Hina’s Daily Routine (Back Side) “I understand, I really do—you all have your peace, just as we have ours.” An earnest voice could be heard in the dim light. It echoed against the walls, gradually growing deeper and heavier before eventually fading into nothing. The speaker—Hina—fixed her emerald eyes straight ahead of her. She was squaring off against a foe. “However, your peace is in danger of encroaching on the lives of my beloved and my dearest.” It was rare for Hina to take such a tone with her adversaries. Normally, she made no efforts to conceal her hostility and scorn. However, her current conduct was an exception to that, and for good reason. Chance encounter though it was, it wasn’t her first rodeo with this particular foe. It was a rematch. Hina had defeated them once before. In fact, she thought she had stamped them out. After all, there was a marked gap between her capabilities and theirs. She was powerful; they were weak. And yet even so, they had escaped annihilation and concealed a fair number of survivors from her. Given her overwhelming advantage over them, that in itself was a form of defeat for her. The mere fact that a rematch was necessary had earned them a fair bit of her respect. “Prepare yourselves—for it is my duty to end your lives until none of you remain.” With that declaration, Hina made her intentions known to the enemy forces once more. The darkness before her wriggled and squirmed, and cries that were filled with a mixture of bloodlust and primitive animal fear cut through the air. Hina nodded in satisfaction. It looked like their second bout was going to be just as heated as the first. Hina adjusted her grip on the instrument of death she was holding. This time, though, it wasn’t her usual halberd. It was a copper tub filled to the brim with rat poison. “Now then, have at you!” And with that, Hina charged alone into the massive swarm of rats. As an aside, she wasn’t wearing her standard maid outfit, either. Instead, she had on a silver outfit that was cylindrical at the torso and wide at the arms and legs. It somewhat defied comprehension, although to put it in terms from Kaito’s world, it looked sort of like a space suit. Her stout legs went thump, thump, thump as she raced down the corridor. It was a sight that begged the question: How did things even get to that point? Answering that, though, would require going back a few hours before the final showdown began. “Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho, oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!” After serving dinner, Hina happily sang a little song. And why wouldn’t she be happy? The day had been lovely in so many ways. Kaito had helped her clean the stairs, and Elisabeth had complimented her cooking. She was filled with the kind of joy that could only be expressed through song. “Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho, my meats are the finest meats around! Filled with love and bravery, they’ll never let you down! Eat them and your courage will increase a millionfold! As always, I’m your friendly neighborhood Butcher! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! And I am Master Kaito’s maid and lover! Eep!” Even though she was the one singing, she bashfully covered her face anyway. She had been able to spend yet another day working for the people she loved, and just thinking about that fact filled her with joy and pep. The group was smack-dab in the middle of their prolonged battle against the demons, but as far as Hina was concerned, these were the happiest days imaginable. For there was something she knew. She was, without a doubt, truly fortunate. The automatons Vlad built as presents—Hina’s sisters—couldn’t feel strong emotions. Yet even so, if they saw how she was being treated, it wouldn’t be odd for them to feel driven to tear her limb from limb. She was just that blessed. Carefully crafted automatons like her could sometimes develop emotions and rich minds of their own, depending on how they were used. It blurred the line between her and actual humans. However, this world had magic, so there was something of a surplus of entities with minds of their own. There were familiars, spirits, mythical beasts, and even summoned souls like Kaito, and all of them were frequently used as servants. In a world like this, the thought of automatons having human rights was absolutely laughable. As a general rule, things created using magic were viewed as nothing but tools for their users. That was just a commonly accepted fact. However, Hina’s two masters treasured her like she was an actual human girl. For starters, both of them were kind people. Also, in Kaito’s case, he was from another world, and for Elisabeth, she probably just didn’t pay the matter much thought. Neither of them realized what they were doing, but from Hina’s perspective, the way they treated her was a blessing she could never have even dreamed of. To her, being able to work for their benefit was the ultimate form of bliss. The only way it could possibly be better was if her eternal lover, Kaito, would let her dote on him to her heart’s content. “Sigh, Master Kaito was the coolest today, just like he always is… The way he ties up his hair into a little knot is so lovely, I could just lick him all over and smooch him until the cows come home… All right, it looks as though I’ve finished making the rounds. What should I do now? I wonder if Lady Elisabeth wants to play some cards or some chess, or perhaps even do some drinking…” It had been cloudy that afternoon, so although things could go either way, there was definitely a risk it could rain. Depending on the weather, they might have to pick somewhere different to hold their evening activities. Hina headed over to one of the windows lining the hallway to see how things looked. “!” Suddenly, she sensed a presence. She whirled back around on the spot. At present, Elisabeth and her servants—Hina included—were locked in battle against the fourteen demons. No matter what else she was doing, Hina never let down her guard. Even if, by some turn of fate, she had been sloppily making out with Kaito, she would still have been vigilantly attuning herself to her surroundings. Thanks to that, her reaction was swift. She reached into her magic leather bag, pulled out her halberd, and brandished it menacingly. “Who goes there?!” However, Hina’s shout was met with silence. Instead, some sort of figure dashed behind the sword-wielding suit of armor stationed at the bend in the hallway. It made its way down the stairs as fast as it could. Hina shifted her center of gravity down low, then took off at a dash, pursuing the target of her suspicion like a beast on the hunt. Down at the landing, the figure she saw earlier joined up with another, similar entity. The newcomer was holding a biscuit tight in its mouth. Kaito or Elisabeth must have dropped it while they were snacking on it. The figures were each about the size of a human baby. …No. It can’t be! When Hina realized what they were, she was shocked. And if she hadn’t been sure enough before, the next noise she heard sealed the deal. Squeak! The two of them descended down into the basement. For a moment, Hina stopped in her tracks. She squeezed the handle of her halberd tight. A few tense words escaped her lips. “…I see there were survivors.” Not only was that wholly unexpected, but also, to her, it was proof of a grave failing on her part. For to a servant like her, rats were her natural enemy. Unfortunately— —the castle’s custodian had no patience whatsoever for dust, bugs, cobwebs, weeds, or rats. Whenever she found them, dead or alive, she would fight to the bitter end to ensure they were completely purged from the castle’s halls. For example, there was the valiant battle she’d fought the day prior. As part of her task for the day, Hina went down to the basement. There were no problems with the teleportation circle, and all the traps were responding properly. But in one of the basement’s rarely used rooms, she discovered that there was something strange going on. The records listed the room as empty, yet inside, it was full of grain. As a result, a rat infestation had taken root there, and to make matters worse, the preservation magic cast on the grain had resulted in a problematic side effect. Thanks to its power, the rats had grown to be as large as human babies. When Hina fought them, it was a fierce affair indeed. In the end, though, she managed to trounce them with ease, albeit with her legs a little more gnawed on than before. She knew that dumping their bodies in the forest ran the risk of disturbing the ecosystem, so she instead buried them out by the rear garden. Was it coldhearted of her? Perhaps. But the world was a coldhearted place. At that point, though, she got complacent and made the incorrect assumption that the battle was over. And that was a grave error. Some of the rats had survived. And where there were two survivors, there were probably two hundred more out of sight. “Oh dear… It would appear I’ve made a blunder. This time, I must be sure to finish them off before my beloved Master Kaito or my dearest Lady Elisabeth runs into them!” Hina clenched her fists tight. The thing was, her beloved Kaito dwelled in a golem body. In theory, it was immortal, but not even he would survive being eaten alive. In that regard, a huge swarm of giant rats was like his natural predator. And as for Elisabeth, the rats themselves didn’t pose a threat to her, but if they scared her badly enough, there was a chance she would end up bringing the whole castle down just to kill them. Hina needed to settle this alone, and as quickly as possible. Before she descended the stairs leading into the basement, she massaged her temples and thought her options over. I remember the room where I faced the rats yesterday, and I think it’s safe to assume their nest is somewhere near it. Now, if I head to that room and that room, I should be able to find… Hina searched her memory for all the bits and pieces she needed. Each time she walked through the castle’s labyrinthine basement, she added the route she took to the ever-expanding map of the area that she kept stored in her brain with astonishing accuracy. She even recorded the contents of every room she visited. She would need materials for this rematch, and she knew just where to find them. It was unclear how many survivors there were, but it was essential that she wipe them out completely this time. Now certain of her path, Hina snapped her eyes back open. “All right, this will work! I was the one who made the mistake, so it’s time for me to make things right!” After rallying her spirit, she stowed her halberd in her leather bag and daintily lifted the hem of her maid outfit. Then she gracefully descended the stairs. Her silver hair swayed as she vanished into the gloom. Incidentally, this was around the same time that Kaito and Elisabeth started looking for her to check the wine-bottle count and coax her into making a midnight snack, respectively. However, there was no way Hina could have known that. Down in the basement, not even her beloved master’s voice could reach her. Undeterred, Hina began running through the underground corridors. Her first mission was to figure out where their nest was. To do that, she headed for the grain storeroom where their previous battle took place. To get to the present, you had to start with the past. At the moment, their old battleground was devoid of rats, but Hina didn’t let that discourage her. Not faltering or panicking in the slightest, she pulled a block of strong-smelling cheese out of her leather bag, tore off fragrant little chunks, and placed them throughout the hallway. Cheese might seem like an odd thing to carry around, but she liked to have some on hand so Kaito or Elisabeth would have something to eat if the situation called for it. Then she concealed her presence and waited. When she really put her mind to it, Hina could even silence the cogwheels inside herself and truly act the part of an object. Before long, a single rat appeared. Not noticing her, it took the cheese in its mouth and happily scurried off. Hina followed behind it with silent footsteps. After tracking it for a little while, she arrived a corner and made a sudden stop. She peeked around it. There was something writhing around the bend. Upon further inspection, she discovered that it was some sort of strange, rapidly growing ivy. It would seem that the rats weren’t her only enemies. Hina carefully surveyed the surroundings. In doing so, she finally realized what had driven the rats’ irregular growth. There were several large piles of clay scattered all over the hallway floor, which was odd, given that she was underground. They were where the ivy had taken root. Considering the golem, the rats, and the grain seeds, the answer was as clear as day. “I see… It all started when one of them dropped some seeds it was carrying. And I suspect that their nest is inside it.” Ever since the ivy grew around their nest, the rats had been enjoying its blessing. It made for the perfect defensive wall. However, now Hina knew where they lived. Her task was set. Hina nodded. The method she had in mind should end up getting rid of the ivy, too. This wasn’t a problem. “Now then… Let’s get this started, shall we?” Her emerald eyes flashed as she shifted her battle plan into its second phase. Little did she know, though, that things were only going to get harder from there. “Hmmm. It really is kind of old, isn’t it?” Hina crossed her arms. She was in another storeroom that had been listed as empty on her maps. Several jars sat before her, all of which she’d pulled down from the crumbling shelf embedded in the wall. At a glance, they looked like antique bottles of wine, but they were actually chemicals infused with mana. However, these weren’t the kinds of fancy chemicals that professional mages used in their research. They were just minor household supplies, like pesticides and herbicides. It wasn’t exactly a trivial task, but by going to Mage’s Row in the Capital and getting a membership card, which demonstrated that one understood enough about magic to know how dangerous they could be, even members of the general public could get their hands on such chemicals. However, it was unlikely that anywhere but Elisabeth’s castle had them stocked in such variety or quantities. It was a complete mystery as to why she’d bought so much. In all likelihood, though, she’d probably had a small bug problem at some point, freaked out, and completely overreacted. Later, Hina had taken it upon herself to draw strangely adorable skull marks on the lids of each one. That way, nobody would accidentally mistake them for wine. It was a more legitimate concern than one might think, as Elisabeth was secretly a giant klutz. It really is such a charming feature of hers… That aside, though, we have a problem. After mentally reaffirming how adorable her master was, Hina sank back into thought. She stared at the box of herbs and the two types of bottles she’d picked out. “It’s as I feared. They’ve grown too deteriorated.” At the moment, Hina’s plan was to concoct a powerful rodenticide. She was using a recipe listed in her Self-Recording Device; these instruction had been passed down since time immemorial by traveling mages who used it when they visited small villages stricken by plagues. The process involved combining two kinds of simple cleaning chemicals, then tossing in an herb that would release poisonous fumes to kill the vermin. The problem, though, was that the chemicals had weakened with age. “Well, no sense in standing around worrying about it. Let’s at least see how it looks.” Hina ripped the oil-paper lid off one of the bottles. Even just doing that was enough for her to tell how half-hearted the bottles’ supposedly airtight seals had been. She frowned, then poured a drop on her finger and placed it atop her tongue. It was a special automaton technique for testing such things. For a moment, she closed her eyes. Then when the analysis was complete, she nodded. “Yes, just as I thought. I can’t really expect these to have much of an effect at all.” The chemical had lost almost all its mana, and its composition had badly degraded. As a result, the toxin’s effect on the rats would be much lower in turn. There was no way such an inferior poison would be enough to take down those massive rodents. Hmm. Hina closed her eyes and thought. One option was to simply head back upstairs. From there, she could get in contact with the Butcher and order fresh chemicals. However, that would mean leaving Kaito and Elisabeth to coexist with the rats while she waited for the chemicals to arrive. In Hina’s mind, that was a complete nonstarter. Why, she was Kaito’s eternal lover, his faithful companion, his soldier, his weapon, his love outlet, his sex doll, and his maid. She refused to expose her lover to so much as the faintest possibility of harm. And she refused to allow rats a place by her masters’ sides as well. She had her pride, after all. “That’s right. I can’t give up now; it’s simply not an option.” She clenched her fists in determination. Running away with her tail between her legs would be a disgrace on her name as a servant. As a good wife, and as a proper maid, she didn’t have the option of giving up. “It’s all right, though. I have a plan. The only thing I need to do is follow my master’s example.” Hina placed her hands, overlapping one over the other, atop her sizable chest. She closed her eyes as though in prayer. Then she spoke in a voice brimming with faith and affection. “That’s right—it’s time to emulate Lady Elisabeth, poison-cooking extraordinaire!” Hina was completely serious, by the way. Her words were intended as a sincere compliment. If Elisabeth herself had heard her, though, she would have let out a shriek like an avian cryptid and sent Kaito flying with a ferocious kick. Why MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?! he’d have cried as he spun through the air. Fortunately, however, no such victim emerged here. Hina nodded vigorously and reached for a new bottle. “Luckily for me, I’m an automaton, and poison has no effect on me! Thanks to that, I can make my concoction with the Lady Elisabeth Method: ‘Throw random things in the dish as the mood strikes me’!” Then she grabbed the large copper tub from the bottommost crumbling shelf. Just as originally planned, she dumped the two chemicals into it. After taking the now-empty bottles and tossing them on the ground helter-skelter, she immediately reached out and grabbed more bottles. She steeled her resolve. “All right, let’s do this! Time to make an even stronger rat poison—the Hina’s special Murder Supreme Version!” And with that, she announced the start of her horrific experiment. A centipede tried to flee from a crack in the wall, but it died before it could travel far. Several spiders plopped down from the ceiling. Not one of them was still alive. Hina let out a cry of delight at the successful completion of her slightly deranged experiment. “I-it’s finished! I knew the Lady Elisabeth Method would do the trick! Now I’ve successfully defended my honor as Master Kaito’s maid! Pant, pant, oh, Master Kaito, how I wish I could lick you and smooch you and nibble your adorable face!” Her cheeks flushed scarlet. Before her, the surface of the completed brew burbled and gleamed in a most unnatural way. At first, it was purple, then red. For a moment, it faded into a dull gray, before then shifting into an array of rainbow hues. For whatever reason, it ultimately settled on a deep, dark green. The whole process defied explanation. At least the color it ended up as was a fairly reasonable one for a chemical to be. Automatons didn’t sweat, but Hina wiped her brow and let out a long breath all the same. It felt like the appropriate gesture to make, given the circumstances. She took another look at her finished concoction.
Chapter 121
18 min read