Nanase played without any issue in front of us.
“How was it? Do you feel anything?” I asked.
“No, nothing abnormal. I naturally feel some postperformance fatigue, but otherwise I’m fine.” Nanase nodded, her hand on her chest as though to ascertain her own feelings.
It doesn’t look like she’s pushed herself too hard. Seems like an audience of two is manageable. “Then should we add one more person next time?”
She lowered her head. “Yes. I’m sorry for making you keep me company...but please do.”
“Gotcha. You don’t need to be so deferential,” I replied, purposefully keeping my tone light. I get to listen to such stellar performances for free. If anything, I’m the grateful one.
“Would tomorrow work for our next session?” she asked.
“Yeah. We’ll grab someone after they’re done with practice,” I said.
After that, everyone coordinated their schedules, and we gradually increased the number of spectators one at a time. When there were three and even four people watching, Nanase could play without any issues. I thought her skill was actually improving because of all the consecutive days of practice. She didn’t seem to be under any sort of strain either.
“Yuino-chan?!”
The first time Nanase’s performance clearly became unstable was when we hit five people. It was 8:30 p.m. We had gathered after the others finished club practice, and for the sake of everyone’s convenience, we had borrowed the school music room.
Right when Nanase was about to play, she suddenly began to breathe heavily, her shoulders heaving up and down. Hikari immediately rushed to her side. Nanase didn’t seem to notice her presence and simply stared at the keys in a daze.
“Nanase, stop for a sec,” I said.
Her eyes flew to me with a start and focused there. She looked like she was about to cry.
“It’s okay. Calm down.” Without thinking, I pulled her hands away from the keys and grasped them tightly. “Take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale,” I instructed, trying to keep my voice gentle so she’d feel at ease.
She inhaled clumsily. Her breath trembled ever so slightly upon exhaling. However, repeating that a few times helped her breathing return to normal. After taking a few more deep breaths, she managed to calm down.
✦ ✦ ✦
Although the color had returned to her face, her expression was despondent. “I’m sorry... You all came here, and I couldn’t even put on a proper performance,” she said guiltily.
“There’s nothing to apologize for. We’re here to help you overcome your problem.” I glanced behind me—Uta, Tatsuya, and Reita were frozen in shock.
“Yui-Yui...are you sure you’re okay?” Uta said, her face laden with concern.
Of course, we had explained Nanase’s symptoms to them. However, even though they’d known what to expect in their heads, it was still a shocking sight to witness firsthand. I understood how they felt. Hikari and I had been able to jump into action when we saw her behaving abnormally because we had seen Nanase faint at the piano competition.
“I can’t believe your symptoms are this bad,” Tatsuya said.
“I understand why your parents want to make you stop playing the piano now,” Reita said.
They both looked perturbed.
The atmosphere in the room was heavy, but Nanase somehow wrangled her breathing under control. “Yes... I’m all right now. May I resume?” she asked, trying to change gears.
“Huh? I think that’s enough for today,” Hikari said as she rubbed her friend’s back.
“If I bellyache over just this much, then my condition won’t improve,” Nanase asserted firmly.
She must’ve been terrified enough to want to run away. I could tell from the way she hadn’t loosened her grip on my hand this whole time.
“Yuino-chan,” Hikari said with a conflicted expression, “don’t you think you should let go of him first?”
“What do you mean?” Nanase tilted her head, puzzled.
“You’ve been holding Natsuki-kun’s hand...”
Nanase’s gaze—still appearing confused—fell down. She turned to stone when she saw that her hand was clutching mine. For a few seconds, the room was blanketed with awkward silence. Is it just me, or is Uta trying really hard not to laugh?
“I-I’m sorry!” Nanase yelled louder than I’d ever heard her before and backed away from me in a flash. She stared at her hands like she couldn’t believe what she’d just done, her face red as an apple. “Huh? U-Um... How long have I been...?”
“You’ve been holding on to Natsuki-kun’s hand since he rushed to your side.”
I couldn’t glean any emotion from Hikari’s face. Scary. To be fair, I was the one who grabbed her hand first, but it’ll be bad if I mention that, so I’m gonna keep my mouth shut.
“Gosh, Natsu... This is the problem with you, you know?” Uta narrowed her eyes at me and shrugged. It was the first time she had ever looked at me with such exasperation.
✦ ✦ ✦
That day, Nanase tried to play the piano only once more. On her second try, she was able to finish an entire song, albeit a little shakily.
“I really appreciate you all for coming today.” She stopped walking and bowed to us again when we’d reached the school bike parking lot on our way home.
Needless to say, it was already pitch-black outside now that it was past nine. There wasn’t a single cloud in the night sky, where the stars twinkled brightly. The temperature was low enough to make me shiver even though I was wearing a coat, and my breath was white.
“You don’t need to keep bowing,” Tatsuya told her.
“We’re here to help however we can,” Reita added.
“Yeah!” Uta exclaimed. “It was a treat to listen to!”
The bike commuter trio said their goodbyes and went home first.
“Yikes. Papa is angry.” Hikari grimaced when she looked at her phone. She sighed.
“He’s just worried. You should text him that you’re on your way home now,” I said. I understand how Sei-san feels. It’s already past nine, after all.
“Okay, okay. ‘I’m on my way home now.’ There.”
And so, the train trio—Nanase, Hikari, and I—started off for the station.
“I’m sorry for making you stay out this late, Hikari.”
“Don’t worry about it; I wanted to stay.” Hikari’s lips spread into a radiant smile. “More importantly, Yuino-chan, isn’t this great? You showed some symptoms during your first attempt, but you were able to play the second time. Maybe you’ve conquered your anxiety!”
“This was certainly one step towards overcoming my condition.” Nanase nodded in response to her positivity. “However, I still don’t know if I’ve surmounted it completely.”
“Nanase, what do you think happened? Did something change between the first and second time?” I asked. We don’t really understand her condition, so if she were to mysteriously overcome it without grasping why, it wouldn’t surprise me if she relapsed one day. Why was she able to play the second time when she failed at first? It’d be better if she could put her feelings into words.
Nanase placed a hand on her chin and pondered the question. “Hmm... I’m not sure why, but I felt like I could play with more ease the second time compared to the first. I was extremely anxious the first time; the memories of when I’d failed at the piano competition kept replaying in my mind. The next thing I knew, I couldn’t see in front of me...but then, before I realized it, you two were next to me...” Fragmented sentences formed slowly on her lips as she reflected upon what had happened.
Anxious, huh? Like I thought: Her symptoms are triggered when she feels anxious like the time she underperformed at the piano competition.
“I believe a large part of why I was able to succeed the second time was probably because my audience comprised close friends. When I saw the concern on your faces, I felt safe.”
I ruminated over her words. In that case, is the key to ensure that Nanase feels safe?
“I’m sure that...if I had played before strangers, my heart would’ve been filled with anxiety. That’s what I suspect. I mean, merely imagining that makes me tremble with fear,” Nanase admitted as she hugged herself.
Her fingers that peeked out from beneath her coat sleeves were shaking, and it wasn’t because of the cold either.