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After boarding a riverboat, Goh maintained his appearance as a frail, scrawny traveler all the way downstream. The vessel eventually moored up close to the Principality of the Nine, but on disembarking, Goh went off in the opposite direction toward the Dragonute Empire, along a highway that hugged a forest.
Sure, they promised to add me to P.A. if things go all to hell, but they’ve really got me whipped because of it, thought Goh. I mean, why do they make me come all the way out here to this forest just to swap info, for god’s sake?
He made his way toward the rendezvous point, still silently grumbling about the power dynamics that tainted his bargain with Hiro. Ever since the arrival of the Wicked Witch of the Tower, Goh would meet regularly with Hiro’s people to exchange intelligence, and on each occasion, the rendezvous point would be different, but he’d noted that the Dragonute Empire Masters often chose locations that were more easily accessible to them, and that didn’t sit well with his pride one bit. However, since he had more to lose in this clandestine arrangement, all he could do was mutter under his breath, privately cursing his lot, as he lumbered along the trail.
Goh finally arrived at the forest path that would take him straight to the rendezvous point. Of course, he could have taken a shortcut and sliced directly through the woods, but he hadn’t felt like forging his own messy, unbeaten route to his destination. He had only taken a few paces along the forest pathway when he sensed about a dozen pairs of eyes landing on him, causing him to groan inwardly.
And I wasn’t even really out huntin’ for these guys, if I’m being honest, Goh reflected. They coulda just left me alone and not taken the bait. But what can you do? He heard people positioning themselves in a circle around him so that he had nowhere to run, and a few seconds later, a number of human men carrying swords and knives emerged from the trees and surrounded him. Goh sensed that there were others still crouching in the undergrowth with their bows trained on him. This armed gang were quite obviously highwaymen.
One of the men—who appeared to be the boss—strode toward Goh to parley. He had a muscular build for a human, and his beard added to his intimidating look.
“Hey, pal,” the boss said in a low voice. “I’m afraid you’re gonna need to pay a toll if ya wanna pass through here.”
The bandits had Goh completely surrounded, but were left in a state of collective confusion when the Level 9000 Master snorted with laughter as if he were watching a bunch of clowns performing a slapstick routine. After all, from what the bandits could tell, they were threatening a fellow human who looked too frail to defend himself.
“Quit smirkin’, pal, and either say somethin’ or fork over yer money!” the boss thundered. “Or would ya rather pay with yer life? Well?!”
Months before, there had been a healthy number of merchants, travelers, and cargo-carrying carriages shuttling between the Demonkin Nation and the Human Kingdom, but due to the tensions between the two nations, traffic had plummeted to virtually zero. For the bandits, the lack of targets had made them desperate enough to target this spindly-looking man who probably didn’t have much on him anyway. Even so, despite the potential rewards from this encounter being meager, days of hunger had the highwaymen pointing their weapons at the disguised Master all the same.
But instead of looking fearful like they were expecting, Goh grinned almost lasciviously at his would-be attackers. Nobody could have blamed the boss for dropping his cool facade and raising his voice, and the other bandits quickly followed up on their leader’s tirade.
“Maybe this guy doesn’t realize how much danger he’s in,” one said. “The fact he’s out here all alone shows he ain’t particularly bright to begin with.”
“You said it,” agreed his buddy next to him. “He even looks like a chowderhead now that I’m gettin’ a closer look at him.”
“In that case, we should teach this jackass a lesson he won’t soon forget,” suggested a third mugger who was wielding a knife. “I think slicing off an ear will teach ’im some manners. Or maybe both of ’em. Whaddaya think, boss?”
“Well, we ain’t gonna get any other patsy wanderin’ around these parts for another few weeks, if that,” the leader remarked, a sadistic grin spreading across his face. “Guess we might as well kill some time by teachin’ this peabrain how the real world works. Ain’t no guarantee he’ll ever put that knowledge to use later on, mind.”
The knife-wielding bandit guffawed at the joke. “Y’got me there! Learnin’ street smarts ain’t ’xactly useful if yer as dead as a doornail. Maybe he’ll be smart enough to get down on his hands and knees and beg us to let him walk away with a heartbeat. Not that any type of beggin’ will do him any good!”
The rest of the highwaymen brayed with laughter at his follow-up wisecrack, and it was at that moment that Goh finally decided to make his first move. He simply stretched out his arm and uncurled his fingers to show them all what he was holding: a number of torn-off ears. At first, the bandits couldn’t make sense of what they were looking at, but after a couple seconds had passed, they realized Goh was holding their ears.
The knife-wielding lackey screeched. “My ear! He friggin’ ripped my ear off!”
The boss and a number of the other bandits similarly writhed about in pain, though the ones who were the most surprised at what had transpired were the bowmen who’d been hidden in the bushes, ready to loose their arrows at Goh if needed, for their ears were also missing.
Goh dropped the ears and ground them into the dirt with his foot as if putting out cigarette butts.
“Well, you guys did manage to teach me one thing,” Goh said. “Nothing beats wreckin’ a bunch of pip-squeaks who’re too weak to fight back. But there is one other thing that’s an even bigger rush than that. Can ya guess what it is?”
“D-Dammit!” yelled the boss, who was pressing his hand against the open wound where his ear had once been. “Murder that sonuvabitch! Now!”
As it turned out, mobilizing his crew was the worst move the leader of the bandits could have made. Goh lazily struck one of the lackeys who was standing beside the boss, but that single hit was enough to turn the hapless bandit into a fine, blood-tinged mist. For a Level 9000 Master like Goh, reducing a human to powder was easier than crushing an ant underfoot.
“C’mon! Answer the question!” Goh barked.
The boss flinched and squealed in fright. “I-I don’t know...” he whimpered. Goh’s head swiveled around to the other bandits, the evil glint in his eye hectoring them for an answer.
“U-Um, drinking booze? Getting laid?” suggested one of the bandits.
“I-I hear illegal drugs give you a real rush...” offered another.
“I like e-eating a lot, so maybe having a nice meal?” tried a third.
Goh shrugged in resignation—a clear signal that none of the responses had hit the mark. His expression turned much crueler as he addressed the bandits again. “Not even close,” he sniffed. “Y’see, what’s an even bigger rush is lettin’ a bunch of morons think they’re tougher than you, then turning the tables and slaughterin’ ’em all. You get a real high from seeing punks like you begging for your lives so soon after taking your victory lap. And you shit stains always scream the same things: ‘I’m sorry!’ ‘Please spare me!’ ‘Don’t kill me!’ ‘I’ll do whatever you want!’ And every time, it makes me laugh myself stupid!”
Goh’s hobby of disguising himself just to lure in bullies verged on monomania.
“If ya don’t wanna die, you should take your own advice and start beggin’ for your lives,” he said. “Not that it’ll do ya any good!”
The Master launched himself at the bandits, who were dumbstruck at hearing their own words thrown back at them. Now that Goh had exposed his true strength, he seemed like a wild predator baring his fangs at his next prey. One of the bandits broke into a run, fleeing like a jackrabbit.
“P-Please, don’t kill m—” But before the thug could finish his plea, Goh caught up to him, punched a hole in his back, and ripped out his spinal cord, sending blood and guts flying everywhere and killing the runner instantly. The remaining ten bandits screamed, suddenly fully aware of the deadly monster they had unwittingly provoked. They all scattered into the forest, hoping to use their relative familiarity of the terrain to their advantage, but while this gambit proved they were cleverer than most bandits, their quick-thinking turned out to be useless in the face of a Master.
Goh burst out laughing. “Yeah, ya’d better keep runnin’ before I snuff ya out! Call it a game of tag. Winner gets to escape with his life!”
He methodically caught up to each bandit, the thick forest undergrowth proving to be no obstacle to his pursuit, and every time he got within touching distance of one, the bandit would shake like a leaf and abandon whatever pride they might have had previously.
“No! Don’t come near me!” one cried out.
Goh giggled with pure, childlike glee. “C’mon! C’mon! I thought ya said you were gonna kill me! I’m right here, so let’s see ya try!”
“I was wrong! I’m sorry!” the bandit pleaded. “Don’t kill me! No! I don’t wanna die this way!”
But Goh didn’t pay any attention to the fervent pleas of his victim as he relentlessly tortured him. He was like a kid senselessly ripping the wings and legs off an insect before crushing the rest of it and feeding it to a frog. Goh smashed the legs of the bandit, ripped off his limbs, gouged out his eyes, tore off his one remaining ear, plucked out his internal organs, then impaled the mutilated body on a sharpened tree branch, like how a butcher-bird did with its prey. This gruesome treatment was also soon dished out to the other bandits, including two archers that had been assigned to keep their distance from the forest path.
The last member of the bandit gang to be captured by Goh was the boss, who—knowing there was no escape—dropped to the ground and started kowtowing furiously.
“W-We didn’t mean to attack you, I swear!” the boss blurted out. “I’ve got gold, magic items, and food back at the hideout. They’re all yours if you just spare my life! And I promise I’ll get an honest job and retire from my life of crime!”
Tears, snot, and saliva dribbled down into the boss’s beard as he pleaded with more sincerity than he had ever mustered up in his lifetime, but unfortunately for him, his words fell on deaf ears. Goh sucked in a lungful of air and sighed with intense pleasure.