You idiot, he wanted to say.
Ryuuji was so overcome by the rush of emotions coming to him, that his mouth couldn’t keep up. His shoulders shook. What was he supposed to say first? How could he put the emotions he felt into words after Ami said that because of him?
“You…”
Somewhere in his head, he remembered how Taiga looked earlier. She was so lonely and regretted things she couldn’t do anything about, and also—right, she looked almost as miserable as himself.
It wasn’t just him and Taiga. Everyone looked the same. Everyone might have been in the same boat.
Something wouldn’t go right, and it would happen without anyone knowing or attempting to find out.
“I can’t believe you’re throwing away everything you have and running away like that just because you made a mistake! You’re refusing to look at anything and going on and on about how you’re so lonely—what is that?! Don’t you think the people you’re leaving behind are going to be lonely, too?!”
He yelled at her in vain again, unable to understand her or get across to her. The pain they were directing at each other was vividly clear, though.
Everyone must have felt the same. Him, Ami, and Taiga. Noto and Haruta must have, too, and even Kitamura—Kitamura had been crouching down and frozen at one point, too, hadn’t he? Even Minori, who was a forward-facing powerhouse, said she had been suffering alone because she’d been caught up in what-ifs. None of them had been able to reveal their pain and suffering to anyone else.
“In your eyes, who’s supposed to be doing fine?! Everyone is thinking about things, doing tons of stuff they shouldn’t be, making mistakes, feeling embarrassed, doing the wrong thing, and living! You can make mistakes, too! You can just be embarrassed and leave it at an ‘Oops!’ Why can’t you do—”
“Do you even have the right to say that, Takasu-kun?!”
Ami’s voice went high and cracked. She pushed him, and he pitifully staggered.
“Whenever I was lost or hurt, you never, ever noticed! You never noticed me!”
“How should I have known?! I had no idea! I’m not perfect either!”
Just how old and how mature did a person need to be before they could keep pathetic things like that from coming out of their mouth? Would he ever be able to come to an understanding with another person, sympathize with them, and actually tell them his feelings?
“Then don’t say stuff you don’t need to! You’re just so…! I would have been better off never meeting you…!”
Would he ever be able to go through life without hurting someone he really cared about? Would he be able to go without getting hurt himself?
“I really should have left school back then!”
As Ami yelled at him with a shaking voice, she rubbed her tears away with the back of her hand and ran off. He thought of how he could stop her, but he didn’t know what to do.
He stared as Ami left the park. Then Ryuuji also started moving. He left the park and started walking in the opposite direction Ami had run off to.
By the time he noticed the voicemails on his cell phone, he had already gotten more than ten missed calls.