Chapter 54:
A Dinner or a Saint Debate?
THE PRAISE LEFT ME SO ELATED I completely forgot what we were talking about. Shoot.
“Uhh… What were we discussing again?”
“I was wondering if Cerulean might be imposing on you,” Saviz answered flatly.
What a kind, patient man he was to remind me. I was so moved in that moment that I thought he might be the kindest boss in the world.
He turned to the maid behind him and requested fruit water for me.
I take it back, I thought with a scowl. No kind man would take this delicious wine from me and try to replace it with flavored water! Before the maid could take my wine away, I gripped my brimming glass tight.
“Oh, right,” I said. “I’m Cerulean’s apprentice now, so I kind of have to do anything he says. But that’s fine! I willingly chose to become his apprentice.”
It all started when I learned Saviz was getting married. I wanted to give him an excellent performance at his wedding celebration, so I apprenticed myself to the jesters.
“I became his apprentice because I wanted to put on a good show for your celebration, so even if Cerulean does impose a lot on me, I’ll just think of it as a test of my love for my commander! It’ll be fine! Yep, yep.” I put a hand over my heart as though swearing an oath.
Saviz lifted his hand. Without a moment’s delay, the maids scurried out of the room. They left a glass of fruit water before me and, as I had feared, removed the wine bottle.
Nooo. If they were taking the liquor away, then perhaps things were winding down for the night. I sipped despondently on my last glass of wine as Saviz questioned me.
“What do you mean by ‘my celebration’?”
“Heh heh heh, you know what I mean. I heard how you’ve waited ten whole years for one woman! Since you’re marrying Náv’s greatest saint, I’ve apprenticed myself to Cerulean to put on the best possible performance for you!”
…Whoooops. I went and said it. This was supposed to be a surprise, but I revealed everything prematurely.
I watched carefully for his reaction, but he just narrowed his eyes.
“H-huh? What’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy.” I tilted my head.
He replied in his usual low voice. Nice and husky. “I see. I doubt you could’ve come to that conclusion yourself, so it must’ve been Fabian. Your friend is quite sharp.”
“Uhhhh…” Confused, I tilted my head to the other side.
He gulped down his wine in one go, then set the empty glass on the table. “If you won’t remember a single thing from tonight, then I might as well speak my true thoughts… The truth is, there’s not one thing worth celebrating about marrying someone as selfish, self-righteous, and attention-seeking as a saint. The thought alone curdles my blood.”
“Huh?! It’s not like you to say such a biased thing! N-not all saints are the same! I mean, I know at least Charlotte’s a good girl. And shouldn’t you marry someone you like since you’re going to be with them for the rest of your life?”
“Marriage is an act of duty for me. If it weren’t required of me, I’d live my life as a bachelor.”
“What?! B-but maybe it’s kind of good you have such a duty then. Being with someone is definitely more fun than being alone.” At the very least, my life had become a whole lot more fun ever since Zavilia entered it. Having someone to talk about your day with and to laugh and get angry with made life all the more enjoyable.
Saviz didn’t seem to agree, though. “I see things differently. I find being alone fulfilling… Incidentally, there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you. You previously said that saints were meant to be the knights’ shields. Do you still hold such an opinion?”
I didn’t quite get why he was asking this again, but I answered immediately. My opinion hadn’t changed after three hundred years, so it certainly wouldn’t change after only half a year.
“Of course! My feelings haven’t changed at all! Saints are the knights’ shields, always there to help them.”
“I see…” Disappointment soured his tone.
Maybe he wanted me to say something else, to tell him I hated saints, but I could never do that. From the bottom of my heart, I truly believed saints were something wonderful.
“Commander Saviz, I’m sure you simply haven’t met a proper saint yet.”
A proper saint could protect knights with ease and make them many times stronger in battle. As impartial and fair as he was, there was no way Saviz could hate a proper saint.
“If only you could go to battle with a proper saint, then you would understand what I mean…” I said. But there was no way I could be the one to go with him, so what could I do about it? I folded my arms and thought hard, and soon he tapped the table with a finger.
“Like the saints of three hundred years ago? The knight brigades had a brigade with saints in it back then. I’m sure they must have fought alongside knights, just like you envision.”
“Oh, yes, exactly!” I said. He really knew his stuff if he was familiar with the brigades of three hundred years ago.
“But we lost such saints long ago,” he continued, “and I am not one to pine for the old days. Either way, we can’t expect anything of the saints of today.”
“Perhaps.”
With the spirits gone, the mana saints could access was very limited. It didn’t help that the very existence of saints had become warped; they’d forgotten the proper way. Plus…
“With the church controlling when and where they can use healing magic, it’s become harder for talented saints to appear. Just as one needs to wield a sword to improve, saints can’t grow if they don’t heal. If anything, they’ll lose their skill from lack of use,” I said.
Even so, I wanted Saviz to know what it was like to fight with a proper saint. Just once would be enough, I was sure, for his opinion to change.
“I hope you can meet a proper saint someday. I’m certain your views would do a complete 180!”
Saviz frowned. “You’re a child. That’s why you can speak of ideals with such hope in your eyes. You haven’t yet experienced what it’s like to see your wishes unfulfilled and feel helpless in the face of reality.”
His eyes grew distant and he fell silent, as though recalling the past.
Perhaps he was remembering what happened with Cerulean and Colette, or Cyril and his mother, or maybe it was something that happened to him personally. Maybe he was thinking of something else entirely. I had no way of knowing, but his expression hurt to look at regardless.
I had a feeling I wasn’t meant to say anything in this moment, but I couldn’t help myself. Staring down at the table, I said, “You’re right. Some wishes do go unfulfilled, but if you don’t give up and keep trying, they might come true one day. At least, that’s what I tell myself.”
When he didn’t respond, I looked up, only to find him staring straight at me.
It might have been because I was drunk, or because the room resembled the one I had dined in so much with him, but in that moment I saw Sirius, the strongest knight of three hundred years ago, overlapped with Saviz. He, too, had stood as a pillar of the knight brigades and bore the heavy responsibility that came with that. I could only watch him back then, but it was clear just how great of a burden Sirius’s position imposed. He always had me to smile and shed tears with, but Saviz had nobody.
Unable to accept that sad fact, I spoke before I could contain myself. “You say you refuse to accept the way saints are, but you bring them up again and again anyway. I think saints are actually something dear to you, you just haven’t realized it yet. If you ever find yourself at the end of your rope and need a saint, come find me. I’ll show you what a proper saint looks like.”
He stared at me for a while. Eventually, for confirmation, he said, “You believe you can show me a saint that meets the ideals you speak of?”
“I do,” I answered, meeting his gaze.