After she left the reception room, enveloped in dark thoughts, she heard Kouji calling her name.
“Yes, Kouji?”
She turned toward him. Anguish and embarrassment colored his face, something she’d never seen before.
“Miyo, I’m sorry. I’m so useless. I couldn’t do anything for you, and I don’t even know what to say now.”
“You need not apologize, Kouji. Such is fate. It simply wasn’t in my favor.”
Miyo tried to grin to lift the mood but found it hard to change her expression, as if her face had frozen solid. Come to think of it, when was the last time she’d smiled?
“No, you can’t just put it down to fate!”
“On the contrary. It’s fine, Kouji. I don’t mind Father’s decision. Who knows—I may even find happiness in my new life.”
She didn’t actually believe that, but she said it with conviction anyway, as if to reassure herself.
“…Do you hate me now?”
Kouji seemed on the verge of tears. Clearly, he wanted her to take it out on him for not having advocated for her. She could glimpse that in his eyes. But Miyo was too drained to cater to his emotional needs right now, so she decided to cut things short.
“No, I don’t. I distanced myself from such emotions long ago.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so terribly sorry. I wanted to save you so that we could laugh together again, like we used to. I wanted to—”
“Kouji!”
Kaya had yelled his name upon exiting the room after them. There was something terrifyingly twisted lurking beneath her dazzlingly beautiful smile.
“What were you two talking about?”
“…”
Her husband-to-be bit his lip, swallowing what he hadn’t gotten to say.
“N-nothing important.”
Kouji came from a respected family and had been blessed with the Gift and handsome looks, but he had one flaw. He was a coward who was too worried about upsetting others. Taking a side would hurt either Miyo or Kaya, so he’d clammed up. Miyo didn’t know what he’d been gearing up to say before her sister had interrupted, but at this point, she didn’t care. And yet, even though it hadn’t amounted to anything in the end, it was true that the kindhearted Kouji had come to her aid many times in the past.
“Kouji.”
“Yes…?”
“Thank you for everything.”
That was all she could say. She was utterly exhausted.
Kaya smiled charmingly as she watched her sister bow deeply and walk away without looking back.
✦ ✦ ✦
Sleep eluded her that night. Miyo’s room, a servant’s bedroom barely five square meters in total, was austere to begin with. Now that she’d packed away her few personal possessions, there was really nothing left. Her stepmother and half sister had thrown away or stolen the kimonos she’d inherited from her mother. The same had happened to any other valuable items she’d once possessed. Now the only things she could call her own besides her body were a servant’s outfit, a set of plainclothes hand-me-downs from one of the workers, and some personal care items.
Later that same day, however, her father had given her a set of fine clothes so that she wouldn’t bring shame to the Kudous by arriving at their residence dressed in rags. His gift finally opened her eyes to the fact that her father had been aware she’d owned no presentable clothes but had simply been unbothered by her plight until now.
As she struggled to fall asleep, wrapped in the flimsy quilt she’d had no choice but to grow used to, memories of the past flashed before her eyes like images in a kaleidoscope. The happy ones were distant, while the more recent ones were filled with pain and misery. Nothing was going to change for the better the next day. She was going to sleep hoping only that her life would soon end. A simple wish. It felt as though she were teetering on the brink between the worlds of the living and the dead. Emotionally spent, she couldn’t even smile bitterly as those thoughts raced through her mind.