The next day, Wednesday, the third-years were abuzz with excitement:
“Christmas parties are for cool kids! Does... Does that make us cool kids?!”
“It’s our last chance to be happy before the final stretch of exam prep...”
“Is there gonna be cake? I can’t wait!”
“I heard we’re allowed to bring whatever we want. Is that true?”
“Man, I appreciate Fujishima-san and Katori putting this party together! Not to mention the VIP, Nagase, of course!”
For Pete’s sake, slow down!
Somehow they’d already decided to have the party on the 24th, the day of the second semester closing ceremony. Third-years only, attendance optional. Judging from the speed with which Fujishima got permission from the teachers, I could only assume she had some serious dirt on them. But the bigger problem was this: Everyone had already decided I was the main host.
“Thank you, Iori! I appreciate you taking up the mantle since you don’t have exams.”
“But I never agreed to—”
“Not only is she the most beautiful girl in school, but she’s our student representative, too! She’s totally different from the rest of us!”
“No, I—”
“Nagase-san! Thank you for putting together a Christmas party! We’ve never had much hope of being popular, but with your help, we see the light at the end of the tunnel!”
Fine! I’ll do it, okay?! Sheesh!
If possible, I wanted this to be a fun event that would give these busy little beavers a brief reprieve from studying and motivate them to keep trying. But they were too busy to help set things up... and if the event ran too long, it would clash with cram school and/or their other plans...
I thought back to the Couples’ Battle Royale from earlier this spring. Maybe this event wouldn’t be as exciting as that one, but I could probably get pretty close. I just needed some kind of entertainment... but what? Music and dancing? Would they enjoy that?
“Iori-chaaaan! Whatcha worried about? Did you struggle with that last math quiz? Don’t worry — I didn’t understand a single thing, easy,” said Aoki as he walked over to my desk.
“What? No. That quiz was super basic.”
“...Wait, for reals?!”
“Just stop talking to me. You’re gonna add more worries to my plate.”
“More worries? So you admit you’re struggling with something.”
If I told him about it, would he feel obligated to help me? I wanted him to focus on his studies — for Yui’s sake as much as his own. But I got the feeling he’d only get even more annoying if I tried to clam up.
“...I’m not sure what to do for the party.”
“Anything’s cool!” he replied — so fast, I couldn’t help but stare at him in disbelief.
“I mean, I’m sure they’d be happy with whatever I serve up, but some parties are more fun than others, right?”
“I dunno about that. I feel like it’ll be fun no matter what.”
He could afford to be that flippant about it since he didn’t have to make the big decisions... but then again, he was just a party guest. All I needed him to do was show up.
“Okay, thanks for the help,” I said without really meaning it, then stood up. I needed a break from the classroom.
Then, out in the hallway, I bumped into Taichi.
“Oh, hey, Nagase.”
“Well, if it isn’t Taichi!”
“I see you’re throwing together another spontaneous event.”
“It wasn’t my idea, though. It was all Fujishima-san.”
“Oh, I see. Yeah, that makes sense. First the Couples’ Battle Royale, and now this...”
He seemed strangely sympathetic.
“I take it you can relate, huh? It’s been like, one day, and suddenly everyone’s talking about it! And the closing ceremony is next Friday, and I gotta go to daycare today, and then I gotta write my report about it...”
I was already kind of busy as things stood, but now I felt like I was really busy all of a sudden, all because other people took it upon themselves to try and help me with my worries. How hard am I supposed to work at this stuff, exactly? You guys know I’m still studying in my free time, right?
I wasn’t trying to whine, but with Taichi, I found myself opening up about my struggles. Nevertheless, he was happy to let me vent until I was satisfied. Being around him was comfortable — probably one of the bigger reasons I enjoyed our friendship. If I needed a shoulder to lean on, he would be there.
But if our relationship had gotten any deeper, it would have broken down sooner or later. Maybe after we were a little more mature... Or heck, maybe if we’d dated, we would have worked through it together. Over the past three years, that possibility was always there.
“But seriously though, what should I do about the party? What kind of party should it be?”
“Hmmm.”
He folded his arms in contemplation — that’s my Taichi!
“Eh, I’m sure whatever you want to do will be just fine.”
My legs gave out in utter defeat.
Today was my last day of daycare. These three days had gone by in a flash.
“Hi there, everybody!”
“Hi, Sensei!” the class chorused back. They had warmed up to me considerably over the last two days, and this one aspect made me kinda want to be an elementary school teacher.
“Nagase-sensei! Let’s play soccer! And this time, you’re going down!”
“Sensei! You promised we’d finish our game today!”
“Nagase-sensei, weren’t you going to help me with my homework?”
“Okay, yeah, sure... Dang it, kids, I’m a babysitter, not a miracle worker!”
“...What’s wrong, Nagase-sensei?”
“Huh? Oh, nothing. I’ve just always wanted to say that.”
If today’s my last day, then I’m going out with a bang!
During the soccer game, I unleashed my promised Marseille turn (which I had been practicing at home, but they didn’t need to know that) and won the game for my team.
“Rrgh! One more game! One more game!”
“I told you this was gonna be the last one. Maybe after you finish your homework, I’ll think about playing some more.”
Among the kids who chose to play inside the classroom, old-school classics like ball-and-cup and cat’s cradle were all the rage. According to the other instructors, it was merely a phase that would swiftly be replaced by the next hot fad.
“Oh... Oh?! I DID IT! Fish in a Dish!”
“Whoaaaa!”
“Cool!”
“That’s amazing!”
And during study time, I helped out with homework. Looking at these problems from a grade-school point of view — without the help of any advanced formulas — was by no means easy, but after a few tries, I got the hang of it.
“So then you take that and put it there, and then you just count! Man, it’s so much easier when there’s an X involved... Whoever invented math was a genius.”
That winter afternoon, I was filled with awe at the importance of education.
“X? Like ‘Ultimate X Cannon’?!”
“Huh? Is that from an anime or something? Anyway, no. No cannons this time.”
I wanted the chance to talk to as many kids as possible, so I bounced from group to group.
“You’re a busy little bee, Nagase-sensei,” said Kazama, the college student.
“Oh, I’m just making the most of my time here while I’ve got it.”
“Don’t you think you’re trying a little too hard?”
“Maybe, but... I mean, today’s my last day.”
Beneath his joking tone, I could sense something more serious. Something... probing.
“No wonder you’re rushing around. Look, you’re not gonna miss out on anything, alright? You can come back anytime you want.”
“But it’s winter break, and after this next semester, I’ll be graduating.”
I had so much I wanted to do, and so little time left.
“Maybe once you’re in college, you could work here part-time? Unless there’s something else you’d rather be doing, like making money. If you want money, don’t work here.”
He did have a point... but...
“I’ll think about it.”
Even I could tell I didn’t sound convincing.
It was such a minor thing — was I screwing it up somehow? I was trying to get rid of this discomfort in my chest, so I asked someone for advice, and the next thing I knew, here I was, playing with little kids. Not only that, there was now a party scheduled for the 24th and I was the host. But I had pledged to try my best at it nonetheless.
From an objective point of view, I probably seemed like I had the perfect life. But something was missing. My heart felt empty... felt hungry. Why did I feel this way?