He put his hands up to show surrender and said, “You got me. But I really mean no offense.”
“No offense taken. I can at least pride myself as a lady of the night in having read your intentions.”
She had surmised that he didn’t intend to sleep with her, and she was fine with that. Quickly, she recovered from her earlier surprise. The stiffness she had felt since their argument a few days earlier faded as well. The young man smiled wryly, having been seen through.
“You’re free to buy my time if that’s all you want,” she said. “But I’d like to know why you’re doing it. It’s not the way of this world to ask about one’s past or circumstances, but it is strange that a man as young as yourself would pay a far from insignificant price for a woman only to not sleep with her.”
His action confused her. Moreover, she couldn’t readily accept his money without having done any work to deserve it.
“I want to gaze at the stars with you, and maybe talk about love… Or is that a little too pretentious a claim?” He said his words as though delivering a pickup line, perhaps to get back at her a little. The kindness in his eyes made it clear he was kidding.
They passed rows of café-style buildings with fancy tiling. One wall had the words “Off Limits” written on it in English, a remnant from the time the American occupying forces were around. The street, lit by a blindingly bright heart-shaped neon sign, was wide enough that people could easily stop and gander at the shops on either side. Night had just begun. Men walked to and fro, and women stood in front of shops to try and call them in. Hotaru and the young man bore witness to the red-light district’s unique vitality as they walked down the street.
The young man had brought her out, and she followed him without a word. The two avoided the shopping district and the area with densely cluttered brothels as they headed for the outskirts of town.
“This should be far enough,” he said as they left the street and reached the Sumida River. It was quiet. The distant hustle and bustle was faint, and the bugs by the riverbank were silent. The stillness made it the perfect spot to gaze at the stars.
The two found themselves staring up at the sky. Luckily, there was not a cloud in sight, and they were far enough from all the neon lights that they could easily see the twinkling of the stars. She had looked up at the stars like this in the past, together with Takumi. She had surely known happiness then.
“Is something on your mind?” asked the young man.
“Yes. I was wondering why you didn’t sleep with me.” She lied, hiding what was really on her mind. He probably saw right through her, but she kept up her mask as a sex worker and smiled anyway. “Do you hate women who spread their legs and whisper sweet nothings to anybody for money?”
“Not at all. If I were a man who couldn’t appreciate the value of dreams, I wouldn’t have come here.”
The young man claimed she reminded him of the more antiquated ladies of the night, but he himself felt very old-fashioned. Most people these days laughed off the prospect of paying to fall in love for a night, but he understood the allure that a dream brought.
“You’re a charming woman, one well worth falling in love with for a night, but I’ve brought you here for other reasons. It’s time for you to settle things.”
“What… What do you mean?” She was slowly realizing the young man’s intentions, but she continued to play the part of a dumb, clueless woman.
“I told you I wanted to talk about love, didn’t I?” He smiled slightly and looked back up at the sky. His gaze was distant, seeing something that wasn’t there. “I used to look at the stars more often in the past. It must be all the street lamps now, but they look dimmer than they used to.”
It was strange for such a young man to talk about the past like it was far behind him, but she could tell he meant what he said.
“I fell in love once, back when the stars shone brighter… Hey now, don’t look so surprised. I’m a person too and I’ve had feelings for others, especially when I was young.”
“Oh, er, of course. I apologize,” she said.
“Away from the village, there was a small hill next to the river where I would look up at the stars together with the girl I loved. We even promised to marry when we got older.”
His story felt reminiscent of Hotaru’s own. The starry sky he looked up at now must have contained memories of a distant love just like it did for her.
“She was the daughter of an important family in the village and was chosen to become the shrine maiden. I swore to be her guardian, to stay with her in at least some form.”
“But things didn’t end well between you two…”
“They did not, and I have remained a bachelor ever since.”
“I see…”
They had loved one another but did not wed, their promise leading nowhere.
Hotaru squeezed her bottle of star sand. Like her, the young man knew the feeling of love that couldn’t bear fruit. Her heart ached hearing his story, but the young man showed no such sadness himself.
“But when we met again, she told me I couldn’t stay fixated on what had happened because I had a life ahead of me to live. I had been dragging out the past up until then, recalling it to let it hurt me. I felt like doing that would let me stay connected to what I once lost. It was pathetic of me, really.” Despite his self-disparaging words, his soft smile showed no such contempt for himself.
“I don’t blame you,” said Hotaru. “You can’t replace the things you’ve lost. It’s only natural to want to stay connected, even if it’s through regret.”
“You’re right. There really is no replacement.”
With heavy sadness in her voice, she asked, “Then why can you still smile like that?”
He replied in a gentle, parental tone. “I suppose it’s because the woman I loved taught me that even if you come to forget the feelings you once thought were everything, something will remain. But you can’t live only looking back at that something.”
People could not live in their dreams, and memories were doomed to fade. Some things must come to an end for people to continue walking forward again.
“I’ve lived my life weighed down by lingering regrets,” he continued. “I have no right to tell you to forget your past, but I do believe you need to come to terms with it.”
“By settling things?” she asked after a pause.
“That’s right.” His eyes dropped down from the stars to something. She followed his gaze and froze, her heart skipping a beat when she saw the man standing there: Kajii Takumi—the object of her lingering regrets.
To be honest, she’d expected this. She’d had a feeling the young man was bringing her out to meet Takumi, and she was fine with that. She had been ready to bid him farewell as Hotaru.
But now that she was actually in front of him, her body turned stiff. The fact that Takumi had followed her to this place terrified her.
“I was once a shrine maiden guardian,” the young man said. “I served as demon hunter as part of my duties, which included the exorcising of spirits.”
With that, the dots came together for Hotaru. It finally made sense why the young man claimed he didn’t like to meddle in a couple’s affairs but did so anyway. It was both because something inhuman was present and because an unfulfilled love similar to his own had come to pass. He wanted to give a proper conclusion to the feelings both she and Takumi were experiencing.
“A grim fate awaits those entranced by spirits. What happens from here is up to you.” The young man looked Hotaru squarely in the eyes. He believed she would make the right choice. Even though the two were little more than strangers, he trusted her, and so he left without saying another word.
She and Takumi were the only ones left by the riverbank. They stared at one another, unmoving.
“…-chan,” he said. Even his raspy voice brought back memories. The two were to be married one day, but she couldn’t bring herself to stay with him, so she had fled.
The young man was right. She had to settle things once and for all and bring an end to what they used to have.