People who are satisfied with being ordinary have no resistance. And...the world is not as stable as those people believe. It is always in danger. People who wish to break the wall down have no shortage of chances.”
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His speech finished, he stopped talking.
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"........."
✦ ✦ ✦
Makiko said nothing either, not quite able to find words.
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Only the music broke the silence.
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“This is good music. Very beautiful,” he said.
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“Yes...nothing wasted, just simple, unadomed beauty,” Makiko said, nodding. “And...it contains no trace of fear.”
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“What do you mean?”
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“There is too much fear in the world. It’s frustrat-ing. How great would it be if all fear were to vanish?”
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Makiko was speaking just for the sake of it, but to her surprise, she found she genuinely meant the words.
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Even so, she could not live Without fear, not now.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I see. That is your tendency.”
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“That is what will make me an enemy of the
✦ ✦ ✦
world?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“Everything has many sides. Even with an idea like the absence of fear, there is always another interpretation. For example, ‘If nothing died, then there would no longer be fear.’”
✦ ✦ ✦
He stared directly at Makiko as he spoke.
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“I see,” Makiko said, meeting his gaze.
✦ ✦ ✦
He might be right. That might be the truth.
✦ ✦ ✦
Makiko herself had no way of telling. But she could detect the weak points of individuals and organizations, and might eventually be able to detect the weakness of the world itself.
✦ ✦ ✦
And then, would she strike at that weak point?
✦ ✦ ✦
There was no question about it. If she got the opportunity, she would have no choice but to ride that wave.
✦ ✦ ✦
“So when you find an enemy of the world, what do you do?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“Kill it.”
✦ ✦ ✦
"...scary."
✦ ✦ ✦
“I have no choice. That appears to be what I am,”
✦ ✦ ✦
he shrugged.
✦ ✦ ✦
“And you have no remorse?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“None. I doubt the ones who become my enemies would want that from me.”
✦ ✦ ✦
“Ah. So you offer your foes a proper fight to the death? Like a duel?” Makiko said, chuckling.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Of course. You don’t agree?” he asked, staring directly back at her.
✦ ✦ ✦
"............"
✦ ✦ ✦
The music was rising, building to the big finish.
✦ ✦ ✦
Makiko found herself murmuring, “When I die, I’d like to have this kind of music send me off. Not some turgid requiem or sutra.”
✦ ✦ ✦
He nodded silently.
✦ ✦ ✦
“If there is such a thing as a God, then
✦ ✦ ✦
that God would exist only in the future.”
✦ ✦ ✦
-Kirima Seiichi,
✦ ✦ ✦
VS Imaginator
✦ ✦ ✦
4.
✦ ✦ ✦
I’ll prescribe some medicine for your mother as well,” Makiko said.
✦ ✦ ✦
The elder Miyashita looked alarmed. “Oh, I’m not...” she said, clearly rattled.
✦ ✦ ✦
Before she could say anything else, Makiko
✦ ✦ ✦
jumped ahead of her.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Oh, no, nothing serious. Just something to help you relax. The best way to help your daughter’s feelings stabilize is if you stay calm.”
✦ ✦ ✦
The mother backed down without much confi-
✦ ✦ ✦
dence. She clearly no longer knew what was right-what was the truth.
✦ ✦ ✦
Nobody could ever really know if they were right.
✦ ✦ ✦
No one in this world could ever know everything.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Touka-chan, try not to push yourself too hard.”
✦ ✦ ✦
“Okay,” Touka said, with a cute, girlish smile.
✦ ✦ ✦
Not a trace of shadow anywhere.
✦ ✦ ✦
Right here and now, Makiko thought, absently.
✦ ✦ ✦
What's to stop me from killing this girl and everyone else in the hospital?
✦ ✦ ✦
Their fear would be very sweet. And if she made it look like she had died as well, that would not be a bad way to conceal her identity from the world...
✦ ✦ ✦
...but...
✦ ✦ ✦
But it was just a thought. It would attract too much attention. She was not yet at the stage where she could act that freely.
✦ ✦ ✦
Not yet...
✦ ✦ ✦
“Well then.”
✦ ✦ ✦
“Yes. Thank you.”
✦ ✦ ✦
And that was all, for the time being.
✦ ✦ ✦
When the world would be in danger. . .only God knew.
✦ ✦ ✦
“God Only Knows ” closed.
✦ ✦ ✦
Seiichi was sitting alone on a park bench, staring vacantly up at the sky when a girl came over and stood in front of him.
✦ ✦ ✦
She was about ten years old...about the same age as Seiichi’s only daughter, Nagi. . .or maybe a year younger. She wore dark clothes, and had well-groomed long black hair parted down the middle. She was quite pretty.
✦ ✦ ✦
Seiichi was forty three, but she stood there staring at him, unabashedly.
✦ ✦ ✦
Seiichi looked back at her. He had been working hard on his manuscript and was absolutely exhausted...over the last three days he had not even taken the time to shave. Or change clothes.
✦ ✦ ✦
He must have looked highly suspicious. Talking to a child might well get him in trouble, so he just stared back at her in silence. He figured she’d get spooked and run away eventually.
✦ ✦ ✦
"............"
✦ ✦ ✦
But the girl just kept staring back at him.
✦ ✦ ✦
Seiichi let his chin sink to his chest, looking up at her.
✦ ✦ ✦
"............"
✦ ✦ ✦
"............"
✦ ✦ ✦
Almost a full minute passed during the silent standoff.
✦ ✦ ✦
Like a staring contest, Seiichi thought, a smile stealing onto his lips.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Oji-san,” the girl said.
✦ ✦ ✦
“What?”
✦ ✦ ✦
“You’re going to die soon,” she said, abruptly.
✦ ✦ ✦
Seiichiro raised one eyebrow comically.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I know,” he replied, quietly.
✦ ✦ ✦
He was a very popular writer, and he put out books almost" every month, but the books Seiichi insisted were his primary work, and devoted the most energy and passion to, sold astonishingly poorly.
✦ ✦ ✦
He also published a great number of dissertative essays and books that outlined history or classic literature, and these were the only books of his that sold. Even his biggest fans would admit to his face that they’d never touched one of his novels.
✦ ✦ ✦
As far as he was concerned, the essays and dissertations were just a byproduct of plotting his novels, and he was simply drawing up the ideas and the data for his own purposes, but people seemed to prefer the spinoffs to the core of his work.
✦ ✦ ✦
Why...?
✦ ✦ ✦
Seiichi did not feel excessively upset by this, but the complete rejection of the novels he poured his soul into was a little depressing.
✦ ✦ ✦
Yet on he wrote, almost never taking any time off.
✦ ✦ ✦
He didn’t know why he worked so hard. It was possible he simply liked writing, and it was also possible that if he stopped writing all the failures in his life would come flooding back into his mind, crushing him. Of course, it could be said that most of those failures had been caused by none other than his obsession with writing. His divorce could certainly be traced to his constant need to work.
✦ ✦ ✦
He chose not to think about it.
✦ ✦ ✦
His ex-wife was no longer speaking to him, but she often met with their daughter, Nagi, whom he had custody of. She seemed well. She was remarrying soon, and he was glad. He hoped she would be happy this time. He really held no ill feelings toward her. And that very lack of resentment, he mused, was probably part of what led her to say, “You never needed me.”
✦ ✦ ✦
But he had really loved her. He still did.
✦ ✦ ✦
Even after the break-up, he had no inclination to marry anyone else. Since the divorce was caused by her affair, the court granted him the right to demand alimony, but he had no reason to do so. Really, he’d only gone through with the divorce because she had suggested it. If she had asked him to forgive her he absolutely would have.
✦ ✦ ✦
According to Nagi, “Being with you made
✦ ✦ ✦
Mommy tired.”
✦ ✦ ✦
She was talking about him, but all he could say was, “That’s a shame,” like it had nothing to do with him. Nagi smiled at his response, but it must have bothered her.
✦ ✦ ✦
When she wasn’t there, he made up for the loneliness by spending even more time writing. He hadn’t changed much since his wife had left.
✦ ✦ ✦
Then one day, Seiichi received a letter.
✦ ✦ ✦
A thin letter, in a perfectly ordinary envelope.
✦ ✦ ✦
It was hardly unusual for him to receive dozens of letters on any given day, so he was not surprised to see it. He opened it absently, and was astonished by what he read.
✦ ✦ ✦
Dear Kirima Seiichi,
✦ ✦ ✦
l have never written to you before, but I have been an avid reader of your books for some time.
✦ ✦ ✦
I have something I would like you to know.
✦ ✦ ✦
I will be dead soon. Murdered.
✦ ✦ ✦
Yes, I know. You are already assuming that I am a mental patient with a persecution complex.
✦ ✦ ✦
I understand. Honestly, I wish to God I was, but I believe I don’t have long to live. This is an inescapable fact. I have noticed strange people tracking my movements. Assassins sent by the observers. How can I put this? I was born with a strange ability, and I knew from the beginning it was not a talent the world would accept. I knew that if anyone found out about it I would not live a very peaceful life.
✦ ✦ ✦
But then I discovered your books. In one of
✦ ✦ ✦
them you wrote as follows:
✦ ✦ ✦
“Loneliness can be your greatest gift. The
✦ ✦ ✦
more isolated you are early in life, the greater your ability to connect to a large number of people later on.”