Kiyoka returned home long after the sun had set. Miyo came out to greet him, once again kowtowing at the door.
“Welcome home.”
“…Thank you.”
“Um, if I may,” she began timidly when he was taking off his boots, her face unreadable as usual, gaze directed at the floor.
“What is it?”
“…I apologize for my brazen and thoughtless actions this morning. It’s only natural for a man of your standing to refuse food from someone he can’t trust. I should have realized that.”
“…”
“Yurie has prepared the entirety of our dinner tonight, and I will be merely serving it. I swear on my honor that I haven’t poisoned anything. Please, sir…”
She was pleading for his forgiveness, groveling on the floor. He would have understood if she was angry with him, but her apology made him deeply uncomfortable. Especially with how pitiful she was being. Her conduct made him feel guilty, as though he’d forced this apology on her. As if he was bullying this fragile girl who bowed before him, trembling slightly.
“I didn’t really think you’d poisoned my food.” He was just being careful, warning her of his concerns. “I didn’t choose my words well, so I sounded too harsh.”
“N-not at all! It was my mistake.”
She shrank back in fear, looking even more pitiful. Kiyoka wasn’t trying to intimidate her, yet she was clearly terrified.
He scrutinized her, further strengthening his earlier impression of how she didn’t fit the image of a highborn girl. Her kimono was not just well-worn; it was flat-out shabby. The thinness of her neck and wrists could be explained only by malnutrition, and the long black hair she wore plainly tied back looked damaged and lifeless. On top of that, the skin on her hands was rough and cracked, as if she’d been cleaning or laundering daily. These days, even commoner girls from the city were more put together than her.
“Have you eaten yet?”
He couldn’t even see her head, which she’d barely raised to answer. “Ah… I, well…”
Kiyoka didn’t understand why she’d gone silent. He went into the living room and saw that only one tray of food had been set. If she’d already eaten, she could have just said so. It seemed lying wasn’t her strong suit.
“So you haven’t eaten? Why is there no food tray for you?”
Seeing her eyes nervously darting this way and that unnerved him. He assumed it was a universal custom for families and couples to eat their meals together, but maybe he was wrong. Or else this girl simply didn’t understand her position. He sighed.
✦ ✦ ✦
Anxiety was eating Miyo alive that day. She’d foolishly cooked for a man who was wary of poisoning. It had resulted not only in the meal going to waste but also in Kiyoka going without breakfast. Were he truly as merciless as the rumors said, he’d have gotten rid of her at once. Regardless, it was only a matter of time before he kicked her out, like all his previous fiancées and prospective brides. Yurie had told her to pay it no mind, as if that were even possible. Miyo had no home to go back to. Maybe she should start looking for some place where she could work as a live-in maid. She wondered if she was cursed, doomed to upset people wherever she went.
When she made Kiyoka sigh in exasperation only a few minutes after returning from work, fear stabbed her chest like a knife. She bit her lip.
“Did Yurie not make food for you?” he asked.
No, no, he thought. I shouldn’t doubt Yurie. Miyo failed to notice the lack of hostility in his eyes or his nonthreatening tone. She panicked.
“I-it’s not her fault…”
Miyo had told Yurie not to make dinner for her because she’d finish off what was left from breakfast. She’d eaten a little bit for lunch but had handed over the rest to the food-waste collector from a nearby village. It hadn’t been because she hadn’t wanted to eat it—she really had—but after years of eating only one meal per day, her stomach had shrunk, and her earlier faux pas had ruined her appetite. This wasn’t something she wanted to confess to Kiyoka, though, since she feared how he might take it. Also, if she told him the truth, he would ask her why she wasn’t eating properly at her home and would find out about how her family had treated her there—something she preferred to keep under wraps.
“I… I had no appetite. I told Yurie not to cook for me.”
“Is that so? Are you feeling unwell?”
“No, I… I simply don’t feel like eating at times.”
Sensing that Kiyoka was losing patience, she gave an evasive answer. In truth, her appetite wasn’t a problem—back home, she just didn’t always get to eat.
“If you say so.”
He sounded tired. Miyo felt some relief, taking his concern about her health as a sign that he wasn’t thinking about telling her to pack her bags and leave just yet. He sighed again, told her he was going to get changed, and went to his study, which served as his bedroom.
He’s not an unkind man.
She thought back to what Yurie had told her when she’d arrived. “I know there are many nasty rumors about the young master circling around, but he’s actually a good-natured person. You needn’t be so afraid, really.”
Nevertheless, she was still afraid of him. He seldom smiled, and his eyes and voice that morning had been so cold that just remembering them was almost enough to make her shake like a leaf. Somehow his extraordinary beauty only made him more frightening.
And yet, his apology had caught her by surprise. He’d even asked if she was unwell. Slowly but surely, Miyo was discovering that Kiyoka wasn’t as heartless as she’d initially taken him to be.
✦ ✦ ✦
“It’s gone cold,” Kiyoka grumbled after taking a bite of his dinner.
Yurie had prepared the meal and elegantly plated it for him earlier without reheating it, so his food was now lukewarm. Her work finished, she had already left the house. Kiyoka allowed her to leave early, since she commuted.
“I’m very sorry…”
“This isn’t your fault. Why do you apologize with every breath?”
Miyo was sitting diffidently against the wall, ready to respond in case he needed anything. He glanced at her sharply, and she lowered her head. Her constant apologizing was another habit she’d brought from home. Whenever she somehow managed to annoy her stepmother or half sister, they showered her in abuse, and her only recourse would be an abject apology. Their torment escalated if she didn’t apologize at once, so it had become a reflex. But she couldn’t reveal this to Kiyoka, so she sat in silence, staring at the floor.
“You won’t say?”
“I’m so—”
“Don’t apologize,” he said, cutting her short.
While his voice was quiet, it held authority that commanded immediate obedience.
“Don’t apologize. Do it too often, and it loses its meaning.”
He was probably right, but she wasn’t sure if she could suppress that ingrained response.
“Thank you for the meal.”
Kiyoka set his chopsticks down, having finished his food before she knew it. His gorgeous appearance contrasted with his cold, intimidating demeanor. Miyo still found the stories of him being merciless and able to kill in cold blood believable, yet his mannerisms were utterly refined, without a trace of brusqueness. His gracefulness would befit a sheltered maiden from a noble house. Could this military man actually have a gentle spirit, like Yurie had said?
“I, um… I’ll go and heat up bathwater for you—”
He shook his head before she could finish with “right away.”
“I can take care of it.”
“But…”
“I’ve always done this myself. The bath here isn’t like in most homes. It’s difficult for anyone other than me to operate it.”
“How so?”
“It harnesses supernatural powers to heat the water. Yurie can’t use it, either.”
Miyo had heard that pyromancy was one of the powers his Gift bestowed, but it hadn’t occurred to her that it could be applied to heating up bathwater. I really am clueless about such things. Despite both her parents having the Gift in their bloodlines, she’d been born without so much as Spirit-Sight. One more reason why she wasn’t fit to wed Kiyoka, an aristocrat with extraordinary supernatural abilities.
“Is something the matter?”
“N-no, nothing at all.”
She surmised he didn’t know of her lack of special powers. While he didn’t seem particularly interested in what the potential brides knocking at his door would bring to the table, he must have expected her to at least have Spirit-Sight on account of her lineage.
I shouldn’t be the one to marry him.
She wasn’t right for him. Kiyoka Kudou could do better than take her for a wife. A woman like Kaya, perfect in every way, would suit him so much more.