Bearfoot’s head spun quickly to look first at Harvey, then at her. “Hey, what happened? Did you two have a fight?” he asked, walking closer. He sounded sort of hopeful. Kieli knew it was rude, but somehow she didn’t feel like making any response. She returned to her sink and started in on the abandoned washing again, turning the day’s conversation with Joachim over in her mind as she worked. She’d gotten to hear about a lot of things that’d gone on in the capital that Harvey hadn’t told her about. How he’d met Joachim in the lab there (Joachim said that they’d used decoys to distract the guards while they escaped together, but Kieli thought that must be at least partly a lie—otherwise why had Harvey ended up collapsed alone on the streets of Gate Town, and so badly hurt?), and…and what had become of Jude, too. Harvey hadn’t explained that at all other than to say that he was dead, but now she finally understood what that had meant. She hadn’t taken everything Joachim said on faith. She didn’t want to believe him about Jude, for one thing. In fact, she’d prefer to think he’d made the whole thing up. But Harvey’s reaction just now had confirmed something for her: if nothing else, the part about his core being somehow damaged was true. …And if she were honest, she wished that one thing could have been the lie, even if it meant everything else had to be real. “Um, Kieli…? Are you mad about something?” Bearfoot asked bewilderedly. Blinking, Kieli realized she was scrubbing away at the dishes as if they were her mortal enemies. Then she remembered that she’d just left him standing there holding all the dishes he’d been kind enough to carry over for her. “Put them down there, please. Sorry,” she said. But she said it too quickly, without looking up, which only made her seem even angrier. She felt bad for poor Bearfoot. All I do is get angry…She hated herself for being so obstinate. She should’ve asked Harvey directly and honestly, but because she’d taken that weirdly mulish attitude toward him instead, things were all messed up now. Just look what happens when I strain not to cry. Kieli wished tomorrow would never come. That way she wouldn’t have to bear any uncomfortable encounters with him, and if time stopped now, Harvey would never die…For so many years, time must have flowed so slowly and gently for him. Could meeting Kieli have sent him suddenly tumbling downhill in just these few short years? She actually found herself thinking, Maybe he’d be better off if he’d just never met me. She didn’t want to see him tomorrow. She didn’t know how to face him, and she was afraid she’d lose it and get angry again, become someone she didn’t want to be. What should I do tomorrow…? Pressing her lips together and glaring fixedly down at the dishes in her hands, she thought. I’ll go again tomorrow. Episode 2: Neverland—I Hearing an intruder enter the hallway that evening, Joachim opened his eyes. In truth, he didn’t have anything you could call an intruder alert system. If pursuers from the Church found him, he wouldn’t need one—they’d come barging in with guns blazing. Anyway, they had better things to do than comb every abandoned building in the world looking for failed replica Undyings. And he drove off the vagrants who came looking for a place to sleep by blatantly running the water, broadcasting his presence. Still, he figured he might as well instill a little fear by saying he had rigged the place to warn him of any intruders. And yet this particular intruder apparently wasn’t watching out for traps at all. She just walked straight down the hall and opened his door as if she owned the place. He furrowed his brows at the figure in the doorway. “…What are you doing back here?” “Do you have a problem with it?” said his fifteen- or sixteen-year-old, black-haired, black-clad intruder, not even bothering to hide her animosity toward him. After a pause, she continued. “I came to keep an eye on you. To make sure you don’t do anything to Harvey.” “Wow, what a knight in shining armor you are,” he said disinterestedly, flumping down on the bed. “I won’t do anything. For now.” He wasn’t the Church’s lackey anymore, so there was no real reason to go mess with Ephraim right that second. Then again, he did hate the bastard enough to happily kill him anytime, anywhere, which was a perfectly good personal reason. So he might lay Ephraim a trap if the mood struck him, and he was fairly sure he’d stick a knife in the man’s guts the second they actually met face-to-face. On the pillow he coughed a little; it brought up a bloody clump of new cells. He still wasn’t getting any better. When he was lucky, the fits of out-of-control cell formation that periodically attacked him subsided after a few hours—but when he wasn’t lucky, he spent endless days writhing in pain, creating an ocean of blood and bile on the floor. “Does that hurt?” Joachim answered with his face still buried in the pillow. “No. It feels gross.” The only answer he got was an indifferent “Huh.” The girl didn’t seem particularly worried about it either way. Don’t ask if you don’t care what the answer is anyway. After standing in the doorway for a while watching him suffer, Kieli walked a little ways into the apartment and leaned against the wall by the bathroom, the same as yesterday. She didn’t do anything else, though. She only kept the same expressionless eyes on him. It was bothering him more and more by the minute. “If you’re going to stay here, sit down. I’m getting irritated just looking at you.” “I’m fine here. I’m keeping tabs on you, so I’m not going to sit down. Just leave me alone.” Leave YOU alone? This is my room! Not that he could vouch for the comfort of the couch, either. “Oh, I just realized I haven’t bought you any hot chocolate yet. Sorry. Tomorrow.” He thought he’d tease her again, but he fell into a violent fit of coughing before he’d really begun. “Tell me something else. Finish what you started yesterday.” When he’d more or less finished hacking up everything, he answered her on one last cough, throat scratchy. “Nothing left to tell.” It was hard enough just breathing today. He wished she’d just stop talking to him. But she kept asking her questions, in a surprisingly hard voice considering how hesitantly the words themselves came out. “Hey, is there any way to fix a broken core…?” “If there is, I’d sure like to know about it.” “Like…what about if we switched it for one of the new cores they’re making in the capital?” “Ha! Now that’s a fun image. Even if it worked, you’d just get an incomplete product like me—and if you were unlucky, he’d end up a monster and he’d eat you. Go ahead, suggest it to him. I’d love to see that.” Sheer willpower got all the words out in one stream, without a single cough. Joachim was being sarcastic, obviously, but when he looked over at the girl she had this brooding expression on her face, as if on some level she was seriously considering it. Oh, for crying out loud…“Listen, brat, I don’t care how hard you think, there’s no way you’re going to be useful here. He’s probably thinking about it in his own dumb way already, so just leave him to it.” Even as he spoke, hearing the words coming out of his mouth made his flesh crawl. Wait, why the hell am I giving her advice?! He wanted to scratch his back at the sensation. Since he couldn’t really move too well, though, all he accomplished was wriggling and rolling like a caterpillar poked with a stick. Kieli looked confused. He averted his eyes and buried his face in the pillow again with a scowl. When she tossed out a different question after a moment, she sounded almost tired. “Hey, how come you don’t get along with Harvey?” He didn’t raise his head. “Because I hate him.” “You two were both in the Westerbury army, right? Were you together the whole time?” “I guess.” “What about before that?” “What do you mean, ‘before that’?” “What Harvey was doing before the army.” “Hell if I know. Don’t ask me about it. One day I found myself in Jude’s unit, and I found myself hating him. That’s all.” “Was Jude with you the whole time, too?” “Yes.” “And before that?” …Seriously, why are you asking me that? “Hell if I know. I heard he was a mercenary, and he came from someplace different than us.” “What was Jude like?” “A freak.” “What do you mean?” “. . .” How long was she going to keep this up? Joachim was sick and tired of it. He tried ignoring her for a while, but the girl by the wall showed no signs of giving up. He could feel her piercing gaze trained on the visible half of his face, and it wasn’t budging. He got the feeling that unless he did something she’d just stare at him forever, so in the end, he caved. “…He’d pass out gum and stuff to kids. Can you believe that?” “Why wouldn’t I?” “He was an Undying!” he choked out in a bitter voice. It felt a lot like puking up his guts—and he was getting woozy from nausea, too. He closed his eyes. Once his vision was blanketed with the dusky color of sundown, it wasn’t quite so bad. That big guy had liked giving stuff to kids since way back when. As far as Joachim was concerned, it wasn’t a question of liking kids or being nice: that was just plain unbelievable behavior for an Undying. Undyings were supposed to have lost all those feelings along with their memories. If he remembered right, it was when they stopped by some town for supplies. Well, anyplace was pretty much the same. Every single time an army truck pulled into town, the local kids would flock around it looking like a bunch of idiots. “Give us something, Mr. Soldier!” “Got any gum?” “Got any smokes?” By the time he’d gotten down out of the truck bed, Ephraim was surrounded by the little brats. And he didn’t even seem bothered by them! He didn’t run them off or yell at them; he just ignored their presence entirely. That pissed Joachim off, too. He kicked one of them as he passed behind Ephraim, saying, “You’re in my way,” and they all ran off shrieking. Just as he was thinking Serves you right, they all swarmed around the front of the truck instead, cheering this time. He turned to see a gigantic NCO stooped over in front of the driver’s-side door passing out chocolates and sticks of gum. “Why would he even have gum?” Joachim spat, watching them out of the corner of his eye. “It’s not like he chews it.” “Beats me,” Ephraim replied absently, leaning against the side of the truck and rummaging around in his clothes doing God only knew what. Pretty soon he was sticking his hands into all the pockets of his uniform coat and mumbling to himself. “Huh? They’re gone…” This guy had no memory. None. Jude glanced over from the driver’s seat, and then two sticks of gum were flying through the air at them in an easy arc. They each caught one and looked back at the man who’d thrown them with an expression that defied description. “You were watching me like you wanted something.” “Yeah, right!” “Ephraim, you’d better give up cigarettes and chew that stuff instead,” their superior officer said innocently before turning back to the work of distributing snacks to the kids. They both shot him sulky looks and said in chorus, “I don’t want any,” then gave simultaneous grunts of annoyance at finding themselves so in synch with each other. They got even more pissed off at the tiny smile on Jude’s face and looked away, noisily opening their wrappers and popping the gum into their mouths, but they ended up doing that simultaneously, too. They never saw eye to eye about anything, ever, and yet they had this weird habit of doing the same things. It annoyed the shit out of Joachim. They’d had a cat-and-dog relationship for as long as he could remember, pretty much over stupid stuff like that. Not that he remembered anymore how long “as long as he could remember” even was—he’d definitely hated Ephraim on sight when they’d met in this platoon, but he kind of got the feeling that hadn’t been the beginning of it. …Huh? So…when was the beginning of it? Suddenly Kieli was awake. A second later, she remembered where she was. No way! I was sleeping?! She’d thought she’d been standing the whole time, but somewhere along the line she’d sat down against the wall, rested her forehead on her hugged knees, and fallen asleep. She stood up, horrified at herself at how utterly careless she’d been. The sunlight was completely gone now. On the other side of the curtainless window, the sky had sunk into a deep blue-gray darkness. The bustle of the nightlife on the main street hit the thin windowpane as garbled, muffled static. The feeble light from the streetlamps shone faintly on the profile of the man lying on the bed next to the window. His face was awfully pale, though the low light must contribute to that, and the shadows there stood out so strikingly that for a second she was frightened that he’d died. But— He’s…sleeping? It was kind of anticlimactic. Examining him from a distance, she saw that he was apparently asleep on the pillow stained with his own blood and bile. Kieli had always seen a little of Harvey in Joachim from the moment she’d first laid eyes on him, even though they didn’t look alike at all apart from both being tall, skinny, and about twenty. Now she thought she could see a little bit of why she’d never been able to shake that impression. They had the same air about them, maybe, even if only here and there, and in a different way from how Jude and Harvey were alike. It was in things like how Joachim looked now, like how both of them somehow looked so childlike when their faces were unguarded like this. Though they absolutely, definitely didn’t have anything else in common. “You’re sleeping…right?” she whispered. When there was no response, she crept quietly up to the bed. A few steps away she stopped and cautiously peered into his face, moving closer only when she felt sure he wasn’t going to stir. Softly, so softly, she reached out a hand and resettled his blanket more snugly around him. “I have to go home.” Kieli spun quickly around and ran out of the room. A few minutes after the scurrying footsteps had disappeared down the hallway, Joachim cracked his eyes open. “Of course I’m not sleeping.” What was that girl, an idiot? First she’d forced stories out of him, then the next moment she was slumped on his floor, breathing in the peaceful rhythm of sleep. It’d serve you right if I assaulted you. As soon as he thought this, he started really regretting. Geez, he should’ve assaulted her. Maybe he’d chase her down and assault her now. Okay, sounds like a plan. He started to sit up, and stopped to think for several seconds with just his head off the pillow before changing his mind and lying back down again. Until just a little while ago, he’d felt so bad he thought it might be easier to just tear his own heart out, but while he’d been lying down a lot of that had begun to fade. True, he was still a far cry from his old self, but he thought if he stayed like this a little longer, he could probably get back enough strength to move normally, at least. So he buried his face in the blanket Kieli had pulled over him, determined to lie there a little longer. She must be an idiot, he repeated to himself, and closed his eyes. I can’t believe I slept there! What’s wrong with me?! Kieli berated herself while she ran through the dark streets of downtown. Her breath finally gave out around the time she’d passed through the busiest streets, and she slowed to a fast walk for the rest of her hurried way back toward camp. She’d left word that she was going out, but she hadn’t expected to be so late. She’d hardly been able to sleep last night or the night before, so she’d let down her guard a little… Maybe the reason she’d let down her guard was that listening to Joachim, she’d started to feel almost as if Harvey were talking to her. It really irked her to compare Harvey to that jerk, though. And Harvey would never tell her about the past anyway. As she walked due south, the buildings steadily thinned out and the sky opened up ahead of her. She should hit the train tracks soon. Across the tracks were the ruins of the old city—now the site of the theme park. Smack in the center of this night sky, a shade darker than the one hanging over the new city, Kieli could see the round face of the tower’s clock: a hazy white circle hanging there as if suspended in nothingness. If the twin moons were out tonight, they might look like triplets. She could take a shortcut to the camp by coming out in front of the park and going east on the path along the train tracks. Hmm? She’d been sensing someone behind her ever since she’d left the main street. At first she’d thought it was just her imagination, but now she quieted her footsteps without changing her pace, and concentrated on what she could hear. Yes, there it was: someone else’s footsteps. Several someones, in fact. What’s going on? I don’t like this… She hoped they just happened to be going the same way. It was possible they were performers heading home. That would be no problem. Kieli tried speeding up a little, just in case. Would the footsteps change, too —? —Yes. They sped up to match her…! No! She automatically broke into a run, as if someone had poked her in the back with a cattle prod. She still clung to one last ray of hope that it was just a coincidence, but this time even that hope was dashed. The footsteps behind her started running, too. When she glanced over her shoulder, she could make out three of them. There was no mistake about it now: they were after her. What? Why are they chasing me?! Coming out of the city proper, her field of vision abruptly widened. The fence along the north side of the tracks sprawled out before her, and directly ahead lay the stairs to the bridge. They caught up to her just before she reached it. A hand grabbed her arm. “Let go of me!” She managed to shake free, but the momentum sent her stumbling, and one of the others took the opportunity to circle around in front of her and cut off her escape. One in front, two in back. Trapped, Kieli had no choice but to stop. “Lucky us! We went looking for the guy, and here we found the girl,” said the man blocking her path in a sort of nasal voice. For a moment she thought he must be talking about Harvey, but then she recognized him in spite of the giant square of gauze taped over the middle of his face. He was one of the thieves—the man with the knife that Joachim had beaten up. The two men behind her must be buddies of his. “Tell me where he is.” She glared up at him through her lashes and answered in a hard voice, “I don’t know. He was just passing by.” She definitely didn’t have any obligation to protect Joachim, but…he must still be in bed, weak and asleep. “Tell me. I know you know.” Though she shrank from the hand that grabbed at her shoulder, she managed to hold on to enough bravado to say, “I told you, I don’t.” “Hmm…” His voice suddenly turned mild. Kieli thought he’d given in surprisingly easily, but she turned out to be wrong on that count. The hand on her shoulder gave her coat a hard yank. “Well, that’s fine. We’ll just take our apology from you instead.” There was a snicker from behind her. A chill ran down her spine, and she froze. No, another Kieli in her head warned, you have to keep moving. Run! “Wah!” She took off running, practically hurling herself at the man and knocking him down. Her coat had slipped half off on the side where he’d tugged at it, but she didn’t pause to fix it; she plunged up the stairs straight ahead of her before she even thought about which direction she should be running in. Harvey —! “Hold it right there!” The angry shouts and violent footsteps chasing her from behind spurred her on. She took the steps two at a time, and after an almost-fall when she reached the top, she sprinted across the footbridge with everything she had. Harvey, I’m scared, Harvey, Harvey— She called his name over and over again in her heart, but the one word that wouldn’t come was help. You don’t have to say anything now, but tell me right away if something happens. Last night’s words echoed in her ears. He hadn’t even tried to force it out of her. He’d trusted her. This was what she got for insisting on being so stubborn. Asking for help now would just be too selfish…! Halfway across the bridge, someone yanked her hair from behind, and before she could blink, more than one set of hands was holding her still, forcing her to the ground. “No!” “Ow! She’s a fighter, guys!” “Pin that leg down!” Kieli’s cheek and knees were scraping open where they pushed her against the pavement, but she didn’t care. She fought back, thrashing her arms and legs with every ounce of her strength. “You little—ow! Settle down or —” A little scream like a puppy yelping tore out of her throat. She hugged her stomach where he’d kicked it and curled into a ball, but they ripped away both hands in no time, and someone’s weight settled onto her lower belly. Between the pain and the weight, she couldn’t breathe. Somewhere a little apart from her, separated from her by some sort of film, she heard a voice say Good, she’s flagging a little, and then a man’s leg or arm or something cut off her vision and she didn’t know what was going on anymore, and somewhere in the midst of all that something warm was wriggling up under her sweater. Her head was churning with how disgusting the feeling of sticky, sweaty palms on her skin was and how she wanted to puke and Don’t tug on this sweater. I bought it with Beatrix— A hand crawled up her thigh under her shorts and touched her underwear. Something snapped, and all at once her thought processes were oddly clear. There’s nobody here to help you. Escape on your own! Uttering an incomprehensible howl that wasn’t even a true scream, Kieli started just kicking at the man on top of her as best she could. Apparently she hit a tender spot with one knee; he let out a hoarse cry, and for a moment the weight lifted. Kieli seized her chance and wriggled free. She stood up as fast as she could and ran stumblingly for the clock tower looming in the sky overhead. She cradled her throbbing belly with one hand. It hurt so bad she wanted to cry. No, not now. They’ll catch up with you soon. Harvey, I’m sorry, Harvey…I’m so sorry I said those things to you yesterday, I’m sorry for thinking I didn’t want to see your face tomorrow, I’m just stupid, I’m so stupid…! Kieli was the one who had no idea how she made him feel. She’d only been thinking about herself, about how she’d hate it if Harvey were gone. She’d never given a thought to Harvey’s feelings. And it must be Harvey who was suffering the most. No matter how hard she tried to think about something else, the pain in her belly dragged her back to the terror of the here and now. She could hear footsteps closing in on her, but she hurt too much to run very well. Casting a hopeless glance behind her, she took her eyes off the path ahead only for an instant, and the next time she put her foot down it landed on air. There wasn’t even time to shriek. By the time Kieli realized what was happening, she was already tumbling down the stairs. She curled up and covered her head right away, but she still took brutal hits all over her body, and in the end there was a loud crash and a blow to her back as if someone had hit her from behind. Strangely, she didn’t feel any pain there. She was on her feet again in no time, but she didn’t think she could run anymore. So she circled desperately around to the inside of the bridge and dove into the space underneath the steps. There, she hunkered down, squeezed her eyes shut, and kept herself from shaking by wrapping her arms around her own shoulders. They were sure to find her soon. But she couldn’t run away anymore— Kieli had thought they were right on her heels, but even after waiting there a little bit, she still didn’t hear anyone coming down the staircase. Holding her breath and straining her ears to catch any noise she could, she made out voices talking above her head. They sounded unsettled about something. “…Wait. She’s not moving…” “Maybe she’s dead?” “No way.” A short silence. “Hey, doesn’t this look pretty bad?” “Should we run…?” “…Let’s run.” After this exchange, softer voices saying things like This is your fault blended with scurrying footsteps, all of it retreating from the bridge toward the new city. Even after everything around Kieli was quiet, she cowered in the stillness and darkness of her cramped hiding space for a while, her eyes shut painfully tight. Maybe it was a few minutes; maybe it was longer. When she’d waited for quite a long time, the stiff tension in all her muscles finally relaxed a bit. Slowly, she raised her head. That was when she noticed that the pain in her stomach was gone. She twisted her upper body to peer cautiously around the side of the bridge. Squinting into the gloom, she saw nobody moving out there, so she crawled timidly out. They didn’t find me after all…? She couldn’t believe it yet. Her brain and her body were both stressed to their limits, and they seemed frozen in that state, unwilling to settle back down. Looking up at the top of the stairs, she double- and then triple-checked: there really wasn’t anyone there anymore. The stiff expression on her face still didn’t soften, but she did feel some relief. Kieli pulled her disheveled clothes back on, quietly letting out her pent-up breath…and belated tears streamed out of her along with it. “…Harvey…” I want to go home, right now…But he really would be mad at her this time if she showed up looking like this, and she’d make him awfully worried. She could’ve gone to Beatrix, if only Beatrix were here…what would Beatrix do at a time like this? She definitely wouldn’t be shaken and sobbing like Kieli. Kieli bit her lip and wiped her face, pulling herself together. Anyway, I have to go somewhere else. I can’t stay here forever. Those guys might come back. So, then. She bent down to retie her boot laces— —and saw herself lying on the ground at her feet. “…Huh?” Blinking still-teary eyes, she looked down at the body below her neck, the body of the standing Kieli. Yes, she was here, all right. But there was also the self collapsed on the pavement in front of her. What…what? What? Who is that?! When she backed away from herself in a panic, her heel brushed against something.
Chapter 76
25 min read