Chapter 185

This is terrible, Mahiru grumbled internally, without saying anything out loud. She’d been feeling unwell ever since she had woken up, and by the time she had gotten to school, it was clear she was in pretty poor shape. Her head felt heavy, like there was a stone lying on top of it, and she could tell her thinking was slower than usual. The more she moved, the more it felt like she was getting pounded by some blunt instrument, and from time to time, her lower abdomen added to the pain with a feeling like countless needles stabbing into her. To make matters worse, her whole body felt hotter than usual, and a feeling of weariness persistently hung over her. Though she’d come to the pragmatic conclusion that this phenomenon itself was an unavoidable part of the female condition, she nevertheless found it extremely irritating that even her hormones were wildly out of balance. Though she felt a little emotionally unstable, she was capable of keeping that in check, so as she tried to calm her frayed feelings somehow through reason, she sighed softly. She wasn’t sure she had any right to complain, since from listening to other girls’ tales of misery, she knew she had it comparatively easy, and once the medicine she’d taken kicked in, she would be able to carry on without any problems. If the pain had been any worse, she probably wouldn’t have hesitated to go to the hospital, but it wasn’t so unbearable that she couldn’t go about her day. It consistently stayed within the scope of simple discomfort. At times like these, she regretted being born a girl, but it wasn’t as if she ever had a choice in the matter. For the time being, she had taken some medicine, and she made it through the school day trying not to let her discomfort show on her face. When she was finally free, Mahiru single-mindedly headed straight for home. She decided to pass the time at Amane’s place since it helped settle her mind, but…before too long, Amane came back carrying shopping bags and stood there staring at her. “You got home early.” “Sorry I left the shopping up to you today.” “Nah, I don’t mind. It’s just, guessing from how you look, I figured you must have gotten back pretty early, is all.” She had gone home remarkably quickly that day. When she felt bad, Mahiru really hated being around other people, so she’d rushed home, anxious to pass the time in peace and quiet. Though she had taken another round of medication and tried to settle down before Amane got back home, it didn’t completely eliminate her pain or take immediate effect, so the fatigue that had been gradually taking over her body and the dull pain tormenting her welled up from deep inside. “I thought we could just relax at home today.” She smiled, placing her hand lightly on her belly to try to hide her pain and discomfort, and Amane stood there and stared intently at her again. Something in that look seemed to be probing Mahiru for answers. “Is something wrong?” “No, nothing.” The way Amane was acting showed that he was mulling over something, but he went right into the kitchen to put the groceries in the refrigerator. With a feeling of relief, Mahiru absentmindedly watched as he diligently bustled about. Amane briskly put all the ingredients away with expert dexterity, then turned around and called her name across the counter. “Mahiru?” Mahiru, who was leaning against the back of the sofa more than she usually did, suddenly sat straight up. “I’m boiling some water. Do you want anything to drink?” he asked. “Huh? Ah, yes.” She agreed to his sudden suggestion without really thinking it through, but whether or not he had noticed her distracted condition, he was looking at her with a gaze that was somehow even gentler than usual. “Are you all right with me picking what to make?” “Oh, are you going to treat me to your very own specialty drink?” “That’s right. Let me go get it ready.” She was grateful just to have him make her something warm to drink, so she left everything up to Amane. Mahiru wasn’t particularly concerned. Honestly, it would have been enough for him just to pour hot water into a cup for her, because she would have been happy just slowly sipping it as it cooled. Not wanting to move too much, she leaned her weight back against the sofa again and listened idly as the singing sound from the mouth of the kettle grew louder. Then before she knew it, Amane came back into the living room. In his hand was a single cup. She was just wondering why when he said, “Here,” and put the cup into Mahiru’s hands. Inside the cup, which wasn’t hot to the touch due to its double-walled structure, was a liquid that was light yellow in color. It looked like there was something fibrous mixed into it, but Mahiru had been spaced out and not really watching what Amane was making, so she didn’t know what the cup contained. When she tilted the cup a little, she could see it was a little thick from the way it moved around. Maybe because he had been stirring it until just a moment earlier, the mysterious fibers danced around in the cup, forming whirlpools that swirled around and around like clothes that had been tossed into a washing machine. “…What’s this?” “Honey ginger tea. Ginger and honey are both good for the body, and they’ll warm you up.” He said that and gently placed the blanket that had been hanging on the back of one of the dining room chairs around Mahiru’s shoulders, then placed an unfamiliar bag on Mahiru’s lap. She was completely bewildered by his actions. In addition to the gentle warmth coming through the cup into her hands, she felt heat and warmth sinking into her lap, but even when Mahiru looked up at Amane questioningly, he kept the same calm expression. “Hold it against your stomach.” She almost shouted when she realized the mysterious bag was a hot water bottle. From the weight of it and the noise it made when she tilted it, she could tell it was filled with hot water. Earlier, when he’d said he was “boiling some water,” that must have actually been for the hot water bottle. The fact she didn’t even see a drink for Amane himself in the kitchen meant he had been solely preparing the hot water bottle and a drink for Mahiru. Amane sat down beside her, leaving a little space, and his face wasn’t all that serious; his expression was simply flat, with a slight shade of concern in his eyes. “It’s better for you to be in a comfortable position. After you drink that, do you want to lie down?” “N-no, I don’t need—” “In that case, maybe you can stay like this for now. If it gets too uncomfortable, let me know.” Amane smoothly indicated he had noticed she was in bad shape, and he picked up the remote control for the air conditioner and adjusted the temperature, which made her aware he had completely seen right through her. “But h-how did you know?” “…Something about the way you were behaving told me you weren’t feeling well. Plus, you had your hand on your stomach. Once I noticed you feeling bad on a regular basis, I more or less figured it out, I guess.” Amane explained himself awkwardly, looking guilty for some reason. Mahiru felt like she was the one who was guilty, for not only letting him become aware of what was going on, but making him worry about her. But Amane was the one who seemed to be anxious about something. “S-sorry if that’s creepy.” “Why would you say something like that?” “Well, like, you might think it was c-creepy for a guy to know about something like that and make a fuss over you, or something.” There were some people who hated when others were overly considerate, and others would have been upset someone had noticed at all, so now that he’d said that, Mahiru perfectly understood Amane’s hesitation. As for Mahiru, though she was quite surprised Amane had noticed, she wasn’t bothered by it, and she accepted his explanation. And anyway, she’d been spending a lot of time with Amane, and since she’d fallen for him, she was generally at his place after school was over for the day. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that, except for baths and sleeping time, she was almost always at Amane’s apartment. Given that they spent so much time together, of course it wasn’t strange that he had realized where her periodic bouts of poor health came from. She understood Amane’s worry that she might evade the topic, but knowing Amane had been paying attention to her made Mahiru reassured more than anything else. “…It wouldn’t feel very good if a stranger knew about it, but I don’t really mind you knowing, Amane, not when we spend so much time together. I probably slipped up and made a face or something.” “You were trying not to let it show?” “The pain itself comes every month, so that’s an unavoidable part of it, and letting it show on my face would just worry people, right?” No matter how she raged against it, it was a set fact of life that she would periodically be visited by this poor condition, and she had accepted it as inevitable. She had also grown accustomed to the pain it brought, so when there were other people around, she tried her best not to let it show in her expressions and movements. But since Amane had put two and two together, there wasn’t much point. Though she wanted to avoid making Amane worry, she was also happy he was concerned for her, and she enjoyed having him look after her like this. Holding these contradictory sentiments, Mahiru looked over at Amane beside her, and she saw he was staring at her with a deadly serious expression. “I mean, how could you not worry over someone who was feeling bad? My mom’s were real heavy, so I heard all about it… If there’s anything I can do, I will, of course.” At times like this, the quality of Amane’s upbringing, or maybe his essential good nature, was really striking. The fact that Amane’s parents had given him an outstanding education had really become clear to her over the half year she’d spent close to him. Though he could be a little sarcastic sometimes, he was honest and flexible, and he paid close attention to others. He was capable of casually offering whatever assistance was needed, and he did so without expecting anything in return. He looked after her as if it was the obvious thing to do, and he treated her like she was important. He lacked self-confidence, so he tended to be careless about his own well-being, and that was a flaw, but he had plenty of strong points to make up for that. That carelessness of his had been improving lately, but even when it got bad, he was such a wonderful person in Mahiru’s eyes it made her inclined to let him off easy. “That is just what you would say, Amane.” “Sure, anyone would… You too. When I wasn’t feeling well, you forced me to go to bed, didn’t you?” “Well, that was—” “Didn’t you?” Against her better judgment, she laughed at Amane, who had puffed up his chest, brimming with confidence for some reason. That sent a shock of pain through her belly, causing her to stiffen for a moment. As soon as he saw that, Amane got a disheartened, concerned, and somewhat uneasy look in his eye, and he cast a worried glance at Mahiru. “Um, if you’re feeling really bad, I think it might be better for you to go home. You should lie down in peace and quiet. But then again, maybe it’s not so painful that you can’t stand it, huh? …I know when you’re not feeling well, sometimes people are a nuisance, but sometimes you feel lonely without anyone around, so I think you should be wherever you decide is best, Mahiru.” As Amane mumbled this explanation, obviously flustered and embarrassed, Mahiru covered her mouth and smiled. She was really no match for her boyfriend, who had made this suggestion that was so thoroughly caring and kind. “…For now, I’d rather be here, with you.” At the moment, she felt like sitting back and being pampered. Rightfully, she should have hurried off home so she didn’t inconvenience him, and if she was the same person she’d been when she’d first met him, she probably would have made up some excuse and gone home. But today’s Mahiru could depend on Amane. That was how deeply Amane’s presence had entered into the soft places inside her, and the thought filled her with warmth and gave her a strange tickling feeling deep within her heart. “…It’s not incredibly painful or anything. It just makes doing things uncomfortable; that’s all.” “Right. Tonight I’m making dinner.” “…You are?” “Leave it to me. I’ve got an outstanding teacher, so even I can make a little something nowadays.” “Heh-heh, my student’s been pretty outstanding, too, you know?” “You’re really good at teaching, Mahiru.” Though Amane said that, the fact was that most of his improvement was because of how quickly he comprehended things. When they’d first met, he had been a terrible cook, making things like burned vegetable stir fry and ragged, overcooked omelets, but once she’d shown him some examples and taught him the rationale behind how things were cooked, he had absorbed it all immediately. Amane had always been the type who could sit down and study, so once he’d realized cooking was akin to chemistry, he had very quickly picked up different cooking techniques. His skills were still a little unpolished, but Amane had made food for them before, and he was refining his techniques by assisting her every day. And so she wasn’t worried about the idea of Amane cooking. “Anything you feel like eating?” “…I don’t have any really strong cravings, so long as it’s warm and not too spicy…” “Got it. I’ll do my best with what we have in the fridge.” “You’ve grown so much.” “See, I am capable of learning.” “Heh-heh.” Just lightly chatting like this seemed to ease the fatigue in her body. It also seemed like Amane was deliberately talking in a slightly more cheerful tone of voice, to distract Mahiru. Actually, she mused, while they were talking like this, she felt pretty good. “…Did you take some medicine?” “Yes.” “Okay. Anything else you want me to do?” Mahiru hesitated, afraid she might completely take advantage of Amane since he’d asked so affectionately, but Amane whispered to her devilishly, “You can take advantage of me as much as you like,” so after a little groan, Mahiru glanced over at him. “I’d like to nap, just a little. But I don’t want to…go home.” Still, it would be wrong for her to borrow his bed, so she meant that she wanted to snooze on the sofa for a while, but Amane blinked his eyes in surprise. She might have expected a jab about her wanting to sleep at a guy’s place, but frankly she had dozed off at Amane’s apartment many times before, and after all, she had full faith that Amane wouldn’t try anything with a person who was feeling unwell, so that’s why she had asked. When she looked at him nervously, wondering if she had made him uncomfortable, Amane wore an awkward smile that was more bashful than it was uncomfortable. Gently, he placed his large palm on top of her head. “It’s fine. Take it easy and rest. I’m right here with you.” “…Okay.” Mahiru slowly closed her eyes, basking in the soft, warm tones of his voice, which seemed to wrap her up, and she leaned against Amane’s arm. She felt an exaggerated shiver of surprise for a moment, but Mahiru didn’t feel like pulling away. He said he’d be by my side, after all. In which case, leaning on him like that should have been just fine. The heat that gradually spread to her from their point of contact felt pleasant. When she turned her face toward Amane a little bit, his refreshing and now-familiar minty smell, as well as the faint aroma of fabric softener, tickled her nasal cavity. Her face curved into a smile at the mellow, calming scents, and Mahiru let go of consciousness right there, while enjoying his pleasant warmth. When she awoke from a dream that was full of warmth, Mahiru slowly opened her eyes. As she lifted the curtain of sleep from her eyes, she saw that her view was filled with gray. Her mind, which was working considerably more slowly than usual, thought back dimly to what she had just been doing. Though she remembered after a moment that she had taken a nap, she lifted her head sluggishly, not processing what she was seeing. A twinkle of obsidian entered her field of vision. “Morning.” In response to the person who had whispered to her in a soft, mellow voice, Mahiru stiffened for a moment in confusion. Amane, the owner of the voice, continued in a gentle tone, as if to urge her to fully wake up, “Did you sleep well?” “……Good morning.” At that point, Mahiru remembered the crucial piece of information, that she had fallen asleep leaning against Amane, and without meaning to, she answered him in a shrill voice. She’d thought she was awfully warm and comfortable, and if she had been dozing away without a care while feeling Amane’s body heat, then of course she was warm. Though her body felt a little bit stiff, mentally, on the other hand, she felt so completely content that she had no complaints. “Ah, let me just say this, this is, well, it was your doing, so…and I felt bad shaking you off.” “This…?” As Mahiru puzzled over what Amane had told her, and the worried look on his face, she identified the “this” Amane had indicated, then buried her face in his upper arm once more. Without noticing it, she had grabbed ahold of Amane’s hand tightly and intertwined their fingers. Almost as if she was trying to tell him not to let go, as if to stop his clumsy fingers from leaving, she had slipped her own fingers between them. Once he pointed out that she had apparently not been satisfied just leaning against him, and had grabbed his hand as well, Mahiru couldn’t do anything but try not to groan. The way she was sitting, she had definitely prevented Amane from moving. After leaning against him, she had completely stolen the freedom of one of his hands, which must have been troublesome for Amane. “S-sorry, I was in your way, huh?” “Not at all, but…I wonder if you were having a bit of a hard time sleeping? Though it seems a bit late to say that, after you fell asleep sitting up.” “N-no, I was fast asleep!” When she tried to dismiss the idea with a wave of her hand, she realized their hands were still connected, and she quickly let go. Amane must have found Mahiru’s panic amusing, because he made a low noise in his throat as he laughed and, without pausing, used careful movements to gently untangle their intertwined fingers. Resisting the urge to cry out as she was for some reason beset by a sudden feeling of loss, Mahiru realized she couldn’t keep leaning against him forever, and she sat back up on the sofa. Then she looked up at Amane, who appeared to have straightened up as well. Being who he was, Amane seemed to be able to tell Mahiru was acting livelier than she had before her nap, and he was looking at her with relief in his eyes. “Is your medicine working?” “Yes. And I feel much better. Sorry for the bother.” Just as she had said, she felt like she had really inconvenienced him. She’d made him worry about her, and then she had substantially restricted his movements. She was sure Amane must have been really bored, stuck to the sofa like that. Plus, since she had been leaning against him, she’d put some part of her body weight on him, which must have worn him out for no good reason. She felt really guilty about all of that, but Amane blinked his black eyes several times without changing his usual expression. He looked like he didn’t understand why he had been apologized to. “Why are you apologizing? It was no bother; in fact, I’m glad you let me help.” “…Please don’t spoil me like that.” “You’re one to talk, when you’re always spoiling me!” Amane squished her cheeks and insisted she let him spoil her, too, and the ticklish feeling made her narrow her eyes at him. “That’s one thing; this is another.” “What a sneaky trick.” “Heh-heh, I’m a sneaky girl.” If she made too big a fuss, Amane would worry, so when she showed him this defiant attitude, while also feeling grateful for his gentlemanly kindness, Amane put on an openly displeased look, and she laughed in spite of herself. She couldn’t tell whether it was thanks to taking a little nap and laughing together like this, or whether it was simply thanks to the medication, but although she was a little bit stiff, her body felt much lighter than before. She glanced over at the clock and saw that she had apparently slept for a little less than an hour. Under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t have been strange for her to have finished making dinner by this time. Feeling guilty that she had inconvenienced Amane, she started to stand up, saying, “I’ll get dinner ready,” and she found that she couldn’t stand. It wasn’t because her body felt too heavy. It was because Amane was physically holding her down. To be more accurate, he was restraining her with his arm, keeping Mahiru from moving, and though he was using a gentle level of force, his gesture was full of determination to absolutely not allow her to stand. “You sit down, Mahiru.” “Huh, but I feel better—” “But you’re not back to normal, are you? You still seem a little sluggish. Come on, I promised I would make dinner, so let me keep my promise, okay?” Though Amane had indeed said he would make dinner, since she was recovered to the point that she could pretty much move normally, she wanted to protest. But when she looked at Amane’s eyes, she could tell he was absolutely not going to back down. This was another thing she had learned since getting close to him. Although Amane was basically a pushover, once he decided to do something, there was no stopping him. When he got like this, resistance was futile, and he wouldn’t give up until she folded. The reason he wouldn’t give up was basically because he was doing something for someone else, so Mahiru couldn’t protest too much. At the moment he was giving Mahiru a reproachful look because she was making a discontented expression at him. But the look in his eyes was powerful, and she could see he wasn’t going to give in, even though he was wearing a wry smile. “Don’t sulk like that… Quit trying to do things on your own. Lean on me.” “…Fine.” “Great. Just stay here; you’re in good hands… Though they might be rough compared to yours.” “Geez.” Mahiru smiled at his self-deprecating answer, and Amane smiled similarly and ruffled her hair. She knew this stroke of her head was meant to reassure her, so she calmly, happily accepted it. She was convinced it was a special gesture, something he did only to her. “…It’s gonna take me a little while, so you can sleep a little bit more if you want to.” “That’s okay. I’ll watch you heroically working away from here.” “You’re such a worrier.” Smiling in amusement, Amane headed for the kitchen, and Mahiru watched him go, filled with euphoria and a sense of security. She wasn’t watching him out of concern, but because she was incredibly, unbearably happy he was trying so hard for her sake, and because she wanted to watch carefully so she didn’t miss any of those sentiments in action. She doubted Amane was aware of it as she watched him work. She couldn’t help but find it charming as he put on the simple apron he used. Just like a little family. Holding on to this fantasy, Mahiru kept Amane firmly in her sights as he began to grapple with the dinner ingredients. Less than an hour had gone by before there was a plate in front of Mahiru’s eyes, letting off steam along with a fragrant aroma. Even though she was just going from the sofa to the dining table, she got a courteous escort for the move. Mahiru blinked several times at the dish Amane had made. When she’d asked for something warm and not too spicy, she had expected to get something in the realm of porridge. Amane had definitely used rice, but this was something completely different. Served up in deep dishes, it was a cream-colored risotto, and she could tell it was thick. Based on the smell and the appearance, she figured it was indeed a creamy risotto. It wasn’t just rice; it had a little bit of mushrooms and spinach added in, which gave it accents of dark reddish brown and green as well. “It’s a soy-milk risotto, but, uh, I went ahead and made it from uncooked rice. I also used the mushrooms and spinach that were in the fridge. I hope that’s okay?” Mahiru was taken aback by this explanation, which really made her aware of Amane’s growth, and Amane added, with definite confidence, “I told you I was going to make you a proper dinner.” It wasn’t like she hadn’t believed him, but she hadn’t expected Amane’s culinary repertoire to include something like this, so it was way beyond her expectations, and she froze up. “Those ingredients sound fine. It looks delicious.” “I’m glad. I don’t know what I would do if you said you didn’t want it.” “Amane, you know I’m not picky about food.” “Well sure, that’s true, but still…I was worried it might not be what you were in the mood for.” “There’s no way I could possibly complain when I gave you such a vague order and left it all up to you to make dinner for me…” Though she was delighted enough just by his determination, he had also really prepared something, and what’s more, with the dish he had made, he had shown her the results of all the hard work she’d seen him put in, starting at a time when it would have been accurate to say he pretty much couldn’t cook at all. “It was really clever of you to make risotto.” “I didn’t necessarily make it because I thought you had no appetite. I just did a little looking online and decided on this. Instead of consommé, I tried putting shirodashi and miso paste in it. It seems like that would give it more of a comforting flavor. I gave it a taste, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, but…” “This changes my whole concept of what you’re capable of…” “I’m not sure how I feel about you being that impressed, but even I can manage if I put my mind to it!” Looking a little conflicted over how Mahiru had frozen, Amane brought her a spoon, and Mahiru smiled and accepted it. “Thank you very much,” she said, and then looked at the freshly made risotto again. “Can I start eating?” “Sure, go ahead.” Mahiru smiled at Amane, who looked a little nervous as he watched her. Then she mumbled a few words of thanks for the meal, and scooped up some risotto with her spoon. She knew it had just been made and it was still quite hot, so she blew on it to cool it off a little before bringing it to her mouth. Simmered dishes like this capitalized on the richness of the sauce and the firmness of the rice. Maybe because it was made from uncooked rice, it was smoother than it looked, but not too thick, and it melted perfectly in her mouth. The moment the risotto began to dissolve in her mouth, it produced a tender kind of flavor consisting of lightly fragrant butter and mellow soy milk, underneath which the shirodashi was low-key but certainly present at the center of everything. Amane had said he’d used miso, and she figured it was thanks to the miso that the risotto was so light but with a definite richness to it. It barely asserted its existence and wasn’t that detectable, but it inconspicuously added depth to the flavor. He really ought to have said it was a secret ingredient. The mushrooms, which were cut a little on the small side, had also blended into the risotto, adding umami, so on the whole, the dish had a mild and subdued yet deeply nourishing and comforting flavor. “…How is it?” “It’s delicious.” “And what percent of that is flattery?” “Don’t just assume I’m flattering you, geez.” Certainly, the delicious flavor had made her pause, but it wasn’t like she was taking time to come up with some flattering answer to give him. She complained to Amane, with a look that said they didn’t have the type of relationship where they needed to flatter each other, and he answered her with a slightly apologetic look. “It’s good, like properly good. I can tell you were careful when you were making it. It’s got a gentle flavor that makes good use of the ingredients.” “I’m glad to hear that. Now I can eat, too.” Amane seemed embarrassed by Mahiru’s honest praise. He gave thanks for the food and raised a bite of risotto to his mouth. It sounded like he had tested it already, so he probably knew what it tasted like, and he wasn’t as excited about it as Mahiru, but he did narrow his eyes and look fairly satisfied. “It’s good, but it still has a long way to go before it can compare to something you made, Mahiru.” “Why do you have to compare them like that? Actually, I think you must be incredibly talented to catch up to me so quickly, when I’ve been cooking for ten or so years already.” “In that case, I’ll never catch up, not in my whole life.” Though he had developed quickly, Amane was nowhere close to catching up to Mahiru in terms of her skills, experience, and knowledge about cooking. Actually, she thought she would be pretty embarrassed if he had caught up to her. But no matter how good he got, it wouldn’t change anything about them cooking together, and once Mahiru arrived at that thought, she felt ashamed by how narrow-minded she was for wishing he would always need to rely on her just a little. “But it is tasty, really… The flavor warms you up. Comforting, I guess I could call it. It’s got your kindness blended right in, Amane.” “I never knew kindness was a flavor.” “Your palate is influenced by your intentions, so putting your sincerity into your cooking also increases how delicious it is.” Not everything in cooking was necessarily determined just by skill. Of course, it went without saying that the flavor of one’s cooking was determined by the skills of the chef, but the creator’s intentions also played a part in the finished dish. Mahiru thought her dinner tasted even better because she knew the effort and thoughtfulness of the cook. “…Plus, there’s also the simple fact you’ve gotten better at cooking, Amane. The firmness of the rice is just right, and the flavor is delicate and unified.” “I’m honored by your kind words.” “…Are you making fun of me?” “I’m not making fun… No, really, I’m grateful.” “I’m the one who should be grateful over here, geez.” He had realized right away she wasn’t feeling well. Then he looked after her, let her lean against him, and even made her dinner. Amane was so kind and considerate, pampering her like this. What more could she possibly want? She felt so grateful toward him, after all he had done for her. Amane probably didn’t have a good sense of this, but his major strong point was his ability to be kind to others and to get things done with such composure, as if they were no big deal, even if they were. Amane was obviously still concerned Mahiru was suffering. She looked at him and quietly mumbled, “That’s so like you,” then went back to her spoon. The two of them finished eating and took a small break, before Amane started preparing to clean up. Mahiru looked up at him. “Next time, I’ll try not to place this kind of burden on you.” This time, she’d had Amane looking after her, and although that had made things easy on her, it had placed the burden on only one of them, since he had made dinner for them both. She didn’t think that was a good thing, and that’s why she had made that remark. But Amane said curiously, “Why?” and it was Mahiru’s turn to look surprised. “Huh, what do you mean, why? It was a lot of work for you, right?” “No? Why?” Amane looked a little extra young and cute as he stared at her blankly, but the words he said next were a strong demonstration of how dependable he was. “If anything, I wish you’d depend on me more. Trying to push through when you’re not feeling well is just going to make you feel worse for longer. It’s actually better for me, too, if you rest.” “B-but then—” “And anyway, this is not really much of a burden.” He seemed a little dissatisfied with the suggestion that she couldn’t rely on him, and Mahiru, unable to look directly at him, cast her eyes downward. “…If you say things like that, I’m going to get carried away and depend on you for everything.” “Go ahead, leave lots of stuff up to me. Now, not to be pushy, but please, sit down. I’ll come in after I wash the dishes. Let me handle it. Go on.” “…Okay.” Amane smiled, as if he didn’t consider it much of a burden at all. He patted her head, saying, “Mm, good,” and she found herself staring vacantly at him. I love him so much. He was a kind, dependable person, who was good at looking after others and never spared any effort. Amane’s kindness in phrasing it that way, to get Mahiru to rely on him without fretting about it, was something that took her a moment to grasp fully. Amane had said what he said because he knew Mahiru could never just passively depend on him. It showed he had a deep understanding of how she operated. A person like him would make an ideal husband, she found herself fantasizing. Mahiru was completely enchanted by Amane’s mature-looking smile, but his eyebrows knit together, and he frowned. “…You must really be feeling pretty bad, huh? Do you want to go home early and sleep?” In his mind, Amane must have connected Mahiru making a spaced-out expression with her feeling bad. Mahiru panicked and shook her head, sorry she had caused him needless worry. “N-no that’s not—! You…p-promise you won’t laugh?” “What is it?” “…I was thinking about what a good husband you’ll make.” Mahiru felt embarrassed for saying something so crazy and out of character, but Amane didn’t recoil; he just exuded surprise and a little bit of awkwardness. “Th-there wasn’t any deeper meaning behind it, okay?! It’s just, that’s how I felt with you taking care of me like this, and taking the initiative, and looking after me; that’s what I was thinking about.” The fact that everything she said sounded like an excuse was probably because she was self-conscious about her own feelings. Her attempts to keep her overwhelming feelings of love for Amane in check weren’t working, and she’d blurted out outrageous things without really thinking them through. It made her keenly aware that her emotions were indeed unstable during this time of the month. Though she tried to somehow keep control over her cheeks as they began to heat up on their own, just thinking about being under Amane’s gaze seemed to add fuel to the fire of her happiness and embarrassment, and her face blazed brightly. Unable to stand it, she made what was probably one of the top three most pitiful noises of her life and hung her head. “Ahhhhh.” Amane looked majorly dismayed again. “I-I’m happy to have you thinking something like that, then. But…something like this is just normal, right? Go on, rest now, rest.” Speaking very quickly and in clipped tones, Amane quite nimbly set all the dishes on a tray and escaped into the kitchen. Mahiru couldn’t bring herself to lift her head; all she could do was curl up into a ball and stare at the floor. Her physical pain had completely disappeared, and in its place, the warm glow that had always been there had transformed into a blaze that just wouldn’t burn out. She was going to require quite a bit of time to suppress that burning passion.