: there's meaning in doing something so meaningless
: not the Live-On Live-Onner Training Cast ￥50,000
And so there we were, knees buckling, legs shaking, left all alone in the mocap studio. Our only companions were the lively stream chat and the flags. At twenty meters, they were so close, yet so far away.
Ten minutes into the challenge, we had re-mastered the art of simply staying upright, followed by shuffling along at a snail’s pace. Progress was painfully slow, but at least it was progress.
Huffing, panting, sweating—and yet for all that effort, we had moved a grand total of five meters. Our bodies felt drained, like we’d just run a marathon, and we had to take a break. But that didn’t change the fact that we were only a quarter of the way there. Five meters down, fifteen to go.
Was this what our senior citizens went through every day? All this exhaustion, all this effort, just to cover a distance I could normally cross in five strides? From now on, whenever I saw an old person slowly inching their way across a crosswalk, I’d never feel anything but sympathy ever again.
See? I’ve learned the moral of the story! So can we please turn down the level on these suits from ONE HUNDRED AND FREAKING TWENTY?! I’ve never even seen anyone that old in real life! How can they just add a hundred years to our ages and expect us to get used to it?!
“Awa-chan,” Mashiron said. “I’m tired. Can you tell me a story?”
“Um...” I thought about it for a second. “Ah. Back when I was at my old company, the one with the terrible working conditions, there was this girl so desperate for a break, she shoved an egg up her ass just so she could lay it and claim maternity leave.”
“O-Ouch. That must’ve hurt,” Mashiron said.
“I’m certainly glad you’re no longer at that company...” Chami-chan said.
“It wasn’t me...”
Luckily, our vocal cords were still free to move as they pleased. It was strange—who would have thought that, when faced with a challenge with no end in sight, the natural response would be to ramble on about bizarre stories with no rhyme or reason?
But then, rising to the occasion, a challenger appeared. Hikari-chan, who had just been resting alongside the rest of us, rose to her feet and expelled a long, steadying breath. “Wasshoi! Waaaaasshoi! That flag is mine!!!!” she bellowed, before launching into a shuffle at a blistering, breakneck pace.
“Holy crap!” I said. “She must be going at least three meters per minute!”
“Three meters per—” Chami-chan gasped. “How is she doing that?!”
“No...” Mashiron muttered darkly. “She’s played us all for fools...”
“Played us all for fools?!” Chami-chan spluttered. “What do you mean?!”
“While we rested to walk the next measly few meters, she was resting to walk the entire distance!”
“I-Impossible! Fifteen meters in one go? No one’s ever dared attempt such madness!” I cried.
: impossible is right. (Wtf is this conversation)
: (holding back tears) go, Hikari-chan, go!
: oh what it is to be young again
: *takes off sunglasses slowly* My God... she's really doing it. She's actually doing it...
: you have all inspired me to be nicer to my neighborhood supercentenarians
: they really have to be older than 100 for you to be nicer to them?
“Oh, no, you don’t. That flag is mine!” Galvanized by Hikari-chan, I cut my break short and pushed myself to my feet. I strained, grunted, and forced myself forward at top speed...but I wasn’t gaining any ground at all! How on earth is she moving at three meters per minute?! Just what is she made of?!
As I watched her figure inch away from me, exhaustion got the better of me and I collapsed, sprawled out on the cold, hard ground. Here, I had time to think—really think about why I, a couch potato, had thought I could catch up to Hikari-chan in a straight-up battle of endurance.
And yet, my determination to keep Hikari-chan from winning burned on. That stubbornness sustained me, and I managed to pull myself off the ground and begin to crawl after her.
It was then that The Plan came to me.
But The Plan was quite the plan. Was I really willing to go through with it? To throw away my dignity for the sake of victory?
It didn’t matter. If there was a chance to win, I had to take it.
My resolve solidified; I expelled a deep breath.
Let’s do this.
When I moved again, it was at a speed equal to—no, faster than Hikari-chan’s, prompting the two left behind to cry out in alarm.
“What?!” Chami-chan yelped.
“Awa-chan?!” followed Mashiron.
I pressed forward, aiming not just for Hikari-chan’s back, but for the flag beyond her.
“Awa-chan is...” Mashiron said, but I ignored her. I just had to go faster—faster—and I pushed myself harder, gaining ground with each movement.
How was I managing this? Simply put, I wasn’t trying to walk anymore.
No, when laden down like this, walking was no longer the most efficient option. I had transcended that, now using my whole body to propel myself forward.
“Awa-chan is...”
But crawling alone wouldn’t get me to the speed I sought. No, I wasn’t merely crawling. I used my hips as a pivot point, rocking my body up and down, using the momentum to propel myself forward!
The Plan was working. Hikari-chan’s back loomed larger with each push. There was no turning back now! Screw being a senior citizen—my movements were fierce, ferocious, sensual. Like a seasoned belly dancer, I—
“Awa-chan is humping her way to victory!!!”
“Mashiron!!!”