Chapter 178

After cleanly washing away the sweat and fatigue of the day in the hot water, Amane got out of the bath and returned to the living room, where Mahiru was sitting on the sofa flipping through a book. It was already past ten o’clock in the evening, and usually she would have gone home by that time, but for some reason, she was still there. She usually went home for the night right around the time Amane got in the bath, so right before he got in, he’d said good night to her and assumed she’d be gone by the time he got out. “Oh, you haven’t gone home yet? I was sure you would’ve left already.” He didn’t mind her staying later. After all, she lived next door, and they were dating. The only thing Amane was worried about was that Mahiru might have stuff she needed to take care of at home. She had probably already done whatever she could get done there at Amane’s place, and she was probably going to come right back after taking her own bath at home, but still he wondered whether there might be other parts of her daily routine or tasks that he wasn’t aware of. “Sorry, I meant to go home before you got out of your bath, Amane, but…I thought I’d get to a good stopping place first.” Apparently she had gotten absorbed in completing her workbook. Since Mahiru always managed to finish learning everything they were studying in high school ahead of time, she never had to cram like other students. But since she was a deeply serious student and a hard worker, Mahiru never failed to review the material anyway. She had probably already memorized the contents of that particular workbook, but perhaps she was working through the book again to etch everything securely into her mind. “Wow, you’re a real go-getter. Good job.” “Why, thank you.” Sitting next to her on the couch, he patted Mahiru on the head, and she narrowed her eyes as if it tickled. He thought about combing his fingers through her hair, but he gave up on the idea because he realized it might catch in her dry hair since he had just gotten out of the bath, and he might mess it up. Mahiru seemed a bit dissatisfied. Chuckling quietly to himself about how easy she had become to read, he stroked her cheeks, which were puffed up and pouty, and the haze that had begun smothering Mahiru’s spirit came rushing out past her lips in one long sigh. As Amane gently tickled her cheeks, envying the care she put into her skin, he peered over at the workbook that was in Mahiru’s hands. It was quite far ahead of the material that Amane and his classmates were learning at the moment, but being the kind of student he was, Amane had already looked it over in preparation, and Mahiru had taught him the material while she was reviewing it for herself. Thanks to that, he knew it was mostly stuff he could understand. Internally, he was awed by how multitalented Mahiru was. “When you’re done with this one, Mahiru, could I borrow it for a little while? I’d like to give it a try, too.” “That’s fine. Actually I’ve worked through this book several times already, so I can just give it to you. I’ve got others.” “Nah, it’s no rush, so you don’t have to do that. Don’t worry too much about me.” Amane didn’t want her to prioritize him like that. He had just asked on a whim, thinking it would be nice if he could borrow it, so he didn’t mean to be pushy about it and put her out, and he preferred to turn her down rather than be selfish. “It’s really fine, though. I’ve still got plenty of other textbooks in my apartment that have similar material in them.” “…Seriously?” “Don’t make fun of me, please. The more workbooks you solve, the more you can polish your skills and master the material, so I complete them more than once and then buy new ones. Plus, I enjoy going through them.” She was totally nonchalant as she said this, and Amane could only feel bewildered. Well, he understood having several different workbooks, and he also had more than one for each subject, but from the tone of Mahiru’s voice, it sounded like she had far more of them. Amane was extremely impressed. He wasn’t nearly as thorough as she was. Amane also enjoyed studying. He liked how the time and effort he put in was rewarded with a deeper understanding of the material. Still, this made him realize Mahiru worked much harder at her studies than he did. “…All right, then, I’ll borrow it, but I don’t want you prioritizing me too much, Mahiru.” “I’m not, trust me. I really don’t need this one, okay? Besides, I can just work through it again after you’re done with it, Amane. You’re the one who’s overthinking things!” As though in retaliation, Mahiru started squishing Amane’s cheeks and tickling them with her fingertips. He narrowed his eyes and let her do as she pleased, but Mahiru suddenly stopped. Amane wondered what was going on to make her suddenly freeze. He could see Mahiru was staring intently at his cheek…or actually at his whole face. “What’s the matter? Have I got a zit or something?” As far as he had been able to see, there hadn’t been anything there earlier when he’d done his skin care routine looking in the mirror, and he didn’t feel anything, either, but perhaps he had missed one. Amane thought back on his face as he’d seen it in the mirror, and Mahiru let her flaxen hair flow loosely as she tilted her head. “No, the opposite. Amane, your skin’s gotten really nice.” “Ah, so that’s it. I thought there was something wrong.” “Compared to before, your pores are smaller, your skin’s not as dry, and it feels totally different. Taking another look at it now from up close, it just occurred to me that it’s started to look really great.” “I can’t believe you were looking that closely.” Until recently, Amane had been the kind of person who was indifferent to such things, so he was frankly startled by the strength of Mahiru’s memory and her powers of observation. “I’m glad to hear the results of my efforts are starting to show. I’ve been trying a little harder at skin care, you know.” “Oh, you changed your routine?” “Well, I mean, I don’t take it as seriously as you do, Mahiru, and I didn’t spend all that much money, but yeah. I’m just making sure to wash and moisturize well.” After doing a little bit of research, he’d learned that being mindful of just those two things could change a person’s skin a lot. Amane, whose skin was perfectly average, not particularly poor or beautiful, had been washing his face and moisturizing relatively casually, but since he wanted to work on himself, he had changed his face wash and his skin care supplies after doing some research. All he had done was try out a few different types, choose the one that suited his skin best, and reliably and thoroughly moisturized, but the condition of his skin had improved just from making those small changes. Since he had also already started eating an extremely well-balanced diet thanks to Mahiru’s cooking, his skin was almost unrecognizable, compared to before. “Well done. Guys have oilier faces than girls, so it’s important to wash and moisturize regularly.” “I’ve had it really easy, since you’ve been supporting me with good eating habits, Mahiru… I’m just trying to do some basic skin care and get quality sleep. It really must be hard for you, doing all these things as if they’re second nature. You’ve got natural beauty, Mahiru, but you maintain it through an incredible amount of effort. I realize that now.” “Heh-heh, thank you for noticing. It makes me so happy that you understand how much effort I put in.” “I can tell just by looking at you, Mahiru. You’re always trying your hardest and improving yourself, aren’t you? I mean, I remember what you told me that one time. I think you’re amazing for trying so hard at everything.” That one time, Mahiru had said that, for the sake of her future, she wouldn’t slack in her efforts. That time, she had said physical appearance was something that eventually declined, and she didn’t intend to rely solely on her looks, but also that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to work on her outward appearance. She’d said she was going to improve not only her looks but her substance and her skills as well, and she was proving true to her word. Once again, Amane was struck by how awesome she was. “…Thank you very much. Though I’m a little embarrassed to hear that you remember that.” “Why? You’re trying your best; isn’t that it?” “…If you think so, then I’m happy.” Mahiru mumbled like there was something she was struggling to say, and Amane wondered whether it was really something to be so embarrassed over…and though he tried to recall more of their conversation at that time, he couldn’t remember anything else in particular. He looked at Mahiru, wondering if there was something she was feeling nervous about, but she didn’t seem inclined to respond, and she didn’t meet his eyes. Even so, when he turned his gaze toward her, she said forcefully, half chiding and half challenging, “You don’t have to worry about it.” Amane instantly concluded that prying any further would only tick Mahiru off, and he apologized quickly, “Sorry,” and drove the question from his mind. “…By the way, if I may ask, why did you start caring so much, Amane?” “Huh?” “Well, you were working so hard at your bodybuilding, but you didn’t really care about little details… I just thought there might have been some reason why you started.” “Well, like, how do I put this? …Once I started caring about one part, I started caring about them all. When I started looking into bodybuilding and physical training, I started researching daily habits and skin quality and all this other stuff, and suddenly I was thinking about so many different things.” Amane didn’t really have any intention of paying as much attention to his appearance as Mahiru did, but he was the kind of person who would commit 100 percent once he set his mind to something. He had looked up a variety of techniques he could use to improve himself so he could become worthy of standing next to Mahiru. Thanks to the internet, it was easy to find the information he wanted, although he did need to be able to discern whether it was true or not. Amane had wondered how he could become more attractive as a guy, and how he could improve himself. Once he looked up some tips and carefully selected some to follow, he incorporated them into his daily life. It hadn’t been all that difficult. He prioritized training the parts of his body that bothered him. Then he studied up on skin care because often first impressions were based on complexion and appearance. He even tried out different methods to get a better night’s sleep. And he tried to develop his fashion sense by asking Itsuki and Yuuta for their opinions on what colors and clothes suited him best. Needless to say, Amane was hard at work. He wasn’t putting in as much effort as Mahiru, so it wasn’t really anything to write home about, but he was doing his best in the areas he had decided to focus on. “Regardless of your reasoning, I think it’s a good thing. There’s no endpoint for self-improvement, so keep it up until you’re more satisfied with yourself, to a certain degree.” “Yeah. Well, if it’s something I can achieve with just a little bit of effort, then doing it will give me greater returns later, I figure.” “I think following through on whatever you set your mind to is an important attitude to have. It’s impressive, really. I think this is the perfect excuse to spoil you.” Just as Amane knew about Mahiru’s efforts, Mahiru also seemed to know about Amane’s. She knew he had made it through his jogging and weight training before dinner and he had further exhausted his physical strength by taking a bath. She put on a mischievous look that was also kind of alluring, and she spread out her arms. Because she was wearing a thin blouse that day, he could see her swaying gently beneath the sheer fabric. “…Now, Mahiru, are you aware that you’re proposing something dangerous?” “Come on, it’s not dangerous. I’ll just hug you a little.” “That’s exactly what’s dangerous, ma’am. Please try to understand.” It was one thing for Amane to hug Mahiru, but it was a big problem for her to hug him. They were a couple, so it probably wasn’t exactly a problem, per se, but it did threaten Amane’s self-control. He had buried his face in Mahiru’s curves once before, and it was an extremely pleasant experience, but it also put him in an extremely difficult position. He stared at her for a second, wondering if she really understood what she was suggesting, and Mahiru slowly curled her lips into a smile and gently reached for Amane with her extended arms—and brushed her hand through his hair. “…You just want to rub my head?” “You figured it out, huh?” Mahiru giggled in her elegant way. Amane realized she’d made a joke at his expense, and he frowned slightly. But Mahiru also seemed to find that funny, and she just smiled. “You don’t like it?” “…No, it’s fine.” “Does it feel nice?” “…Why would you ask me something like that?” “Oh, well, there are some things you might not hate, but you might not necessarily love them either, right? It’s a fine line, but I thought I’d give it a try.” “…I-it’s nice enough, I guess, but, uh—” He enjoyed having his hair touched and being pampered by Mahiru. Those things made him happy, but he was also having some very complicated feelings. If he honestly followed his desires and really enjoyed Mahiru’s hug, he was certain it would make him want more. “Well then, what are you waiting for? Get over here!” “L-listen, there’s obviously an issue with the location. Are you okay with me sticking my face right there?” “If you’re fine with it, you can go right ahead, Amane.” She knows what she’s saying. She was proposing to hold him and dote on him, fully confident Amane wouldn’t do anything inappropriate or go too far. He looked at Mahiru, shuddering a little at how much of a wicked temptress his own girlfriend could be. She probably didn’t care whether he wound up embracing her or not. If he did, she would probably go right on petting him, and he could tell already that if he could resist the temptation, she would start messing with his hair and pampering him. Feeling just a little bit frustrated by how easily he was playing into Mahiru’s hands, he reached out toward her, troubled and hesitant. “…That’s not very fair of you,” he whispered as he buried his face in Mahiru’s collar. He felt her body jolt slightly as if his touch tickled. “Which one of us isn’t being fair now?” There was no way that even Amane was going to lean right up against her chest like that. Truthfully, Amane was a guy, so of course he would have liked to snuggle his face right down into those soft bulges and savor the feeling of them while she embraced him and he basked in her warmth. However, if he allowed himself to do that, it would lower the barrier to the next level of physical contact, and he might end up doing something more, so for the sake of his own restraint and caution, this was the only way he could touch her. Even this was really pushing the limits, he thought, as he kissed her neck and nuzzled his cheek against her. Mahiru seemed to have given up on her hug strategy and started stroking his head with one hand as part of her secondary plan. “There, there.” “It feels like you’re treating me like a child.” “You often do the same to me, though.” “I—I don’t remember doing that.” “Well then, that’s also not what I’m doing.” It was true her suggestion could be taken either as a way to treat a child or a way to treat a lover, so Amane couldn’t offer a counterargument and had no choice but to keep silent. “Good boy.” “…Okay, now there’s no way you’re not treating me like a little kid.” “It’s a troubling thought, that complimenting you means I’m treating you like a kid.” “And your tone of voice?” “I’m not even sure how to answer that.” It made him feel strange when she whispered to him in a voice filled with sweet affection, like one would use when while doting on a child, so Amane used the hand he had wrapped around Mahiru’s back to playfully swat at her and register his discontent. But as if to say she didn’t care about such things at all, Mahiru gently ran her fingers through Amane’s hair and touched him in an earnestly doting way. “Please don’t try to spoil me.” “Uh, no.” “What do you mean, no?” “I need to show appreciation for your hard work, and there ought to be rewards for good effort.” “E-even so… Hey, listen—” Mentally pointing out that the suggestion she had just made was problematic, Amane raised his head. There was no denying the feeling that what was supposed to be Amane’s reward time was turning into a reward for Mahiru. Or rather, that’s what it actually already was, and when he pulled away from Mahiru’s body, she let out a very reluctant sound of disappointment. While he was cooling his thoroughly flushed cheeks, Amane stealthily peeked at Mahiru’s face. “So, hey, I only recently started trying so hard, after seeing how hard you always work. You never fail to put in all of this effort, and you work so much harder than I do, so if you’re going to praise me for it, then you should praise yourself as well.” Naturally, it was difficult for Amane to suggest the same kind of reward time as she had just offered him, but leaving that aside, he thought he ought to commend Mahiru again and he needed to pamper her, too. If he heaped praise onto her like he wanted to, Mahiru would be overwhelmed and would briefly stop doing the sort of thing she was doing at the moment, which was also part of his motivation. “I always think you’re amazing for working so hard at everything, Mahiru. You just reminded me again that I need to be working hard like this every day to improve myself. You always do it like it’s a matter of course, but I know it’s not that simple. And on top of everything, you do your studies, your housework, and your grooming, too, right? Seriously, I respect that.” At the moment, he was complimenting Mahiru with a certain aim in mind, but everything he had said and the feelings behind it were all true. Except for bathing and sleeping, Amane spent most of his time with Mahiru, and their conversation had once again reminded him of the amount of effort that she put in. She did it all calmly, as if it were a matter of course, but it certainly required a considerable amount of effort. Amane more or less tried to keep up with the housework, since it was his place and all, and thanks to that, he’d probably reduced her burden from how it once was. But even so, Mahiru had her own apartment to look after, which must have been quite a lot of work. And yet she didn’t seem unhappy about it, and she kept on working and improving herself. For Amane, it was dazzling to see her that way, and he couldn’t help but respect her for doing it, and from his side of things, he wanted to support her, too. “Ah, uh—” “I want to follow your example, Mahiru, and work harder at things… I want to work until I feel confident enough to throw out my chest with pride. If I don’t, I won’t be satisfied with myself, I guess is what I’m trying to say. I mean, I’m happy and grateful when you compliment me, but the stuff you mentioned is hardly worth praising. I’d rather you praise and pamper me plenty once I’ve worked much, much harder.” Otherwise, Amane wouldn’t be able to keep it up. When he looked directly at her and made this request, Mahiru averted her eyes. He seemed to have overdone it again, complimenting her so much, it had embarrassed her. “…R-really, Amane, once you make up your mind to do something, you go straight for it… You’re so disciplined.” “Am I? I think I slack off an awful lot.” “I say that because I can see right into your heart.” “But if you can see through me, you know that I’m a total bum.” “In what way…?” What way? Every way, of course. Amane didn’t think he was strict enough with himself to really be called disciplined, at least not compared to Mahiru. That word made much more sense if they were talking about her. Amane’s stance was that he would do whatever he could while still leaving himself plenty of opportunities to relax. He had no intention of running himself into the ground. That was because whenever he did, he felt like he was going to break either his body or his mind, and he could tell it made Mahiru sad. Mahiru was probably only letting him keep talking because his health and perspective on things were in such good shape. “The thing about me is I never hated myself, but I didn’t like myself, either. Because I had nothing to be proud about, and I was really undisciplined.” “…If you’re talking about who you were when we first met, Amane, I can’t deny that.” “I know, right? …I want to start liking myself. It’s not necessarily that I don’t like the version of myself that couldn’t put any effort in, but the version of me who has goals and puts in the effort is more likable, right?” What it came down to was that Amane hadn’t had any confidence in himself because he hadn’t liked himself. He’d disliked the irresponsible, easily irritated, cowardly Amane who’d only ever made excuses. Amane had started making efforts in order to become the kind of man who was worthy of Mahiru. He had overcome and let go of all the humiliations, regrets, and fears of the past, and he finally seemed poised to start liking himself. “Besides, I want to become a good man, you know?” “You want to be popular?” “Th-that’s not really what I mean. I’ve said this before, but I really just want to have confidence in myself, and a man who is full of confidence seems like a good man, right? And I guess I want to be a good man so I can hold my head high when I’m next to you, Mahiru.” “Amane…” “Well, I’ve still got a long way to go, though.” He hadn’t necessarily set his ideals too high, but it was still going to be difficult to become a man who was a good match for the girl who was smiling by his side. But he wasn’t going to give up. He would never say he was doing it for Mahiru’s sake. Amane intended to continue making his efforts for his own sake, so he could have confidence, so he could be proud of himself. “So you see, I intend to work hard for my own sake, because I’m not satisfied with myself.” “Great. Once again, I’ll support you becoming the version of yourself that you want to be, Amane.” “Mm.” She’d supported him before, but this was different. The first time, Mahiru hadn’t understood why Amane was working so hard, but this time, she knew exactly why he was working so hard when she gave him that extra push. The idea that Mahiru had come to love Amane just the way he was had sunk deeply into his mind, and he understood it perfectly well, and Mahiru had even told Amane, “You don’t have to work so hard; it won’t change the fact that I love you.” Despite what she said, Mahiru had chosen to respect Amane’s wishes and that made him happier than anything else in the world. It also made him all the more eager to become the kind of man who Mahiru would fall in love with all over again. “Okay, I’ll do my best. I want you to fall even more in love with me, Mahiru.” “E-even more than this?!” “Yep. After all, that would make me happy, and you’d be happy, too, that the person you love is so impressive. I think it’s a win-win situation.” He was glad she felt like she couldn’t love him any more than she already did, but Amane was sure there was a possibility her love for him would increase even more once he became an even better man. After all, Amane’s affection for Mahiru knew no bounds, so it was possible the same was true for her. If he could get her to love him even more, he wouldn’t regret a single ounce of the effort it took. “…If I loved you any more than I already do, I don’t think I’d be able to live a normal life, though.” “Well, that’s a little dramatic.” “It is not, geez.” Amane was skeptical about whether it was possible for Mahiru, who had such strong self-restraint, to become spoiled rotten, but she certainly seemed afraid of that possibility. Her expression said that she didn’t want him teasing her, so Amane apologized and stroked her cheeks with his fingertips to soothe her before she started sulking. It wasn’t long before she traded her puffed-up cheeks for pouty lips. “Well, when that happens, I’ll take responsibility for spoiling you rotten.” “…Because you made a promise, right?” “Yeah. Make sure you remember this. Because I won’t make you regret it.” Out of everyone she could have picked, she had picked Amane, and the last thing he wanted to do was make her regret that choice. In response to Amane’s clear assertion, Mahiru opened her eyes wide, then bit her lip hard. “Amane, you’re such a heartbreaker.” “Where did that come from?!” Amane’s eyes bugged out when Mahiru suddenly seemed to be suspicious of his motivations, and Mahiru abruptly turned away from him in a huff.