“What sort of headspace are you training in right now?”
Klaus immediately picked up on the way Sara’s emotions had shifted. She hadn’t been trying to hide it or anything, but it was still an impressive feat.
Sara was on cooking duty that day, and Klaus had walked in while she was in the kitchen. He’d caught her alone while her shiftmate Lily was out buying dessert.
It pained her a little to break the news to the man who’d put so much faith in her. “I gave up. I’m never going to be a first-rate spy.”
“…What are you talking about?”
There was a hint of confusion in his voice.
Sara would be lying if she said it didn’t hurt to hear that, but she had no regrets about the path she’d chosen. “I know it sounds a bit silly coming from me, but everyone on Lamplight has things they’re a bit scatterbrained about.”
“I can’t argue with that.”
“So instead of honing my strengths, I’ve decided to be a spy who can shore up my teammates’ weaknesses. That way, I’ll be able to protect them better.”
Her goal wasn’t to be a hyper-specialized expert, but rather to be average, with no particular flaws. That was the conclusion she’d reached. From Lily’s clumsiness to Grete’s as-yet-dubious endurance to Erna’s lack of interpersonal skills, all the Lamplight girls had some clear gaps in their skill sets. Therein lay Sara’s new objective—to become someone who could fill in those holes.
If that meant giving up on going head-to-head with powerful foes, then that was fine by her. It wasn’t like she would have been able to beat them anyway. She could simply get her teammates to defeat them for her. It was her allies with the first-rate skills, not her.
In all the world, there wasn’t a single person as blessed with teammates as her.
So knowing that, Sara had chosen to put her trust in the others.
“That’s what I’m going to be. A bland, unrefined second-rate spy who keeps her allies safe.”
First things first, she was going to need to shore up her close-quarters and conversational abilities. Those were Erna’s and Annette’s big weaknesses. Sara didn’t need to become the best of the best. As long as she got stronger than those two, then she’d be able to use those skills to protect them.
When she explained her current goals, she couldn’t help but break into a smile.
“Was that a constructive choice, do you think?”
Klaus’s expression was stony.
Unsurprisingly, he wasn’t convinced.
“This isn’t what I had in mind when I played Heide’s music for you. I wasn’t trying to beat you down, get you to know your place, or give in. I think too highly of your talents for that.”
Sara was infinitely grateful to hear that from a spy of his caliber. He and Monika had spent so much time cheering her on, acknowledging her skills, and doing everything they could to help her grow. They thought of her as a prodigy, and their actions reflected that. Everything she was, she was thanks to them.
Yet in spite of all that, she had to refute them. And she needed to do it before their encouragement became a curse binding her in place.
Sara was going to live selfishly. She was going to go her own way, even if it meant going against their expectations.
After many trials and tribulations, she’d outgrown her mentors.
“For me, even being second-rate feels like an impossibly high bar to hit.”
Sara shared her honest thoughts.
“After all, my real dream is to eventually quit being a spy.”
It was a perilous line of work, and she wanted to get out of it as soon as she could. A slower life was much more her speed. She was going to save up her completion bonuses, visit lots of countries to expand her horizons, and someday, she was going to retire alongside her friends.
There was no need for her to shine.
She didn’t have to be the center of attention. If it meant keeping her teammates alive, she was willing to sink to whatever depths it took.
She wanted to be a wildfire—a meadow that let her allies’ lights grow into massive conflagrations.
During her time working for the man code named Bonfire, she’d finally grown to accept herself. Once she’d gotten her friends’ fires too big to stop, she was happy just burning out and disappearing.
Klaus’s eyes widened a smidge. “I really…”
“Hm?”
“No, it’s just…I failed to lead you, in every sense of the word. Back when you didn’t have a dream of your own, and back when you couldn’t close the gap between your dreams and reality, you ended up finding solutions all by yourself.”
It was rare to see him at such a loss for words.
Eventually, he gave his head a disappointed shake.
“It’s weird, though. Even so, I’m feeling a surge of pride.”
Sara could feel her face go bright red.
Those words alone made it all feel worth it.
Even if she quit, the time she spent with Lamplight wasn’t for nothing. A life one was forced into was completely different from one they’d grabbed hold of for themselves. The fact that she’d been able to weigh it against being a spy gave the future she’d chosen for herself an irreplaceable value.
There was something she’d decided it was better not to say, yet it spilled from her lips anyhow. “To tell you the truth…I actually found another dream recently.”
“What’s that?”
Right then, the oven made a satisfying noise. The vegetables she’d been roasting were finished. Sara put on her mitts and opened the oven door. A rush of hot air came out, accompanied by the delightful smell of melted cheese.
“When I quit being a spy and open up my restaurant—”
She pulled out her gratin and looked at Klaus. She’d taken a recipe he’d taught her and added her own twist to it.
“—I’m going to make you into my biggest fan, Boss.”
Klaus had given her so much.
This time, she wanted to be the one giving back to him.
“I’ll make it so good, you’ll want to come eat there every single day. It’ll be a restaurant you’ll keep visiting forever and ever for your whole life. That’s my big dream…”
As soon as she first pictured that idyllic future, she hadn’t been able to get it out of her head. The image of opening a restaurant with her Lamplight friends and having Klaus visit them every day had been stuck with her. She’d initially fantasized about working alongside him, but she’d decided that serving him food sounded even more appealing.
Sara was ready to put her life on the line fighting for that dream.
“What are you talking about?” Klaus said, looking baffled.
“I already am your fan. I’m your fan right now, at this very moment.”
At no point had he fallen back into his habit of calling things “magnificent.”
Perhaps his feelings were so great, that word wasn’t enough to contain them. When Sara realized that, she very nearly broke out into tears of heartfelt joy.