Chapter 93

4 Why, hello there. My name is Geppei Amakusa. I suppose you haven’t heard of me where you’re from, but here in Byoma, I’m quite famous. Why is that, you ask? Could it be because of my stunning beauty? My tail, soft and luxurious; my fur, white as freshly fallen snow; my gaze arresting; my bust full and— Oh-ho-ho-ho! Easy, tiger! Rrrowr. That’s all true, but it isn’t the reason. You see…I am the miracle wonder child that brought Byoma to its knees! Here’s what they teach little kitties around here: The wicked Geppei Amakusa led the Matango, her army of followers, in revolt against the Yatsuhashi rule, and the great Yokan, the eighth shogun, rose up and beat her to a pulp… But I did not get beaten to a pulp! It’s all lies, lies, lies! Well, I did lose; that much is true. But the gods are on my side, for now I live again! Now, watch, Yokan. Watch as I flay the soot-black hide off your back and turn you into a rug, so I can step on your smug little face for all eternity! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!! Oh-ho-ho-ho—! Singe! “Aiiieeeeeeee!” “Frick. Terribly sorry, Miss Amakusa!” “Pay attention, you idiotic girl! See how you just burned my beautiful fur?” Ahem. I do beg your pardon for that unseemly outburst. It’s just that I am currently getting my fur permed, you see. Do you know what a perm is? It’s a marvel of human technology, and it turns my fur into these dazzlingly stylish curls. Of course, that’s not to say my fur isn’t dazzlingly stylish au naturel, but a little makeover now and then isn’t— Singe! “Aiiieeeeeee!” “Aw, crap! Terribly sorry, Miss Amakusa!” “You little hussy! You’re doing it on purpose, aren’t you?! Wait until you get a taste of my claws!” “N-no need to get violent, Miss Amakusa! It’s all done! Here, take a look in the mirror! Doesn’t your magnificent fur look even more beautiful now?” “Oh… Well, yes, I suppose it does. You are rather competent, for a human girl. Very well, I believe you deserve a reward.” “Cheers, ma’am!” Hmm? What’s the matter? Oh, you want to know more about the little mademoiselle here? I feel I’m the more interesting one in the room by far, but very well, if you insist. She came down from the Human Realm just yesterday, don’t you know. She’s quite the rarity. After all, no one’s seen hide nor fur of a person in over a hundred years. However, despite being human, she sports cat ears and a tail. Quite curious, I must say. I was originally planning to kill her, but it turns out she’s rather skilled with all these odd machines and whatnot. That’s how I got this perm, you see. Her name? I don’t concern myself with the names of common strays, I’m afraid… You insist? Oh, very well. I shall ask. “What is your name, young child?” “Oh? That’s weird. I thought ya weren’t interested earlier.” “Very well, I assume you won’t be wanting your reward, then?” “Tirol. Tirol Ochagama.” There you go. Wasn’t that a letdown? So? Are the two of you acquainted in some way? I swear, these humans all look the same to me, with their creepy, furless faces. Urgh! Still, as you can see, they are easily manipulated without the use of brute force. As a high-class madame, I know when to deploy the carrot and when the stick. As an example, watch as I use my miantra to give her what she wants… “Nyan/nyad/myare/smeow.” A veritable trove of oban and koban coins appears out of thin air. And I know what you’re thinking, but these are no mere illusions. “Whooooa!! Real gold! I can’t believe my eyes!!” Really, now. How rambunctious. I heard that humans are even madder for gold than we cats are, but this girl really takes the cake. She’s rolling around in the gold pile like a dog. It’s embarrassing. …In any case, now that my perm is complete, I have work that must be done. I’d love to stay and chat, but this world isn’t going to conquer itself. Au revoir! “Girl, I have work to attend to. Make everything ready for my massage session, will you?” “Whoooa! Gooold!” “Dearie me. Is this all it takes to make you so excited?” Amakusa heaved a dramatic sigh and pulled a small hand mirror from the folds of her luxurious gown. “And I don’t think you need me to tell you this,” she said as she examined herself in it, “but don’t you dare try anything funny. Got it?” She snapped her claws, and a floating tube of gold lipstick appeared in her paw. Humming a tune, she applied it to her lips, puckering them in the mirror before disappearing down a torch-lined stone staircase. Tirol was left to frolic in the pile of gold coins. “Wahooo! Whooa! Yahoooo! Yippee…” Then, once Geppei’s footsteps had faded, Tirol sat up straight, twitching her new cat ears. …Is she gone? Her catlike amber eyes cautiously scanned the bounds of Amakusa’s sumptuous private chamber. Then she sprang into action…backtracking a little to stuff as many of the gold coins as she could into her pockets. After that, she headed for Geppei’s desk, which was covered in old scrolls. There she found the details of many magical techniques that Amakusa must have developed. It seemed that, in contrast to her overbearing personality, the cat lady was quite methodical when it came to her arcane studies. She’s gotta be behind the catitis; there’s no doubt! There must be some way to reverse it in one of these things… Tirol fished through the mountain of scrolls, taking care not to damage any with her sharp claws. Magic Bell Technique… Not this one. Golden Claws Technique, Monstroom Control Technique… Not these either… Coin Generation Technique! This is the one! …Wait, no it isn’t. Don’t get distracted, Tirol! She tossed the scrolls aside one by one, until her eyes fell upon a single unassuming specimen at the bottom of the pile. … Her merchant senses told her it was important. She picked it up and unfurled it. Research into the Ultrafaith Arrow… This is it! Ten years have passed since I, Geppei Amakusa, fell at the hands of Yokan, the Catwisp Blade, and was sealed in the catacombs beneath Koban Temple. Ten long years of anger and resentment. Until the day a golden arrow fell down from heaven, revitalizing my mortal body. By my command, this miraculous arrow can be made to accomplish impossible deeds. With it, I may finally lay low my eternal foe, Yokan Yatsuhashi, and unite all life in salvation. The arrow speaks to me. It calls itself, “the Ultrafaith Arrow.” “The Ultrafaith Arrow…” Tirol’s brain went into overdrive, piecing together the fragmented clues. So essentially, after Bisco fired the Ultrafaith Arrow, it had found its way here, to the Cat Realm, and hit Amakusa’s entombed body, bringing her and her wicked schemes back to life. And the arrow is the source of her power! Tirol hid the scroll in her robe and began searching the room when a thought occurred to her. Amakusa would surely be keeping such a powerful artifact somewhere on her person…or on her cat, at any rate. I need to get close to that caked-up kitty and steal it off her! Argh, geez! Why is it always me? As she was pondering this, Tirol suddenly heard a voice from the caves into which Geppei had disappeared. “Waaagh! Stop!!” “Lord Yokan, please save us!!” It sounded like Amakusa was torturing her captured victims. I can sense the magic in ’em, thought Tirol. She picked up one of the golden coins and ran a finger along its edge. But these ain’t the fakes we learned to make at the Gilded Elephants. They’re the real dealio. It’s gotta be the Ultrafaith Arrow that’s lettin’ her make ’em. If I wanna steal it, now’s my only chance! With courage far beyond her meager stature, Tirol steeled her nerve and crept stealthily down the stone staircase after her new mistress. Ding-a-ling. Ding-a-ling. The sound of a small bell echoed off the walls of the cell. “Waaagh!!” “Stop! Somebody stop that infernal sound!” Ding-a-ling. Ding-a-ling. “P-Pao… Gaga…” “Yo-Yohee! What’s wrong?! Keep it together!” “Urgh… Ga…ga…” Gaboom! “Pao! Bab-ba-ba-bam!” “No! They’ve turned you into a monstroom! A-and now it’s happening to me, too…!” Gaboom! “Bab-ba-ba-bam!” “Sure is cramped in here.” “Like sardines.” “Not sardines. Mushrooms.” “Wha?” “Oh no.” “Bab-ba-ba-bam!” “Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!” Amakusa stood before the cell, deeply amused at the transfiguration of her captive catfolk. Above her outstretched paw, her magic bell rocked back and forth in the air, emitting a pleasant chime. It was none other than this innocuous sound that was responsible for the poor felines’ terrifying transformations. “I really have become rather good at this, haven’t I?” Amakusa said. “I still remember what an effort this used to be… Hmm?” “Ugh…ggghh…gggh…” “Oh my. You’re quite a difficult one, aren’t you?” One cat near the front of the cell—a samurai, going by his garb—paused just shy of completing his transformation. He wrapped his claws around the bars, struggling to hold out against Amakusa’s wicked spell. “Well, now that I get a good look at you, you’re quite a beau. Why don’t we have some fun before you become my pawn, hmm?” “I will never bend to the wicked ways of the Matango, witch. My heart belongs to the shogunate!” “Oh, really, mon amour. Brainwashing is so last century.” Geppei waved her arms, and a golden bolt appeared—the Ultrafaith Arrow. “Now that I have this, I need no longer resort to such…crude methods. Now, accept your salvation, you poor thing.” “C-curses. I cannot resist. Yokan, my liege… Strike down this witch and release us…!” “Don’t you dare speak that name in my presence, you sniveling little rat!” “Grrrh!” Ding-a-ling! Ding-a-ling! Ding-a-ling! Gaboom! “Pao!” “There we go,” said Amakusa. “Oh, you’re a very handsome specimen, aren’t you? Why don’t you be one of my centurions?” “Yes, ma’am!” “Good boy. Oh dear, I have worked up an awful sweat, haven’t I?” Amakusa fanned herself with her paw before turning and approaching a barren wall of the cavern. Here she lifted the Ultrafaith Arrow and spoke. “Fantastique Action! Make me a bathtub!” As if by magic, a door appeared in the wall, leading to a magnificent golden bathroom, with steam already rising off the piping-hot water. Geppei smiled at the sight, then turned to her minions. “If any of you peek, you’ll get the claw! Got it?” “We won’t peek.” “Don’t flatter yourself.” “Argh! Shut up!” With that, she stepped into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. …Now! Taking care to avoid the watchful eyes of the monstrooms, Tirol crept up to the bathroom door and teased it open. Inside, she spotted Amakusa’s gown hanging on a peg, and in one of the pockets, the Ultrafaith Arrow. Geppei was nowhere in sight, but her off-key tones could be heard drifting from the bathtub. Now’s my only chance! Focusing all her wits on the task at hand, Tirol tiptoed over to the hanging gown and extended an arm out toward it. But as soon as the tip of her claw grazed the artifact, thick golden brambles shot out of the arrow, binding her! “What?!” The arrow then broke through the door, bringing Tirol into the bathroom. Amakusa was there, crossing her legs in the bathtub with a triumphant look on her face. “Caught you prowling, you little human burglar.” “S-sorry, ma’am. I just saw it shining gold and couldn’t help myself.” “Oh? Is that so? Then why didn’t you go after the other golden things in that room? Golden statuettes, golden soaps, golden towels.” “Erk…” “All far easier to pilfer, I dare say, and just as valuable. But no, you went straight for the arrow, didn’t you? Why is that, I wonder?” “Well…” “I can think of one answer. The arrow was your aim all along. You thought you could trick me, didn’t you, my little mademoiselle?” Geppei reached out a paw and grabbed Tirol by the neck. With fiendish strength, she lifted her, standing up in the bathtub and revealing the full sleekness of the huntress’s nude body. Tirol clenched her jaw, her amber eyes as fierce as ever. “Don’t think I don’t know about your two companions,” said Amakusa. “Did the three of you come here to take the arrow back? You’re to tell me everything you know about them. Do I make myself clear?” “I ain’t gonna…tell ya nothin’!” “We’ll see about that.” Amakusa raised her other paw, and her magic bell appeared in it. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling… The simple sound burrowed its way into Tirol’s mind. “Agh…! Ghh…!” “I am Geppei Amakusa.” Milo… Akaboshi… Help! “I am Byoshoten’s gift to Byoma.” She smiled. A gleaming, fanged smile whose beauty rivaled that of the bell’s tones. “I am the one who will lead all of Byoma, all of cat-kind, and all of humanity to la terre promise!”