“Whew! Calm down, self! I know she’s super adorbs, and we’re all alone right now, and this is my big chance, but... I can’t give in...!”
Okay, now I’m really worried. Why is she clutching her hair and shaking her head like she’s battling her inner demons?
I get the feeling that if she loses this fight she’s having and succumbs to her desires, things are going to get really bad for me. I think.
“Ugh... I can’t take it... She’s just so sweet and cute and perfect...”
“S-Slow down there, Yui-san! I don’t know what’s going on, but... just keep trying!”
Yui-san, Yui-san, she’s our girl! If she can’t do it — God have mercy on me!
“Nngh...?! That was... so cute... Not fair... Eeeeeeee! Sho kyuuuute!!!”
“Y-Yui-sa—!”
Out of nowhere, she bolts over to me and pulls me into a tight hug. I... I can’t escape!
Then she starts running her hands all over my body.
“Your skin’s so sooooft! And your hairrrr! And your wittle arms! And you smell so good! Eeeeeeee!”
She keeps... touching me... Keeps... touching... my...
...I don’t think I like this “love and attention” very much.
Subject: Kiriyama Yui
Evaluation Failed
Notes: SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After Yui-san has her way with me (not like that — I’m fine, I swear), I sit in stunned silence for a while.
“But the war’s not over yet. Not for me.”
I stagger to the fridge and grab a vanilla ice cream bar from the freezer. As I eat it, I can feel my stamina slowly recovering.
“Much better!”
Ice cream: truly humanity’s greatest invention. It miraculously refreshes my mind and draws out what little strength I have left.
Four down, two to go. I don’t know who will be next, but as the interviewer, I have to be thorough. For both my brother’s sake and my own. Now come on down!
I sit in the living room and wait quietly.
Then, right as I finish motivating myself... as if on cue, she walks in.
“Thought I’d come see you on my way to the restroom.”
I freeze like a deer in headlights. The room goes so quiet, I can almost hear the whisper of an ominous breeze... Well, in my mind, anyway.
Standing before me is Inaba Himeko, Taichi’s first-ever girlfriend. And as much as I hate to admit it — because it infuriates me — she strikes me as beautiful and classy every time I see her.
“Long time no see,” I reply as she looks at me from the living room doorway. But I don’t ask her to have a seat. She can keep standing for all I care.
“Yeah, definitely.”
Then I take my first swing.
“Has my brother been treating you right?”
“Sure, I guess. He’s a good boyfriend, and I’d say everything’s going well.”
“He’s not a total doormat, is he? Does he know when to man up?”
“In our relationship, we’re both equal partners who support each other.”
“So you know when to be strict with him? Because you can’t coddle him all the time — if you give him an inch, he’ll take a mile. But I’m sure you know that.”
“Yeah, of course. I’ve been dating him long enough to — What are you, my mother-in-law?! Why do I even bother putting up with you?!”
She snaps at me out of nowhere. Sheesh.
“Look here, you little brat! Taichi has his own life, and you need to mind your own business! This is why he doesn’t want to bring his friends around you, just FYI! Find someone else to micromanage!”
“He needs me! You know what he’s like! He’d be useless without me around to look after him!”
I’m not letting him off the leash just yet. Not until he learns to report back to me!
“You have no proof of that!”
“I don’t need proof! He’s my brother!”
“Yeah, well, he’s my boyfriend!”
“Hah! For now, maybe! If either of you decided to break up, you’ll go right back to being strangers again — unlike me!”
“But you’re just his sister. You’ll never be his life partner — unlike me.”
“Life partner? Please! You aren’t strong enough to support my brother! You don’t have what it takes as a woman!”
“Yeah, well, I have what it takes as his girlfriend, clearly!”
“Doesn’t matter, because I’m more competent as his sister! Get good, scrub!”
“Excuse me?!”
“Excuse you!”
“Rrrrgh!”
“Nnngh!”
I’m not gonna let her win! It’s way too early to entrust her with my brother!
Subject: Inaba Himeko
Girliness: B
Love For Taichi: A
Rival-ness: A
But She’ll Never Beat Me: B (meaning I’ll win)
Notes: For some reason I always end up in an argument with her. This is probably Taichi’s fault. Get it together, Taichi!
“Haaahhh... I’m so tired...”
With a heavy sigh, I munch on my second ice cream bar of the day. The cold vanilla dances on my tongue, easing my fatigue, and I recover a tiny amount of strength. Good thing Inaba was the final boss! Now I can write up my formal report and use it to—
“Um... Sorry to bother you... How’s it... going...?”
Another girl peers into the room, like a bunny rabbit peeking up out of the tall grass. She has thick, poofy brown hair and big, round eyes. Then, slowly, she walks in. A white hoodie hugs her curvy frame, dressed down with a casual pair of jeans. But this “girl next door” style makes her seem approachable and friendly, like she’s just here to have fun.
She’s short and petite, and if you’ll forgive my rudeness, she doesn’t really look like a high-schooler at all. But she doesn’t feel like a middle-schooler, either. If I were to describe her, perhaps the best way would be... She feels like the perfect “little sister” archetype...
Wait, what am I saying?! I’m the little sister here!
“I, um... I was told it was my turn to speak to you, so... Oh, right, I don’t need to get all formal with a grade-schooler... Say, um, Rina-chan, would you wanna chat with me for a bit?”
“Ugh, you’re so cute, it’s CRIMINAL! Are you like that at school, too?!”
“C-Criminal?! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
“See?! That’s what I’m talking about! How are you so darn cute?!”
The more she flounders, the more I want to help her! But I’m the cute little sister — if anything, she should be helping me! And yet... if anyone were to see us right now, they would think I was the older one... She’s stealing my spot!
“Oh, I haven’t introduced myself, have I? My name is Enjouji Shino, and I’m in the Cultural Research Club with Taichi-senpai.”
“‘Taichi-senpai’?! Ugh, you’re a kouhai character, too?!”
A younger student with a “little sister” aesthetic... and she’s in his club... which means she gets plenty of opportunities to talk to him every single weekday...
“H-How do you feel about my brother, Enjouji-san?”
“Oh, um, I love him? I mean, mainly his vo—”
“YOU LOVE HIM?!”
She’s so powerful!!! If Inaba’s the final boss, then she’s the secret bonus boss!!!