Chapter 171

Amane knew Mahiru was a hardworking person, someone who never allowed herself to compromise. People who didn’t know her very well tended to think she was some sort of genius, someone who was quick to understand everything, but from Amane’s perspective, she just seemed like a bright person who added effort on top of the talent she already possessed as she acquired more knowledge and experience. And that wasn’t limited to book smarts. When it came to athletic ability, beauty, housework, and everything else, Mahiru had mastered them all after much effort, and Amane knew none of them had been half-hearted endeavors. “…Mahiru’s such a hardworking person,” he mumbled as he gazed at her. She was lifting a light dumbbell as she listened to her English study materials. He had thought she was focused on her task, but apparently Mahiru had heard him, because she glanced over in his direction. Even as she looked at him, she continued her weight training with the dumbbell. He realized it must have been exercises like this that maintained her slender, supple upper arms. “I’m glad you see me that way…I guess?” “Why was that a question?” “Well, there are some people who would say it’s more virtuous to hide your hard work.” With a laugh, she added that she did all her hard work right there in front of Amane’s eyes, and she then paused the recording she had been playing. Amane looked at her in disbelief. “No way. What’s wrong with showing people you’re working hard?” “Maybe it’s the idea you’re showing off your effort or something?” “It might be kind of a problem if you are really flaunting it, but there can’t be any issue with someone trying hard. I bet the people who say it’s a virtue to hide your effort would also look down on your accomplishments if you only showed them the results. They’d be, like, anyone can do that.” People would insist that since another person was able to do something without any trouble, it must be an easy task, while ignoring all the effort and time and money and everything else the other person put into acquiring their skills. It was sad but often true. “Well, it’s not like I’m hiding anything; it’s just that people don’t see the things I always do at home, right?” Mahiru said easily. Then she mumbled the number fifteen, lowered the dumbbell onto the carpet, and lightly touched her own upper arm, gently checking on its condition. It was just as she said. Mahiru did her work at home…or actually, at Amane’s home, and no one other than he ever saw her like this. They didn’t know about it, so some made light of all the work that she did. The fact she didn’t seem to mind what others thought might have been because she was extremely open-minded, or because she was used to people saying things they shouldn’t. “I act serious at school, but it’s not like I’m totally devoted to studying, so, well, I guess sometimes being able to study seems like a talent.” “It probably is a kind of talent, but in the end, it’s your efforts that make things blossom. After all, the degree of effort you put in is on another level, Mahiru… I think it’s easy to see you’re diligent.” “Once I make it a habit, it becomes second nature, and the mental load feels lighter, you see. Besides, I get results in proportion to how much effort I put in, which I recognize is a blessing. So from an outsider’s point of view, that makes me look talented, and I want to capitalize on that the best I can.” Mahiru was continually working on improving herself, but she was also realistic about her efforts, and she could evaluate her progress honestly, without getting anxious or worked up. She looked so confident and composed Amane was almost enchanted. “After all, I originally started all this to become the good girl my parents wanted, but now instead of an objective like that, I put in all this effort simply to improve myself. Surprisingly, I don’t find it difficult, physically or mentally.” “You work harder than anyone I know, seriously.” “Well, I’m doing it all for my future, after all.” “…For your future?” “Yes, my future.” Mahiru put on a beautiful smile and peered directly into Amane’s eyes. “Amane, everybody gets old, you know.” “Huh, what’s this all of a sudden?” She’d jumped to a topic he never would have anticipated. Amane was flustered. He didn’t understand what she meant. But Mahiru didn’t seem to pay any attention, and she continued right along. “People age. Just like beautiful flowers in full bloom eventually wither, with every year humans age, we lose the beauty and physical abilities we had when we were young.” That was just the law of nature. There was variation among living things, but they all aged with time, moving toward death. Once something was past its physical prime, the more years that piled on, the more bodily functions declined and looks faded. “Amane, I’m very good-looking and cute, right?” A broad grin would probably be the right way to describe the smile she gave him, full of charm and confidence. Anyone who’d seen it would probably have called it cute, just like she said. Coming from anyone else, that question might have sounded conceited, but Amane didn’t find it disagreeable in the least, because she was good-looking, and on top of that, her efforts had shaped every aspect of her appearance, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, and he knew it. When it came to her flaxen hair, soft and glossy like silk, Mahiru was constantly looking after it, combing it so it wouldn’t get tangled, using all sorts of different shampoos and treatments and conditioners on it. The same went for her skin. He knew she paid incredible attention to her skin care products and never failed to moisturize diligently, and he also understood that by eating meals with a good nutritional balance, she was taking care of her skin from the inside out. He also knew her lean, firm, and yet feminine figure was something she had built through careful diet and vigilant exercise. Probably precisely because he lived alongside her, he knew how much time and labor Mahiru spent on her looks, and precisely because he had seen her process, he found Mahiru’s words very persuasive. “You’re incredibly beautiful. I think it’s the result of all your efforts.” Mahiru had nice features to begin with, and that was likely thanks to genetics and not to anything she’d done. However, she possessed a beauty that DNA alone couldn’t explain, which wouldn’t have come out if she hadn’t constantly polished herself. Amane knew better than anyone how much work Mahiru had put in. When he spoke from the heart after wavering a little over how he ought to compliment her, that smile of Mahiru’s took on a bashful shade and became even softer. “Thank you very much. I work really hard at it.” “I know you do; you’re always working hard.” He had come to spend a lot of time by Mahiru’s side and had been able to see all of her efforts. Mahiru was smiling bashfully, and her cheeks had flushed faintly, perhaps out of embarrassment from Amane’s compliment. But then she coughed to clear her throat and pulled herself together to continue. “But I’m only going to be this cute at my present age. As a general rule, people prefer youth, right?” “I understand what you’re trying to say, but—” “Of course, I’m taking care I don’t immediately wither away, but eventually, I’m going to get old. And if you depend on such unreliable things…I don’t think the world is forgiving enough to let you get by with just good looks and charm.” Mahiru, who had quite a severe way of thinking, let out a soft sigh and then looked at him. “Even supposing it was possible, I don’t think I’d want to do that. It’s too risky. I might incur the world’s wrath, after all.” “Uh…well, I guess you wouldn’t want to deliberately cross such a dangerous bridge.” “Even under normal circumstances, even in my present position, people are already pretty jealous of me, so I just hate the idea of attracting even worse jealousy. Already people make a fuss over me just from seeing my face, and it’s really annoying.” Even though, as a basic rule, Mahiru didn’t boast or draw attention to the fact she was beautiful, still there were people who envied her for getting showered with affection from men. She didn’t face much undisguised jealousy or criticism, thanks to the way she conducted herself as the angel, plus her natural talents and her sociable attitude. But if Mahiru ever did use her good looks to her advantage, it was clear as day what would happen. Mahiru hated getting attention from total strangers, so just by her nature, she would definitely never do that, but if she ever did, both the boys and the girls would be upset. Mahiru herself seemed to understand that, too, and was wearing a weary expression as if she was imagining it. “…Well, what I mean to say is it’s also important to improve yourself on the inside and develop your skills. Because in the future, even if I’m attractive, that won’t be worth anything, and it won’t help me as an adult, and so I want to avoid getting judged based on my looks, you see?” Mahiru brought her argument to a close with this incredibly pragmatic opinion and turned a calm smile on Amane, who was bewildered by how secure she was in her thoughts. “When someone is old and all their beauty falls away, what comes seeping out from the inside is the record of the life that person lived, their real substance, I think. I want to live my life in a way that doesn’t make me ashamed of who I am.” “That’s definitely not a normal way for a high school student to think…” “Heh-heh. I’ve always been like this, because I was educated by Miss Koyuki.” This time Mahiru smiled impishly, and Amane wanted to make a quip about what a weird person this Koyuki must have been. Miss Koyuki’s teachings must have formed the basis for the strength of character Mahiru had now, and they were definitely her guiding principles. He could imagine she had probably been concerned about Mahiru, and so she had made sure Mahiru saw the world as it was. Amane wasn’t sure whether it had been the right decision to teach her about how harsh reality could be. However, it must have been thanks to Miss Koyuki’s influence that Mahiru didn’t despair about her future and instead had developed the kind of personality and way of thinking that allowed her to put in the effort to live a strong life. “Anyway, this is kind of a difficult thing to express, but I want to become a person with genuine depth, is what I’m saying. Because if I live my life only keeping up appearances and never thinking much of anything, then when my time is up, I’d probably regret how I spent my days.” “I understand what you’re trying to say, but I can’t believe you thought it through that far.” Mahiru raised her eyebrows a little and smiled at Amane. He was feeling both admiration toward Mahiru, who had laid out her case so well it was like she had seen the future and was living her life for the second time, as well as loathing toward himself for having never thought that far ahead. “You’re not shocked or repulsed? Even I think I have a flawed character.” “No, not at all, but I just haven’t thought that far ahead, is all. Just makes me feel a little pathetic, I guess.” “Why would that make you feel pathetic?” “I’ve been working hard to improve my present situation, but I’ve never even considered setting my eyes that far in the future and working toward something like that.” Amane was also making efforts, but they weren’t as comprehensive as Mahiru’s, and he didn’t have any particularly clear objectives. He had started everything out of a desire to be able to stand by Mahiru’s side with pride. Of course, Amane was working hard in his own way, and the results of his work were starting to show, but thinking about the amount of effort that he put in, he wasn’t working nearly as hard as she was, and he hadn’t set such strict goals for himself, so it seemed presumptuous for him to compare himself to her. He’d been told to stop being so self-abasing, and he was trying to be careful about it, but still, since he was able to see Mahiru’s tenacity up close, he felt disappointed by the difference between them. “Why is it you’re comparing yourself to me like that?” “Sorry.” “What do you need to apologize for? It’s wonderful you’re working hard to improve yourself! All your efforts matter. The work you’re doing now will pay off in the future, you’ll see. And it’s okay to admit to yourself that you’re doing a good job right now.” Mahiru smacked his cheeks with the pads of her fingers. She peered at him with an exasperated smile and a chiding look in her eye. “…Okay.” “You really don’t have any confidence, do you, Amane?” “I—I can’t help it, can I? I mean, I’m not even sure if I’ve been honest with myself about everything…” “You decided aspects of yourself were lacking, and you are putting in the effort to fix them now, aren’t you? Isn’t that proof that you’re doing just fine?” “I’d like to think so, but…wahh!” When Amane failed to agree with her, Mahiru put her hands on Amane’s cheeks and, without hesitation, pinched them between her fingers. Even though Amane didn’t have a lot of fat there to begin with, there was more than enough for her fingers to dig in. His cheeks were firmer than Mahiru’s and not as easy to stretch, but she still pulled them out far enough to make it hard for him to talk. “Hey, howd on—” “…If you won’t admit to any more than that, then your punishment is for me to squish your cheeks until you recognize how well you’re doing.” “I—I ged da point…” “Great.” She seemed satisfied but didn’t show any signs of letting him go. Amane stared at her. “…Wet me go, pwease.” “…I can’t hold on a little longer?” “Nobe.” “Hmph.” For some reason, Mahiru had settled into a combination of kneading one of Amane’s cheeks while rubbing the other one. She reluctantly pulled her hands away, and Amane clutched his face, feeling like it was more elastic than before. It didn’t hurt, but it was kind of a strange sensation. For some reason, she was still looking at him wistfully, but she stopped immediately when Amane chided her. “Now look here…” Somehow or other, Mahiru occasionally found a reason to touch Amane and enjoy being in contact with him, either because she simply liked touching him or because she liked to tease him. Since he was the one on the receiving end, it was very hard for Amane to stay calm when she did. Amane finally managed to dispel the uncomfortable feeling in his cheeks and his heart, which had been pounding at a faster rate than usual, so he turned to face Mahiru again, and the impish side of her she’d been showing him until a moment earlier vanished into thin air, and she put on a gentle smile that was calm and enveloping. “…Amane, you’re working really hard.” Her voice, which was much calmer and more compassionate than even her expression, slid right into Amane’s ears. “I won’t say you don’t have anything to work on, but you’re aware of your shortcomings, and you are actively trying to improve yourself. If there’s anyone who wants to complain about that, I’ll punish them myself.” “You don’t need to dirty your hands, Mahiru.” “Trust me, I’ll do a good job with just my words, okay?” “That’ll just make your mouth dirty.” “Don’t worry, I’m not about to say anything too outrageous.” “No, I think we’re good.” Mahiru, who was grinning at him with her perfect smile, obviously gave off the sense she hated conflict, and yet she was always true to her word. Since she would definitely do something once she put her mind to it, Amane was fairly certain if he didn’t stop her, she would argue any opponent into a corner until they surrendered, with a smile on her face. She never got angry when people criticized her, and yet when it came to Amane, she would get worked up like she was defending herself; more, even. Amane wasn’t sure whether to be glad or upset by it. But for the time being, any criticisms he might receive were only hypothetical, so Amane put a hold on the subject, since there was no point in her getting angry about it just then. Mahiru looked unsatisfied, so he ruffled her hair to distract her. Mahiru resisted a little bit, probably because she knew when she got patted on the head, he was trying to make her shake off her negative emotions, but ultimately, she seemed to like getting her head stroked, and she obediently accepted Amane’s hand. Once her anger at her fictional opponent had subsided after a few moments of soothing by Amane’s palm, Mahiru grumbled, “Geez, I’m not even really angry.” The way she was acting, she looked like a pouting child, and that wasn’t Amane’s imagination. She gave him another reluctant look when he removed his hand after she had completely settled down, but he didn’t think it was good to go on touching her for too long, so he intentionally ignored it. “…I’m not really all that interested in getting approval from everybody, I guess.” “You’re not?” “I mean, I do want the people around me to accept me, of course, but…it’s more like I want to satisfy myself. I just feel like I have to become a version of myself that I can be proud of.” Amane had never particularly cared for the idea of winning the approval of some unspecified crowd of people. He wanted to feel worthy of standing by Mahiru’s side, and that was more of a battle with himself than with anyone else. Though he was often painfully aware of the distance between his goals and his reality, he never worried about the judgments of others. Above anyone else, the person he had to convince of his worth was himself and no one else. He was glad to get recognition from others that he had changed, but that was not his objective. “…I see. Well then, I’ll keep watch over you so you can get the results you want, Amane.” “I’ll try my best. For my own sake,” Amane said resolutely. After gazing at him in wonderment for a moment, Mahiru nodded with a faint flush on her cheeks. “I’m rooting for you,” she whispered, and laughed as she patted Amane on the back.