I saw my older sister once before I left. By then, her position as the king’s concubine was all but official. But much to my surprise, she was not going to live inside the castle. Even upon her official appointment, she would not call the castle home. This was strange. Usually, one would expect a concubine to live in the royal castle. It made the most sense with regard to security, after all.
My sister, however, refused the idea of living a life in the inner palace. Her reasoning was thus:
“How dreadfully exhausting to be under watch every hour of every day. At the very least, let me live where I please.”
Gerda’s beauty was all the more refined since I’d last seen her two years ago, and her hair had fluttered when she’d spoken those words. She was as strong-willed as ever, and her confidence was apparent in her every word and gesture. Even so, her personality was not overbearing or unpleasant. Gerda was brimming with confidence, but she knew better than to flaunt it. Rather, she utilized it when necessary.
I visited Gerda at a manor located some ten minutes from the castle by carriage. It was fenced, of course, and flush with greenery and all manner of colorful flowers. My sister had told the king, “When it is your wish to see me, let these sights stir your heart as you travel the path to my abode.”
Gerda was not yet officially the royal concubine, but she had begun living in her new manor once the king had promised to restore my honor. She was so ecstatic about my visit that she was waiting for me at the manor’s entrance. We drew a great deal of attention from those around us as we embraced. Gerda then led me to her room where she made us tea.
“One is supposed to leave things like tea to the servants,” she told me. “But here it’s not such a big deal.”
The interior of the manor was a far simpler affair than I’d imagined. While it was sparse in terms of antiques, I could see that great care had been taken in picking out the furniture. It wasn’t excessively opulent, but it didn’t strike one as austere either. It was a good fit for my sister, a young woman who did not require much in the way of makeup or accessories. I had admittedly been worried that her placement as royal concubine would have made her more ostentatious, but it appeared that my worries were for naught.
I took a seat on a sofa that immediately invited sleep and promptly lay down. It was just the two of us after all, and Gerda was well aware that her younger sister had something of a careless, slovenly streak. She merely told me to sit up should anyone enter, even though she herself maintained a graceful posture while she sipped at her cup of tea. We talked for a time, mostly about what I’d been up to in the time since I’d been alone. Gerda found little of it surprising.
“I had Arno keep an eye on you,” she said. “I asked him to help you in the case that anything untoward were to occur.”
“Oh, so you kept your eye on me.”
“Of course I did. You’re our little sister. You were driven out of the family. Did you expect us to just sit there and accept it? ‘Oh, very well father, if you must. Kick her out. Now, would you like a cup of tea?’ We’re not heartless, Karen.”
Gerda rested her chin on her hands and looked at me, her gaze mirroring something of exasperation.
“If you ever looked to be struggling, Karen, I was going to take you with me and run away to our grandmother, posthaste,” she continued. “But you took to your new, solitary life calmly and quietly. You even looked like you enjoyed it.”
Gerda let out a deep sigh. She’d been considerably worried at the time, and while I was grateful that she’d considered a getaway plan for the two of us, something she’d said tugged at me. I was puzzled by it.
“When you say our grandmother, on whose side do you mean?” I asked.
“On mom... On our mother’s side.”
But wouldn’t she despise me for being the child of a forbidden tryst?
I said as much to Gerda and she called me a fool. She said our grandmother had been putting on an act.
“She didn’t have any other choice when it came to the head family,” Gerda explained. “The only reason things settled so peacefully is because our grandparents were so mad about all of it. Look at it this way: if the head family had been allowed to intervene, why, you’d be headed off to the countryside as we speak!”
Oh, dear.
I felt a fierce headache coming on.
“But, all the while you haven’t been the least concerned about the rest of us,” said Gerda, “and instead you... No, enough of that. I’m not going to start complaining. It’s enough for me that you’re healthy and doing well.”
Gerda let me rest my head on her knees, just like old times. She cared for me as deeply as she always had, and I could have lost myself in the moment except that I couldn’t ignore what she’d just said about our grandparents. I asked Gerda if father had known about our grandparents protecting me. She grimaced and shook her head.
“Though he may have realized what they were up to, I just don’t know when it comes to father. Ever since mother lost her memory, he won’t talk to us about anything.”
Things had remained strained among the Kirstens since my departure. I could see the sorrow it brought out in Gerda, so I changed the subject. Naturally, I asked about the king’s proposal which had, for all intents and purposes, changed her life. And yet, when I asked her how she had won the king’s heart, she responded with a puzzled tilt of her head.
“I attended a lunch he organized, and he spoke to me. From that point on he had his eye on me. We met a few more times and then...he declared that he wanted me to become his concubine.”
“Huh?”
“Hmm?”
“That’s it?” I asked.
“That’s it, yes.”
“And so you got married to a fifty-year-old geez...ahem. And so you accepted the proposal of a man thirty years your senior?”
Gerda smirked when I caught myself about to say “geezer.” But she didn’t deny that he was one, given their age difference.
“Karen, be sure to train that mouth of yours before you start entering social circles, yes? And in any case, it was the king. Some offers cannot be refused.”
“Yes, but if you really didn’t want to...”
“You must stop taking noble society so lightly. One day, you’re going to fall flat on your face.”
“But you at least understand what I’m saying, don’t you?”
“Of course I do, and I appreciate your concern.”
I knew what she was telling me, but at my roots I was still Japanese. It was all too easy for me to assume that one could simply turn down an offer that they weren’t interested in. I was aware, however, that in this world such ways of thinking were considered highly disrespectful.