“I won’t be able to see you for a while…but please, stay safe.”
I didn’t know who might try to take his life or protest our rule. The people of the former Chinensis could launch an invasion. There was no one I could trust. That’s all the more reason I…
“I’ll be back sometime within the month. I have to leave again after that…but I’ll get the job done as soon as possible.”
I gripped Lance’s bony hand, conveying how much I meant it. His skin was hard and knotty, like withered branches. There was no trace of the strength that used to overpower me. I squeezed his utterly limp hand, and though I felt no response, I poured my earnest prayer into the touch.
“So, please! Please wake up already…”
Even as I lifted his hand to my brow, he didn’t react. Lance’s hand was pale and lifeless, like it wasn’t part of a human being at all. He groaned quietly, a sure sign my words hadn’t reached him. Still, I grasped my faint thread of hope.
“Big Bro might come and visit you if Chinensis is freed! Are you really going to let him see you like this?!”
I didn’t care if Yohan hated me; I deserved it after what I’d done. Yohan had everything he loved stolen from him because of my idiocy. But I didn’t want him seeing Lance in this state. He doesn’t deserve…to go through any more pain!
“Bro, I…I already have blood on my hands! A guy like me isn’t fit to be king! What this country needs is King Lance!”
I clung to his arm. I tried to let everything out…but my heart was full of sludge. Anything I touched only became dirtier, smudged with my impurity, and I lost more and more of myself in the process.
“I promise I’m going to get Chinensis… I’ll get Hanazuo back! Then no one will need me anymore! You’ll be all that matters! The people will rejoice, and they’ll reunite…”
I closed my eyes, thinking back to when I had everything I could ever ask for. The people smiled. Lance and Yohan were at my side.
Then I threw it all away.
“Bro, I’m…I’m going to do something bad again! So please…wake up soon, take your throne, see Big Bro, and then…make me pay for what I’ve done!”
I can’t call myself your little brother anymore. You should strike my name from history and bury me as an unwanted child. You, the legitimate king, can put me on trial in front of the people of Hanazuo.
“I…don’t trust anyone anymore! Not Big Bro! Not the citizens! Not Dario, Fargus, or anyone else on this earth! I don’t believe in anyone but you, Bro! Everyone betrays me! Everyone…hates me!”
No one was trustworthy. When I looked at people, I could feel their hatred and resentment toward me. Every last one of them was waiting for me to let my guard down so they could trick me and steal more of the things I loved. Lance was the only one I could trust.
Even so, I wanted to protect the people and the countries my brothers loved. I wanted to save them. That contradiction resulted from my own ego. In my arrogance, I foolishly believed I could help those people.
The queen had demanded I make the second-born princess fall in love with me before I took her life. If I succeeded, Chinensis would be free from Rajah, and the queen wouldn’t turn Cercis into a Freesian colony. It could be another setup, but what other hope did I have? Our country was no match for a land of monsters like Freesia.
“If I manage to do it right…”
Looking down, I clenched my fists. My rings rattled, digging into my trembling fingers. I only needed a bit more blood on these hands before I could give Lance and Yohan back the things they cared about most in this world. It was a simple exchange.
The second-born princess, Tiara Royal Ivy, shared blood with the queen. I had never met her and knew nothing about her other than her name, but a girl like her was probably powerless. She would turn sixteen, take me as her fiancé without any suspicions—and then I would murder her. It might’ve been a little easier to kill her if I focused on her connection to the queen…but it was no use. Having a demon for an older sister didn’t mean the princess was an evil person. After all, Lance himself had a disgrace of a little brother.
“Until next time, Bro. I’ll be back.”
I gave his twiglike arm a squeeze, then gently tucked him back into bed. I rose, placing my hand on Lance’s head in farewell. His golden hair was all the more striking against his ashen complexion. He used to be the one who rested his hand on my head, but here I was, clinging to him out of desperation. Anyone else probably would have found the whole scene laughable.
My feeble brother, who could do nothing but groan and grunt in his slumber, probably had little time left. His doctor had told me as much. I didn’t know if he’d be alive by the time I got back; if some traitor didn’t kill him, his body might simply give out. Were the circumstances not so dire, no one could have torn me from his side.
“This is all I can do to protect the country you loved so much.”
When I tried to smile, it became a self-derisive sneer. I left Lance with that, removing my hand and taking a few steps back. After one last look at his waning face, I finally turned away.
The door lay just ahead, the carriage waiting outside. I wouldn’t dare show up late for Princess Tiara’s birthday party in eleven days. In fact, I needed to reach Freesia early and visit the queen in her throne room.
“Ce…ric!”
Huh?
There was a whisper of a voice. It sounded like Lance, but when I whipped around, he lay in bed with his eyes shut, letting out the same grunts he always did. It must have been my imagination. Lance was long past the point of speaking, so there was no way he could call my name.
I must have been hoping he’d stop me. I wanted my big brother to tell me to knock it off, that a member of the royal family should never take an innocent person’s life. I wanted him to tell me it had to be another trick, and we’d find some other way.
“I’m still…such a fool.”
There was only one path left for me and nothing more. Reminding myself of that, I left the room for good. I told the maids waiting outside they could go back in, then headed for my carriage.
Behind me, the door to Lance’s room clicked shut.