“Thanks for all your hard work, fellas!”
“Catch ya at the next location, folks!”
It was just past midday when the morning filming came to an end. The crew quickly set to work dismantling the set—I guess they only had permission to film in Gion till a certain time—and then started preparing to head for the next location.
Since I was a part of Mizuki-san’s group, I stuck with her manager and helped her team load up the big van we’d be taking to the next spot. I was there partly as her “assistant,” so I was getting involved in a lot of odd jobs like that.
Then there was Otoi-san, who was doing nothing to help and didn’t even bother to look guilty about it. Though I guess that was fine; she was on her class trip, and I was the one who dragged her out here.
I was sitting in the back of the van when Mizuki-san came to sit down on my left (Otoi-san was on my right, if you’re wondering).
“Thank vous. Carrying the luggage saves me a lot.”
“Not at all! I’m used to helping out like this. Comes with having a bunch of senpais!” I flexed my bicep at her. “Besides, you’ve given me a really valuable opportunity. This is the least I can do to show my thanks.”
Mizuki-san giggled. “Nice smile. It shows your happiness. I become happy too.”
“Ehe he he!” I laughed bashfully at her kind words. And I realized if I was going to tell her my decision, it had to be now. I took a few deep breaths to steady my breathing, then turned to look Mizuki-san right in the eye. “Um, I wanted to talk about becoming your pupil...”
“Your face shows determination. You have decided on your mind, yes?”
“Yes.” I nodded confidently. I was grateful for Mizuki-san’s offer to take me on as her pupil, but it wasn’t right. It wasn’t an offer that would give her what she wanted. It was all about me, about fulfilling my dream. I couldn’t rely on her extending a hand to me.
“I want to ask you this properly. I want you to keep me close as you work—so that I can see all of your acting techniques up close, and steal them!”
There.
I said it.
I’d made a choice that had the potential to change my entire life. If this were a video game, I’d probably just have locked myself into a certain ending. Only, I didn’t get the chance to save. This was all or nothing, and I’d just decided to go for it.
Mizuki-san didn’t say anything for a while. I had my head bowed, so I couldn’t see her expression but, unless I was imagining it, I could feel her gaze boring into the top of my skull.
“How was my form when I worked?”
“Oh, um...” Her question came so suddenly that at first I didn’t have the words to respond. My silence only lasted a second, though—the most honest response is always the first that comes to mind. “You were amazing.”
“What places were amazing?”
“For example, you delivered even the most simple lines in a way that was so captivating...and in the musical scene, I always found myself watching you, even among the hundred or so other actors and dancers. If I were watching the movie and the camera was focusing on you, it’d make sense, but there was no camera. It was just a natural thing. It was like you were the brightest source of light, the brightest star. Normally, I think of you as like, the moon, but when you’re acting you’re more like the sun, or—”
“Oh. You talk, don’t you?”
“Ah! U-Um, sorry, I guess thinking that about you is kinda rude...”
Mizuki-san brought a hand to her lips and let out a refined giggle.
I shrunk back in embarrassment, reminded of Murasaki Shikibu-sensei when she started rambling about her anime or games or whatever. That Mizuki-san was amazing was simply a fact. She didn’t need an amateur like me to tell her. So why had I been so enthusiastic about telling her how great she was?
“Very pure and innocent. It is good, wonderful. But I have to ask one more question in another direction. You are saying I am amazing. Is that really your only thought about me?”
I hesitated. “No.”
It was like she was seeing right through me, down to the very last layer. When I watched Mizuki-san perform, I felt more than just respect and admiration. She was free, up on that stage. Totally free to express herself. Free from whatever anyone else thought of her, and she used that freedom to shine.
“I’m jealous. That’s...the word that’s popping up in my head, but I can’t really explain why.”
“You are full of confidence, self-conceited, and competitive.”
“What?! What makes you say that?”
“These things are resembling being jealous too. These emotions are only born when it’s for a person you can reach to.”
“O-Oh, I see! It’s incredibly arrogant of me to be jealous of a super talented actress like you. I’m sorry!” I thrust my head downward, like the good kouhai I was. My face felt like it was going to explode from heat as I realized how presumptuous I’d been. “W-Will you forgive me?”
“Forgive? Non. You are having a misunderstanding.”
“Eep!”
Oh my God, she was totally about to make me disappear forever, wasn’t she?! Fear made the blood drain from my face, and I trembled as Mizuki-san turned her sharp, assassin-like gaze on me.
“I do not forgive or anything. You passed!” she announced joyfully, a gentle smile spreading across her face.
“Huh?”
“There are lots of actresses and people with talent. Only the spiteful ones with deep jealousy can win a violent bloody war and reach the top. I am thinking that, so...” Her hand, white as snow (I know it’s not an imaginative way of describing them, but they literally were that white), caressed my cheek. Usually I hated people touching my face and I’d duck away, but for some reason I actually wanted to lean into Mizuki-san’s touch. “So, I tested you a little bit. If you weren’t suited for being an actress, I am sorry, but I make the talk of being my pupil not happen.”