This is awful. I didn’t sleep a wink.
I tossed and turned, and the next thing I knew, the sky was starting to brighten. I feel like I’ve been having more sleepless nights lately, compared to when I lived with my mother.
My current environment is everything I could have wished for and more. So why can’t I sleep? I don’t understand myself. I thought I was made of sterner stuff than this.
“Maybe you should have just checked before going to bed.”
“Maybe. I’ll make that my policy from now on.”
“I wonder how your debut video is doing.”
“I doubt it has any comments. It probably doesn’t even have any views.”
It’s still early when Abaddon and I leave the bedroom and head into the studio. I haven’t even changed out of my pajamas. I can check the website on my smartphone, but the laptop has a bigger screen—that way Abaddon and I can both see it, and I won’t have to deal with him pestering me.
I decide to go back to bed after checking the video. It’s still the weekend, so I don’t have school; it won’t cause any problems if I go back to sleep, though I’ll regret having less time to talk to my neighbor.
With those thoughts in mind, I bring up the video. What have we here?
“Look, there are some comments.”
“The view count has gone up a whole digit!”
When I open up the page, the first thing I see are the numbers beneath the video. I start talking to Abaddon before I’ve even registered what I’m seeing. I wonder if this is how you feel when Santa Claus brings you presents for Christmas. One glance has me awfully excited.
The view count has gone from one to two digits. But once I read the comments, my mood begins to drop.
“The voice is just so unfortunate.” “You call yourself ‘Misaki Hanano’ with a voice like that? Talk about not living up to your name lmao.” “She’s indie, right? But she went 3D for her introduction?” “The model is super high-quality. Too bad the voice totally ruins it.” “Don’t need the one behind the curtain, just gimme the model.”
“Yikes. They’re really ganging up on you, huh?”
“……”
My tiny ray of hope dissipates instantly. It’s not that I wasn’t prepared for this—it’s just worse than I imagined. There isn’t even one positive comment; it’s all negative.
I couldn’t care less about criticism from complete strangers. But I do have another concern: What am I supposed to do now? The thing they don’t like is something I can’t change.
Maybe my neighbor hates my voice, too. Thinking about that makes my chest constrict.
“I think I’m going to have a hard time sleeping for a while.”
“Maybe you’re getting these comments because your 3D model is so good that the only thing they can pick on is your voice. At least, that’s what it seems like to me, looking at the criticism as a whole.”
Abaddon is being uncharacteristically nice. Maybe it’s because I made him listen to his little boy voice last night.
As we talk, a new comment comes in: “Everyone has really been laying into her, so I gave it a watch out of curiosity. But they’re right. She’s one of the gloomiest characters I’ve ever seen. The streamer must have genuine communication problems. She’ll probably regret this video forever.”
“……”
How could they bring themselves to spew such malice at a complete stranger? Can’t they imagine what it would feel like to read these comments? They’re being shockingly harsh. It’s this kind of frivolous cruelty that begins to erode the very rules of society and…
No, I’d better stop this tedious train of thought right here. They should all just jump off a cliff and die.
Propelled by a newfound sense of duty, I turn back to face the laptop.
“What are you doing now?”
“Just browsing.”
When I look at the commenters’ accounts, I find links to other social media sites. I don’t know what gender any of them are, but one of them seems to have found this video and spread the news to their friend group.
Checking the timestamps, I see that most of the comments were posted in the span of about an hour. I haven’t found every account, but my investigation so far points to this being the work of a specific group.
“Wow, you’re like a computer expert.”
“What? Anyone can do this stuff.”
“I don’t remember seeing a computer in your old apartment, though.”
“I used to use the computers at school for self-study.”
It was all to keep an eye on my neighbor’s social media and get a grasp on his everyday life. Finding his account based only on our conversations at my front door was backbreaking work. And then, after all that effort, he basically quit posting altogether. Checking his social media used to be one of my very few pleasures. Why did it have to fade away? As his fan, I was inconsolable.
“It looks like they shared my video on another social media site with a small group of friends,” I explain. “Without this sort of external action, I don’t think I’d have been able to get any views at all. In a way, just realizing that makes these comments worthwhile.”
“That’s what I like so much about you, partner. You know how to take a hit!”
“But I will remember the name of the account that gave me my very first comment.”
“And that dark nature makes you a perfect Disciple for a demon!”
“You will never be forgiven, @stickybrat.”
The deeper I dive, the more those on the other side of the screen begin to take shape. The outline is still vague, but even a complete stranger becomes someone real once I understand a bit of their background. I start to sense the edges of their personality.
“……”
Even the comments they directed at me begin to take on mass, and my emotional reaction sharpens. The more I think about them, the more I feel driven to defy these still-unknown haters.
“…Let’s record our next video, Abaddon.”
“Your sudden enthusiasm is making me anxious…”
“We don’t have a choice. We’re in this contest, for better or worse. Don’t you think it’s more productive to be enthusiastic? I think that will make Futarishizuka happier, too, since she organized this whole thing.”
It doesn’t matter if it’s based in anger or spite—I’ve found my motivation, and I’m going to use everything at my disposal to succeed.
“Starting now, I want to aim for three submissions per day—morning, noon, and evening.”
“Wasn’t the plan one video a day?”
“Haters still count for page views—and if they post comments, there’s a chance they’ll come back. It may not be totally aboveboard, but it would be a waste to let this chance slip by.”
“You’ve got a lot of willpower, you know that? I like it.”
“You don’t need to console me, Abaddon.”
“That really wasn’t my intention…”
And just like that, I decide to record several follow-up videos.
Since the mechanical life-form’s high-tech program handles all the editing, I just have to record myself talking and doing the motions, and the videos will be ready in the blink of an eye. I prepared several scripts yesterday, so I shouldn’t have to worry about tripping up in the middle.
With Abaddon as my adviser, the recording goes quickly. The next thing I know, I’m completely absorbed in the process, and I spend the entire day working on more videos.