A flush spread across her cheeks. She gritted her teeth as though fighting something within herself, then went on in a strangled voice, “My point is that you’re the only one who looked my way from the start.”
It would have been so much easier to start yelling. Her voice trembled with the effort of speaking softly.
“When I was at rock bottom, when everyone else derided me as a sewer rat, you were the only one to spare me a glance. You were the only one who offered me a hand, and you were the only one who kept encouraging me no matter how bad things got.”
Keigetsu no longer shouted at Reirin for not “getting it.” One at a time, she clumsily plucked words from the depths of her heart and laid them out atop a plate.
“You think you just happened to become my first friend? Wrong. It’s because I became friends with you that I could become friends with anyone else.”
Reirin listened in a daze to this moving speech. Each and every word shone a light on the depths of her heart. Was it because Keigetsu was speaking so slowly? Reirin was overcome with emotion, and her nose stung.
Keigetsu balled her hands into fists and faced her breathless friend head-on. “Because you were the first friend I ever made, you’ll always be special. Isn’t that obvious?”
Her face was bright red, and tears had begun to fall from her eyes.
“And so…”
Keigetsu did not scream. Voice quaking, she looked Reirin straight in the eye and said:
“I’m worried about you. Don’t take needless risks. Rethink your strategy.”
For a while, Reirin stared back at Keigetsu and said nothing. Although it was her own face she was looking at, the soul inside made those eyes positively radiant. Each word spoken to her glittered like a star, and Reirin had to stop and gaze up in wonder before responding.
“Lady Keigetsu.”
“What?”
“You, er…” After playing back the speech a few more times in her head, she picked out the most accessible part and cradled the words close to her heart. “You were worried?”
It was as though something Reirin had only ever seen in silhouette had suddenly gained mass and color. Even after all this time, she had to carefully inspect the declaration by repeating it back.
“That’s right,” said Keigetsu.
“About me?”
“Yes.” With a loud click of her tongue, Keigetsu wiped the tears from her eyes. “When I said that I ‘wouldn’t let you forget this’ yesterday, I meant that I wanted you to stop stressing me out. How did you take that to mean that I wanted you to repay me for my concern? How stupid can you be?”
Unfazed by the harsh insult, Reirin took a step forward, both hands still pressed to her chest. “And you were worried about me because I’m your friend?”
“I suppose so, yes.”
“A special one?”
Like chasing after the stars, Reirin hoarded every precious word. Keigetsu finally snapped and shouted, “Give it a rest! I already said that!”
“I’m so happy!”
Reirin rushed forward and flung herself at Keigetsu in a hug.
“Eek! Stop clinging to me!”
“I refuse!”
Keigetsu immediately tried to push her away, but Reirin skillfully evaded the attempt and tightened her arms around her friend.
“Seriously, stop! You ought to know how brittle these bones—” Keigetsu started to raise a fuss, but as soon as she heard a small sniffle next to her ear, she stopped screaming.
“Lady Keigetsu.” Reirin hugged the Shu Maiden hard enough to deny her a look at her face. “Allow me to make a shameful confession.”
Reirin had to tell her. After this girl had laid down her arms and communicated her feelings with gentle, measured words, she owed her that much. She would lower her own defenses and express the feelings she’d kept bottled up, no matter how embarrassing or repellent they were.
“I was feeling petulant. I wanted to be your most important friend.”
Her voice shook. The moment she put her feelings into words, they seemed so childish, and she second-guessed whether she should even be saying it.
“I always wished so desperately to see you succeed, yet as soon as I saw you getting along with the others, I thought, ‘Oh, so I was never actually special’…and it made me want to cry. In my desperation, I got it into my head that I had to offer something to make me stand out from the crowd…but all I managed to do was make you angry.”
Reirin was filled with doubt. Would Keigetsu get fed up with her infantile ramblings? Would laying these contemptible feelings bare disgust her? Or were these the kinds of issues everyone struggled with in their interpersonal relationships?
“Lately, I’ve been getting greedier and greedier. I have come to forget my station, long for first place…and even fear the death I once accepted.”
Her emotions were in turmoil. Her words were as disjointed as the scattered pearls of a broken necklace, and she found it impossible to control her voice. She couldn’t remember it ever being so difficult to speak slowly.
“I am degenerating into a weak, unsightly person. E-even so…”
Hugging Keigetsu tighter—praying with all her heart, like making a wish upon a star—Reirin went on thus:
“For all my faults, would you allow me to remain your dearest friend of all?”
For a long time, Keigetsu said nothing. But neither did she push her friend away, and Reirin felt hot tears dampen the fabric near her shoulder.
“There’s nothing to ‘allow.’ You already are,” Keigetsu eventually replied, her voice muffled.
Reirin jerked upright, and this time the Shu Maiden snorted and shoved her back.