Our choir improved with every music class. I didn’t want to worry my classmates any further, so I held hands with Haibara-kun before each session. As of late, I could still play in front of our class without any issue even if some time had passed since we had held hands. Nevertheless, no matter how many times we’ve done it, it still mortifies me so much that I want to tear my hair out!
To begin with, it’s preposterous that I can’t play the piano unless we hold hands. I’m not a child. Not to mention, he’s my best friend’s boyfriend. This is the worst! Unforgivable. What is wrong with me? I don’t think I like him in that way either. I simply chose someone who was easy to depend on without thinking—that’s all. I made sure it was someone who’d let me exploit them. I’m the worst kind of woman.
Despite my behavior, Haibara-kun and Hikari continue to treat me kindly. And that scares me. I’m always taking advantage of my precious friends’ compassion. I’m forcing them to accompany me. What is Hikari feeling as she watches me? I was walking home alone, deep in thought, when someone called out to me.
“Huh? It’s Yuino.” The owner of the voice was Hondo-san. “You look like something’s weighing on your mind.” She was also on her way home; her backpack and guitar case were on her back. She pointed at a nearby bench that was next to a vending machine. “Hey, let’s chat over there.”
She immediately headed to the bench, without giving me time to refuse. It didn’t feel pushy to me, though, likely because she had intuited my answer before taking action.
“Want a drink?”
“Um.” I hesitated. “Coffee, please. Oh, I’ll pay for mine.”
“It’s fine. I’m the one who invited you.” Hondo-san tossed me a can of coffee and chose corn soup for herself.
We sat side by side beneath the winter sky. Night was falling, and the chill was rising. The warm drink suffused throughout my body. I exhaled and watched my white breath waft up and disappear into the sky.
After I confided my worries to Hondo-san, she said, “It’s plain to see what Hikari’s thinking,” as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“You know what she’s thinking?”
“Of course. Hikari’s turned on by the idea of getting NTRed by her friend.”
I almost spurted my coffee out through strangled coughs.
“Huh? Yuino? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“D-Don’t you ‘what’s wrong’ me! Of course that’s not what she’s thinking!” I wondered what she’d say, but I did not expect such a wild, thoroughly lacking in common sense remark... Does she think Hikari is a pervert? “And in the first place, I am not NT... I’m not NTRing her!” What on earth am I saying? I have to dispel the misunderstanding, though.
Hondo-san quickly checked the nearby vicinity. “Yuino, you shouldn’t say things like that so loud. People will stare.”
A passerby who looked like an office worker on his way home was watching us with a face that practically screamed, “Good grief, kids these days talk about the craziest things!”
“Anyhoo, jokes aside,” Hondo-san said breezily.
She was as composed as ever despite having ruffled my feathers so much. It was at this moment when I was certain that I would never be able to win against her. I mean, her tone is always so equable that it’s difficult to tell when she’s joking.
“Okay, serious talk. I think she simply trusts Natsuki.”
Oddly enough, I found myself believing her inference. Why didn’t that occur to me when I’m the one who’s known Hikari for far longer? “Trusts that he won’t cheat on her?” I asked.
“That’s part of it.” Hondo-san stared into the distance and continued. “Natsuki helped her, so she believes he can do something for you too.” For some reason, it sounded like she was referring to herself. Then her mouth softened into a teasing smile. “They say a girl in love is blindly devoted. She’s convinced her boyfriend is a hero.” A hint of embarrassment uncharacteristically colored her voice. “Well, I don’t think you need to worry about Hikari. Point is, she cares about you a ton, which is why she’s asking the person she trusts the most to help you. It shows how important you are to her.”
As someone who knew Hikari very well, I found Hondo-san’s deduction to be very convincing. “Do you...really think so?” The words came out haltingly. “I’d be very happy if that were the case.”
I felt a little relieved. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought it would be fine to let things continue as they were. With Hikari’s approval, I could touch Haibara-kun. In all honesty, it was an image that I found just a tiny bit attractive.
“You’re definitely acting like a baby right now,” Hondo-san said after observing me. Her voice was as matter-of-fact as ever.
Until this point, everyone had treated me with great care, but now I felt like she’d stabbed a knife into my heart.
“Yuino, from the start, I’ve thought you were the same type of person as me.”
After the school festival concert, I also thought we were similar. I’m not as perceptive as Hondo-san, though, given that she’s felt that way from our very first meeting.
“I can only live through music. Without this, I can’t express my feelings.” Hondo-san lightly touched her guitar case, which leaned against the side of the bench. “I keep playing because I like it.”
The mood shifted. It was already frigid outside, but I felt like the temperature had dropped even further. There was something incontrovertible about her words.
“I hold on to the belief that my music can change the world.”
Compared to her, what is my goal? I want to be able to play piano in front of everyone. However, that’s just the prerequisite. What do I want to do beyond that? I don’t know. What is music to me?
“You’ve become overly dependent on Natsuki because you’re lost. You should do some soul-searching,” Hondo-san said. “Yuino. Using the piano, what do you want to convey and to whom?”