Chapter 122

CHAPTER 5 Those Who Choose to Go On That feeling again. The feeling of melting away into a fine mist. Into nothing. However, it was different this time. This time, it happened so slowly, it almost felt peaceful. And the dark red blood that once clouded my vision was gone. I was awake. I was uninjured. But I wasn’t present. I was a dying ember that could burn no longer. Hollow cinders cruelly stamped out. A bloodless corpse. “…So just leave me.” I couldn’t go on. I couldn’t even remember why I had been walking at all. My cowardice lay unmasked, my determination in shattered pieces, and my anger submerged in ice. So why did you come after me? “I just…can’t do it anymore. I’ve given up. Just leave me to die.” In my world of darkness, I peered down upon the intruders. “Anemol Arsenal: Cutting Wind!!” “Intoxicating Phantasm: Venomblaze Sword!!” Mai unleashed countless blades of wind, while Minnalis conjured three giant swords wreathed in violet flames. I didn’t care if these attacks killed me. I had never been attached to life. Only vengeance. “GROOOAAAHHH…!!” However, the beast to which I was connected cared little for my plight and immediately began a counterattack. Using its giant sword to swat away the flames and wind, it brought that weapon down on its attacker’s heads. There was a rumble as the blade split neither earth nor stone, but the undefined surface that spread out beneath us. The brute seemed dull, but its attacks were astonishingly swift. Nonetheless, Minnalis and Mai were able to dodge by a hair’s breadth, and though the shock waves of impact blew them both away, neither one gave up on their assault. “Now’s our chance!” “Let go of my brother!” They dashed back in close, slicing with their weapons at the white titan’s tendons. “GROOAAAAAAGHH!” The giant swept his greatsword, seeking to expel the nuisances underfoot, and that was when Shuria and Metelia made their move. “Puppet Possession, Teddy Mob!” “Sparking Glacier: Verse of the Warmaiden!” The hundreds of tiny bear dolls that Shuria conjured scampered around the giant’s feet and bit into its ankles, while Metelia’s spell summoned three female warriors formed of ice, who all thrust their lances at the foe. If the titan lifted its foot to crush the bears, Metelia’s valkyries of ice knocked the beast off-balance. If it tried to focus on them instead, they would switch to defensive tactics, buying time for Shuria’s bears to continue their devastating rampage. Their perfect coordination steadily wore down the giant’s vitality. However… “GROOOOAAAGHHH!!” It wasn’t long before the titan managed to smash through all three warrior ladies and their shields, after which it turned its attention to the bear swarm, enlarging its arms and pounding them into dust. Soon, both Shuria and Metelia’s summoned servants were utterly destroyed. However, by that time they had already fulfilled their true purpose. “Get back, everyone!” screamed Leticia. “Hellfire Blaze: Burning Wheels!!” While the giant was distracted taking care of Shuria’s bears, Leticia unleashed the spell she had been charging all throughout the battle so far. Ten crimson wheels of fire, each about as wide in diameter as a human was tall, split up and converged on the titan, lodging themselves into its limbs. The wheels began spinning like buzzsaws. “GROOAAAAGHHH!!” My dulled senses registered an iota of pain, but it didn’t feel like mine, so I hardly cared. … About an hour had already passed since the battle began. The white titan had been damaged significantly—by now, it had lost its arms and legs and was just a torso. However, if the creature was anything like the Demonlight Tree I had to face during my first life, then it would still have one irritating trick left up its sleeve: a regeneration ability that kicked in at low health. The giant began growing back its limbs, and in a few moments, it was as good as new. “Nrgh. So even if I burn them to ash, they still grow back…,” noted Leticia. “It’s way faster than I ever expected,” said Shuria. Over the previous hour, these five fighters had pushed the golem to the brink many times. But on each occasion, it had managed to heal itself, even reconnecting its lost limbs with twisting tendrils. Even when the head, or what appeared to be the head, was blown off, it didn’t slow the creature down at all. This time, it seemed they had tried to completely eradicate the fallen limb in the hope this would stymie the regeneration. However, it did not. There was only one thing left they hadn’t tried. One part they hadn’t attacked… They’ve grown… The battle went on. Minnalis, Shuria, Mai, Metelia, and Leticia. They each combined their spells and abilities, making the battle even fiercer by the second. Even if I no longer wanted to be here, this was still the landscape of my mind. I had seen everything that went on; their battles, their trials, even their thoughts. And the things I had seen, even from Metelia, blinded me. They’ve all grown so much… Minnalis and Shuria. These two girls had been cursed to rot away in their cells, powerless to fight back. Now, they were brave and confident, with the strength to back it up. Mai and Metelia. If only I hadn’t been in the picture, then they would not have had to choose their violent, hopeless paths. Even now, they could have chosen freedom instead, but they’d chosen to fight for a miserable, pathetic loser like me. And finally, Leticia, the demon lord. Damned to an early grave whether she defeated the hero or not. She had chosen to be with me, to come to me, even as the darkness in my heart had threatened to steal me away. And so… I had thought I didn’t need friends in my second life. I had thought a relationship based on “trust” was a fragile, fleeting thing. Something the slightest breeze could cause to come crashing down. I had thought I could never believe in it again. That was why I had bound my new partners by contract. Because I had been afraid of being betrayed again. And yet I had allowed Yuuto to sacrifice himself for me. I’d dragged everyone into this path of vengeance with me and then chickened out right before the finish line. I knew it was cowardly. My mind was screaming at me: If you give up now, then what was it all for? But soon, even that voice grew tired of shouting the same old thing. The only thing left was me: The most despicable piece of shit to ever walk this earth. I knew full well how much my indecision hurt the others, yet I wasn’t even trying to relight the dying flame inside me. “There’s only one thing left to try,” cried Leticia. “We shall cut off the limbs and restrain the main body before it can regenerate! Then, we get Kaito out of there!! Metelia, can you stop it from moving?” “I can, but the spell will require some time to set up. Could you buy me five minutes, perhaps?” “I’ll take it on! Puppet Possession, Big Kitty!!” “Mai and I will keep it distracted,” said Minnalis. “I’ll take the right, so you go around the left, Mai!” “Very well. Leticia, keep doing what you’ve been doing and try to take out the limbs with your spells.” They were all still going. The longer they fought together, the smoother their coordination became, and the more efficient their movements. You guys are plenty strong without me… “…Everyone, the spell is complete!! Please cut off its limbs once more so it can’t move!” “Understood! Minnalis, Mai, I’m charging up a big one! When I give the signal, jump out of the way!!” “Got it!” “You had better not hit my brother with that!!” “Just who do you think I am?! Come, and return all to nothing. You seek heat like the wolf seeks meat. A flower of death emerging from a pool of blood. Bring instant fire; shattering flesh!!” Just as Leticia finished her chant, Minnalis and Mai delivered a tremendous blow to the white giant, staggering it. The giant was too confounded to do anything but block the attack with its greatsword. “It’s ready! Out of the way, Minnalis, Mai!! Hellfire Blaze: Crimson Bloom!!” For a moment, the mana in the air grew so thick it was stifling. And then it all disappeared into Leticia’s spell, transforming into powerful flames many times more deadly than her fire wheels from before. The giant was still staggered from defending against Minnalis and Mai. Its fate was sealed. At first, a slow flurry of sparks descended around me, like falling petals of fire. But as soon as one of those sparks grazed the titan’s skin, there was a muffled Boom, and part of the giant’s body was incinerated. Just leave me behind. You don’t have to work so hard for a scumbag like me. “GROOOAAAAAGHHH!!” One by one, the flowers bloomed, eating away more and more of the white titan. The explosions rang ceaselessly in my ears, until the pure, clean voice of Metelia cut through the noise like a jet of stream water. “The maiden of ice the clock unhands, “that cursèd love will never be forgot. “The angel of ice the light conceals, “that this moment will forever hers be. “Their pledge the moon god’s thorns becomes, “succumbing not to doubt. “Frigid Gaol: Lovers’ Curse!” With a chant like a sacred hymn, the explosions fell silent. “GRGG…GGGAA…GRAAAAGH!!” The fires had burned away all the giant’s limbs, and it toppled over onto its back. This time, however, a film of black ice had formed over the wounded stumps. As soon as the explosions stopped, black thorns of ice had sprouted out of the ground, entangling the fallen titan. These thorns siphoned moisture from the white giant’s body, freezing it in place. Then, the frozen brambles continued to spread, covering the upper body and even the head, smothering its bestial cries in a complete crystalline prison. “It is done,” said Metelia at last. “That should keep it quiet for a while.” “Phew. Now we can finally relax!” said Shuria. It was finally time to end it. The white titan lay unmoving. The only part of it untouched was the chest, where I was. “We mustn’t let down our guards, Shuria,” Leticia cautioned her. “This is where the real battle starts.” “Oh, really?” “Leticia is right,” said Minnalis. “The question now is, what are we going to do about Master?” “I’m sure I do not have to inform you that simply pulling him out will not work,” said Leticia. “As far as my eyes can see, that giant has formed around Kaito, and the two are deeply linked. It really is exactly like when I was transformed into the Demonlight Tree.” “But why? How did he end up like that?” “Perhaps it is just like all the others trapped in here. In some ways, the Demonlight Tree is just another foe who Kaito’s soul blades once felled.” Leticia shrugged. “Now, let’s take a closer look,” she said. “First of all, is he even awake?” “…Yeah, I am,” I replied. “You guys beat that giant silly, giving me enough energy to talk, at least.” In the end, I get to speak to them as I truly am. Most of my body had been absorbed into the white giant, and only my upper half projected out the titan’s chest. The other stood in a circle around me, looking down at my sorry form. “Does that mean,” asked Shuria, “that if we keep beating him up, you’ll go back to normal?” “I don’t think it’s that simple,” said Minnalis. “We can assume what’s happening to Master is the same as what happened to Leticia in Master’s first life, and surely he tried that back then.” “That’s right,” said Leticia. “It’s true that damaging the body allows the host to regain their mind a little, but that’s only because the parasite temporarily shifts its focus onto the physical body in order to regenerate.” “Then what are we supposed to do?!” squealed Shuria. “Well, first, we should take a closer look…” “Why bother? You know what you have to do, Leticia.” I was done humoring her wishful thinking. It’s over. I’ve done enough. I’d tried and tried and tried. I’d stuck to it, coughed up blood, and squashed my own feelings time and time and time again. If this was where it all got me, then so be it. Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. “I know exactly what’s wrong with me,” I said. “And so do you. I’m in too deep. I can’t go back.” That was the pure, unvarnished truth. The giant attempting to consume me now was one of the soul blades that had fought by my side for years. We knew each other intimately and were joined by something interminably deep. If I wanted to keep my individuality at this point, my only choice would be to devour it in return. But I couldn’t even do that. I had no passion. No fuel. No purpose. “GRGAARGGARGARARAGGRARGAAAGHH!!” “““““!!””””” All of a sudden, the white giant began raging. The prison of black ice that was keeping it subdued started to crack and split. Metelia’s curse harnessed the power of a mythical spirit. Under normal conditions, no power could break free via brute strength alone. However, we were in my mental landscape. The inside of my mind. This place was about as far from normal as possible. “Oh no! Leticia! I must request your aid!!” “Krh! How is he this strong?! The mana…” Metelia swiftly recomposed her spell, and Leticia moved to assist. “Just give up,” I said. “You’re too late.” “No we’re not!” yelled Shuria. “I’ll help, too!!” “I will never give up on my brother!!” “Me too!! A-aaagh!!” Minnalis was just a second too late, and the stirring of the giant knocked her off-balance. “That’s enough,” I said. “Did you ever ask if I wanted to be saved?” While Minnalis kneeled, I was brought to her height and peered into her eyes. It must have been fate that I passed by her, because I had no control over the monster’s movements. …And I had told myself that if these girls managed to make it here, this was how I wanted to go out. “Minnalis. I want you to do it. Kill me. Please.” “““““!!””””” “Make my power your own.” The power of the hero, strengthened through each successive generation that bore its weight. A power handed down through every hero summoned to this world. But if the Swords of Sin allowed it, it could also be passed on to those found worthy. That was the purpose of these trials. Oh, please don’t make that face… Minnalis. You were my very first partner in crime. It was fun, walking this twisted, painful, blood-soaked path together. I couldn’t have done it without you by my side. You stayed with me, always keeping me off the straight and narrow. In some ways, you understand that power even more than Leticia does. Because you were there at the beginning, and I want you to be there at the end as well. “The power of the soul blade is a power stolen through death,” I said. “Here in my mental landscape, it can be passed on to you.” “W-wait a minute, Master!” “Leticia, I want you to watch and make sure Minnalis doesn’t absorb anything she doesn’t need to. Stay with her until she’s used to her newfound strength. Sorry for dragging you along and then giving up right at the very end. Just know that if it hadn’t been for you, I would have given up hope a lot earlier. You brought sunlight into my dark life. I love you. I always have.” “K-Kaito… You can’t…” “Master? Master?!” I couldn’t look at their tear-streaked faces any longer. Instead, I turned to Metelia. “I’m sorry,” I said. “It sounds like you were doing a lot for my sake that I wasn’t aware of. It’s just a shame that I won’t be able to reciprocate your feelings now. I can only apologize for that.” “…” “Master!! You can’t do this! Listen to me, Master!!” Minnalis went on screaming at me, but I ignored her. Even Metelia no longer wore her usual smile. I turned at last to Shuria and Mai. “Shuria, I need you to look after Minnalis for me after I’m gone. I thought my whole family was dead, but you were like a little sister to me. It really cheered me up… Maybe that’s not how you want me to remember you, but just know that you were really important to me, and I wouldn’t give you up for anybody.” “Wh-what? …Kaito…?” “Mai, thank you for being alive. I missed you all so, so much while I was here. Mom and Dad, my friends and teachers, and my precious little sister, too. When they told me you were dead, I wanted to die. And soon after that, I got my wish. But knowing that you were alive and getting to meet you again…it meant everything to me. You don’t know how happy I was. And yet…we’re going to have to say good-bye again.” “Dear brother…? Why…?” Shuria didn’t know what to do, while Mai’s eyes welled with tears. I felt the hero’s power stirring within me. My mind began receding, like a stone slowly sinking to the bed of a muddy river. But I wasn’t alone now. I could fight it. I’m not done yet… There’s still more I want to say. I had to hold on tight to the pieces of my mind, at least, while I still could. I was ready to die, but that didn’t mean I could shirk my duties. I wanted to send them off with a smile, so that they could still go on even when I wasn’t there anymore. “Minnalis, you were my very first partner in crime. I dragged you onto this path, and we’ve always walked it together since then. I couldn’t have asked for a better ally. I never thought anyone except Leticia could be like that for me. I don’t have favorites, but if I was picking my partners in crime again, I’d take you in a heartbeat, Minnalis. No matter how many times the world rewound…I’d always pick you. This is a real scumbag thing to say, but…I think I loved you just as much as I loved Leticia.” “Please, Master! No more!! I don’t want to hear you talk like this!!” Slumped to her knees, Minnalis looked up at me with pleading, tear-streaked eyes. Oh, Minnalis, please don’t cry. I didn’t want to make you so upset. My chest tightened in response to a part of my heart that still felt something. “We gave ourselves to vengeance!! We promised that we wouldn’t rest until we’d dragged every last one of our enemies into the same bottomless muddy pit as us!! That was when I was supposed to tell you how I feel, not now!!” I thought I’d long since lost all feeling in my nerves. Why, then, did the tears rolling down my cheeks feel so warm? The next thing I knew, all the girls were kneeling in a circle, looking down at me. …What a strange feeling. It was just like the end of my first life, at the hour of my death. When I had lain on the floor, my consciousness rapidly fading out of reach. When I had looked back up at the sneering faces of my former party, and the unquenchable black flame first took root in my heart. When the knowledge that I could do nothing but watch as my life charred to coal had threatened to crush me. Yet as I went through that cycle again, my heart felt mysteriously at peace. I had forgotten how nice it felt to be calm. Why had I hated my powerlessness so much? Why hadn’t I realized how liberating it could be? “I’m sorry, Minnalis.” And yet, that liberation brought with it its own sense of guilt. But there was nothing I could do about that. “I’m sorry. I’m out. I just…can’t go on. Even if my brain knows, my heart can’t do it anymore.” How pathetic. How did a great girl like you end up with a miserable loser like me? “There’s no fire in my heart anymore,” I said. “It’s gone.” “…No it’s not. No it’s not, Master! I know that’s not true! It can’t be!” Was it because I’d named her my successor, handed her that poisoned chalice, that Minnalis was so vehemently denying my claims? “You’re lying. You have to be. This can’t be real. I don’t believe you. You’re trying to trick us. You’re being controlled by the hero’s power and that’s why you’re saying all these ridiculous things!!” “…” “Remember what’s real, Master! Remember your promise! We’re going to exact revenge together! We’re going to kill Alicia! We thought of all the ways we could do it together! Have you forgotten all that?!” “…Minnalis…” “Please say something, Master… Anything at all… Just say something!!” “…” She was distraught, looking at me with tears in her eyes, but I couldn’t answer her. …I was the worst piece of shit on this earth. I couldn’t do it after all. Even right here at the end, I couldn’t say anything that made it right. I knew that nothing could, and all my attempts had been in vain. There was only one thing left to do—summon what little of my strength remained and conjure one of my soul blades. “Rgh…grh!!” “Master!!” The sword collapsed onto my breast. It was the Holy Sword of Retribution. The sword I had gained when I’d died, the one that defined my second chance at life. Perhaps Minnalis saw some hope in that act, because her face lit up in a smile. However, that instantly changed when I said my next words. “Take this sword…and kill me.” “…Oh…” Sadness, disappointment, despair, and finally…acceptance. That’s right, Minnalis. That’s how it has to be… I was nothing now but wet charcoal that could never sustain a fire again. But at least I could pass something of myself to her. “…Fine… Fine… I’ll do it.” Looking down at the ground, Minnalis slowly picked up the sword. The next instant, she seemed strangely at peace. I felt somewhat uneasy, but such feelings felt insignificant before the knowledge of my imminent demise. “That was what this contract was always meant to be, after all…” I heard Minnalis say something, but I couldn’t tell what. Summoning the soul blade had used up every last drop of my energy, and already my vision and hearing were growing weak. “Not partners, not allies, but something deeper. Our words, our minds, our blood and flesh and bones, all hopelessly mixed…” I could hear other voices, too. “M-Minnalis! What in the blazes are you doing?!” “Minnalis, stop it!” “Kaito!! Grgh!” “Dear brother!!” I couldn’t make out the words, but I could feel the emotions behind them. I was a little disappointed I couldn’t know what everyone had to say, but the end soon approached, and that was more relief than anything. I watched as Minnalis raised the sword up high. The sight was burned into my eyes like a brightly shining jewel. And so, the look on her face confused me. “…?” I had expected to see her racked with guilt, or sorrow, or anger, or scorn. But instead, I saw none of those things. I saw her smile. A single, satisfied smile. But apart from that, everything was going my way. Minnalis positioned the point of the blade atop my heart and lowered the hilt. “Here I come, Master.” “Grh…” The blade buried itself deep in my flesh. Even my dulled senses were able to transmit the pain to my head. I felt it pass my ribs, and soon enough, the sword’s tip reached my heart.