Of course, even though they didn’t sell out, they sold much more than their day’s quota. Before they went home, Taiga bought four small boxes, and the chocolate mountain became much smaller.
“I’ve been thinking of doing Valentine’s thank-you gifts for a while. I wanted to send some nice chocolates from the department store basement by mail, but now that this happened, I guess this will do.”
“Thank-you gifts? For what?”
Ryuuji and Taiga were on the way home, walking side-by-side together a slight distance apart.
“For Kitamura-kun, Minorin, and you. It’s a thank you for saving my life. They’re pretty shabby, but…I’ll at least give some to Dimhuahua, too. She did end up helping us. I told her one would be on me, but I forgot to give it to her—so, four boxes. I’ll give them out at school tomorrow. You think it’d be too weird to leave them in this packaging?”
“You’re giving some to me? That’s a little weird…for me at least. We’re going to be selling those tomorrow, too, you know.”
“Maybe I’ll do something about the packaging tonight.”
“Just melt them. Just remake them and say that they were handmade. That’s all you need to do to package them.”
They rounded their backs to the cold and stuck their hands in their pockets as they walked their usual route home. A cold wind came from nowhere, chilling them to the marrow. The backs of their throats felt like they were freezing over.
“You know what—” Taiga looked at her toes as she muttered. “Time just flew by. I felt like time wasn’t moving at all at first, but when we started selling, it went by really fast.”
“I felt like that, too.”
Ryuuji also faced down and pulled his scarf up to his mouth. He warmed himself slightly with his own breath.
“I got tired, but it was a lot better than I expected—the work, that is.”
“Yeah, it really was, though I didn’t do anything.”
“You taped stuff, didn’t you?”
He actually felt regretful at the thought that the job would be done after the next day. He wanted to keep doing a lot more, Ryuuji thought. Actually moving around like this made him feel like he could start seeing a path forward. He felt like his helpless impatience and anxiety had gotten get hazier as he worked that day.
“About yesterday… I’m sorry I said that you were a nuisance.” He had been able to start working because Taiga was there. “Thanks. If I were alone, I would have made up excuses and never been able to work. I think.”
“What’re you talking about? Don’t thank me for something like that. I’m the one who needs to be thanking you.”
“You’re being nice for once. In that case, make sure you do something with those chocolates. If you look up a recipe online, I think you’ll find something that can tell you what to do.”
Ryuuji smiled like she’d made a joke, but Taiga turned to him slightly, and she pouted, “Actually… If I give you chocolates, Ryuuji, would you be happy?”
“Huh?”
Ryuuji looked back at Taiga. As though she understood his confusion, she added, “Because I have no clue.”
“You have no clue about what?” Ryuuji was the one to pout this time. “What kind of brute do you think I am if I wouldn’t be happy getting chocolates as a thank you from you… You really don’t know?”
“I got it… Then…then, I’ll work really hard. I’ll try to make them a little better.” Taiga swung the plastic bag in her hand and nodded as she stared at the four boxes of chocolate.
When she said “then,” it was like she was saying she was working hard in order to make me happy.
Taiga was working hard because it would make him happy—because she liked him.
Ryuuji looked at her stubborn face and stopped walking.
Taiga had said that even if she tried her best, it would amount to nothing. She’d tried her best and just ended up falling down a cliff, she’d said. That she would still do her best for him meant that she was prepared to fall down that cliff if necessary.
In that case—he wanted to grab Taiga’s hand as she fell. He wanted to pull her back up and save her. What could he do if that was how he felt?
Suddenly, Ryuuji felt like the ground at his feet was collapsing.
He’d thought that if he hadn’t found out how she felt, nothing would have changed. That if he could just forget what had happened, things would go back to the way they were.
But that was wrong, wasn’t it?
Taiga was still falling down the cliff. She was still being hurt, and despite that, she hadn’t called out for help. He would lose her. She would leave Ryuuji on top of the hill in the blizzard and fall, silently, until she could eventually walk out on her own.
Taiga kept walking, not noticing Ryuuji standing stock-still under the midwinter night sky. Her back, bathed in the bright white of the streetlights, moved farther and farther away. Her long hair moved with the sound of her footsteps. In that moment, she might really have been unreachable. She was going off alone. That was the direction Taiga had decided to take.
Then what about me?
Taiga had made a mistake.
She let Ryuuji hear her voice.
If something started stirring because of that mistake, then who would take responsibility for it? Was it okay for him to forget about it? But…
But, but, but, but—he couldn’t.
He couldn’t just watch as Taiga went off on her own. He couldn’t do anything now that his feelings had been stirred. And even if he could forget about it and pretend it never happened, he didn’t want to do that anymore. He didn’t want to turn a blind eye ever again when Taiga was hurting.
He wanted to save Taiga.
Just like Taiga, he had swallowed back his cry for help. He had wanted to cling to her, and still, he had desperately let go of her hand, because the journey Ryuuji needed to take was his alone.
But when it came to Taiga—when he thought about how Taiga would be at a standstill, hurt, and continuing to try her best, he realized her journey was toward him. Ryuuji wanted to help Taiga as she fell. He wanted to run out into the blizzard and grab Taiga’s hand as many times as he needed to. To make sure Taiga wouldn’t be hurt anymore, to make sure she didn’t fall down anymore, he didn’t want to let go of her hand ever again. He didn’t want to be left alone again.
He wanted Taiga to know that.
Finally noticing that Ryuuji wasn’t following after her, as she held her hair back from the wind, Taiga stopped and turned around. The hem of her white angora coat turned up, and the frills on her long skirt fluttered. Her eyes twinkled brightly. Her light-peach lips moved, and he heard her voice as she said something—Ryuuji! What do you think you’re doing? I thought you were with me, so I was talking all by myself!
That was Aisaka Taiga.
She was in the same class as him. They were coincidentally neighbors. People called her the Palmtop Tiger. She was stubborn, tyrannical, arrogant, a rich mademoiselle, an abandoned child, a klutz, careless, rough, but delicate. She was easy to break and had to be carefully handled. She was as lonely as an aimless paper airplane.
That was Aisaka Taiga.
“Taiga…”
I want to help you, Ryuuji thought.
He wanted to give her something that would make her glow with happiness. No matter what form it took, no matter what it was, he just earnestly wanted to give her happiness with his very own hands.
That was why he didn’t want to pretend that he hadn’t heard her. He couldn’t forget it. Ryuuji wanted to always hear Taiga’s voice. Her true voice.
But Taiga wouldn’t understand that. Taiga wouldn’t understand Ryuuji’s feelings.
Taiga was going off alone. She was holding her tongue and leaving Ryuuji behind.