“Sugar... Need sugar... Give me sugar, or give me death...”
As a result of Yukina’s endless whining, after we finished our lunch we all headed to the cafeteria.
“You’re gonna gain weight, you know,” Misaki teased.
“It... It’s fine! Extra padding for the winter! Everybody gains weight during entrance exam hell!”
“Ugggghhhh... Nnnngggghhhh... Yeah, that’s all it is... Yeah... I’ll lose the weight after exams are over...”
“Guys, you’re breaking Yui’s brain!” I shouted, grabbing Yui and shaking her by the shoulders.
“If anything, it’s weirder that you haven’t gained a pound since we retired from track,” Yukina told Misaki. “Not like you’ve changed your diet, right?”
“I have a really high metabolism,” Misaki replied casually.
“Agh, I knew it! Dang it, I’ve been doing portion control and everything! Wait... Yui, what’s wrong?”
“If anything, I’ve been eating more... but I can’t tell them that... No, I must have just imagined it,” Yui murmured to herself in a trance.
I don’t think I like where this conversation is headed!
“Guys, let’s talk about something else. Don’t forget, Yui gave up counting calories to do calculus instead.”
“Counting calories...?! Oh god... I wanna die...!”
“Don’t kill her, Iori!”
Uh oh! Yui’s staring into space like she’s a zombie!
“Well, if it isn’t my four favorite girls!”
Right as we arrived at the cafeteria, we bumped into Nakayama.
“What brings you to the caf? Oh yeah, Iori! I heard you’re volunteering at an after-school daycare program! That’s amazing!” she gushed, eyes sparkling. I didn’t bother hiding it from my classmates since I figured word would get around, but I was surprised that she’d already heard about it.
“Yeah, it really is,” Misaki nodded.
“Nah, not really. I’m just playing with little kids,” I replied.
“Even still! I’m impressed you’d go out of your way to volunteer yourself. If it was me, I totally couldn’t do it unless someone else volunteered with me... like Misaki!” Yukina pounced on her bestie.
“Yeah, you definitely couldn’t handle it...”
“...Wow, that was kinda harsh...”
“Grade-schoolers, huh? I bet they’re so smol... I wanna volunteer, too... Heehee...”
“You should! Oh, wait... I guess everyone else is kinda busy right now, huh? And then there’s me, the slacker.”
Did it sound a little self-deprecating? Sure, I admit it.
“You’re not a slacker! You’re working hard to follow your dreams!” Nakayama shouted, flailing her arms and her pigtails, her gaze firm and bright. “You’re an inspiration, seriously!”
My only option was to accept it.
“...Thanks, Nakayama-chan.”
“Why do you sound so dead serious? Where’s your jokey comeback?” Yukina teased. “For real, Iori, you’re, like, a total beacon of hope. I’m gonna work hard to get into my dream school, just you wait!”
“You’ve really set the bar for all of us,” Misaki murmured pensively.
“I gotta catch up to her... I gotta start counting calories so I can at least have the same body type...!”
“Yui, you realize that’s, like, biologically impossible, right? You’re never going to be the same height. Or the same cup size, for that matter.”
“I... I can’t believe you, Yukina! Fine, forget it! I’m gonna buy ice cream and eat it, right in the middle of winter! As if I care!”
Yui stormed off to the school store; Yukina and Misaki followed after her.
“Let’s catch up next time we grab lunch together, okay?” And with that, Nakayama walked off.
But as for me, I was rooted to the spot. The winter sky was a blanket of low-hanging clouds. Then I heard the clank of a can falling to the bottom of the vending machine.
“You don’t have to live up to their expectations, you know.”
The voice was hard like aluminum, but warm like coffee. Inaba Himeko looked over her shoulder at me as she stood at the vending machine, drink in hand. Apparently she’d been listening to our conversation.
“Yeah, I know.”
Maybe she thought I believed otherwise. Knowing her, she didn’t want me to feel obligated to fit within their parameters.
“Thank you, though.”
She gazed back at me, fidgeting with the can of coffee in her hands. “I noticed you’ve been kinda down lately.”
What? It wasn’t like we saw each other every day. When did she notice?
“You think so? Well... yeah, I guess.”
Finally, I found it in me to simply admit it. She was my best friend, and I didn’t need to front around her.
“Getting cold feet about your career choice?”
“I mean... I didn’t think I was, but...”
I wasn’t lying to her, either. That was certainly part of it, but the real root cause felt like something different. Something harder to explain. And since I couldn’t explain it, I had no way of finding a solution for it.
“...High school’s almost over, huh?” I murmured hesitantly.
“Sure is. These past three years have been downright insane... «Heartseed» nonsense included.”
Quietly, she named the entity that was an integral part of our high school lives. It felt like I hadn’t heard any of us mention it in a long, long time... Now that everything had gone back to normal, we didn’t really stop to think about it anymore.
“Yeahhhh, that was... Honestly, it’s a miracle we managed to keep going to school.”
“For sure.”
“And we’ll probably be talking about it for years to come.”
Though it was the middle of lunch period, no one wanted to use the vending machine that was outside in the cold. This afforded us some privacy.
Inaban casually ran a hand through her hair — a mature, seductive gesture.
At seventeen, we were caught in the purgatory between child and adult. We could fit in either box or vacillate between the two, depending on whatever suited us.
“Do you have regrets?”
“What kind of regrets?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you... wish you could’ve dated Taichi?”
It was a surprisingly bold question, but I wasn’t offended. After all, there was indeed a time when the three of us were in a love triangle.