Amane with a beaming smile. Ayaka was wearing an even happier smile than he’d expected, so Amane decided to keep his thoughts about her experiment to himself. He figured some things were better left unsaid. “In any case, thank you for everything you’ve done. It’s crazy how much you’ve helped me, Kido.” “Nah, it’s no problem. I stuck my nose in because I like to help. If anything, Sou’s been telling me I should cool it on the meddling.” “I don’t think of it as meddling. You really did help me out.” “Hmm, but I did it because I wanted to, you know? You really don’t need to worry about it, Fujimiya. Besides, there’s something in it for me, too.” “There is?” “Eh-heh-heh, if you and Sou become better friends, his mood will improve, and if he’s in a better mood, he’ll let me touch his muscles more.” “…Right.” He could only force himself to smile when he learned that she had some extremely mischievous ulterior motives, but seeing Ayaka’s usual behavior, he knew that wasn’t all there was to it. Even Amane, who had only known her for a little while, could tell that she was exceedingly generous and how much she enjoyed helping others. As she jokingly insisted that Amane shouldn’t worry about it too much, he felt grateful for her consideration and said, “Well, if you and Kayano are good with it, then that’s great.” Then he shrugged and left things there. “Today was terrific, huh?” Mahiru mumbled gently. After they got home and finished their dinner, the two were relaxing on the sofa. Amane already knew what she was talking about. “It sure was,” he answered. Mahiru smiled, almost as if she had been the one being celebrated. In her expression, he saw a perfect mixture of relief, satisfaction, and delight. Her charming face made him feel intensely awkward, and he quickly averted his gaze from Mahiru and turned toward the television. Several of the presents he had received from his friends that day were sitting on top of the low table sandwiched between the sofa and the TV. In addition to the gifts he had received from Itsuki, Chitose, and Ayaka, he had also gotten things from other less familiar classmates, who had gotten caught up in the excitement. Most were snacks, juice, and the like, but just the fact that they had all been so keen to wish Amane a happy birthday filled him with embarrassment and delight, though he had taken great pains not to let it show on his face too much. The year before, the only people he’d even told about his birthday had been Itsuki and Chitose, and there had been no big uproar among his class. Compared to those days, he had received an unthinkable amount of attention. Easygoing, unselfish Amane hadn’t particularly wanted such a celebration, but still, he did feel happy about it. “…I never expected to get so many birthday wishes. Though I did turn down the enoki mushroom caramels.” “Heh-heh, I was a little curious about those.” “You’d probably need a palate cleanser afterward.” When it came to food, Mahiru’s curiosity was stronger than Amane’s, so she was always interested in unusual snacks. Still, the caramels had been a step too far for Amane, and just the thought was more than enough for him. When Amane turned down the mushroom caramels, he had been handed some beef stew–flavored caramels that looked exactly like little cubes of concentrated bullion. It seemed like his classmate was a fan of bizarre candy. Amane was bewildered by the boy’s unusual tastes. Nevertheless, when Amane looked over the many presents he had received from his friends and classmates, he naturally felt delighted. However, it didn’t take long for doubt and uncertainty to come crawling out and start spreading, clouding his honest joy. “…Is it really all right for me to get this much attention?” Mahiru reacted swiftly to those words, which spilled unexpectedly from his mouth. In an instant, her tender expression transformed into something slightly peevish, a look that was equal parts worry and exasperation. “Why do you seem so anxious? People were happy for you because you’ve managed to make friends with everyone in our class, Amane. Can’t you see that it’s thanks to your good character?” “Sorry, sorry, I wasn’t trying to put myself down. It’s just…I’ve never really experienced this. I’ve never told other people about my birthday and things like that.” He didn’t tend to have those kinds of conversations with unfamiliar people, and even if he mentioned his birthday, he thought he would just be pressuring them into celebrating him. Plus, he had always been plenty happy just getting a few words from the people he was particularly close to. What Amane was trying to say was that there were suddenly a lot more people wishing him well, so he couldn’t help but feel bewildered. “Heh-heh, it just goes to show how accepted and celebrated you are by those around you. It’s something to be happy about.” “I sure hope so.” “Amane…” He smiled when he heard her reproachful tone. Mahiru’s gaze was sharp, as if warning him against putting himself down. He couldn’t possibly be negative when she was looking at him like that. “Sorry, sorry, I know… I’ll admit, I am happy.” “Good… Be a good boy and let people celebrate you.” Once he obediently accepted the celebration, Mahiru flopped against his upper arm with her usual smile. When he glanced down at her, he felt his cheeks soften into a smile as Mahiru leaned on him and gently rubbed her face against him. She was as happy about Amane’s birthday being celebrated as she would have been about her own, and he knew it was a completely genuine reaction. …She really does think birthdays are special occasions. That was especially true if they were the birthdays of people she loved or was close to. Mahiru was sure to offer heartfelt words to anyone she knew, even if they weren’t dear friends. He thought back on how, during the previous year, he hadn’t really gone out of his way to do anything truly special to celebrate Mahiru’s birthday, and in place of the warm, soft feeling that had been collecting in his chest all day long, he felt prickly, cold thorns digging into him. Though he didn’t see these thorns as something bad. They were a sign he should tell her the truth and a push for him to say what he was about to say. “…Hey, so…” “Yes?” He thought he had spoken to her in a soft, even voice, without any hitches or hesitation, but Mahiru seemed to have picked up on the slight change in his tone. She stopped leaning against Amane and straightened up. It wasn’t that she was on her guard, exactly. Mahiru looked like she was preparing herself for an important conversation that was about to begin. Amane cleared his throat. “Well, I just thought I should go ahead and tell you that I’m not that good at keeping secrets, so if I try, I’ll probably seem suspicious, and I would hate to make you uncomfortable.” “Okay.” “Next month is your birthday, right, Mahiru?” “Oh—now that you mention it, it is.” Mahiru blinked several times as though she had only just remembered she had a birthday. After she let her gaze wander for a few moments, she nodded. He could see she hadn’t thought of it at all and that she didn’t find her own birthday particularly special. That explained why it hadn’t been at the front of her mind and why her response had come so slowly. Mahiru’s obvious indifference to her own birthday brought a bitter taste to Amane’s mouth. “You don’t feel all that good about people celebrating your birthday, do you, Mahiru?” “Not exactly… If I had to say, it’s more like I couldn’t care less.” Just as she said, she seemed to be unconcerned about her own birthday. He already knew that from her birthday the previous year. Still, despite the fact that it wasn’t his birthday, hearing her say it so forthrightly, even now that they were dating, made him sad. “To me, it’s just a day that marks getting one year older. I’ve never thought of it as a special day. Actually, I’ve hardly ever celebrated it. Oh—but last year, I was really happy that you celebrated my birthday, Amane! It’s not like I hate it or anything. More like I don’t think it warrants any extra attention.” Mahiru seemed to fondly recall their little celebration from the previous year and looked flustered as she waved her hand back and forth, worried that he might get the wrong idea. He knew she was just looking out for his feelings, so Amane said, “I wasn’t trying to get you to say something like that. I’m sorry.” Even though he felt a little bad about it, he continued, “I know that to you it isn’t anything special.” Thinking about Mahiru’s early upbringing and environment, he knew she didn’t put much stock in the day itself. Mahiru didn’t seem to feel bitter about it anymore, but for Amane, it was horrible. Even if it was just Amane’s ego talking, he wanted her to understand how loved she was and just how grateful he was. “These are just my own selfish feelings, but to me, your birthday is a very special day.” “…Special?” “Just like how you think my birthday is special, I think your birthday is more special than anyone else’s.” He had heard from a number of people that Mahiru had tried her hardest to set things up for Amane’s birthday, and he knew it was true. He knew from the bottom of his heart that he was loved. He didn’t want to become the kind of person who accepted her love, then just simply basked in it. Amane wanted to offer her the same— No, he wanted to give her the birthday of a lifetime, one amazing enough to make up for the past. “I love you so much, I can barely stand it, Mahiru. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m grateful you were born and I’m happy you’re here. I’m really glad that you were born into this world, and I appreciate it. I’m constantly grateful to you for existing, for meeting me, and for falling in love with me… To me, your birthday is an incredibly special day.” He meant every word. Mahiru was the most special person in Amane’s life. The day she had been born into the world was the most important day there was, and he wanted her to know it. “So—as long as it wouldn’t make you uncomfortable, I wonder if I could celebrate you in the same way you celebrated me? Is it all right for me to show you how grateful I am you were born, Mahiru?” If it would make her feel bad, he would absolutely treat it as a normal day. He certainly didn’t want to do it badly enough to ignore her feelings. If she wanted to spend that day quietly, Amane would never bring the subject up again, and they wouldn’t have to do anything special. However, if she would allow it, Amane wanted to use all the resources he had to celebrate Mahiru’s birthday. He wanted to communicate to her that she had someone who appreciated the fact that she had been born. Amane stared straight at her after asking his question, waiting for her answer, and immediately realized that Mahiru’s expression had changed from the earlier shock to a different kind of surprise. The look in her eyes was questioning, somewhat uneasy and nervous…as if she couldn’t believe her ears. “…Are you sure?” “You don’t hate the idea?” “Hate it? Not at all… Um, I’m happy…you’d want to do that for someone like me.” “Mahiru, weren’t you just telling me that I’m not allowed to put myself down?” Amane insisted that if she was going to point it out to him, she didn’t get to be an exception. Without hesitation, he grabbed a hold of Mahiru’s cheeks as she sat there timidly, frozen by bewilderment, anxiety, and indecision. He tugged at them, teasingly tormenting her exquisitely soft cheeks—somewhere between tender and squishy—gently dragging away the negative feelings that threatened to bring her down. “Hyah, I—I gedd id awweady,” came her silly voice, as he kept her mouth from closing all the way. Though he had been gentle to make sure he wouldn’t hurt her, Mahiru must have still been a little startled. Even after he let her go, she sat there looking at him, stunned. “Are you aware of just how precious you are to me?” he asked. Red started to appear on Mahiru’s cheeks, and he didn’t think it was just because he had been playing with them. Quiet ahs and uhs that weren’t quite words—more like groans—slipped from her mouth, and she nervously looked up at Amane. There wasn’t a trace of uneasiness left in her expression. “…Thank you very much. Just getting attention from you makes me happy, Amane, but…well, it’s a strange feeling. I’ve always been so indifferent about my birthday.” “Well, starting this year, I won’t let you say you don’t care about it anymore.” Amane was just guessing, but the passivity toward her birthday was likely rooted in her complicated relationship with her parents. Amane couldn’t erase that history, and regardless, it was part of what had made her into the girl he knew and loved today. It was obvious to him that, at the very least, it was a sore spot she didn’t want anyone else to see. For exactly that reason, Amane wanted to overwrite that apathy of hers that made it seem like she was blowing the whole thing off. He wanted her to really feel that she had someone who treasured her and appreciated her existence.
Chapter 190
21 min read