Chapter 184

“Shoplifting elsewhere is difficult; you never know who’s watching. We’re probably safe to focus on the deli,” said Medhi. “Cool, let’s merge with the crowds, and watch for any shoplifters…or that was the plan…” But when they got to the deli… It was all men. “Hey, quit pushin’! You got a death wish?” “Outta my way! You won’t be my first kill!” “That’s my barbecue bento box! You want some?! Come at me!” Muscles bulging everywhere, a stampede of manual laborers were tussling for their lunches. It was like a riot. They seemed ready to smash the deli, and possibly the entire store. The blood drained from the party’s faces. “If…we set one foot in there…we’d be done for…,” Masato whimpered. “But we’ve gotta keep watching! I’m gonna try and slip through and keep an eye on things!” “No, wait, Porta! It’s too dangerous! You’ll be crushed to death!” cried Wise. “Let’s just watch from the sidelines! It’s our only option!” said Medhi. But from the outskirts, it was impossible to see past the wall of muscles. Dang! This is perfect cover for a shoplifter! They might be in the act right now, behind that pile of men! Slipping a lunch under their shirt! Masato was tearing his hair at the thought. But then a piercing whistle rang out. “Now, now, no fighting! You’re all good boys! Line up!” Toot, toot! “Yo, what’s with this mom lady?” Miniskirt Mom Cop was on the scene. Toot-tooting away on her whistle, conducting traffic in the deli aisle. But the hungry men were in a rage! They’d never obey— “You’re kidding? That’s Mamako!” “Line up, fellas! If we’re good boys here, good things’ll come our way!” “Hee-hee-hee. Then Officer Mommy will help hand out lunches! Make sure you buy a veggie to go with your meal!” “““Aye-aye!””” The muscle-bound men all became good boys and formed neat lines. Miniskirt Mom Cop began handing out lunches. “Well, that was fast. No more chaos,” said Wise. “That’s our Mamako. Masato, you’re up,” said Medhi. “I refuse to join that line. What could be sadder than getting lunch from your cop cosplay mom? …Mm?” It was pure chance that he noticed. A battle-scarred, tough-looking dame near the front of the line reached out to grab a pack of veggies—but just before she did, Mamako picked it up and handed it to someone else. So did the scarred lady get nothing? Masato thought for a second then called out. “Er, excuse me? Were you about to—” “Huh? Oh, no, I just…I thought if I did something naughty, then the mom cop would have to arrest me! I’d be punished! Couldn’t resist the urge.” “Oh, okay. You’re one of those. Got it.” Seemed she just had a fetish. Best not to get involved. Masato backed off, watching as the scarred lady took a lunch from Mamako, paid, and left the store. “Masato, is that your type?” Wise asked. “Don’t be absurd. She just seemed suspicious, but…guess it was nothing.” Focus on the job. Leaving the deli to Mamako, the others spread out through the store. “…Damn and blast it! Foiled again!” The scarred lady ducked into the back alley, tearing up a card. I’VE PURLOINED A VEGGIE PACK! it read, the letters scattering in the wind. “Even your son has good instincts, eh, Mamako Oosuki? I’ve gotta get real here! Go for my ultimate, guaranteed success plan! Next time… Mwa-ha-ha!” The scarred woman laughed maniacally, popping the lids on her lunch and the veggie side dish. Time passed once more, evening arrived—and along with it, the horrors of peak crowds. A worried-looking Mustachioed Grocer came to check in on Masato. “Are you sure you’re all right? Legally speaking, we can only work minors so many hours…” “Oh, is that your concern? I mean, that is a big deal, but…let us handle it. We’ve come this far, and job or not, we wanna catch this crook, no matter what.” “Okay. Then I’ll take you at your…aughhhh?!” “Wh-what is it?! The shoplifter’s back?!” “I got dirt on my precious aprooooooooon! Wheeeeeen?!” “Duck in back and put some stain remover on it. You’re just in the way here.” Clutching the apron Mamako had autographed, the grocer ran off, tears trailing in his wake. Putting that out of his mind, Masato scanned the crowds. Like the day before, the place was filled to the brim. Unable to move about freely, each party member was stationed at one of the entrances, ready to call out to anyone who tried to bypass the registers. Wise was at the store entrance, Porta at the veggie corner staff door, Medhi by the deli, and Masato here between the meat and fish departments. Since Mamako could easily move around through the thickest crowds, they had her prowling the store, ready for anything. Blending with the crowds shuffling down the main aisles… “Hee-hee! It’s Mommy, Ma-kun! Did you recognize me?” “I wish I hadn’t.” Someone passed by him in a Chinese dress, face mask, and sunglasses, but he pretended not to notice. Then… “……Mm? I smell something good.” Bacon frying. From the corner of the meat section. There was a counter set up and a middle-aged woman handing out samples behind it. “Hey there, how’s it going? We met yesterday, right?” “Yes, so we did. Would you like to try—?” “No, I just have a question for you. This store doesn’t actually offer samples outside the deli…” “That’s right! I don’t actually work here. I’m doing this of my own free will.” “…And after we met you yesterday, there was a shoplifting incident.” “My! You certainly are perceptive. Yes—and I can’t claim I wasn’t involved. My being here might well have drawn the attention of the staff and customers.” She just smiled, not the least bit rattled. Even making it sound like she might be an accomplice. This lady had nerves of steel. Clearly more than he could handle. But this was his job. If she was involved in the shoplifting, he’d have to secure her personage. “Would you mind joining me in the back room for further questioning?” “Oh! That’s very suspicious!” “Huh?” She pointed over his shoulder, and Masato instinctively turned around. “Ma-kun! Mommy’s right here, yo!” Mamako was wearing a white button-up shirt and slacks, disguised as a male student, and happily waving back at him. “Oh, yeah, Mom’s suspicious all right… No, wait! When did you change? And are those my clothes! No, not the time, not the time!” He hastily turned back, but the sample corner was gone, and the lady with it. She’d gotten away! “Dammit! Who are we up against? Raise the security level!” There was only so much they could do. Masato hurried back to his position, scanning the area. Driven to catch them, he kept his eyes peeled… And as he did, rush hour passed, and the shop closed. After hours, Masato’s party and the rest of the staff searched the store. “No crime cards found,” said Wise. “So nothing’s been stolen?” asked Porta. “If the shoplifter stuck to their policy, then that would be the case,” replied Medhi. They’d prevented the crime—and their mission was a success. Nice! But it wasn’t like they’d caught the culprit, so this did not count as a real solution. “They weren’t able to shoplift, but we failed to catch them. That’s more of a tie…but we do have new info suggesting they might have an accomplice. We should rethink our strategies for tomorrow.” “Yes, keep up the good work! I’ll prepare your wages for the day. Would you mind waiting here for just a moment?” “Paying us by the day? That’s pretty cool. I’m starting to like you, Mustachioed Grocer.” “Ha-ha-ha! I can’t pay a lot, I’m afraid. But I’ll just duck in back…and while I’m at it, take these to the storehouse.” He picked up an armful of unsold meat and fish, and turned toward the exit… But then. “Oh my! You have to pay for those!” Mamako said. She was back in her usual outfit and tugging at the grocer’s apron strings. “Uh, Mamako? I’m just taking product off the shelf…” “I’ve got a hunch that’s not true! I can tell something’s up here, so I’m not letting you.” “Mom! That’s his job… Wait.” Masato glanced down at the grocer’s apron. It was brand new. No dirt. No Mamako autograph. “…Grocer, your stain removal went well.” “Huh? My what?” “It was a disasterrrrrrrrrrrr! It faded slightly, but I can still see iiiiiiiiiiiiiit! Someone, please save my aproooooooooon!” Another Mustachioed Grocer had come bursting through the back door, weeping openly. And the apron in his hands had Mamako’s autograph on it. “Uh-oh!” “Yup, you’re out! Momstincts win again! You’re the shoplifter! Caught red-handed!” The fake grocer brushed Mamako off, tossed aside the meat and fish, and tried to run for it. Not happening. Masato flung himself in front of him, trying to grab on… “You’ve had enough.” The disappearing-reappearing sample stand lady suddenly dropped down from the rafters, got her arms under the fake grocer’s pits, and vaulted away again. Clinging upside down from the ceiling. “What the…? Who is that? A ninja…er, kunoichi?” said Wise. “So you were in this together! Let’s nab ’em both!” shouted Masato. “Wait, let me talk! Hear me out and I’ll remove the stain from the grocer’s apron!” “Don’t be ridiculous. Nobody would accept those terms!” “You’ll do that for me?! E-e-everyone, let’s negotiate!” Mustachioed Grocer was fully on board. Masato’s party were forced to back off a bit. The woman bobbed her head and began: “I’m so sorry for all the trouble my son has caused. As his mother, I’m responsible. Come, say you’re sorry!” “Gah…I-I’m sorry…” “I take full responsibility for this. I was once a Bandit of some repute. My son admired that side of me and was trying to follow in my footsteps…” “I’ll pull it off next time! I’ll be a great Bandit, just like Mommy!” “How many times have I told you you’ll do no such thing?” “Hngg?!” The thief-turned-mom slapped the fake owner’s backside. There was a puff of smoke, and he transformed into a boy a few years younger than Masato. Clearly his true form. “My son has been shoplifting to hone his Bandit skills. As his mother, I should have stopped him…but part of me was pleased he admired what I’d done, and I couldn’t help but indulge him.” “However pleased you might have been, a crime is still a crime. You ask me, this is a real problem.” “Masato’s right. I’m guessing you hung out in the store, secretly paying for whatever he stole, but that’s sooo self-serving.” “Oh…so that’s why we always had a surplus on the accounts…” “I didn’t want this to cause any trouble for the store. That’s also why I ran a sample counter out of my own pocket. My little way of saying sorry. Oh, before I forget, let me keep my word.” The ex-Bandit mother waggled her finger, beckoning. And the stain on Mustachioed Grocer’s apron lifted off it, returning to her hands. “Yikes…what was that?” “An advanced Bandit skill. Allows you to steal anything you want with a single finger. But that’s also rather self-serving, isn’t it? Here I impulsively leaped in to save my boy, but forgiveness is not so easy to come by.” “No, I forgive him! I’ll forgive anything!” ““Huh?”” Grocer was sobbing with joy, absolving one and all. “Grocer, are you sure?” “It certainly caused a panic, but there was no financial impact…and the sight of such beautiful family ties has moved me greatly! So it’s fine.” “Okay, but what’s the real reason?” “She fixed Mamako’s autographed apron, and I’m soooooo grateful!” “Right, I figured. So, uh…” “B-but…are you all sure?” The ex-Bandit glanced at Mamako. Mamako smiled pleasantly. “Shoplifting is bad! But if no real harm was caused, and the person in charge is willing to forgive, I think that’s all there is to it. The rest is between you and your son.” “Then I’ll take Grocer up on his generous offer. And as for my boy’s education…what say I haul him to the Mom Shop?” “We’d love to have you! We’ll have so much to talk about!” “And I’ll wind up being the real victim here. Please, don’t do this…,” begged Masato. “Heh-heh-heh. I’ll look forward to it! …Well, until we meet again.” The thief mother vanished into thin air. “Whoa! She disappeared!” cried Porta. “That skill level seems a little beyond ‘some repute,’” said Wise. “More like she’s a living legend,” said Medhi. “Either way, our job is done.” “Yes. Good work, everyone! Job complete.” “Just gotta say our good-byes. Everyone—” But before Masato could finish, Mustachioed Grocer interrupted with a flood of tears. “Do come again! Please, please come agaiiiiiiin!”