Navre chuckled with a hollow expression. Throughout this exchange, everyone’s piercing gaze remained locked on me, leaving me to squirm awkwardly. Perhaps hoping to lighten the atmosphere, Allie feigned a cough to clear his throat. “Ahem… Well, Sister, what did you need?” “Um, actually, I’m researching an idea for a new magical tool, and I was thinking of using magicite crystals in the design. I was wondering if demi-humans might have any thoughts on that…” “Magicite?” Acryl seemed truly mystified. Huh? That was far from the reaction I had been expecting. “I’ve collected magicite crystals from all different monsters, but one of them belonged to a demi-human, too,” I continued, addressing Acryl directly. “I thought it would be useful in making a magical tool, but I’m not sure if that was something I should pursue. I wanted to ask you about it, Acryl.” “…One came from a demi-human?” “During the vampire incident. I didn’t take it by force or anything. He gave it to us willingly…” “Hmm.” “…That’s a little dismissive, no?” “…You think so?” “I mean, for a demi-human, the magicite was originally part of their body,” I clarified. “I thought maybe they wouldn’t want it to be used making tools, you know?” “Ah, I see… That’s what you are worried about.” Acryl’s expression softened in realization. “If I may, I am surprised you would come to me for this. If you cheated him or killed him to take it by force, indeed, I would think little of you and your methods. But if it was a gift, I cannot say I have any stake in the matter at all.” “Really?” “For demi-humans, magicite crystals are like extensions of ourselves. They are priceless, so entrusting it to someone is a sign of recognition. For us, it is customary to pass them on to someone we trust before we die.” “Oh, wow…” “Our magicite crystals are the source of our powers. If one you trust is with you at your deathbed, you would leave your magicite with them. If not, you let it return to the earth. But it is common to give them to a family member or a close friend when the time comes.” “…I see.” That worldview was perhaps unique to demi-humans. Having inherited their magicite and owing their lives to it, they would regard the crystals not only as the source of their powers, but as symbols of their very existence. That was certainly an understandable custom, passing on something so important to someone you trusted and acknowledged. “So he entrusted it to me…” “He did,” Acryl said firmly. “Meaning he was putting his faith in you to keep him safe, Anisphia. That is how we pass life down. I am surprised you would use it in a magical tool, but I suppose that’s another form a legacy can take.” “Right…” Acryl spoke plainly, as if the matter didn’t require a great deal of thought. In a way, her thoughts were much like my own, just taking a different perspective. To a demi-human, their magicite crystal was just as important as their own life. If it could be passed on after death, no matter the method, that wasn’t something to be avoided. It seemed I had been more worried than I needed to be. At least now I could make a magical tool for Garkie with confidence. “I am impressed. Using magicite to make a tool instead of taking it directly—no one has even heard of such a thing,” Acryl remarked. “It isn’t something just anyone can use, though,” I pointed out. “And I don’t think we should make it too public, either. Even if the situation is fine now, there may be more demi-humans in the future, and I don’t want people going after them for their magicite crystals.” “A stomach-turning thought… But also one for the future, wouldn’t you agree? Won’t it take years for the Kingdom of Palettia to learn to coexist with demi-humans? You haven’t even found any settlements yet. It’s a bit early to worry about that.” “But I know you, Acryl. I have to be mindful of how you feel.” “…Hmph,” Acryl snorted with an unreadable look. Was she uncomfortable to hear I was concerned about her? She might well be my sister-in-law one day in the future, so I wanted to get to know her better. “Whatever you do with it, I hope it helps people,” she said at last. “It is not our custom, but it is another use for them.” “I see… While we’re here, can I ask you about your powers? It would be a really helpful reference!” “Eh…?” “No need to frown at me! Come on, please? Pretty please?” I all but fell to my knees begging her, but Acryl just turned to Allie with visible annoyance. At this, Allie quietly shook his head, causing Acryl’s shoulders to droop. “…As you wish. Just be quick,” she muttered. “Thank you, Acryl!” “Don’t cling to me, you positively vexing…!” With that taken care of, I delved into my questions about Acryl’s Lycant tribe and the customs of other demi-humans. Resigned to her fate, she tagged along half-heartedly. Sorry, Acryl! Think of this as a necessary investment for the future! “Ah, thank you so much, Acryl! You’ve been a huge help!” “…I’ve only come to say goodbye. Go quickly.” “Ha-ha-ha… Well, I just wanted to thank you all for today! Make sure to take care of yourselves!” After saying goodbye to Acryl, we set off back to the development site for the new city. This forced march was made possible thanks to our flying magical tools. I felt a little guilty about inconveniencing Allie and Acryl like that, but these struggles were an inevitable part of technological research and development. …Next time, I would bring Acryl a gift both as thanks and as an apology. I didn’t want her to hate me! “Great work today, everyone! I’ll see you all tomorrow!” I announced after our arrival, promptly dismissing the others. Once they had left one by one, I decided to head back to my quarters—and stopped in my tracks. “Garkie? What’s wrong?” “Lady Anis,” he said, looking over his shoulder. His usual cheer was nowhere to be seen. That was odd—and a little worrying. “If you have any issues, I’m always here for you.” “No… It’s not an issue, not exactly…,” he mumbled evasively. It would have been easy for me to question him further, but for whatever reason, I felt like this was not the time to rush. I waited in silence for Garkie to continue. After letting out a resigned groan, he finally spoke up. “…I’ve felt a bit pathetic lately…” “Huh? Again? Why?” “Everyone’s been so busy since these works in the new city got underway. Not just you, Lady Anis. Halphys and Navre, too…” “Well, that’s true.” “…I know they’re both just trying to be useful to you…but there isn’t much I can contribute. I don’t have any unique talents like they do…” “You’re doing your job well, Garkie. You don’t need to put yourself down.” “I know there’s no point being jealous of others, and I’m trying not to let it bother me. But still…” He looked away. His vacant stare seemed to settle on something far into the distance. Just what was he trying to picture? Once more, his tone grew serious, the air thick and heavy. Garkie was the first to break the silence. “I wonder if I’m not trying hard enough. Maybe I’m not as dedicated as I should be?” “…What’s gotten that idea into your head?” “You’re going to use the magicite from the demi-human to make a new tool, aren’t you, Lady Anis…?” “Yeah. If possible, I was hoping to ask you to try it out, seeing as your magical energy is already compatible with it.” “I don’t know if I deserve the magicite. I’m not capable of anything impressive like the others are…” “…Did you hear what Acryl said about demi-humans?” I asked. Garkie nodded, his clenched fists shaking slightly. I wasn’t sure what to say. I could understand how he had ended up feeling this way. After all, I recognized what he was saying in myself. Sometimes, you couldn’t help but compare yourself to others—and when you went too far, you risked overlooking your own abilities and strengths. Right now, Garkie was trapped in the mire of his own thoughts. I had to choose my next words carefully so there would be no risk of miscommunication. I couldn’t afford to ignore his plight. “Garkie, do you feel like you’re worthless because you haven’t given your all?” “Huh?” “That feeling of impatience you have—I think it’s important. But if you get caught up in it and make a mistake, it could ruin everything. I don’t think running full speed all the time is necessarily a good thing.” “…” “I guess that means you don’t follow?” “…No, I don’t.” “I don’t mean this in a bad way, but you’ve never really struck me as the desperate type, Garkie—unlike me.” “What do you mean, Lady Anis?” “I can be impatient. I get anxious, frustrated, depressed, and resentful, and if I slow down, I feel like I’ll end up drowning. For the longest time, I was just so desperate.” I could never obtain what I most desperately desired. I could never be the ideal version of myself, and that unmet wish was eating me alive. But I couldn’t give up on living, even if no one ever gave me the recognition I craved. Every day, I felt as if I were sinking deeper into a bottomless swamp, unable to grasp on to anything yet still fighting to lift my head. That was the life Anisphia Wynn Palettia had walked. “I’m not trying to feel sorry for myself, but I don’t think you could truly understand what I went through and how it affected me.” “…That’s true.” “I was always desperate, and I think Acryl was desperate in a slightly different way. We had to overcome our harsh realities in order to survive. There’s no way to move forward without accepting it. It’s a bitter pill, but you have to force yourself to swallow it down.” I paused there, watching Garkie carefully. He looked puzzled for a long moment, but as if realizing that he needed to face this head-on, he stared straight into my eyes. “I don’t think people need to be so desperate all the time,” I continued. “Sometimes you do need to push yourself to your limits, but the right time to do that is something that every person has to figure out for themselves.” “Hmm, perhaps…” “It’s one thing to have to accept the reality that’s been thrust on you, and something else entirely to willingly claim it for yourself, don’t you think?” “…?! I—I…!” My last comment had been meant as a joke, but seeing Garkie tense up in realization, I instantly regretted my choice of words. I hated making him feel even worse, but there was no way I could get my point across without bringing this all up. “Sorry for making you say all that!” Garkie stammered. “I’m overstepping…!” “Don’t worry about that, Garkie. What I’m trying to say is you can be whoever you want to be,” I said. He jerked his head up, startled. Those were the words that had saved me—the words I had waited years to hear. I had given up on ever hearing them, convinced that I didn’t deserve them. “I’ve always been free to do whatever I wanted. Not because people excused my selfishness, though. If I had tried playing my role as princess, the situation could have ended up much worse than it did. Then again, deep down, I sometimes wonder whether I would have been better off carrying the burden of royalty and playing along with expectations.” What would have happened if I hadn’t given up on being a princess—if I had kept pushing ahead in spite of everything? Would I have been able to endure it? The more I tried to be a princess, the more my inability to use magic held me back. Even now, I still harbored doubts. I couldn’t trust in myself, nor in others—not easily. Even when I wanted to, my misgivings pulled at the corners of my memories, holding me back. That was one weakness I couldn’t hide. If I’d tried to take center stage as princess in spite of that, it could have left me broken. That was what it meant to be desperate. I wanted to live, I refused to give up on my dreams, and in my heart of hearts, I wanted to be recognized and genuinely loved. That was all. “It’s not about wanting to choose, but having to choose. Anyone can face that kind of dilemma, but it’s better to be able to say this is the life you wanted, don’t you think? Everyone has their own reasons, and that’s as it should be—because your life belongs to you alone, Garkie.” “It does…?” “Yep. Not just you, either. Halphys is master of her own life, as is Navre, Charnée, Priscilla, and everyone else involved with me. I want them to live their lives the way they want.” That was the future I dreamed of, the one I aspired to—where people weren’t forced to choose from a limited number of options, but could pursue what they truly desired. I knew how difficult it would be, but I wanted to create that future and to pass it on to the generations after me. “It’s normal to compare yourself to people around you,” I continued. “It’s natural to be concerned when you see everyone else getting ahead. But if you’re always losing sight of yourself and rushing forward blindly, you risk overlooking what matters most. You’ve always supported my dreams, Garkie, so I don’t want to see that happen to you.” “Lady Anis…” “You might think everything relies on luck, but you know, whether you can seize the opportunity when luck strikes depends largely on your own self-confidence.” “Self-confidence is tough for me… This stings to hear.” “Halphys and Navre are both working hard, so I understand it might seem impossible to catch up, but you’re in no way second best, Garkie.” “…It’s kind of embarrassing having to be told that.” He forced a smile, but I could still see he was conflicted. I gave him a firm pat on the back. He jolted at the force of the impact, then rubbed his back while looking at me with pity. “This is no time to be feeling down, Garkie. You’ll soon be a user of your very own magicite-based tool. That’s something neither Navre nor Halphys can boast about!” “…I’m afraid that’s nothing to be proud of. I’m just leaning on your talents, Lady Anis.” “So what if you’re borrowing from others? Strive to master it better than anyone else. Then people will be begging to give you their skills. What do you think?” “That’s easy enough to say…,” he muttered, giving the back of his head a vigorous scratch. Then he turned his face up to the sky slightly and breathed a deep sigh. When he was finally ready to talk to me again, his usual cheer was back. “I’m pathetic! I guess it just isn’t in me to sit down and think! I’ll just keep charging ahead without worrying about the consequences!” “That sounds more like you, Garkie.” “Sorry for bothering you! Seriously, this is no time to be cowering in fear!” Garkie cried, slapping his cheeks with his hands. His face turned worryingly red, but at least he looked like he was back to his usual self. “If I were you, Lady Anis, dealing with the likes of me, I’d probably sneak off and fly away while my back was turned,” he joked. “Just how gutless do you think I am? And wouldn’t you chase after me if I did fly off?” “Well, I think strength of heart and perseverance is a good thing!” “Indeed.” With that, we both broke into laughter. Garkie would be okay now. The main concern weighing on him was how he saw himself compared to Halphys and Navre, who had both found ways to demonstrate their own strengths. That being the case, I wanted nothing more than to give him a chance to demonstrate his own abilities… “…Hold on a second,” I blurted out as an idea suddenly crossed my mind. What was it Dragus had said about all the local monsters? Combine that with a magicite-based magical sword, and… Hm. We could easily kill two birds with one stone here. “Lady Anis? Um… Did you just strike on an idea…?” “…I did! If I’m right, I think we can solve a bunch of problems all at once! I’ll need to talk it over with everyone tomorrow and get started working on it! We’re going to be busy!” “…Yes, I get that feeling all right.” “You’ll stick by my side?” At this question, Garkie gave me a fearless smile.
Chapter 120
15 min read