The room had been rearranged for the interviews. Mamako was the chief interviewer, and Masato sat next to her, as a silent witness. Across from the table was a chair for the candidate being interviewed. They were ready to begin.
“This is Mommy’s interview, so I’ll be asking the questions. Just leave it all to me!”
“R-right. Do your worst, then… First candidate, please come in!”
Party Candidate One stepped into the room. It was the Heavy Knight, Lucera. “Nice to meet you,” she said, her voice every bit as strong as she looked.
“Nice to meet you, too. Let’s get started! Can you tell me about your interests?”
“I enjoy allowing enemies to attack all they like and then returning that damage tenfold!”
“Well, that certainly does suggest a rather imbalanced mind… So what sorts of places do you usually go?”
“I often go to fields where monsters weaker than me spawn one by one!”
“So you’re a bully… For my last question, I’d like to ask about your life goals. What do you think you’d like to do in the future?”
“I’d like to learn a skill to reflect damage so that my enemies destroy themselves.”
“That sounds like pure sadism… I see. In that case, my verdict is…”
Her smile never fading, Mamako…
…held up the card with the X. Bzzzt. Failure.
“I’m sorry, but I think there’s something wrong with her.”
“That all sounded like pretty normal tank stuff to me, though!!”
Even so, she’d failed the mom test. Oh well. Next!
✦ ✦ ✦
Party Candidate Two, the beautiful elf Priest with the heart-warming smile, Salite.
“Nice to meet you, Salite. And what are you interested in? What is it you do with your spare time?”
“I offer up daily prayers to my god. At least three hundred times a day.”
“Assuming you get six hours of sleep a day, that means you’d have to pray more than once every four minutes… Well, where do you like to go?”
“I visit churches in the forests around the world, offering up prayers. I try to visit at least twelve a day.”
“I imagine you have time for little else besides going to and from churches… And what are your dreams for the future?”
“I offer prayers that all people will return to the service of God Almighty.”
“Sounds like prayer is all you have. I suppose I could say I admire your commitment.”
Mamako smiled politely, but her verdict?
Another X. Bzzzt. Failure.
“M-Mom?! What’s wrong with that?! She’s an elf—and a Priest, at that!”
“That’s the problem! I’m all for freedom of religion, but if she joined our party and said there was somewhere nearby we should check out, then… It’s just, I’m not good at turning those kinds of offers down, you know?”
“Erk… Yeah, I know how that feels…”
Neither of them were religious at all, which could pose a problem. Too bad. Next!
✦ ✦ ✦
Party Candidate Three, the scrappy Thief Torino, her voice as cheery as her looks.
“’Sup!”
“Your interests are…?”
“Snatchin’ stuff! Punch ’em once, steal an item! Super fun!”
“You often go to…”
“To the pawn shop! They lowball the price, but they’ll buy whatever!”
“In the future you’d…”
“I’d love to clean out the palace treasure room! That’s any Thief’s dream! Tee-hee!”
“Yes, I see, that’s a no, then,” Mamako said, already holding up her X card. “Now, let’s just take you to the police.”
“Whaaaaa?! Let go of my arm! Wait, how are you so strong?!”
Mamako had grabbed hold of Torino’s arm and made to haul her off to the authorities. There’s no force on Earth stronger than a mom handling a naughty child.
“Wha…? Mom! Calm down! Thieves are okay! Yeah, they steal things, but that’s a normal job in a game world! This is a game, remember?!”
“Just because it’s a game doesn’t mean there’s no right and wrong! I want to make that quite clear.”
“Well, sure, but… Please just listen to me!”
It took a full thirty minutes to talk Mamako around.
✦ ✦ ✦
But that meant…
“Argh… All of them failed…”
“I think we should go for some more reliable occupations. Like… Oh, I know! A police officer! Or maybe a soldier? How about making one of them a party member?”
“They don’t have those jobs in a fantasy RPG! Please try to remember this is a game! Ugh… All right, I’ll pick some more—just gimme a minute.”
With Mamako’s criteria, it seemed unlikely they’d ever add anyone to their team, but Masato did his best to find someone she’d accept.
He flipped through the additional documents Shirarase had brought.
“Hmm? Hang on…”
Masato stopped. He stared intently at the page in his hand.
The page gave the adventurer’s name as Wise. Female, age fifteen. Her job was, of all things, a Sage: a high-tier occupation that could use both primarily offensive black magic and healing and support-based white magic.
She wore a short jacket and a skirt, both crimson. She was staring out of the page with a look of great confidence. Well, her illustration was anyway.
“Definitely a good set of skills… Magic for attacking, healing, and support? Sounds downright almighty.”
“Gosh, that does sound good! She must be extremely skilled. I like her!” Mamako added, looking over his shoulder. Wait, an actual positive opinion?
“Um… So in your book, Mage is an okay job?”
“Of course it is! I always wanted to use magic growing up. There was this anime at the time about all these magical girls. I watched it every day!”
“Right, right. That helps. So if a Mage is okay…then in that case… Mm?” Masato squinted at the fine print. “She’s got something written in the notes section… ‘If you don’t pick me, I’ll chain cast death spells on you!’ Wow, she sounds kinda…slow.”
“Don’t say that! She’s a Sage, isn’t she? She can use three kinds of magic! And she’s pretty cute. I think she’s lovely.”
“Huh? …Well, sure, she’s not bad looking. I guess you could say she’s cute.”
“But she’s not your type?”
“That’s not it. It’s just…her eyes. I don’t like the look of them.”
The illustration portrayed eyes that turned up at the corners, and they were narrowed, as if she were glaring at him.
“I don’t trust those eyes. I bet she’s got a lousy personality. She’s definitely the haughty type who likes to boss everyone around.”
“Hmm… Well, she certainly does look strong-willed. Maybe a bit of a tomboy… But if you get to know her, maybe you’ll find more to like.”
“Nope. I promise you right now that’ll never happen. She may be a Mage, but I can tell she’s a total dunce. She’ll just throw magic around willy-nilly, hitting party members, buildings, the landscape, all while laughing her head off. Your classic Dragon Spooker type. As a hero, my instincts are warning me that’s the case.”
“Hmm… Well, if you say so, then I suppose…”
“I do. So she’s out. Good-bye! Thanks for stopping by, Wise.”
He crumpled Wise’s page up and threw it away.
The balled-up page landed on the floor, and for a moment, he thought he heard a voice cry, “Ow!” He must have imagined it. There was no way. None.
“Right, let’s move on. Next… Oh, good, I wanted a crafter!”
Party Candidate Four. Name: Porta. Age: twelve. Job: Traveling Merchant. Able to make items, appraise them, and get shop discounts. Quite a lot of really helpful support skills.
The illustration showed a super-adorable little girl. Big round eyes, filled with childish innocence. She looked really sweet.
“Hmm… Not bad. Great support skills, could be a little-sister type… Makes you want to do your part bringing her up right.”
“Oh, she’s so cute! Well, let’s give her the mom test next.”
“…We’re still doing those?”
And with that…
✦ ✦ ✦
A twelve-year-old girl was sitting in front of them.
Her name was Porta. She was a Traveling Merchant.
Traveling Merchants had no shops of their own; instead, they went from place to place, showing up in dungeons or underwater, selling items anywhere adventurers needed them. Their trademarks were the large bags they carried their merchandise around in.
Porta had one of these. She looked incredibly nervous.
“N…n-n-n-n-n-nice t’meet youuuu!”
“Yes, it’s nice to meet you, too.”
“Don’t worry. Relax. No need to be so nervous.”
“Eep!”
Telling her not to be nervous seemed to make it worse. She straightened her little body to her full height, trying to look respectful. So adorable.
“Can you tell us about yourself?”
“Yes! I’m Porta! I’m a test player!”
“Oh, a player? We’ve got a rare one here!”