Recently, Amane had gotten used to going home after dark because of his job. He had started jogging down the street at night to get some exercise along the way. Naturally, at that time of night, loitering around in his school uniform might have gotten him taken into protective custody, so once he was done with work, he changed into a tracksuit, making sure to add a reflective sash. It didn’t look very cool, but since it was for safety’s sake, nothing could be done about it. After taking the train to the nearest station, Amane jogged to his apartment building, being careful of cars and pedestrians. By the time he arrived, only three hours were left in the day. Usually, they would have already finished eating dinner and would be relaxing by that time. Being in such a hurry was strange for someone used to being part of the go-home club, but it wasn’t bad. Amane had been too lenient with himself up until now. Until he had met Mahiru, he’d been in the go-home club and had been a total slacker. Even after he’d met her, they’d often spent time studying and relaxing together. His days had never been especially busy. Having a set schedule made him feel somewhat constrained yet also self-sufficient. “I’m home.” Although he had gotten used to it, he felt exhausted physically and mentally. He was also feeling a little listless as he opened the door to his apartment and called out. But although the lights were on inside, there was no sign of anyone there. He had been sure Mahiru would be waiting for him with dinner ready, but even after he took off his shoes, stepped inside, and looked toward the living room, Mahiru wasn’t there. When he peeked into the kitchen, he immediately noticed it smelled delicious, and a pot, covered with a lid, was sitting on the cooktop. The stew inside looked to be finished already. Mahiru had prepared dinner and then left the apartment. It wasn’t like she had to be in his apartment, and he did think it was good for her to enjoy some time alone, but still, the first thing he felt was loneliness. Before leaving for home, he had imagined what it would be like when he got there. The thought occurred to him that he ought to send her another message, and the moment it did, he heard the somewhat hurried sound of the lock opening from the entryway. “A-Amane, you’re home early…” “Someone else is doing the final cleanup today, and I picked up my running pace a little… Sorry. It looks like you were doing your own thing. Maybe I should have taken my time.” “No, not at all! I wanted to see your face as soon as possible!” Mahiru shook her head, looking quite flustered. Her hair rippled and swayed. Amane gazed at it, laughed quietly, and answered, “I’m glad to hear that.” Mahiru was incredibly charming when she said adorable things like that. But she didn’t seem to notice Amane’s laughter. She cast her gaze down, looking subtly uncomfortable, and mumbled something quietly. “Mahiru?” “Ah, I was just thinking out loud, don’t worry about it. Since you’re back now, I’ll get dinner ready. I’ll warm everything up while you’re in the bath. The tub’s already filled.” “Thanks for always thinking of those things… Hmm?” While he marveled at Mahiru, who seemed somewhat more awkward than usual, he went to slip past her on the side. When he did, he noticed a gently sweet aroma was hanging over her. Mahiru always smelled faintly sweet, but the scent hanging over her now had a different quality. It wasn’t the smell of her shampoo or her person; this sweet smell was the kind that clung to her from the outside. To put it more specifically, it was the smell of baked sweets. “Wh-what is it?” “…Nothing, just thinking you smell different than usual. It’s a bit sweet, like some kind of dessert.” “Ah… That’s, well…at home, I…had a snack, so…” “You did? You eat even less than I do, and I don’t eat that much. Won’t you ruin your appetite if you eat something beforehand?” This was even more unusual because he’d heard her say that, as a general rule, she refrained from snacking between meals to preserve her fine figure. Besides, Mahiru didn’t necessarily have a small appetite, but if he had to say, she usually ate on the lighter side. It would be difficult, he thought, for her to have a snack and still eat a proper dinner. “I-I’ll still be able to eat, so there’s no problem. It’s fine, go and take your bath. You just got home from work, so you must be hungry.” “Yeah, I’m starving, but—” “Well then, rinse off the sweat, and let’s have a nice dinner. Okay?” Mahiru pushed Amane on the back as if she was trying to avoid something, and even as he thought that, sure enough, something was off, she sent him on his way to his room to get a change of clothes. It seemed like Mahiru had been hiding something from Amane. His suspicions grew stronger every time he came home from work. Suspicions turned to certainty. She was doing something in secret. Whatever it was was limited to the times when Amane was out of his apartment, and she didn’t show a trace of that behavior on the days he was off work. And so he reasoned there was something she didn’t want him to see. …What is she hiding? Mahiru was not good at hiding things or keeping secrets. Her behavior always gave her away. But this time, she was dodging and evading to the best of her ability and acting as if there were nothing going on. That was enough to tell him there was something she didn’t want him to know about. He was certain he had been sidestepped when he’d asked Mahiru about it. But Amane knew he didn’t want to force it out of her because of his curiosity. He figured Mahiru had her own thoughts on the matter and that maybe it had something to do with being a girl. Once he considered that angle, he thought it would be rude to insist on dragging it out of her, so even though Amane thought it was very suspicious, he didn’t question her about it directly. Incidentally, when he asked Chitose and Ayaka about it, they stubbornly insisted they didn’t know. But from how the two of them were acting, it seemed they did know what it was she was hiding. In other words, that made the two of them her accomplices. He couldn’t hide that it made him feel a little anxious about being left out, but he figured maybe it was something she could only tell other girls and chose not to say anything. “…Mahiru’s been hiding something from me, man.” Though he didn’t question her, Amane grew more anxious and despondent. Without meaning to, he let it slip to Souji, his work buddy, while they were commuting to the café one day. Incidentally, he’d been able to tell by the way she was acting that Mahiru was planning to proceed with whatever she was hiding that day as well, so there was even more of a haze of feelings swirling in his chest. Whenever Amane’s shift lined up with Souji’s, they headed to the café together. When Amane announced his troubles the moment they sat down in the train, Souji blinked sharply at the sudden development. Maybe he could tell from Amane’s expression that it was not a light topic because Souji straightened up. “Did you fight or something?” he asked. “Not even a little. But Mahiru’s hiding something, doing something in secret…though apparently, I didn’t do anything wrong.” Amane had wondered if maybe he’d done something without realizing it, and just in case, he had tried asking in a roundabout way, but Mahiru had tilted her head curiously at his question, so he seemed to be wrong about that. Because of that, since too much mystery begets more mystery, Amane’s anxieties had been mounting. “Hmm. Generally, when a girl starts hiding things from her boyfriend, that points to cheating, but in Miss Shiina’s case, I don’t think that’s it. Not that I’m all that close with Miss Shiina, but that just doesn’t seem likely because of her personality and how well you two get along.” “I think so, too, and Mahiru doesn’t do such dishonest things. She hates it when people cheat more than anyone I know.” As Souji had said so casually, cheating was out of the question in Mahiru’s case. She had grown up in a difficult environment, so infidelity was absolutely unforgivable to her. She had seen her mother, stuck in a loveless marriage, take lovers on the side and spend all her time with them. She didn’t want to be like that, and she had stated as much. There was no way that same Mahiru would betray him. And anyway, it was ridiculous to think Chitose and Ayaka would collaborate for something like that. They were both thoughtful and earnest girls, so he assumed they would be strongly against something so obviously wrong. But he couldn’t think of anything else Mahiru would need to hide. Fundamentally, hiding things wasn’t Mahiru’s strong point, and she never even tried in the first place. The very act of hiding something from Amane and scheming behind his back caused her feelings of guilt to win out. Whenever he felt something was off, just a little nudge was enough to get her to confess. That was the type of person she was. This time, however, she clearly wanted to keep whatever it was a secret and didn’t want him to notice it, so he hadn’t said anything. But it was obvious she didn’t like to hide things and didn’t lie. That was precisely why Amane was so suspicious. “In which case, if Mahiru is hiding something from me, it’s probably not something over which she has a guilty conscience. I don’t think whatever she’s keeping from me is bad. It’s probably something she’s embarrassed to tell me about or something about me. If she had broken something or anything like that, she would have told me up front and apologized, so it probably isn’t anything harmful, either.” He had known Mahiru for about a year, and about five months had passed since they’d started dating. Spending that much time together, he had gotten a good grasp on Mahiru’s personality and quirks. “So what are you going to do?” “I’m not really going to do anything.” “Huh?” Amane answered without hesitation, and Souji quickly asked for clarification. Listening to the low, groaning clatter of the train running along its rails, Amane let out a soft sigh, hoping to let it get lost among those other sounds. “This is something Mahiru wants to keep hidden, so I figure it wouldn’t be good to grill her about it. There are one or two things I also would like to keep secret, so if she doesn’t want me to dig this up, I won’t.” In fact, Amane was keeping his reason for taking a part-time job a secret from Mahiru, so he had no right to be critical of Mahiru’s thoughts. If they were both hiding things yet still sustaining their relationship well, then there was no problem. “That works.” “It works because I believe in Mahiru and know she would never hurt me intentionally. Rather than being concerned with everything she does, it’s better if we can get along without intruding on the things we’d like to keep to ourselves. It’s because I trust her that I should respect her privacy. I hear that’s the secret to keeping things peaceful in the long run.” That statement had come from his parents, who had been flirting for years and years, so those words had considerable weight behind them. Even from the perspective of their son, they seemed to always get along. They understood each other well and stayed by each other’s sides. But that didn’t necessarily mean they were involved in every single thing their partner did. People who knew his parents were often surprised to hear that, but they weren’t always necessarily stuck to each other. They attached great importance to valuing one another’s time, and when they pursued their hobbies, they were rarely together. Even in the same place, they were often each doing their own thing, yet the mood was genial and mellow. Even Amane, their son, could feel how comfortable they were. Growing up with parents like those had given Amane a sense of respect for both his and his partner’s time. “By the way, just supposing she is doing something she feels guilty about?” “In that case, there wouldn’t be any value in talking to me about it, and even in the unlikely event Mahiru dumped me, that would just mean I wasn’t good enough and disappointed her. It would be my fault.” Mahiru was a deeply loving, devoted, and faithful girl. If a girl like her dumped Amane without even talking to him first, in all likelihood, that would mean the problem lay with him. Because this was Mahiru they were talking about, he was sure she would sincerely communicate her feelings before dissolving their relationship. The fact that she hadn’t done so told him her secret had to be something benign. He was reluctant to pry and probe into that, but he didn’t love the idea that Mahiru wanted to hide something from him. Though he did think it was inevitable he would worry about it anyway. “Well, this is Mahiru we’re talking about, so I’m sure it’s fine. But still, it’s been weighing on my mind. She’s keeping a secret from me, so I can’t settle down.” “…How do I put this? Fujimiya, when you make up your mind about something, you really don’t budge, huh?” “Oh?” He held that stance because he had such persistent faith in Mahiru. If he couldn’t get her to answer when she saw how flustered he was, it would probably be best to sit quietly and wait for it to be revealed to him in due time. He was confident that, because it was Mahiru, her secret wasn’t anything terrible, and that was why he hadn’t questioned her about it. But he was ashamed to admit he hoped she would forgive him for being anxious about it. “You know, when I used to see you in the hallway, you always had your head down, and you didn’t seem very confident, but…now you’ve completely transformed into the angel’s impressive boyfriend.” “I really didn’t have any confidence back then. I feel like I’m standing up straight now because I have friends who gave me a little kick or a push and because of Mahiru’s support.” He had undoubtedly received encouragement on more than a few occasions, and at times, the pushes had felt more like slaps. But thanks to that, he was standing by Mahiru’s side and leaning on her for support when he needed it. In addition to everyday material support like meals and housework, she had also been supporting him emotionally. Because of that support, Amane didn’t feel like all his striving was a hardship. Rather, he found it enjoyable. Amane finished by saying he could never thank her enough, and Souji nodded, looking serious. “…So we’re seeing the fruits of Miss Shiina’s labor…or rather, she’s someone who brightens you up the more you treasure her, huh, Fujimiya?” “Bright or not, it’s not easy standing next to Mahiru. I figure I’ve got to become someone I can be proud of. I want to become worthy as a man… It’s thanks to Mahiru that I started thinking that way. She really has helped me a lot.” “But I think you also have a personal virtue that makes her want to support you, too.” “I’m grateful you think so, but you know, I really do think it’s thanks to Mahiru that I can hold my head up high. And she’s why I want to work hard for her sake…no, actually, so that I can be on her level.” He mumbled that was why Mahiru was so amazing. “So in the end, you just wanted to make me listen to you brag, huh?” Souji responded quietly, and Amane spent the rest of the trip feeling embarrassed and a little guilty. Amane was working at his part-time job three to four times a week. Sometimes, that fluctuated with the arrangement of the shifts, but it was generally about that often. Weekend days were peak times for the café, but he always kept one or the other open so he and Mahiru could spend time together. There was no way he could neglect his studies, either. Fumika understood that, too, and she knew his true reason for working, so she was cheering him on in various ways. This day was a break between his days on the job, and Amane had been enjoying a slow morning. Although he felt like he was taking it easy, he had gotten in some weight training and a light jog as soon as he had gotten up and then hastily finished his homework. It would probably be more appropriate to say he was now finally taking a breather. Amane was hit with the realization that his lifestyle was much better and healthier than before, and he smiled unconsciously. But one thing still bothered him, even after he had finished all the things he had to do that morning. He was worried about Mahiru’s aforementioned secret. It looks like she was doing something in secret again today, huh? Mahiru, who had been over at Amane’s place since after lunch, was still acting a little awkwardly. She had settled down now that it was past snack time, but every time Amane looked at her, she got a little stiff, so it was obvious she was hiding something. He hadn’t particularly felt like pointing that out, and by this point, she had gradually gotten her composure back. Sitting next to Amane on the sofa, Mahiru was calm now, but in some ways, it seemed like her mind was elsewhere. She seemed preoccupied with her thoughts. Since it was a precious day off, Amane had hoped to enjoy it with Mahiru, but…it would be wrong to press her when she was so spaced out. He at least wanted to hold her tight and make up for the time he had missed with her when he’d been at work. “Mahiru?” “Yes?” “…Could I hug you?” Relieved he had gotten a response, he still asked timidly, and when he did, Mahiru blinked her caramel-colored eyes pointedly, then put on an airy, fleeting smile and nodded. She gently opened her arms, and he took her up on her kindness. He gently wrapped Mahiru’s body up in his arms, enveloping her. That day, she smelled like chocolate. …She has a sweet smell on her every day. No matter how much Mahiru might have liked sweets, she didn’t eat them that frequently, especially since she watched her diet all the time. And yet, recently, a sweet scent had frequently been hanging over her. Amane, who was often close to her, didn’t like sweet foods all that much, but he did like sweet scents, so he wasn’t opposed to smelling the gentle aroma of sweets whenever he got near her or touched her. Keeping his appreciation for her smell to himself, he drew her dainty body toward him courteously, but he wanted to cling to her more closely. The moment he gently touched her waist to pull her in, Mahiru shuddered with surprise. “No!” The word came out involuntarily as she rejected his touch. Amane felt his head rapidly cool off as he realized he must have moved too fast. He had probably been wrong for touching her body so casually just because she made a habit of sitting close beside him. Even if she was his girlfriend, that didn’t mean he could touch her however he pleased. Sometimes, she wouldn’t be interested, and sometimes, she wouldn’t want to be touched that way. Making an apologetic face, he gently moved away, and Mahiru looked up at Amane with a confused-looking expression. “…Sorry. I got carried away.” “Ah, I—I didn’t mean ‘no’! That’s not it! I—I gave you the wrong idea! I don’t hate it when you hold me, Amane!!” Mahiru seemed to have sensed that Amane thought he had been rejected and insisted on her genuine opinion in a panic, with lots of hand gestures. “But you said no.” “Wh-what I should have said was…right now, I’m feeling self-conscious about my stomach.” “Your stomach?” “…I…feel like I’ve gained weight. I don’t really want to be held by the waist.” Mahiru said that and placed a hand on her stomach, and Amane couldn’t help but cock his head. Mahiru, who was meticulous in taking care of herself, seemed to be maintaining her best possible figure. She didn’t look overweight and didn’t feel like it, either. Just a moment earlier, she had felt as slender as ever. In fact, she was skinny enough that it sometimes made him worry about her health, and he wondered if it might be better for her to put on a little extra mass. “Where? You’re as slim as ever. And you don’t eat in a way that would make you fat anyway.” He knew Mahiru did stretches and light exercises every day at home and that she went jogging whenever she had time, and he also knew she played the fitness games on the game console in his apartment. She was in the go-home club, but she was diligent about exercising to maintain her beauty. He couldn’t even imagine Mahiru, who was relentless about her self-management, growing fat. It seemed unlikely, but Mahiru wasn’t making eye contact with him for some reason. “…Or have you been?” “N-no, I’ve been diligent about keeping up with my exercise. In fact, I’ve been doing more than usual. And I’ve been keeping a balanced diet, three meals a day… I have, but…well, outside of those meals…” “You’ve been snacking?” “Snacking, huh…? Well, I did have some snacks. That’s the reason.” “That’s unusual.” Mahiru was just as careful about her meals as she was about her style, so it was surprising to hear her say she was snacking often enough to make her worry. He had never seen her overeating while she was spending time with him, so she must have been eating her snacks in her own apartment. She must have found something tasty enough to make her do that. “Well, there is that saying about autumn enhancing the appetite, and your cooking is really good. This is the time of year when we can get new, tasty ingredients that are different from the ones we had in the summer, so it’s probably inevitable that we eat too many snacks.” “…I’m both indecisive and meticulous, and it’s not good for me.” “Huh?” “Nothing… Anyway, whenever you touch my stomach, my fat…” “I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Mahiru… You’re so slender, you hardly have anything to pinch. Besides, if it’s only a little weight, it might be a measurement error. And your muscles are so firm, even if you got a bit softer, that wouldn’t be a problem.” From Amane’s perspective, the world’s fixation on being thin was overblown anyway. But even by that standard, Mahiru was plenty thin. It wouldn’t be a problem if Mahiru became a little plumper, and he didn’t like her or think she was cute and beautiful just because she was skinny. Also, in the first place, he liked Mahiru for who she was, so her physique had nothing to do with that. As long as he had no reason to worry about her health, that was all he cared about. He looked into Mahiru’s eyes and told her with deadly earnestness that she didn’t need to worry about it, and Mahiru looked up at him and groaned softly. From her perspective, it might have been a major problem, but to Amane, a slight increase in body fat or whatever was nothing to worry about. In fact, it might be good news that the amount of space Mahiru took up in the world would increase. For Amane, holding back was the more serious problem. “…I’d like to alleviate your fears just a little bit, but am I not allowed?” “Y-you’re not not allowed, but… It’s fine, but…” Mahiru seemed to have given up in despair. Amane smiled and pulled her toward him. Or rather, he picked her up in his arms and lifted her in the air. Once he had hugged Mahiru, who had stiffened up, he put her back on the sofa so she could sit between his legs and he could hold her like a stuffed animal. This was the easiest position for her to sit in if he was going to hold her on the sofa, but perhaps out of embarrassment, Mahiru seemed subtly uncomfortable. But she settled down meekly and leaned back against Amane, so she probably didn’t actually dislike it. He put his arms tightly around the front of her and even touched her belly, which she was so concerned about, but she was so thin and dainty that he wondered where she had gotten the idea she had grown fat. “…As I thought, you haven’t changed.” “Because I’ve been putting in a lot of effort. But I’m worried about it.” “Even when you’re this slim? …Well, if you’re hung up on it, I can’t say this too forcefully, but don’t strain yourself. I love any version of you.” “…Okay.” If Mahiru wanted to lose weight to stay in shape, he would support her. But he didn’t want her to overdo it, and as he thought that, he gently but tightly embraced her so he could feel her body, soft as always, against his whole body. Marveling at how a girl’s body could be so soft despite being so thin, he buried his face into her shoulder and breathed in the heady mix of fabric softener and Mahiru, who smelled faintly of milk. He also picked up another sweet smell. Musing that today’s scent was in the chocolate family, he slid his lips over the base of her neck and gently pressed them against her. He hadn’t been thinking of doing this or that at all, but once he touched Mahiru’s skin, he felt so happy, and her pale skin looked delicious to him. It was in his nature as a guy, so he couldn’t do the slightest thing to stop himself. He brought his lips to her smooth skin and kissed it, then nuzzled his cheek against her, and Mahiru laughed like it tickled. “…You turn into a big baby when you get tired, don’t you, Amane?” “I could say the same thing back to you, but…well, I was missing the warmth of your skin.” He could have said the same thing to Mahiru because both of them got comfort from clinging to their partner when they were tired. Savoring the warmth and smell of the other person felt pleasant and made them happy. As a basic rule, Mahiru was the one who more frequently behaved like a spoiled child, but recently, Amane had been coming home tired more often, so he’d also started to beg for attention like this more often. Mahiru was always very happy when he honestly sought comfort with her, so sometimes he did it against his better judgment. “I’m fine with you doing whatever you like, but please don’t leave behind any marks. People can see them… When you did that the last time I stayed over, Chitose found them, and I got teased for it.” “I said I was sorry… Guess I should do that someplace you can hide it a little easier…” Amane had been extremely excited back then, and his sense of reason had half abandoned its post. Though he had not crossed any lines that must not be crossed, he had given in to his desire to decorate her pale skin. Because of that, he had put the marks in visible places, for which he had repented. When he remembered the sights he had seen that night, he became overwhelmingly embarrassed and hugged her even tighter, but in his arms, Mahiru slapped at Amane’s thighs with some force. “That’s not even the problem, though! Amane, you do stuff like that when you get comfortable, don’t you?!” “I-I’m not necessarily comfortable, but…well, after all, it makes men happy to leave marks that say, ‘This is mine,’ so…” There was no way he could be used to seeing her bare skin after only one time. Just remembering it, he felt shame rising into his face and desire rearing its head impatiently. It took effort for him to stay in control of himself. But of course, there was no way he could avoid having those desires in the first place, and if there was a next time, it was likely Amane’s lips would trace over her pale skin again in the same way, leaving marks behind. “There’s no way I could be used to my girlfriend’s bare skin, is there?” he mumbled to Mahiru, who looked dissatisfied. When she slapped his thighs, he caught hold of her hands and entwined his fingers with hers. Mahiru immediately settled down. Her ears turned red, so she was obviously feeling embarrassed. “…Next time, only do it a little bit, somewhere that can’t be seen.” “So you’re already assuming there will be a next time?” “Th-that’s, well… I’m happy about everything you do, Amane, and…it also feels good when you touch me, and I like it.” Mahiru was adorable as she whispered, almost as if releasing a sigh, and continued squirming. Amane squeezed her hand in his. She would probably accept just about anything as long as he was the one doing it, and she had said she liked being touched, too. His desires threatened to run rampant, but he somehow got them under control and stopped at putting kisses at the base of her neck. Mahiru, of course, was sensitive, and her whole body shuddered, but she let Amane do as he pleased. “…Anyway, right now, you mustn’t leave any marks. If you do, your—” “My what?” “…Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” “Well, now I’m super curious.” “It’s fine!” He tilted his head questioningly at Mahiru, who had stopped him and been about to say something. Mahiru raised her voice like she was trying to evade the question and leaned her body weight hard against him. Thinking to himself that she was quite light, Amane smiled and accepted it.
Chapter 165
26 min read