“Hey! Now you look like a chillaxed bard!” Akane said.
Count Impaler laughed. “A ‘chillaxed’ bard... I doubt anyone else would describe the great hero of yore, Loganhill, like that.” He took out a handheld mirror, taking in the reflection with nostalgic recognition. Loganhill had been the only paladin to ever invade Hellion Territory. Count Impaler had apparently encountered the legendary hero at some point in his prolonged existence.
“Great hero?! That’s a job?! I can moonlight as one! Can I sign up at Dharma Temple?”
“That is no temple I have heard of. Besides, such a job seems too rigid for you, Mistress. A tornado that roams wherever it pleases...would be more like it.”
“When I look like this?” Akane said. “You should get your eyes checked.”
The count cackled. “I am a skeleton, after all.” His lips curled into a smile. “Mistress, what is the thing you need most in life?” he asked, putting more weight onto the question than he let on.
“Huh? Excitement, of course!” Akane said without a second thought.
Count Impaler’s smile grew wider, and he bowed low to his mistress. Gone were the days of monotony and tedium. In their place, an uncertain future full of excitement seemed to shimmer in front of his eyes.
While Big Mama and Varkas were concerned with the lessened forces of Heaven’s Ward, bringing Akane to Icarus had resulted in a dangerous, dark force that could annihilate the human race—like a tornado inadvertently carrying something on the wind to a place it didn’t belong.
——The Ape Forest, Animania.
The apes partied day in and day out. Celebratory libations, courtesy of the tribes around Animania, flowed freely. The apes drank from dawn until they passed out, then rose after dusk and kept the party going. Perhaps the debauchery was warranted after they’d taken down Belphegor’s legion, especially when the devil had posed such a dreadful threat to the Anima. The ape tribe were relishing their fifteen minutes of fame.
This was another night in their endless feast. Bonfires blazed as if to scorch the starry sky, and the apes encircled them, dancing and drinking and boasting.
“Ooh-ah! I was the first one to the fortress!”
“I ate a Flame Eater! That’s what you call manly!”
“Boss fighting the monster was something else! So manly!”
The apes were simple creatures. They told the same stories with careless zeal night after night. Despite their drunken behavior, no one in Animania would laugh at them after they’d fulfilled the Grand Priestess’s direct order and slain an enemy to their nation. In fact, the whole of Animania was drunk in celebration.
Surrounded by a cornucopia of fruit, meat, and booze, the leader of the apes—Monkey Magic—lay on the ground with his hands for a pillow, staring at a bonfire with a sober expression.
His advisor Xiaoshou sauntered over, bottle in hand. “Something ain’t right with a party when you’re quiet like this, Boss.”
“I’m meditating...”
“Boss... You don’t meditate lying down. Here, have some ape wine and join the party!” The advisor brought the bottle to his mouth for a swig and splashed some more onto the dish on his head. At least his method would get him drunk fast. “Ooh! Ape wine hits differently on a dried dish...” Xiaoshou screamed in ecstasy.
“That’s why you’re bald,” Monkey Magic said.
“I’m not bald! It’s a dish!” Xiaoshou countered like he always did, but quickly let go of his outrage and sat down next to his boss. A palpable silence hung around them in the midst of the blazing party. “So, why the long face, Boss?”
“I’m tired of parties,” said Monkey Magic.
“Tired of them...? You were partying harder than any of us. You couldn’t get enough of the other tribes hyping you up.”
“But N-N-N-N-Nagee hasn’t hyped me up.”
“You’re still dreaming about her?” Xiaoshou asked. “That snake couldn’t care less about you. No matter how much you brood, it’s like farting underwater.”
“How dare you call the gorgeous Nagee a fart!”
“I’m calling you a fart, Boss...”
Nagee had treated Monkey Magic like he was an insect, but even she had to deliver her congratulations to the ape tribe. She’d walked in on Monkey Magic at the height of the night’s drunken debauchery, given him an icy glare, and simply said, “Looks like the last shred of your brain has rotted away.”
Indeed, she had not “hyped him up.” If love was a test, she’d snatched the paper away from Monkey Magic before he could so much as write his name on it.
To distract himself from the bitter memory, the leader of the apes thought of someone else. “What is the false god getting up to nowadays...?” he muttered.
“As long as he’s not coming near us, I couldn’t care less. I’m always on edge when he’s around.”
“He saw the awesomeness of my power... He’ll come find me for the next job!” Monkey Magic exclaimed.
“Next job? That smells like trouble, Boss.”
“Baldibald. Our days have never been the same since that false god came around.”
“My name isn’t Baldibald, it’s Xiaoshou!” the advisor protested as he relived his extraordinary days with the false god. He’d been nothing but trouble at first, but he was the reason the apes had caught the attention of the Grand Priestess and set out on a great charge the likes of which Hellion Territory had never seen. They’d torn up their nemesis Belphegor’s territory, brought all the slave markets to the ground, and eliminated every legion under the devil’s control. It had been so much more than satisfying. Like never before, the apes had felt...alive. It didn’t hurt that they’d received a hero’s welcome after Belphegor’s death. Their humdrum lives had been turned upside down overnight, and the false god was the unmistakable catalyst. “You mean it’s thanks to him that we get to enjoy time like this,” Xiaoshou said.