Some were already healed. Some hadn’t. There were some that were still bleeding, some that were absurd, and some where there was nothing to be done but accept them. Of course, there were some that weren’t related to his mother or father or how he was born. There were scars no one had meant to inflict, which had only been born from misunderstood feelings.
He chose the dwelling place of his own soul, but he couldn’t move the multitude of other people’s souls in this world. There were people who intentionally wanted to hurt others and times he couldn’t avoid them. That’s reality. That’s how people are, he thought. And because he himself was a person living in reality, no matter how careful he was, there might be times when he involuntarily hurt others.
“But well…you’re here with me, at least.”
“Me? Really?”
He nodded and then went silent for a bit. Taiga looked at Ryuuji’s face and buried her own in her knees as she hugged them. Her eyes were strange, like she wanted to laugh and cry, as she traced her soft, rosy lips with her fingertip.
“You think that much of me?”
I do, Ryuuji thought to himself. He had only one thing that kept him from becoming disheartened—one thing that kept him going, regardless of how hard or far away it was to get to the place he was going.
There was something in the depths of Ryuuji’s soul that carried his body and mind through the harshness of reality. It was like a pair of eyes that saw him for what he was: someone who loved and was loved. He vowed he would never betray it. He would learn how to live in the place he was by looking through those eyes that established his being, his actions, and his emotions in his heart.
He believed that what he saw with those eyes was his own world.
He also believed that there existed something similar in Taiga’s heart, which only she could have established. He just wished she could see that.
As they remained sitting in the ever-chilling hallway illuminated by a diminutive light, Taiga didn’t pry any further. Her gaze dropped to the faint shadows cast by Ryuuji’s feet.
“Do you hold a grudge against that guy?” he said. “He just did as he pleased and turned your life upside down. Then there’s your birth mother, your stepmother, and your mom’s new spouse…and you’re getting a new baby sister or brother. You’re the one who’s got it complicated. What are you thinking?”
“I—”
Ryuuji felt like he was praying as he watched those suddenly silent lips. But Taiga’s eyes wavered as she looked into the distance. She was looking at something all on her own. She raised her well-defined chin, and her eyes seemed to glitter, defying the world spread before her head-on.
What was she looking at? How vast was the vision she saw? What stars shone in her world? What seasons graced it? What winds blew on it? He wanted to know. Ryuuji wanted to see it. He wanted to stand in the same place. He wanted to exist beside her.
Born into separate bodies, their two divided souls would never become one. Regardless of that, he still wanted to know what he could do to be as close to her as he could.
“Can we head in there? Stoves are better.” As if to answer Ryuuji’s question, Taiga returned her gaze to Ryuuji. She rubbed her hands together and breathed warm air onto them. Haah. “It’s way too cold,” her voice trembled.
“Right. Go turn off the heater.”
Taiga briefly vanished into the dark room. Beep. The faint sound of the heater being turned off came to Ryuuji’s ears. The chilly floorboards of the hallway might have been too cold for bare feet. As Taiga softened her footsteps, she kept to the tips of her toes and hop-slipped into the room prepared for Ryuuji and Yasuko. Finally, she gently shut the door.
“Aah, this room is definitely warmer…” Her shoulders relaxed as she exhaled. She took a breath of warm air in the room illuminated only by the orange stove. “You better not look over here.”
She clutched at the chest of her borrowed pajamas, folding them in like she was collapsing a folding fan, curved her waist oddly, and tilted her head. Are you somebody’s chambermaid or something? Ryuuji wanted to tease her, but instead just asked, “Why?”
“It’s because this is definitely too big. The chest is baggy, and that’s bugging me.”
“Ah, that’s too bad, what a pity. Cheer up and dry your hair by the stove.”
“I don’t know why, but you’re kind of irritating, and I can’t make a big deal about it, or they’ll hear downstairs. I’ll let it go, but I’m not forgetting this—I’ll never forget.”
Taiga glared at Ryuuji. She was still clutching tightly at her chest with both hands as she cut through the room. She sat down cozily in front of the stove that was separated slightly from the side-by-side bedding laid out for Ryuuji and Yasuko. She held her hands out to the heat source that emitted a strong orange light in the otherwise unlit room. “Ahh, I feel like I’m coming back to life…but I still haven’t forgotten!” She glared at Ryuuji once again.
Just keep staring. Ryuuji defiantly stretched his legs out over his own bed. He stared at his unshapely toenails for a while and exhaled all the air and nerves in his chest. He absolutely wouldn’t be able to get any closer to her that night. Even this far apart in a room behind closed doors, he felt terrified when they just looked at each other. That was why he was glad she was glaring at him.
But in actuality—if he were to say how he actually felt—the sound of her breath reaching his ears was maddening enough to scorch his mind.
That was because the girl he loved was here.
His heart felt like a roller coaster. All of his senses reacted to the girl immediately before him—to the strands of Taiga’s light, fluttering hair, her delicate shoulders, her ever-so-pale wrist where the roundness of her bones stood out. No matter what he did, his eyes would follow her first. She seemed like she would be gently fragrant, and the left side of the room where Taiga sat was warmer—probably because the stove was there.